SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

Darth Vader: Her resistance to the Mind Probe is considerable, so I used the Dark Side of the Force to penetrate deeper, and she had an... awakening.
Tarkin: An "awakening"?
Darth Vader: Of the Force. Within herself.
Tarkin: What does that even mean?
Darth Vader: I've heard of it happenning, or seen anything like it before... but "awakening" is a the best word for it. It's like she suddenly had full the Force powers of a highly trained Jedi padawan... or beyond. She grabbed my lightsaber with the Force, and I barely made it out of that cell alive. She evaded capture, and stole a TIE fighter, and once out of the hangar bay, she outmaneuvered our best pilots, until she rendezvoused with a Corellian freighter that had recently dropped out of hyperspace nearby. Obi-Wan Kenobi is now with her.
Tarkin: This is a pretty drastic turn of events. What are you going to do to rectify these failures?
Darth Vader: I must contact the Emperor at once. Only he will know how to handle my newfound daughter.
Tarkin: Daughter...? I won't bother to ask. Just make sure you fix this, Lord Vader. My head is in as much danger from the chopping block as yours!

Obi-Wan trains Luke and Leia to be Jedi Knights, and together they destroy the Emperor, and Vader is redeemed by his loving children.

 

ANAKIN: "I'm a pilot, you know, and one day I'm going to fly away from this."
PADME: "Really?"
ANAKIN: "Yeah, watch! VROOOOOM!!!"
*Anakin literally flies through the roof like Superman and is never heard from again*

 

The Droidekas decide just to shoot Obi-Wan and not capture him in II.

 

BigAl6ft6: love the "Vrooom" noise

can picture Anakin doing just that

 

As Qui-Gon, Padme, Jar Jar, and Artoo make their way into Mos Espa from their ship which is parked on the outskirts of town, Jar Jar steps in foul smelling goo. Qui-Gon has Artoo clean Jar Jar's foot with his handy water nozzle, and they are back on their way.

In that moment, Watto, a Toydarian junk dealer gets word from his father on Toydaria that his mother has fallen gravely ill. He immediately drops everything, packs only the most essential belongings, and takes the next transport to his home planet.

Qui-Gon and company come to Watto's Junk Shop, only to find a tightly barred door, and they move on to the next junk shop, who has the parts they need, and also accepts Republic Credits, like most sensible business types on Tatooine.

Some creepy little boy starts following them around and perving on Padme, but they are gone before there is any required action.

 

Leia: "It's not like that at all. He's my brother."

*Han and Leia kiss but are interrupted by the overjoyed celebrating Ewoks*

Leia: "These little guys sure are energetic. It was cute at first, but it's getting plain annoying."

Han: "Yeah, tell me about it. Let's never have kids."

Leia: "Deal."

 

On Endor, R2 decides to tell the story to the Ewoks instead of 3PO.

He spends hours recounting the events of all 6 films, and by the end, the Rebel fleet has already arrived at Endor and been destroyed.

 

And in the end the Ewoks don't understand a word of it.

 

Anakin rests Shmi's body on the floor of the tent, and bursts out, beheading two tuskens.

However, the rest of the tribe outnumbers Anakin 100 to 1, and he is quickly overwhelmed, as the Tuskens have rifles, and don't need to attack Anakin head on.

Come morning, Anakin is strapped to the same rack Shmi was on, and Padme and the Lars family never hear from him again.

 

Master Yoda, sensing this disturbance in the force, says, "Serves him right, that arrogant little ****. I knew he wasn't the Chosen One…"

 

The Senate down votes Queen Amidala's motion for a vote of No Confidence in Chancellor Valorum.

Desperate, yet faintly hopeful, after being reminded by Jar Jar Binks of a powerful potential ally, the Queen opts to take the fight back to the Trade Federation, and return to her beloved home planet of Naboo.

The Naboo Royal Cruiser never makes it off the landing platform - explosives, planted by rogue Trade Federation operatives - who no longer care about her signing the treaty - as she gave her heartfelt speech, are remotely detonated, killing all on board.

 

Anakin decides to stay on Tatooine to start an all-year pod racing league.

 

George Lucas joined the circus instead

 

The Super Battle Droids shoot Artoo in III damaging him beyond repair. Our super astromech droid can never save the day again, everyone is doomed.

 

The Imperials establish contact with the Ewoks first and become allies.............................................
Imperial Ewoks!
They get their own fleet and spread throughout the galaxy bringing peace and spreading joy.
Yub Nub Imperial Celebration Dance!

 

Palpatine uses the Death star to destroy Endor and the whole Cast dies.

 

Funny, but I know more than one couple that said exactly that and they're now happily raising their kids.

 

*Ewoks and Rebels are celebrating together the collapse of the Empire at Bright Tree Village*
EWOKS: Yub yub!
LANDO: Hey, look, Wedge brought over a keg!
HAN: Bring it over here!
*Chewie reaches over for the keg, unfortunately the combined weight of the celebration is dangerously increased with the addition of a giant keg and Bright Tree Village collapses in on itself, crushing everyone. After a moment, the Force Ghosts of Anakin, Yoda and Obi-Wan see Luke's Force ghost haze into view beside them.*
LUKE: Well, that was quick.

 

Spoiler from Bloodlines

Spoiler

Leia decides she doesn't need a napkin and pigs out, the "napkin Bomb" goes off and she and thousands of senators die. no TFA.

 

ANAKIN: I wish that were so, but the fighting is going to continue until General Grievous is spare parts . . . The Chancellor is very clear about that.

Behind a row of large columns, a SHADOWY FIGURE follows the JEDI and the SENATOR. ANAKIN senses the figure.

BAIL ORGANA: I'll do everything I can with the Senate.

ANAKIN: Excuse me.

BAIL ORGANA: Certainly.

ANAKIN stops, and BAIL goes off after PALPATINE and the others. ANAKIN goes behind one of the giant columns to meet up with the SHADOWY FIGURE, who is revealed to be SENATOR PADME AMDALA. They embrace and kiss.

PADME: Oh, Anakin! Thank goodness, you're back.

ANAKIN: I missed you, Padme. I've missed you so.

PADME: There were whispers . . . that you'd been killed. I've been living with unbearable dread.

ANAKIN: I'm back, I'm all right. It feels like we've been apart for a lifetime. And it might have been ... If the Chancellor hadn't been kidnapped. I don't think they would have ever brought us back from the Outer Rim sieges.

ANAKIN starts to give her another kiss. She steps back.

PADME: Wait, not here . . .

He grabs her again.

ANAKIN: Yes, here! I'm tired of all this deception. I don't care if they know we're married.

PADME: Anakin, don't say things like that. You're important to the Republic ... to ending this war. I love you more than anything, but I won't let you give up your life as a Jedi for me . . .

ANAKIN embraces her, then looks at her.

ANAKIN: Are you all right? You're trembling. What's going on?

PADME: Something wonderful has happened.

They look at each other for a long moment.

PADME: (continuing) I'm . . . Annie, I'm pregnant.

ANAKIN is stunned. He thinks through all of the ramifications of this. He takes her in his arms.

ANAKIN: That's . . . that's wonderful.

PADME: What are we going to do?

ANAKIN: We're going to tell EVERYBODY!!! Hey, Senator Organa! I'm going to be a father!

BAIL ORGANA: Congratulations, Master Skywalker! Senator Amidala... I wish you two didn’t have to keep your... relationship a secret. But, honestly, everybody already figured it out. We just played along.

BAIL ORGANA grins at them both.

PADME: You knew? Who else knew? The Chancellor?

BAIL ORGANA nods.

PADME: (continuing) ...The Senate?

BAIL ORGANA nods again.

PADME: (continuing) ...Master Yoda? Mace Windu...?

BAIL ORGANA nods and laughs.

PADME: (smiling) Oh, my goodness... I'm so embarrassed...

ANAKIN sighs, and shuffles his feet.

ANAKIN: Ma-master Yoda...

YODA walks up.

EVERYONE stares at him apprehensively, awaiting his reaction.

YODA addresses the small group.

YODA: At war, the Republic is. Under normal circumstances, expelled from the Jedi Order, Master Skywalker would be. One of the best generals in the order, he is. Need him, the war effort does.

YODA walks away.

ANAKIN: This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.

ANAKIN and PADME embrace.

 

Darth Sidious, seeing this from a different set of shadows, twirls his waxed mustache and says, "Curses! Foiled again!"

 

^^ I think that that has already sort of been done

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Luke, disheartened by the loss of his aunt and uncle, decides to go walkabout.​

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Leia, Disheartened by the destruction of Alderaan gives up all hope in the rebellion, tells Tarkin where the Rebels are, and goes to sob in her cell and await her execution which comes swiftly.

 

Instead of bothering to force lift the giant column, Yoda decided to slide Anakin and Obi-Wan across the smooth floor of the Geonosis hangar, moving them out of danger. He then quickly captures Dooku, before he has a chance to take-off.

 

Vader decides to use the Death Star to destroy Tatooine just for kicks while Obi-Wan and Luke are on it.