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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

Discussion in 'Star Wars Community' started by HeDoesn'tLikeYou, Nov 18, 2013.

  1. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Representative Binks goes to the Senate to make his big speech.

    Thousand senators (all of those who happen to be under the control of Darth Sidious), along with Binks himself, are killed in the freak, Rube Goldberg-like accident that ensues when Jar Jar trips on his own robe.

    The Separatists; despite Dooku's insistence that they should strike the Republic NOW, while they are at their weakest, feel terrible about the tragedy and set about to get back onto a peaceful footing with the Republic.

    At the same time, they notice *which* Senators perished, and are secretly fine with it.
     
  2. darkspine10

    darkspine10 Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Dec 7, 2014
    At the blockade of Naboo, Qui-Gon's pilot lands their frigate in the wrong battleship.

    When Gunray sees them on his cameras, he mistakenly sends his battledroids to the conference room on his own ship. Once there, they fumble around in the gas, and accidentally fire off a few shots, starting a droid civil war on the ship. Eventually, the Droidekas are called to the hangar, and destroy the Trade Federation's army.

    Meanwhile, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are treated to TC-14's delicious cooking all afternoon...
     
  3. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Ok. It took me long enough, but...
    One retcon, coming up:

    Deeply effected by his time in prison, and an outcast from society, Jar Jar embraces a life of crime, and forms a drug dealing gang with a three of his former cellmates.

    Then, one night, a bunch of dancing lights appear sparkling at the foot of Jar Jar's bed, and the disembodied voice of Qui-Gon Jinn awakens him from his troubled sleep.

    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): Jar Jar Binks - wake up. Through your clumsiness, you have unknowingly altered time and space.

    Jar Jar is terrified by the voice, but immediately recognizes as his long lost friend.

    Jar Jar Binks: Qui-Gon? Is dat yousa!
    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): Yes, my old friend.
    Jar Jar Binks: But, yousa... yousa died on Naboo! Muy was at yoursa funeral!
    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): Yes, that is true.
    Jar Jar Binks: So, how can mesa hear yousa?
    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): I have become one with the Force and thus retained my identity after my death. I can, and will, teach you to do as I have done.
    Jar Jar Binks: But-but... why mesa!?
    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): Through your clumsiness, you have unknowingly altered time and space for the benefit of all beings in the Galaxy. No one else in the Galaxy will ever know how your actions erased decades of tyranny and carnage from history, but it is the Will of the Force that I teach you how to retain your identity after your own death. Before it's too late.
    Jar Jar Binks (hides under his sheet): Oh, no! Toosa late!?
    Qui-Gon: Yes, Jar Jar. Your new friends aren't so friendly. They plan to kill you and divide your share of the business among themselves.
    Jar Jar cries and whimpers.
    Jar Jar Binks: (his voice muffled, as he hides his face in his pillow) But how am mesa going to do what yousa are talkin' about? Mesa no Jedi!
    Qui-Gon Jinn (V/O): The Living Force does not care if you "aren't a Jedi". Now, sleep, and I will show you...
    Jar Jar closes his eyes and drifts off into a deep trance.

    The next day, Jar Jar's gang ambushes him.
    They encircle him as they draw their blasters.

    Jar Jar Binks: (calmly): Come on, yousa guys... yousa really don't need to doin' dis...

    The three open fire. As the blaster bolts approach Jar Jar, his body fades from physical existence, leaving only his clothes behind. The blaster bolts singe the gungan's falling clothes, and are altered ever so slightly in their trajectories, that each of the bolts hits a different treacherous gang member.
    All are killed.

    The ending could use something, but I have no idea what, right now. Haha
     
  4. Ananta Chetan

    Ananta Chetan Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2013
    That's the best Jar Jar story ever written. =D=

    :p
     
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  5. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Leia: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
    Luke: What? Oh, the uniform... I'm Luke Skywalker I'm here to rescue you!
    Leia: You're who??
    Luke: I'm Luke Skywalker, I've got your R2 unit, I'm here with Ben Kenobi!
    Leia: You're here with who??
    Luke: Ben Kenobi??
    Leia: Who's "Ben" Kenobi? He any relation to General Obi-Wan Kenobi??
    Luke: Oh, er yeah, that's him!
    Leia: I know an Imperial trick when I see one shorty. Forget it.
     
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  6. MOC Vober Dand

    MOC Vober Dand Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 6, 2004
    Han: Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
    Kylo: Ok.

    Sorry if it's been done.
     
  7. ConservativeJedi321

    ConservativeJedi321 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2016
    Obi-Wan just force pushes Vader into the lava when they were surfing on the current.
     
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  8. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Red Leader's proton torpedoes don't impact on the surface, but go directly into the small thermal exhaust port without any problem. Luke, Biggs and Wedge destroy the trailing TIE fighters, including the one piloted by Darth Vader, and fly away from the soon to explode Death Star.
     
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  9. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    All of the clones remove their implant chip, and disobey Order 66.

    Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.
     
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  10. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    ARTOO and QUI-GON follow WATTO toward the junk yard, leaving JAR JAR with PADME and the young boy ANAKIN. JAR JAR picks up a gizmo, trying to figure out its purpose. QUI-GON takes the part out of his hand and puts it back.

    QUI-GON : Don't touch anything.

    JAR JAR makes a rude face to QUI-GON's back and sticks out his long tongue. ANAKIN sits on the counter, pretending to clean a part, staring at PADME. She is the most beautiful creaure he has ever seen in his life. PADME is a little embarrassed by his stare, but she musters up an amused smile. Finally, he gets the courage to speak.

    ANAKIN : Yuck! You're a girl!
    PADME : What?!
    ANAKIN : Don't talk to me! I don't want to catch your stupid girl-virus!!
    ANAKIN runs out of the room, covering his ears while yelling loudly.
    PADME looks at him, dismissively.
    PADME : Like, what-ever, you little sand freak...:

    Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.
     
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  11. BigAl6ft6

    BigAl6ft6 Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Nov 12, 2012
    POE: You take this! You get as far away as you ca-
    *BOOOM!!! A grenade thrown by FN-2187 explodes both Poe and BB-8 and the map*
    FN-2187: I got 'em! That's what you get for gunning down my friend, you Resistance scum!
     
  12. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Rey decided not to talk to BB8 in the middle of the market.
     
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  13. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Her Mary Sue Force not yet awakened, Rey dies, deep within the bowels of the long wrecked Star Destroyer Inflictor, in a fatal rappelling accident.

    Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.
     
  14. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Finn decides Jakku ain't to bad.
     
  15. Bazinga'd

    Bazinga'd Saga / WNU Manager - Knights of LAJ star 7 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 1, 2012
    Due to rust and other damage due to time, Artoo does not reboot and the Resistance never finds the second half of the map to find Luke.
     
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  16. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Artoo sadly had a bad battery so when he tried to reboot he blew up
     
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  17. ConservativeJedi321

    ConservativeJedi321 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2016
    Bail Wipes Artoo's memory too so he has no clue of where to look for Obi-Wan or anything of the past episodes.
     
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  18. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    The Clones decide to shoot Bail.
     
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  19. Ananta Chetan

    Ananta Chetan Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2013
    The Clones decide to clone Bail.
     
  20. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    All the Clones bail.

    Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.
     
  21. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Palpatine accidentally issues Order 65 in the presence of the 501st, and they all turn and execute him.
     
  22. Winston_Sith

    Winston_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Nute Gunray also has a double on Naboo.
    They capture him, while the real Nute Gunray calls in 20 more Trade Federation battleships.

    Humility is the only certain defense against humiliation.
     
  23. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Kylo decides to follow his grandmother instead and becomes a fashion designer
     
  24. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    An officer overhears Kylo Ren talking to Vader's helmet, and General Hux orders him imprisoned for his insanity.
     
  25. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Anakin decides enough is enough and confronts Kylo before he kills the Jedi saying "Jar Jar was best" which made Kylo turn toward not being involved with anyone ever.
     
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