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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

JCC How To Live

Discussion in 'Community' started by poor yorick, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. Coruscant

    Coruscant Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2004
    I sense a trap.
     
  2. I Are The Internets

    I Are The Internets Shelf of Shame Host star 9 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2012
    I sense Count Dooku.
     
    heels1785 likes this.
  3. DantheJedi

    DantheJedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 23, 2009
    I sense a plot to destroy the JCC.
     
  4. CT-867-5309

    CT-867-5309 Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2011
    I'm putting a stop to this ****. Take your Star Wars somewhere else.

    Ophelia, these have been great, lots of laughs.

    I'd volunteer but we don't know each other.
     
  5. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    I can write generic nonsense for you, if you like. Or not. Whichever. :p
     
  6. Ender Sai

    Ender Sai Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2001
  7. anakinfansince1983

    anakinfansince1983 Skywalker Saga/LFL/YJCC Manager star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2011
  8. Lazy Storm Trooper

    Lazy Storm Trooper Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Me please.


    Sent from my communicator using Tapatalk.
     
  9. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    @anakinsfansince1983, maltose is the new wheat gluten. Become a talk show and diet book sensation by announcing that everybody's problems stem from a terrible, undetectable reaction to maltose. You can head off any attempts to scientifically verify your claims by calling your anti-maltose book: "ONE WEIRD TIP THAT DOCTORS DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW." Then sell wildly expensive "maltose-free" foods in brightly-colored, friendly-looking jars. By the time people figure out that you're scamming them, you will be rich. And maybe dead from maltose deprivation.

    Lazy Storm Trooper, invent a dowsing rod for money, and get yourself a job in customs as a detector of undeclared currency. Make a few big busts to prove your indispensablity, and then refuse to work anymore unless you get to keep what you find.
     
    anakinfansince1983 likes this.
  10. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz Former Head Admin star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    1. Make a hole in the life
    2. Put your junk in the life
    3. Make her open the life
     
    Ramza, CT-867-5309 and ophelia like this.
  11. I Are The Internets

    I Are The Internets Shelf of Shame Host star 9 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2012
    See I was making a reference with the hope that no one would build off of it. Thanks for needlessly pointing attention at my already terrible joke DaneCooktheJedi and making Ender Snidely all grumpy at me again for the 3,478th time this week. I hope you're happy.
     
  12. Ender Sai

    Ender Sai Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2001
    I'm never grumpy at you, I just think you should not steal duende's schtick.

    You can steal his schlong though.
     
  13. Darth Morella

    Darth Morella Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2004
    This is brilliant. Me, please.
     
  14. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Darth Morella, devise a Buzzfeed quiz: "Which credit card number best describes YOU?" Fill it with simple questions designed to get stupid people to reveal their credit card numbers. Make sure that at the end the quiz shows a picture of a cute puppy and some vague but complimentary-sounding verbiage, like: "You are obtuse but loyal. Withdrawn but gregarious. Young at heart but oh, so old in so many ways. You are generous to a fault and wonder if sometimes people are taking financial advantage of you." Then spend the money quick and move to a tropical island without an extradition treaty with your home nation.
     
  15. Darth Morella

    Darth Morella Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Fantastic, I will finally be able to quit my underpaid job as a scientist.
     
  16. TheModFavorite

    TheModFavorite Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 14, 2007
    i think i could use one of these to help undrearify my friday.
     
  17. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    TheModFavorite, here is a good way to cheer up a dreary life. First, find a likely cult, preferably one with a deranged messianic leader. Ingratiate yourself with the leader as much as possible, until you're one of his trusted minions. Then, on a chance trip to Iceland, throw him into an active volcano one night, and tell his followers that he has achieved apotheosis. Assure them that he has left you on earth as his personal representative. Don't make the mistake that a lot of cult leaders make and force the followers to wait on you hand and foot all the time. This puts some of them off, and if you do things right, they'll wait on you hand and foot voluntarily. Just try to keep them reasonably happy and content, and now and again randomly forbid or command something, to show you still care. Then, on nights when you can't sleep, listen to them busily carrying on commandments you totally pulled out of your ass, and giggle quietly to yourself.
     
    TheModFavorite likes this.
  18. I Are The Internets

    I Are The Internets Shelf of Shame Host star 9 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2012
    Challenge accepted.
     
  19. DebonaireNerd

    DebonaireNerd Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2012
    How to live: free

    How to die: hard
     
    anakinfansince1983 likes this.
  20. Ender Sai

    Ender Sai Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2001

    why doesn't she just PM beezel and save a lot of redundant effort?
     
  21. Darth Morella

    Darth Morella Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Eh, where's the challenge in that?