JCC How To Live

Discussion in 'Community' started by ophelia, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. Rogue_Ten Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2002
    star 7
    [IMG]

    also if you dont walk like this u aint livin right
    Juliet316 and CT-867-5309 like this.
  2. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
  3. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    @Saintheart, live in an ant colony for 12 years and make an Academy Award winning documentary about it. Make sure you get Morgan Freeman to do the voiceover so people will cry during the scene where a kid fries your favorie ant Herbie with a magnifying glass.[/quote]

    Truly my lifelong quest for ekstasis is over.
  4. yankee8255 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2005
    star 6

    Highly profitable until you're one of the Islams she tortures.

    EDIT: and please tell me how to live, ophelia.
    Last edited by yankee8255, Feb 5, 2014
  5. Zapdos Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2013
    star 5
    recipe for life pls
  6. Boba_Fett_2001 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2000
    star 8
  7. I Are The Internets Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2012
    star 7
    Damn that's my new life goal right there.
  8. Rogue_Ten Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2002
    star 7
    just the idea that a robotics company has created a machine to harness the power of the mcmahon swagger... blows my mind
    Last edited by Rogue_Ten, Feb 5, 2014
  9. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @yankee8255, add spice and excitement to your life by circumnavigating the globe longitudinally. The easiest way to do it is to wait for the polar ice caps to melt and go by canoe. The portage across the landmass of Antarctica might be somewhat unpleasant, but the energy drink endorsements will make it worth your while.

    @Zapdos, pick up extra pocket money by re-stealing the skull of Emanuel Swedenborg and auctioning it off to the highest bidder. You can make it more attractive to prospective buyers by adding a bluetooth headset, a GPS module, and fake jellied eyeballs glistening from the sockets.

    @Boba_Fett_2001, become a household name through murderous performance art. Choose the most unpleasant people you can find and drag them to the crown of the Statue of Liberty. Hook up a bungee-jump like system, only with razor wire wrapped into a 5-point harness. Then push the unpleasant people off on each stirring key change of Niel Diamond's "Coming To America," which you will play through enormous loudspeakers. As your victims fall, their head and limbs will be snipped off by the razor wire, tumbling free from their torsos and landing with a splash in the Hudson River.
    jp-30 and Ender Sai like this.
  10. Mortimer Snerd Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 2012
    star 4
    Damn, that's beautiful.

    Sent from my ridiculously annoying Android device.
    Boba_Fett_2001 likes this.
  11. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
  12. yankee8255 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2005
    star 6
    Thanks, I'll start working on my connections at Red Bull pronto! (I play soccer/football with several avionics guys who work for the Flying Bulls.)
  13. I Are The Internets Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2012
    star 7
    I'm surprised that it hasn't been done before.
  14. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @Everton, first become an enormously wise ascetic, famous for your spiritual advice. Then, instead of retreating to some mountain cave, buy a Maserati and go into street racing. Your acolytes will demonstrate their commitment to learning from you by driving at 350 KPH down the M5 motorway, running everyone else off the road in their desperate attempt to catch you. Only agree to teach them if they can shoot out the tires on your car and force you to stop. Then make them replace the tires, because those suckers aren't cheap.
    Last edited by ophelia, Feb 5, 2014
    Mar17swgirl, CT-867-5309 and Everton like this.
  15. Kyle Katarn Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 1998
    star 6
  16. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @Kyle Katarn, be a folk hero by becoming a kind of Robin Hood figure, robbing the healthy and giving to the sick. Chase down Olympic athletes and marathon winners, chloroform them, and pop out their vital organs for transplantation into the acutely ill. Perform the transplants in a secret location, like your garage, to prevent your secret identity from being known.
  17. Jetedonne Pur-Pureus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2013
    star 4
    Ooh-ooh, pick me! Pick me! Me next!

    ...please, and thank you.
  18. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @Jetedonne Pur-Pureus, you should become history's most successful snake-flinger. Accomplish this by first freezing the snake in a long, thin, aerodynamic shape. Next, socket the head into the cup end of an atlatl, and fling away! You should be able to get great distance and impart speeds of over 90 mph. Snake flinging provieds endless possibilities for enjoyment, social advancement, and even--if the snake is not quite dead and capable of biting--self defense.
  19. slightly_unhinged Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2014
    star 3

    [IMG]
  20. Mar17swgirl Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 7
    I approve of this life advice. :D

    Now me, please. :p
  21. I Are The Internets Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2012
    star 7
    Round up some Merry JC'ers as well (not me).
  22. Obi-Zahn Kenobi Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 1999
    star 7
    ¬°Dime!


    I used my phone. Beware.pf.typos.
  23. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @Mar17swgirl, bring Cubism to the sphere of the dramatic arts by chopping up a stage set and turning all the chunks so that the painted surfaces face the audience. Go for even more intellectual depth by chopping up the audience and turning all the chunks so that the skin-covered surfaces face the stage. If anyone survives and complains, tell them that their new shape represents the fluid continuum of multi-consciousness, call them a philistine, and chop them up again.

    @Obi-Zahn Kenobi, help the downtrodden by becoming a professional mourner for faulty appliances. When an appliance becomes unusable, its owners will contact you and direct you to the manufacturer's headquarters. When you get there, infiltrate a board meeting and stand on the table. Throw dust in your hair, rend your garments, and keen loudly for the lost appliance. Take the money they offer you to go away and give half of it to the people who hired you, so they can buy an appliance from a better company.
    Last edited by ophelia, Feb 6, 2014
  24. Coruscant Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2004
    star 6
  25. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    @Coruscant, advance the cause of science by seeking the last common ancestor of humans and the Mongolian Death Worm. Dodge the Mongolian and Chinese armies as you creep through the Gobi desert with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers, looking for the lost creature's spoor. When you find it, go on the talk show circuit with it, and allow Montel Williams to test its DNA against that of babies with disputed paternity.
    Coruscant likes this.