SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

Wow. Impressive. I have never seen anyone tackle the entire saga before in thread. Well done.

I also enjoyed the irony of your typo regarding Harrison's fate in the movie.

 

*Luke in the garage with newly-aquired R2 and 3PO*

"I can't...get this thing...." *grunts with effort* "Sorry R2, but I just can't get this restraining bolt off. I guess you won't be able to play the message after all" *sighs with boredom and goes back to work cleaning the droids*

 

*Obi-Wan's call does nothing to deter the Tuskens*

 

Ep II OB1 can't find Anakin to relay the signal. He's caught. Dooku's plans remain secret. No one ever goes to rescue OB1 from the Geonosians.

Sent via Tapatalk this was.

 

The Clones on the Jedi temple landing pad decide to actually report Bail Organa's visit to the temple.

He's quickly arrested by the Coruscant security forces before he can leave the planet.

 

"Hold your fire, I'm not picking up any lifeforms."

"Good target practise though..."

"Yeah, you're right. 10 credits says you miss"

Kabooooom!

 

INT. DEATH STAR - CONTROL ROOM

Grant Moff Tarkin and a Chief Officer stand in the Death Star's control room.

OFFICER
We've analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?

TARKIN
Evacuate? In out moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!
And besides... just what battle have you been analyzing? Not the one I'm watching, I can assure you.
Those last rebel fighters that are just flying around waiting for their turn to attack the exhaust port?
Well, what are YOU waiting for? Destroy them!
How many TIE Fighters do we have on this thing, anyway?
Answer: A LOT!

OFFICER
Yes, sir!

Tarkin turns to the computer readout screen. Flames move around the green disk at the center of the screen, as numbers read across the bottom.

VOICE
(over speaker)
Rebel base, three minutes and closing.

Vader destroys Red Leader and his wingmen as a large group of TIE fighters enter the battery, and pursue the remaining rebel fighters.

Luke, Biggs, and Wedge are either destroyed, or too busy to fight off the new TIE fighters and regroup for their attack run.

It doesn't matter one way or the other.

The Death Star fires its turbo laser on schedule, destroying Yavin IV, and the Rebel Base.

 

Jabba decides to just sit on Luke, who soon suffocates and dies.

 

Luke: You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.
Jabba: Deal! But I get to keep the hot chick, the droids, and that masked guard who keeps giving me the shifty eye.
Luke: Eh, sure, why not.
Leia: What?!
Luke: Hey, I can't go back on my word, I'm a Jedi now.
Leia: Dammit!

 

This just gave me a visual of Jabba falling through his own trapdoor in the floor after Luke and crushing him. Ouch!

 

C-3PO and ARTOO both go the same way when landing on Tatooine.

 

C-3PO and R2-D2 mysteriously land on Dantooine.

 

LOR SAN TEKKA: You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
KYLO REN: You're so right.
OLD KITSTER: Hey buddy, let's go build that podracer!
KYLO REN: Yippie!!
CAPTAIN PHASMA: Sir, the villagers.
KYLO REN: Build the stands for the new Jakku classic, yippie!!!
CAPTAIN PHASMA: Alright, men, you heard him, let's get to work!
*Kylo, Old Kitster, Phasma, and the whole group of First Order troopers spend the rest of the movie making a faithful recreation of the Boonta-Eve classic. Tekka is confused, then bored, then wanders off to go play chess with Death.*

 

(Palpatine electrocutes Luke)
Luke: Father, please!
Vader: (flashes back to duel with Dooku on Geonosis and being hit with Force lightning) I'm not going there again.
Palpatine: Now young Skywalker, you will die.
(Surges a strong blast into Luke)
Vader: Maybe I should.
(Palpatine blasts Luke again)
(Luke succumbs to the lightning)
Palpatine: The dark can never be defeated.
Vader: Damn. Well that sucks.

 

Supreme Chancellor: Kill him now.
Anakin Skywalker: I shouldn't...
Supreme Chancellor: Do it.
Anakin Skywalker: Geesh, old man, you're as bad as the Sith! *laughs* ......Wait a minute......?!?!?

*kills Palpatine*

 

ooh, that's cold

(temp joke not intended)

 

Anakin: You mean that *I* get to come with *you* on your Starship?
Qui-Gon: Well, no...
Shmi looks away, ashamed.
Qui-Gon: Your mother and I are leaving. We're going to be married on Coruscant.
Anakin starts to scream and cry.
Qui-Gon: We have to go now... Have fun with that annoying droid you built. Also, Watts is still really pissed off that he lost the bet with me. Be careful.
Anakin keeps crying.
Qui-Gon: Welll... good luck with that.
Qui-Gon and Shmi go to the Naboo Cruiser.

Sent from my SM-T580 using Tapatalk

 

Watto doesn't take the bet.

 

Watto wins the bet.

 

Chewbacca shoots Kylo Ren, knocking him off the platform and into the chasm, before Han confronts him.