SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

DARTH SIDIOUS: Viceroy, I don’t want this stunted sl... oh my heart!

Darth Sidious drops dead.

NUTE GUNRAY: Lord Sidious! (Panics for a moment, then turns to TC-14 with a sigh of resignation) Tell the Jedi we’ll be right there.

 

Watto: sorry, we don't sell hyperdrives here.

 

Tarkin: Continue with the operation, you may fire when ready.

Gunner: Commence primary ignition...

Tech: Sir, readings show critical heat buildup!

Tarkin: What? We built a thermal exhaust port specifically to radiate that heat!

Tech: An analysis showed it to be a vulnerability. We ordered it sealed up.

Tarkin: ABORT IMMEDIA...

[Elsewhere] Obi-Wan: I felt a sudden disturbance in the Force... as if a thousand Imperials suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I think I just wasted 2000 credits...


.

 

Director Krennic, flustered, fumbles his words
"ARE WE THE GARRISON? DEPLOY THE BLINDS!"
one of the officers presses a button, the windows are covered and they all ignore what is happening outside.

 

Shmi: I don't want you to race, Ani, it's awful.

Shmi: I die every time Watto makes you do it.

Qui-Gon: Madam Skywalker, I realize that may be an imposition, but in reality, it would be most thoughtful. Anakin will have to be free of any attachments and family if he is to be a successful Jedi Knight.

EXT: Three people and an astromech fly through a doorway and into the sandstorm as a door slams shut.

Jar-Jar: Wassit something wesa said?
.

 

Skywalker, you sure you can handle this ship?

Sir, Luke is a brain dead pint-sized disaster.

 

INT. HOTH
HAN: "I just think you can't spare to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight."
LEIA: "I don't know where you get your delusions, lazer brain"
CHEWIE: *laughs*
EXT. EARTH - WAKANDA
THOR: "I told you, you'd die for that."
THANOS: "You... you... should have gone for the head!"
*Thanos snaps his fingers*
INT. HOTH
HAN: "Laugh it up, fuz--wha?"
*Han, Luke and Leia, and another random half of Echo Base, dissolves into dust.*

 

GFFA: "This station is now the ultimate power in the universe!"
*Disney purchases Lucasfilm*
MCU: *Thanos fingersnap*
Disney Multi-verse: Tagge and half the conference disappear

 

OBI WAN: They're up for sale if you want them.

Stormtrooper: 50 credits. 60 if you throw in the boy.

OBI WAN: Done

THE END

 

INT: Shmi contemplates letting Anakin go off with an imposing muscular 6ft 6" middle-aged man, an amphibian and a 14 year old girl.

SHMI: On second thought's, let's make that a no.

THE END

 

Watto catches Qui-Gon cheating on the chance cube roll, and refuses to bet.

 

EXT: Speeder pulls up to burning Sandcrawler. Luke steps out supporting Owen and Beru on his arm.

OBI-WAN: There was nothing you could have don... huh?

LUKE: I got them out just in time. Sorry Ben, I can't go with you to Alderaan. My uncle and aunt need me.

EXT: Speeder departs.

OBI-WAN: Damn! Did Anakin himself train those troops? Always running late...
-

 

EDIT: just gonna censor that disallowed word for ya

 

What caused Sidious to have a heart attack in this scenerio?

 

QG: Anakin...drop!

[Crunch...thud]

QG: Hmmmm....

THE END

 

Yeah...he would have needed to have a heart for a heart attack.

 

The blackhole that is Darth Sidious's heart expands to such a degree that it engulfs him.

 

A long tme ago in a galaxy far far away, Star wars, End Credits.

 

Spoiler

Han remembering how Beckett was like a mentor to him decides to listen at their last meeting
Beckett: Pay Attention kid.
Han: To what?
Beckett: (blaster shot) Always shoot first

 

Spoiler

Han: "I learned this trick from my friend Needles! Who crashed! And died!"
*Han takes the Falcon into a maneuver and crashes and dies*

 

Spoiler

Stormtroopers shoot Han instead of throwing him into the pit with Chewie.

 

I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.

Fair enough.

THE END

 

EXT: Sandcrawler rumbles over the sand dune in the Tatooine morning.
EXT: Sandcrawler plunges through the ground and vanishes from sight. Loud crashes, shrieks and groans echo across the dunes while a plaintive voice whines "We're doomed."

[Offscreen voice]: CUT! George, I really think we should move this shoot to a real desert. This computer stuff needs a few more decades to bake.

 

*Maul talking to Qi'Ra over hologram*
MAUL: Come to Dathmoir, you and I will-
*Maul calls the saber to himself with the Force but it glitches out when he ignites it and stabs himself through the forehead*
MAUL: will-will-will--- does anyone smell purple?
*Maul drops dead, twitching weirdly.*