SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

After capturing Leia and hearing a report that an unoccupied escape pod had been jettisoned during the fighting, Darth Vader decided to take to risks and ordered the Star Destroyer to fire on all living things on the surface of Tatooine. After everyone had been blasted from space, he ordered a cordon of ships to blockade the planet for the next several years to make sure nothing got off the planet and blast any ship arriving and trying to land.

 

JABBA: Solo! Come out here, Solo!
HAN: I'm right here, Jabba.
JABBA: There he is! Boba Fett! Fire!
*Boba Fett actually uses his jetpack missile, launches it directly at Han and Chewie, blowing them to kingdom come.*
JABBA: Ah-ha-ha! I always wanted to see that in person, very nicely done. Boys, let's go for drinks!

 

Anakin kills Palpatine after discovering he's the sith lord the council had been looking for.

 

Tantive IV is in orbit, receiving the transmission of the Death Star plans. Darth Vader's Imperial Star Destroyer closes. Just a few more seconds...

Suddenly: While the Tantive IV's era-1976 modem was downloading the Death Star plans, C-3PO picks up the phone, corrupting the file...

 

George Lucas thinks it's a crazy dream and goes back to sleep

 

There isn't a bigger fish

 

George Lucas flunks out of film school, goes into landscape design instead.

 

Tarkin has Anakin on trial for tormenting a prisoner and Anakin is executed.

 

George Lucas's parents were...*ahem*...interrupted.

 

Jocasta Nu: (nervously) Kamino? Why, yes, I've heard of Kamino... Who hasn't?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: I'm having difficulty finding anyth...
Jocasta Nu: That's why I'm here, Master Kenobi. Wait here, please, and I will get the records for you.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Thank you.

Jocasta Nu, having never heard of any system called Kamino, and desperate to save face, goes to a terminal, forges up some fake Kamino documents, along with bogus stellar coordinates, downloads them to a data cartridge, and gives the data cartridge to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan hyperjumps to the coordinates, only to find a star going supernova. He is killed instantly, and his starfighter is vaporized.

 

Palpatien trips and falls out of his Senate pod in episode I, forcing him to use the force to save his life, thousands of Senators witness it, and an Army of Jedi deal with him once and for all.

 

Star Wars characters make different career choices

Count Dooku becomes a mathematician.
Wilhuff Tarkin becomes a doctor.
Yoda becomes the Star Wars version of an English teacher.
Palpatine becomes a consoler.
Jar Jar Binks becomes a biologist.

 

Rey: *hands out lightsaber to Luke*
Luke:...
Rey:...
Luke: look I can't involved, I have work to do, it's not that I like the first order I hate it, but there is nothing I can do about it right now, it's all such a long way from here.

*end credits*

 

American Graffiti bombs at the box office and becomes synonymous with "worst movie ever."
GL quits the business a broken man and burns his SW outlines.

Tough to follow Dandelo
Brilliant juxtaposition of TFA and ANH!

 

General Grievous: YOU LOSE, General Kenobi!
General Grievous throws a fallen magna-guard's pike into the bridge window, hard enough to shatter it. To General Grievous' terror, however, the pike fails in mid flight, and bounces off the window with nothing more than a loud clank.
General Grievous screams, and attempts to grab a few lightsabers from under his cloak.
Anakin and Obi-Wan assail the preoccupied droid General, and quickly render him into smoking scrap.
Anakin: (disgusted, turning off his lightsaber) Well, *that* was civilized...
Obi-Wan looks at Anakin, almost smugly.
Obi-Wan: What...? He was too dangerous to be kept ali...
Anakin: You, too?
Anakin looks at his lightsaber, before throwing it against the was like the wrench in a Tatooine garage.
Anakin: Tell Master Yoda to have a great life. The War is over. I hereby resign from the Jedi Order.
Chancellor Palpatine looks on, very worried.

 

Watto looses his bet with Gardulla so Anakin and Shmi remain her property.

 

They land on Geonosis instead of Tatooine. Poggle the Lesser contacts the Trade Federation as the Geonosians hold Queen Amidala and company prisoner, awaiting the arrival of the Trade Federation.

 

As Count Dooku crushes a pillar, and moves it toward Anakin and Obi-Wan, the datapad containing the only existing copy of the plans for the Ultimate Weapon slip out of his pocket.

Yoda, unfortunately, allows Dooku to escape as he moves the pillar away from Anakin and Obi-Wan, but when the pillar is finally a safe distance away, he releases his hold over it, and drops it on top of the datapad containing only existing copy of the lost plans for the Ultimate Weapon, crushing them into tiny metal fragments.

Count Dooku is executed on the spot by his Master, Darth Sidious, when he returns to Coruscant without the plans.

 

MAZ: The light, it's always been there. It will guide you.
OFF SCREEN VOICE: And so will we!
*Cue the theme from the 1990s animated X-Men series as the wall explodes and in rolls CHARLES XAVIER and his merry mutant band of X-MEN.*
XAVIER: Hello, Rey. My name is Charles Xavier and these are my students. We are here to bring you to a very special school for the Gifted.
MAZ: But what about the saber...?
CYCLOPS: Pssh, I can shoot lazer beams out of my eyes.
JEAN GREY: And I can move things with my mind, not just flip switches but like make cars fly around.
WOLVERINE: And I'm invincible, Bub!
REY: Neat! Seeya Maz!

 

Instead of George Lucas making the film of 1977, it could have been made by William Shatner!

 

Jar Jar and Anakin try to stay out of trouble, and wait outside Senator Palpatine's office, as he speaks to Queen Amidala about the Trade Federation invasion of Naboo.

Somehow, though, Jar Jar ends up in the Senator's office, and through a series of comedic gaffes, Palpatine ends up falling to his death from the balcony of his apartment.

Jar Jar is tried and convicted of negligent homicide, and sent to prison. He is released on good behavior at the end of Chancellor Ainlee Teem's short, but entirely peaceful term of office.

Deeply effected by his time in prison, and an outcast from society, Jar Jar embraces a life of crime, forms a gang, and is shot down, after a spice deal gone bad.

 

Poor Binks. He inadvertently saves the entire galaxy and yet still remains an outcast.

 

Anakin: Ok, but you owe me one. And not just for saving your skin for the 10th time.
Obi-Wan: 9th time. That business on Cato Neimodia doesn't... doesn't count. I'll see you at the briefing.

Much later...

Anakin: I have brought Peace! Justice! And Security! To my new Empire!
Obi-Wan: Your'e new Empire?
Anakin: Come on Obi-Wan, you owe me one.
Obi-Wan: Fine, I'll let you have this one.

Obi-Wan agrees to let Anakin form the empire with Palpatine, and the two of them become best buddies. Obi-Wan never talks to Yoda again, even on Life Day.

 

The Republic doesn't allow it's members to blockade each other and the events of TPM don't take place and events in other SW movies.

 

Anakin: If Master Obi-Wan caught me doing this, he'd be very grumpy.
[Obi-Wan enters]
Obi-Wan: Anakin! What are you doing! I'm so not happy with you right now. Leave that poor girl alone -- you couldn't even if you wanted to! Come back to the real world!
Padme: That's exactly what I said! It is time for you to leave this place.
[Obi-Wan takes Anakin out by the ear, returns to the Jedi Temple]