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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

How do I "write" Rey? [TFA Spoilers]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by DebonaireNerd, Dec 22, 2015.

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  1. DebonaireNerd

    DebonaireNerd Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2012
    Given that Rey is very new to the Star Wars canon, there is little literature out there at the moment to base her character upon. Furthermore, i've only seen TFA once so far. But, i'm in the process of writing a story about Rey, prior to the events of TFA.

    What i'm wanting is some constructive feedback about a short piece I have written. At the moment the scene has no real context or meaning. But, the short version is that she was attempting to obtain an engine part and was interrupted by a storm trooper. She successfully knocked him out, with the help of a little girl whom she didn't intend to invovle. Now, the trooper is tied up. She needs his help and is offering him incentive. Otherwise, she knows that he will just go back to the unit and report her to which she will be captured or killed. That's a very brief idea I am working with and it is extremely rough. But i'm just testing ideas.

    Could I have some feedback? I've based her character upon Clint Eastwood's Man With No Name character from the Sergio Leone trilogy with elements of Luke Skywalker. Here is a bit of the scene I have written:



    Rey sat on a short, weatherd wooden stool. Sitting oopposite to the trooper she had confronted earlier, she still remained undecided on how to deal with the threat that could potentially undo all of her efforts. Even worse, sitting in a family barn, she realised that her actions may implicate the owners when they had no role in the scenario. Well, the daughter was but only by the presence of Rey. The helmet of the trooper uniform lay in the corner. The soldier himself sat on the dusty floor with his hands tied above his head to a post. Sitting in his trooper uniform (minus the helmet), his he slowly woke from his sleep. His hazel eyes could be seen widening, nearly obscured by his messy hair that had been brushed down into a bowl type shape.

    "Wher-"

    Rey raised her index finger to her own lips, walking forward slowly to the jug of water that sat near him. She poured some water crudely into a cup, looking to the prisoner, kneeling next to him and holding the cup near his lips.

    "If I was going to poison you, I had ample opportunity to do so in the hours that you've been knocked out."

    He turned his head away from her, looking to the wall. Part of the training, she surmised, don't let them in. She put the cup back down and resumed seated on the stool, looking to the dirt floor beneath her boots for a moment and back up to the man, approximately in his early thirties.

    "I'm Rey."

    His head remained turned away but slowly looked back to her, "I have nothing to say."

    "I didn't come here to capture a trooper. You just got in the way, I did what I could to avoid you. I'm not trying to make it hard for you."

    "Then let me go."

    She looked at him with a knowing and slightly expression, "i can't do that."

    "Then kill me."

    Rey retorted with a smug smile, "sorry - failed the entrance exam during the recruitment process. I'm just not cut out for it."

    His expression remained fixed on her, "then I guess we're at a stalemate."

    Rey shrugged, "you could call for help." She held her stare to his eyes. "We're in someone's home - not mine. Someone is bound to hear you."

    The thought pondered upon her at that moment, why doesn't he? He's pretty convinced i'm not a killer. What's he waiting for? Then it dawned upon Rey.

    "I understand. You really want to be killed."

    He just stared back at her blankly.

    "You literally want to die. You want to die because you know if they get their hands on you, you'll be no good to them. I can't imagine what that feels like."

    "Oh, please." He muttered with a roll of the eyes.

    "Get used to saying that." She sat up a little more on the stool, straightening her back, squaring her shoulders so they were less rounded. "Please...one more chance...please don't shoot...please leave my family out of this."

    The soldier's bottom lip trembled, "ok!"

    They both knew.

    She softened her stare, "you want better for yourself. Help me. I can free you from this."

    "Then what? I just wander the desert for work?"

    Rey looked away for a moment and back to him. She wasn't well off, but she could try to make it worth his while. "I deal in parts. Once I leave here, i'm going to do a delivery. I'll give you a cut - 50%"

    "Why do you need me?"

    She sighed, looking away and back to him again, "frankly I do not. I'm here....i'm in the town to obtain something."

    "You're a thief!"

    She stood out of frustration, hands on her hips, looking to her toes and back up, "I could say something to that", nodding over to his blaster which sat by his helmet. "It's important...I can't explain now. But with the soldiers casting the martial law over the town, they're going to make it very hard for me to do what I need to. If you alert them, i'd have to leave empty handed. This way we both get something. I get my parts...you...you have a chance at a new start."

    He sternly looked to her, he shook his head, "no."

    Rey kicked the dirt, some of it brushing up into his face. She briefly looked to the blaster, no - not me she thought to herself.

    Stalemate she thought to herself as she studied his eyes.
     
  2. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    TryWhistlingThis We don't have a dedicated thread for Rey or any other TFA character in fanfic yet, so what you need is a beta-reader, which you can seek out here. Alternatively, since the scene above is really short, you can ask for feedback in this thread. The 'challenge' tag is reserved for writing challenges, i.e. challenges where you invite your fellow users to write a story matching specific criteria (see the 'Fun and Games' section here). Have a look at the Fanfic FAQ for the idiosyncratic rules of the fanfic boards and at the Fanfic Resource Index for a list of useful threads.

    Oh, and welcome to Fanfic! :)

    (Mods, I hope I'm not overstepping any bounds by providing the information above -- I just know that, unless you're pulling an all-nighter, you won't be around for several more hours. Please let me know if I shouldn't be doing this.)
     
    jcgoble3 likes this.
  3. DebonaireNerd

    DebonaireNerd Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2012
    Thanks, Chyntuck - i'll copy and past my question/work in the thread you recommended. Happy to have the thread locked, sorry for the oversight!
     
    Sith-I-5 and Chyntuck like this.
  4. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Thanks Chyntuch. Seeing that all the bases are covered, I am going to lock this thread and put a note about spoilers in the title
     
    Chyntuck likes this.
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