How Qui-Gon Stole Christmas!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Renton Kenobi, Nov 13, 2000.

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  1. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Since the movie is coming out this friday I thought this would be funny to do!
    This is part one you silly little who!
    ***
    How Qui-Gon Stole Christmas
    By Renton Kenobi

    Disclaimer: Star Wars is owned by George Lucas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas belongs to Dr. Suess. NO COPYRIGHT INFRIGMENT IS INTENDED.

    Summary: It's how Qui-Gon steals christmas!!!

    Rating: PG-13

    Comments: barenakedjedi16@hotmail.com

    Dedicated to JediSpirit and Obi The Kid

    ***

    Every Noo in Naboo loved Christmas but Qui-Gon who lived just north of Naboo did not.

    Qui-Gon hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Please don't ask us why, we don't know the reason!

    Perhaps it was his because his tunic was too tight. Or maybe, his head wasn't screwed on just right!

    But I think the real reason is that Qui-Gon's lightsaber is two sizes too small.

    But whatever reason, his lightsaber or tunic, on Christmas Eve he stood there hating the Noos. Staring down from his cave with a sour Qui-Gon frow and the warm lighted windows below in their town knowing that every Noo in Naboo was busy now. Hanging a Holly-Noo wreath. "And they're hanging their stockings." He snarled with a sneer. "Tomorow is Christmas, it's practically here!"

    Then he growled with his Qui-Gon fingers nervously drumming. "I must find a way to stop this Christmas from coming."
  2. LadyVorgunby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    ROTFLOL!!!!

    please oh please get obi involved in this...I think he would make a cute little doggy-side kick!!

    :>)
  3. Glad is June Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2000
    star 4
  4. Casper_Knightshade Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 6
    Bring on Obi the Dog.

    I like holiday post. I did one for Halloween featuring Mara Jade. This one looks to be a winner also.
  5. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    Bring on Obi the dog!!! Ifyou do, I can't wait to hear about him wearing that antler(sp?) on his head, and pulling Qui-Gon's sled... and... The part when the Grinches heart grows, and they are on that hill, and the dog is hanging by his harness over a cliff... just picture Obi hanging there!!! *grin*

    GREAT idea!

    More please!!!
  6. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    I just can't wait to see Qui heft that huge sled up on one hand once his 'lightsaber' grows 'three sizes that day'! =)
  7. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! You are killin me Renton!!!!! Thanks for the dedication!!!!
  8. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    Yah, and Qui-Gon doing that evil Grinch grin!!! :D
    Also seeing him with little Cindy-Lou Who!!! That part was so cute!!! How he looks at the screen, tapping his fingers together, and when he pats her on the head, and sends her off to bed! Man, this is going to be good!!!

    MORE!!!!
  9. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Padme-Lou Noo: "You're a...a...a..."

    Qui-gon: "A...a...a...A JEDI!!!!"

    LOL!!!!
  10. padmemicheline Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2000
    star 3
    Wow! Great idea, Renton! I also agree that it would be cool to have Obi-Wan as the dog.
  11. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Too funny Renton. A perfect holiday treat.
  12. darth_flirt Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2000
    star 1
    This as an awesome story!!!!!!! Post more soon!! Bring on the Obi-Dog!!!!
  13. Darth McClain Arena Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2000
    star 6
    LoL!!!!! This is hilarious!
  14. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    LOL! Nice idea! Can't wait to read the rest of it!
  15. Liz Skywalker Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2000
    star 6
    this is hilarous!!! *runs out to find How the Grinch stole Christmas to get a refresher*
  16. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    LOL Renton, this is absolutely HILARIOUS!!! I can't wait to read where you go with this!!!
  17. Miana Kenobi Costuming & Props Mod - Retired Admin

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    ROFLMAO!

    I love How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It and a "Charle Brown Christmas" are the only things I watch on TV in December.

    more!
  18. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    What does 'ROFLMAO' mean anywho?

    UP!!!
  19. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Thank you for all the kind words what a really sweet treat!
    ROFLMAO: Rolling on floor laughing my @$$ off
    And here is more!
    ***
    "For tomorow I know all those Noo boys and girls down in Nooville wake up birght and early to rush for their toys and then All the noise, noise, NOISE! The one thing I hate, all the noise noise NOISE! They'll play and squeak around on their pods! They'll dance with mace danglers tied on their heels and bang their jabdaggers! They'll play their cantiners! And they'll make noise on their Naboo music delux! And then all the Noo's down in Naboo will sit down to a great feast. They'll feast and they'll feast on noo pudding and noo roast beast, raw noo beast is what I hate to eat! And then they'll do something I hate most of all! All the Noo, the tall and the small, with temple bells ringing! And those Noo's will start singing!" Qui-Gon said not denying. With Obi listening. "They'll sing and they'll sing sing sing!"

    And the more Qui-Gon thought of them singing the more Qui-Gon thought. "I must stop this whole thing! For 53 light years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming. But how?"

    And then he got an awful idea! Qui-Gon got a wonderful awful idea! "I know just what to do!" Qui-Gon laughed in his throat. "I'll make a quick Santie Claus hat and coat," He chuckled and laughed. "What a great Qui-Gon trick, with this hat and coat I'll just look like Saint Nick."


    And with that Qui-Gon made his Saint Nick hat and coat. "All I need now is a reindeer." Qui-Gon said. "But reindeer is scarce so I'll make one instead!" So he took his dog Obi and took some black thread and tied a antler on the top his head. "And soon Christmas will see it's end!"

    Then he loaded some bags and old empty sacs on his bantha shackled sleigh. And whistled for Obi. And Qui-Gon said. "Get up!" And the sliegh headed down to the Noos in the town all warm in their sacs. As the sliegh made it's way down the mountian, oh boy some things they encountered!

    All their windows were darks no one knew he was there. They were dreaming sweet dreams with out any care as Qui-Gon made his way to the first house in the square. "This is the first stop." He said with a sneer. And he slid down the chimney that was quite a pich! But if could Santa do it so could Qui-Gon. He got stuck only once for a minute or so the looked out the chimney floo to see the Noo's stockings hung in a row. "These stockings," he sneered, "are the first to go!"

    Then he slithered and slunk with a smile not too pleasant, around the whole room and took every present. Bangdoodles and Gardinkers, Noo dolls, bambingers!
  20. Maeve Nadia Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2000
    star 3
    note to self--don't read this while drinking soda...

    my laptop just got bathed in sprite.

    oh well....

    I'll most certainly keep an eye on this!
  21. Miana Kenobi Costuming & Props Mod - Retired Admin

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    :D

    yeah, more!

    I love it. Obi da dog.. sounds like something from Mars Attacks
  22. Liz Skywalker Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2000
    star 6
    *family looks at her strange* LOL!!!!!
  23. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    teheheh, the is great Renton!! I'm cracking up!!! My dad (I'm sitting at school in his classroom, waiting for my sister's basketball practice to end) is giving me strange looks because I'm laughing like a madwoman -er...crazed Qui (post more! :p) at the computer screen!! :D
  24. Jedi_KnightMariah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2000
    star 4
    LOL! My dog's name IS Obi, FYI! It's funny 'cause I thought of him when I read it!
  25. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    And then he stuffed them in bags and shoved them up the chimney! By sith he took it all that meany!

    And he went into the little Noo's bedroom and took their candy canes that beast! Then he slucked to the ice box and took the Noo's feast. He took the Noo pudding and he even took the roast beast!

    He cleaned out the ice box as quick as a flash. Why, he even took the last can of Noo Hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. "Now I'll stuff up the tree."

    As Qui-Gon took the tree and started to shove he heard a sound like a coo of a dove. He turned around to see a little Noo. Ami-Lou Noo who was no older than two. "Santy Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"

    Well you know that sneaky Qui-Gon came up with a lie and he did it that quick. "Why dear one of the lights on the tree that won't light on one side." The fake Santa lied. "So I'm taking it to my workshop to fix your Christmas tree."

    Ami-Lou Noo believed that sneaky old Qui-Gon and before he went out, he got her a drink and sent her back to bed.

    Then he crept to the chimney stuffed the tree up. He went up the chimney and before he left, and the last thinghe took was the log for their fire.

    On their walls he left hooks and some wire and the only food left was even to small for a Binks.

    Then he did the same thing to all the Noo's houses leaving specks of food to small for all the Noo's Binks's.

    It was a quarter to dawn and the Noo's were still asleep in their beds. All the Noo's were still asoonze. When he packed up his sleigh with their presents, and bows and their wrapings! Their snows from their fozners, their wadinglers and treelangles.

    10,000 feet up, up the side of Mount Yoda. He rode with his load up to the very tip top to dump it. "Po Po!" To the Noos Qui-Gon shouted. "The Noos are just waking up and I'll know what they'll do! They are finding out that no Christmas is coming They'll wake up and see no presents and cry 'boo' 'whoo'."
    He smiled and said. "That is a sound I must hear!"

    He paused for just a moment. Then Qui-Gon put a hand to his ear. He did hear a sound rising over the snow, it started in low, then it started to grow.

    But this sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded glad! Why all the Noos down in Naboo the big and the small were singing without any presents at all! Why he didn't stop Christmas from coming, it came! Somehow it came one way or another. Qui-Gon with his feet in the cold snow puzzled till his puzzler was sore, and then he thought. "How can this be so? It came without ribbons or tags. It came without any packages, boxes or bags!" Then he thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Christmas means just a litte bit more.

    What then happend, in Naboo they say. His lightsaber grew three times bigger that day! And then the true meaning of Christmas came through and Qui-Gon found the strength of ten men plus two!

    Now since his heart didn't feel so tight, he whized through with his load in the bright morning light, with a smile in his sould he descended Mount Yoda cheerfully trupeting Noo Noo on his trumpet.

    He brought back all the Noos gifts and toys. Little Noo Dolls for the girls and toy blasters for the boy. He brought back everything! Qui-Gon brought back all the food for their feast.

    And why, him, Qui-Gon carved the roast beast.

    Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Noos far and near. Christmas is in our grasp. So long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas day, will always be just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas as we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand.


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