Saga How Do I Love Thee? (An Ami/Vader vignette inspired by the X-Files)

Thanks for clicking.

Title: How Do I Love Thee?
Summary: A twisted V/Ami fic. Yes, it was inspired by the X-Files. That should explain its deranged-ness.
A/N: Kindly beta'ed by the wonderful LianaMara. She's not to blame, folks. Also, I kind of massacre Padme's character here for the sake of the plot. Just so you're warned. (Or you can think of it as the explanation for the romance in Ep. II. )
A/N2: This is probably the closest I'll ever get to a songfic. The poem (which you will no doubt recognize) is by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I wrote the story first - with no intention of using the poem, which I am attempting to memorize - but I randomly decided to put it in to see what it looked like, and I think it works surprisingly well.

Cover Art

Feedback is, as always and ever, treasured.


*~*~*


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I walk forward with no hesitation in my step; I never hesitate.

The medbay is quiet, orderly. Everything is white and bare. I know Anakin will know this life, a life of sterility, for a long time. It?s good, I think, that the medbay on Coruscant is so serene. Whoever designed it, designed it well. There are no corners, no sharp edges, just curves and gently molded furnishings. For all its technology, there?s something spookily organic about it.

I know I?m distracting myself, but that?s okay. It?s not time yet; I can divert my thoughts if I so please. I can feel myself getting closer to him, because he is everything to me, but I must not focus on that now. I know what I will tell him; I?ve said very word in my mind.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

I?m not wearing one of my elaborate dresses, but instead a beige tunic and pants that make my skin look rather pasty. My hair is unbound, and lying straight down my back, with no adornments. My whole appearance is strict and unyielding. I wear no makeup. I don?t want Anakin to see Padmé. I want him to see someone strange, unknown. I think it will be easier if it?s that way.

I think it will be easier for me, too.

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

The steady click of my shoes as I walk is bothering me. Everything is muffled here, and it seems so sharp, so loud. I turn a corner, and I see his room. There are windows looking inside, and the door is open. It?s airy and light, and yet Anakin seems a spot of still darkness. I pause momentarily, and then I step in.

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

He is alone, lying back in his bed. He is badly scarred, his hair gone and a particularly gruesome scar going up the side of his face and over his head. He has an oxygen mask on, and the whole area is being constantly supplied with oxygen. I hear the gentle hiss; I can taste the purity of the air. I walk slowly, further into the room, and the formerly rapid pace of the clicks fades to nearly nothing.

I find myself hesitant.

I love thee to the level of every day?s

His hand ? the hand that was mechanical ? is gone. It hasn?t been replaced, clearly. It?s just a stump now. His other hand lies on the white blanket. His eyes ? his eyes are still blue, though. I can see the clear blue even as he stares up at nothing.

I walk to his side, and gently take his hand, though I may regret he has me in his grip when I say what I have come here to tell him.

Most quiet need, by sun and by candle-light.

He frowns and turns to face me. The instant his eyes meet mine, his whole face lightens up. He can still feel joy in my presence, for all the darkness in his soul, all that I know him capable of even as I am. Palpatine is astute in this ? this thing between the two of us. ?Padmé ?? His voice is hoarse, and he ends my name with a tired hiss.

?Hello, Anakin,? I say softly. I can?t bring myself to smile, for all that it would be only for him.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right;

 

That was amazing! Very interesting. Poor Padme though... having to deny her love for Anakin so that her children weren't uncovered. She's a very strong woman.

EDIT: Oops... forgot to compliment the cover art... very nice.

 

Wow, what a fascinating idea. How heartbreaking though!! Poor Padme, poor Anakin... A sad and believable vignette.

 

Noooo! Poor Padme.


That was so sad, but so beautiful.


His eyes ? his eyes are still blue, though. I can see the clear blue even as he stares up at nothing.

I liked this. It shows his "human" side in striking contrast to the mechanical side that is Vader.


The wind caresses my face with a gentleness I do not feel I deserve; almost as though the Force itself is touching me. I?m saddened by the thought, and I wonder if I will join the Force ? if it will accept me.

Wonderfully written! So poignant.


Love the cover art!

 

Jaina_and_Jag: Thank you! Yep, poor Padme. Even when I screw with her character, at least I got that part right. And thank you again - I'm glad you liked the cover art.

Dally: Poor everyone. And thank you - I didn't think it was that believable, really. Just because you know it couldn't happen. But thank you.

Gina: You posted at the same time as me! (Well, the same time I was replying.) Anyway - thank you. The 'blue eyes' part was meant to show his human side, yep. And thank you again - I'm glad you liked the cover art.

 

Wow Obaona, this is so heartbreaking. And the cover art is very cool. I very much enjoyed reading this!!

Well Done!

 

PulsarSkate: Thank you. Though I tend to think of it as more odd than sad, I suppose. Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed , and I'm glad you liked the cover art, too.

 

I try usually to stay away from Ami/Ani or Ami Vader fics. But since I LOVE the X-Files I was intrigued.

It was very haunting just like Lullaby.

GREAT JOB,obaona!

 

Firstly, let me just say, I adore the cover art! It even has Seduction!Padme. Very beautiful. Work like that is why I ask you for graphics .

Now, on with the story. I?m trying to recall if I?ve seen you write a song-fic before this piece. Have you, oba?

I really liked how Padme didn?t want Anakin to see a familiar face. How she felt it would be easier if she were just a stranger in the crowd. Very nicely done. Also, I love how Anakin brightened when Padme came near him. That shows the immediate bond they have as lovers. Wow, what a great twist and a wonderful story . Poor, heartbroken Anakin. Palpatine has taken everything from him. The end was chilling, especially when she placed the gun in her mouth. Wonderful story, oba!

Am

 

How sad and poignant! I must admit, I spent the whole time reading it wondering which episode you were inspired from or just the general kookiness of the X-Files in general?

Wonderful.

Again, where in your noggin do you pull out this plethora of viggies from?

 

Lady-Kenobi: I figured saying it was inspired by the X-Files would turn some people off and interest others. I'm glad you enjoyed, despite the pairing. I think Lullaby is worse, though, personally. (As in more creepy. ) And thank you!

Amsie: Thank you! I didn't originally intend to use that picture as the focal point, but it worked so beautifully I couldn't resist. And as I said on AIM, no, I haven't ever written a songfic.

She was trying to make it easier on him by separating the betrayer-Padme and the lover-Padme. At least, that was the idea. I'm glad you liked the twist. I quite a time trying to get it to make sense. And yes, evil Palpy! The gun . . . it's funny, but I remember that most women use poison or slit their wrists to commit suicide, whereas men are more likely to use a gun. I think Padme would use a gun, for some reason. Anywho, thank you!

LadyPadme: No specific episode, though I had the earlier ones in mind. The X-Files-ish thing about this is the paranoia - the plot with plot. Nothing is as it seems. And thank you. Where do they come from? I have no idea. I think I've slowed down, though, honestly.

 

twisted = understatement

nevertheless, it's good!

 

I continue to be amazed by your vivid imagination! I only wish I had a quarter of your creativity.

This was so incredible...I can picture Padme walking ever so slowly down that hall, mentally preparing herself.

And, ooh, I think GL could take a few lessons from YOU on how to make Palpy so evil! Apparently, his deception runs very, very deep!

Where do they come from? I have no idea. I think I've slowed down, though, honestly.

Say it isn't so!!

 

Burkie: Thank you! And aye, twisted . . . but I just had to, you know?

kayladie97: I don't know - to me, I don't understand how people could not get ideas. It's the writing part that's hard! Lucas, take lessons from me? Actually, I thought Palpy might have been too smart in this one, hence the few lines about him 'not expecting' certain things. And yes, I've slowed down, but I haven't stopped. Anyway, I tend to do these things in spurts. And last but not least, thank you.

 

Woah, that was a brilliant AU there. I love it when fanfics are dark and twisted. ;]

 

I'm not sure that unusual adequately covers this one, oba, but I love it. (You didn't tell me it was inspired by the X-Files! ) The whole false identity aspect just blew me away. I'd never, never have expected that with Padmé, no matter how AU a story might be. And most of the time I really don't like songfics at all, but for some reason, inserting the lines of the poem seems to add to this vignette. In other words, I like it. Good job!

 

Sophita: Thank you. And yes, dark and twisted is good - sometimes.

Gabri: I never claimed it was merely unusual. And I didn't tell you it was inspired by the X-Files? I thought I did . . . maybe I subconsciously remembered you knew nothing about the X-Files. Anywho - I'm glad you were surprised! You were supposed to be! And it's very X-Filesy - twisting what you take for granted. I don't care for songfics either, most of the time - I suppose some 'hear' the song when they see the lyrics, but it's never been that way for me. Anyway, I guess this is unusual in more than one way, eh? I think the poem was meant to be - it fits nearly perfectly. And last but not least , thank you!

 

*grins evilly*

I love it. I especially like how she was trying to distract herself from her task, and her suicide was so sad. And I can't believe the Barrett Browning poem wasn't written in there intentionally! It fits quite well. Much fun to beta.

COVER ART! I love it! I especially like the big sexy Padmé face.

*huggies teh mistress of viggies*

 

Liana: Thank you! Aye, I was thinking about it, and trying to think of how to make it longer than a page . . . so I just went and explored her emotions. Yep, I was amazed at how well the poem fit. I'm glad you like it! And the cover art - I saw that her eyes glinted with red, and thought, "I have to use that!" Thanks, darling. *hugs*

 

Oh, this is so eerily lovely.

I haev always wished that Vader/Mrs Skywalker was a relationship that had been completely orchestrated by Palpatine and macabre. Isn't that weird?

 

Very smart plot twist!! Poor lovebirds..

 

E. B. Browning + X-Files + Oba =

...

Surprisingly, a fantastic piece!!

I never thought that that poem could be used in such a bizarre and twisted vignette! But you pulled it off amazingly, as usual!

Your desriptive prose is so fresh and startlingly real, even as you write in present tense, which I often find is used sloppily. Not in your case! You used this tool very carefully to enhance the tension and drama of the piece. Fabulous job! And this sentence in particular put me straight into the setting:

The steady click of my shoes as I walk is bothering me. Everything is muffled here, and it seems so sharp, so loud.

The plot twists was so freaky! I gasped out loud when I first started realizing that Padme was...a Sith! I have never read a piece where that happened--you have such unique ideas!! And even though she was out of character, everything worked out fairly smoothly, tying with both Ep's II and III.

I pull the trigger.

I shall but love thee better after death.

To quote Ams--WOW

*shivers, shudders and generally marvels at Oba's talent*

 

Ami/Vader...I just had to click on it...and I'm very glad I did.

This is gut-wrenching, oba. So sad. Padme has more strength than most of us could even consider, and the way you write this leaves the reader swallowing back a lump in the throat at the end.

Good job.

 

leia_naberrie: *nods slowly* Yes, that is weird! But thank you.

Ana_Labris: Thank you. And I know - their lives are bad enough, and I make it worse.

Bellyup: Thank you. I didn't think it could be used this way, either, but it worked out.

I believe I started out with normal past tense, but I started slipping into present tense without realizing it, so I figured it probably make more sense in present anyway. I feel like present tense should be used when every turn should feel truly unexpected, both to the character and the reader. I'm glad you like that sentence, as well - I spent about five minutes trying to get down what I was visualizing.

Padme's not a Sith here (that would require Force sensitivity), but she is the tool of one. I wanted it to seem like in hindsight it was logical that she was a tool all along.

Thank you again.

anakin_girl: I was surprised to see you here . Thank you. I still think this is more odd than sad, but I can see why people would find it sad.

Padme has more strength than most of us could even consider

I suppose I got her character right in at least one respect.

 

Padme's not a Sith here (that would require Force sensitivity), but she is the tool of one.

Ahh...well, it's still cool!