SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

The Executer blows up the Falcon with Leia, Han and Luke on it.

 

Sheev's shuttle gets stuck in traffic on the way to Mustafar. Vader dies during this time.

 

Anakin: THERE's DOOKU SHOOT HIM DOWN!

Clone Pilot: Copy that.

*Unleashes a dozen missiles blowing Dooku into a million pieces.

 

In the ROTS novel, Cody made a comment along those lines.

 

Yes, I've read the novel too

While I thought "Why couldn't the order have come through before I gave him the bloody lightsaber" to be funny, I prefer the way it was presented in film, nearly silent, adding to the drama.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi experiences a disturbing lack of faith about Qui-Gon Jinn's teachings about retaining consciousness after death, and calls on the Force to save him.

He then easily defeats Vader - killing him, and damaging his mask in an awesome-looking way - and finds and destroys the tracking device, which the Empire had planted on the Millennium Falcon in their effort to find the hidden rebel base, before they leave the hangar bay.

The Falcon jumps to lightspeed, bound for the Yavin system, before the pursuing TIE fighters can reach it. The Empire is unaware of the Falcon's destination.

Weeks later, the Rebel Alliance assaults the Empire's Ultimate Weapon, and Master Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker take on the Emperor.

Together, they destroy the last Sith, and Yoda, and the ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn grumble to themselves on Dagobah.

 

BEN: Hmmmmm, do I join the Knights of Ren or start my own kickass goth thrash metal band?
MAX REBO: Start the band, I need a gig!
BEN: Sure thing!

*Ben and Max Rebo's totally awesome goth trash metal band, The Finalizer, proceeds to be awesome across the galaxy.*

 

Artoo beeps something to Threepio.

THREEPIO He says the restraining bolt has short circuited his recording system. He suggests that if you remove the bolt, he might be able to play back the entire recording.

LUKE: Tell him to go #### himself. She's that that hot, anyway.

Luke throws his chrome pick across the garage, and it impacts with the wall with a loud "clank". Luke runs out of the garage, furious.

Artoo beeps something to Threepio.

THREEPIO: We have to kill him? Artoo, you've finally said something I can agree with... Wonderful!

 

*Rey walks long up the steps of the First Jedi Temple, at the top she sees a hooded figure. Slowly the figure turns, noticing her and revealing the face of ... Ric Ollie*
RIC OLLIE: The entire planet is one big Jedi Temple!
REY: That's it, I'm outta here.

 

The door of the detention block elevator begins to spark and flame as stormtroopers breach it. Han blasts the stormtroopers as they attempt to enter, and they fall over dead, obstructing the exit. Soon, more stormtroopers appear, and Han blasts those, as well. Then more stormtroopers, and Han continues the pattern. The bodies of dead stormtroopers begin to pile up in the detention block, and Han scavenges a virtually unlimited supply of ammo from their corpses. He and Luke, and the newly rescued Princess Leia, keep blasting stormtroopers in this manner until every stormtrooper on the Death Star has been killed. Then, they just walk to the Falcon, see Vader and Obi-Wan dueling. They blast Vader with cover fire, long enough for Obi-Wan to escape. Obi-Wan helps them find and remove the tracking device from the Falcon, and they flee to the still secret location of the Rebel base on Yavin IV.

There, Obi-Wan informs Luke Skywalker and Liea Organ that they are twins separated at birth, and begins instructing them in the the ways of the Force. The three then travel to Dagobah, and meet Master Yoda, who completes their training.

Eventually, Obi-Wan passes into the Force, and Luke and Leia together, seek after their father, in order to bring him back to the light side.

Luke and Leia turn Vader back to Anakin Skywalker, and they all destroy Darth Sidious together.

 

Youngling: Master Skywalker...there are too many of them. What are we going to do?

*suddenly the Force dissipates the dark spell covering the Chosen One's eyes*

Anakin: Get you training sabers...and follow me. We have a Sith Lord to eliminate.

 

FN-2187: YES! You see that?! DID YOU SEE THAT?
POE: I saw it! Hey, what's your name?
FN-2187: FN-2187!
POE: FN-whaa?
FN-2187: That's the only name they ever gave me!
POE Well I ain't using it! FN, huh? #### Nut. I'm gonna call you #### Nut! That all right?
FN-2187 turns around and strangles POE until he is dead.
The stolen TIE fighter crashes into something and explodes.

 

BB8 beeps

Rey: Don't follow me. Town is *that* way.

BB8 beeps forlornly.

Rey looks at him for a long time: No way. Town is *that* way!

Rey goes back to her AT-AT home and BB8 heads to town in time to get picked up by stormtroopers.

 

Maul's speeder mows down Anakin

 

The stormtroopers catch up to the Jaws and the droids before the sandcrawler reaches the Lars homestead.

 

Commander Gree, knowing he has no chance against THE Yoda, slowly sneaks away and orders a Tank to shoot the tree house. Yoda Chewie and Tarful all go up in flames.

Two of the most important characters in the coming movies are dead.

 

The Star Destroyer gunner destroys the escape pod anyway, despite not getting any life form readings.

 

Princess Leia is in the Blockade Runner, frantically uploading the Death Star plans into R2-D2.

When suddenly, with the sound of stormtrooper's boots marching closer and closer, "Internet connection lost. Upload incomplete."

 

Stormtrooper: The Death Star plans *were* in the main computer, as you had forseen. There was also a star map that should lead us directly to the hidden rebel base on the fourth moon of Yavin.

 

Princess Leia is in the Blockade Runner, frantically uploading the Death Star plans into R2-D2.

When suddenly, with the sound of stormtrooper's boots marching closer and closer, "iPhone password incorrect. Try again in One Minute."

 

Vader: Her resistance to the Mind Probe is considerable. However, it was not strong enough to resist the power of the Dark Side. Before she died, she used her last breath the to reveal the formerly secret location of the hidden rebel base: the fourth moon of Yavin.
Tarkin: Stupendous work, Lord Vader! *speaking into the comm-link* Set course to the Yavin system, at once!

Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.

 

Princess Leia is in the Blockade Runner, frantically uploading the Death Star plans into R2-D2.

When suddenly, with the sound of stormtrooper's boots marching closer and closer, "Out of Memory Error. 8KB RAM required."

 

Dooku: your swords please, we don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Chancellor

Obi/Anakin: ok, yeah fair enough...*passes lightsabers to Dooku

Palpatine: what?? this wasn't part of the pl...I mean yaaayyy peace!

 

PALPATINE: Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order 54!
*Clones across the galaxy set up "Studio 54" clubs. Much dancing and debauchery ensues en masse.*
WINDU: This party's just getting started!

 

Princess Leia is in the Blockade Runner, frantically uploading the Death Star plans into R2-D2.

When suddenly, with the sound of stormtrooper's boots marching closer and closer, "The following error occurred: You must wait at least 30 seconds before performing this action "