SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

Slezanabango decides to go home and rethink his life and later decides to get into the field of medecine. Long story short former drug dealer saves Padme.

30 years from now.

 

Qui-Gon Jinn: A droid army is about to attack the Naboo. We must warn them.
Boss Nass: Wesa no like da Naboo. Da Naboo tink day so smarty. Day tink day brains so big.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Once those droids take control of the surface, they will take control of you.
Boss Nass: Mesa no tink so. Day not know of uss-en.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You and the Naboo form a symbiont circle. What happens to one of you will affect the other. You must understand this.
Boss Nass: Wesa no carrrre-nn about da Naboo.
Qui-Gon Jinn (waving his hand): Then speed us on our way.
Boss Nass: Wesa speed yousa way...
Qui-Gon Jinn: We leave in peace.
Boss Nass continuing): ...to da Netherworld of da Force.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stand speechless -terrified.

Boss Nass: Yousa tinking yousa can do da tricky Jedi mind-play on da weak minded Gungan Bosses? Yousa never leavin' heresa live!

The platform on which the Gungan Bosses are seated drops down into the floor and the Gungan guards leave the room with Jar Jar in tow. The energy shield acting as the chamber walls suddenly turns bright red. Qui-Gon Jinn ignites his lightsaber and attempts to pass the blade through the field with no luck.

The menacing red force field begins to shrink, and the two Jedi are unable to escape before they are incinerated.

 

The Ghost crew decided to bring along a protocol droid to Geonisis In case they happened to find life. Because of this foresight they were able to learn of the Death Stars existence long before it was ready.

 

Vader Throws his lightsaber decapitating every Rebel present before they can get to the Tantive IV and escape.

 

The door in R1 doesn't open at all for the Rebels.

 

Luke realizes that the Darkside is way cooler than he thought, kills Palpatine, and he and Vader rule the galaxy, father and son.

 

Vader secures a clone tank, clones himself, and has the B'omarr monks put his brain in the new body, which is complete. Then, more powerful than ever, he finishes what Mace Windu started, offs Palps, and then rules in his stead, masquerading as him and cloning himself multiple times so that he can put his brain in a new body when the old one wears out.

 

Vader Force grabs the stolen data tapes from the Rebel soldier's hand, and kills all of the Rebel soldiers, just for fun.

 

I rather like that idea....

 

DARTH VADER: It's power to create problems has certainly been confirmed. A city destroyed, an Imperial facility openly attacked?
DIRECTOR KRENNIC: It was Governor Tarkin who requested the test.
DARTH VADER: You we-
*BOOM! Since Vader built his castle on the unstable lava planet of Musafar, there is a sudden explosion of molten lava that immediately engulfs Vader, Krennic, and the entire castle in an instant. On Courscant, Palpatine stirs from his opera.*
PALPATINE: Dammit, why did I tell him to built it right on the fault line anyway? Ah well...

 

Tarkin agrees with Krennic about using the Death Star's full power on Jedha. Cassian and the others don't escape.

 

The Jedi Council forbids the training of Anakin Skywalker.
Qui-Gon Jinn regretfully books the boy on the earliest flight to Tatooine.
Darth Maul kills both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on Naboo.
Naboo is lost.
Darth Maul later dies in a non combat related accident.
Dooku is the next Sith apprentice.
Sidious turns some other Jedi to the Dark Side, and disposes of Dooku.
The Empire still rises.
Anakin Skywalker (the Chosen One), and his son Luke, and his daughter Leia destroy the stupid, greedy Empire full of desperate Palpatine sycophants, and the Emperor, and his sixth incompetent Sith apprentice.
Anakin's grandson, Ben Solo, idolizes Sith Lords.
Anakin bitch slaps the hell out of the kid until he's over that fantasy.

 

EXT. HOTH - SNOWDRIFT - DAWN
Four snub-nosed armored snowspeeders race across the white landscape.

INT. SNOWSPEEDER COCKPIT
There is only one pilot, Zev, in the enclosed two-man craft. He concentrates on the scopes which ring his cockpit. He hears a low beep from one of his monitors.

ZEV (into transmitter) Echo Base... I've got something! Not much, but it could be a life form.

EXT. HOTH - SNOWDRIFT
The small craft banks and makes a slow arc, then races off in a new direction.

INT. SNOWSPEEDER - COCKPIT The pilot switches over to a new transmitter.

ZEV (into transmitter) This is Rogue Two. this is Rogue Two. Captain Solo, so you copy? Commander Skywalker, do you copy? This is Rogue Two.

The hours stretch on and on, until Zev, defeated makes his final report before returning to base:

ZEV (switching transmitters) Echo Base... this is Rogue Two. I can't find them. They must be dead. Repeat, they must be dead.

 

*Darth Vader ignites his lightsaber in a hallways of Rebels*
Rebel: Open fire!
*Vader begins to methodically slaughter his way through the Rebels, the one panicky Rebel with the Death Star plans tries to open the door.*
Darth Vader: Why are they all protecting that one trying to get out ...Oh, wizard, he's the one that has the plans!
*Vader force-pulls the Death Star plans out of the panicky Rebel's hand*
Darth Vader: Yoink!
Rebels: Awwwww...

 

Palpatine's goes to show Yoda something on his computer and forgot he left a tab open that says "Hot Sith Girls..."

 

Chirrut Îmwe begins chanting "I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."
and heads to activate the master switch.
Mere seconds into his suicide mission he is shot dead.

 

How star wars could have ended in 60 years?

 

As long as it takes.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi takes Luke to Tatooine, hoping that the boy can be adopted and raised by his only known relatives, Owen and Beru Lars.
Owen, still holding a grudge against Anakin for ruining his swoop bike, tells him to get lost.

 

The Clones shoot Bail when he shows up at the Jedi Temple.

 

While helping Palpatine with some office work, Anakin finds voyeuristic photos of Shimi in the back of Palpatine's desk drawer.

 

HAN SOLO: I'm Han Solo, I'm Captain of the Millennium Falcon. Chewie here says you're looking for passage to the Alderaan system.
OBI-WAN: Yes, indeed. If it's a fast ship.
HAN SOLO: Fast ship? Old man, it is extremely fast. But you and the dirt farming kid aren't setting foot on Alderaan ever since Bail Organa put a travel ban on anyone from Tatooine. Sorry. You're stuck here for awhile.
OBI-WAN: How long is the travel ban?
HAN SOLO: Beats me.
*Everyone dies of old age waiting for travel ban to Alderaan to be lifted*

 

REY (TO FINN): I don't know your name.
FINN: Finn. What's yours.
REY: I'm Rey.
FINN: Rey? That's pretty. What's your last name?
REY: Antilles. It was a common name on Alderaan before it got blown up. I'm totally not related to Luke Skywalker or anything. I don't even know why I brought up that fact... Strange, huh?

*EVERYONE WALKS OUT OF THE OPENING NIGHT SCREENING OF THE FORCE AWAKENS EN MASSE, *

 

Greedo shoots first and doesn't miss.

 

Watto is not resistant to mind tricks, and accepts Republic credits for the ship parts. Anakin remains a slave.