How TPM should've ended:

Qui-Gon: No, wait...we need to change this plan...we can't do what they expect. Obi-Wan and I will go and utterly demolish the droid army. Jar Jar and Boss Nass will protect the queen, and annoy any Sith Lords to death. Anakin, you will be the Queen while Sabe is your decoy...you can negotiate a new treaty with those evil Neimoidians...or just strangle them to death with the Force. And Padme, you're leading the Fighter Squadrons against the Trade Federation battleship. Let's go!

The Jedi head to the battlefield. Using the Force, they utterly demolish the droid army by throwing those blue plasma ball things at them with unerring accuracy, and mopping up the rest with their lightsabers.

The Neimoidians, unable to tell one human from another, actually believe that Anakin is the queen...until he pulls a Vader and leaves them twitching on the floor.

When Maul stops for the inevitable sneer shot, Jar Jar wastes no time taking out his eye with his long, sticky tongue, and then begins a process of physically-impossible jumps and hops and hoots. When he drives Maul to a lower-level catwalk, Boss Nass simply jumps on the Lord and squashes him.

Padme crashes in the battleship. She gets out of the ship, surrounded by droids. Then she pulls off her clothes, revealing -- a skintight blue suit with a red "S" emblazoned on the front. She uses her Heat Ray Vision to blow up the Battleship, and emerges completely unharmed.

The film ends with her flying around Naboo, waving to the camera.

 

Bartender, I'll have whatever he's having.

 

Yes! Perfecto!

 

Some kind of exotic caterpillar?

 

STAR WARS: The Phantom Edit: Episode 1.2 by Mastadge.

 

Then she pulls off her clothes, revealing --


!!!

 

You can't see anything though because a Royal Blue Guard grabs her and locks her in his cape...

 

Bartender, I'll have whatever he's having.



Make mine a double!

 

After the battles have been won, Palpatine gets off his transport to greet the Queen and the Jedi with the news that he is the new Chancellor. Suddenly Jar-Jar yells out "Thersa he is! Let's get him!" - which starts a Benny Hill-style chase around Theed.

At one point Palpatine runs smack into Yoda and asks 'Why is everyone chasing me?' Yoda's ears go back and he says "Oooh. Cheap and transparent manipulations you use. See through you we can." Then he sticks a lightsaber between his eyes.

Obi-Wan walks up and asks Master Yoda if his actions were not a bit extreme. Yoda replies "If kill him I did not, kill us all that little snot Anakin would. Replaced we would be with a clueless New Jedi Order lead by his children. Your apprentice Anakin Skywalker will be... see to it that he never breeds, or the dumb side of the Force will prevail."

Scene changes to Qui-Gon's funeral. Anakin asks Obi-Wan what will happen to him now. Obi-Wan tells Anakin 'You will be a Jedi, don't worry. Say, Anakin, do you know what the word vasectomy means? We're just going to snip something to double check your midichlorian levels - yeah, that's the ticket!"

And then, the galaxy safe from stupidity, the people rejoice in a massive parade. The doctor who sterilized young Skywalker gets his own float and giant Yoda balloons are dragged down the main streets of Theed.

 

This is Great! LOL

I'll have whatever he's sniffing as well as drinking.

 

ill have whatever you guys are sniffing, smoking, eating, and triple the drink!!!!!!

those stories are so beautifle(sp? must be the drinks, smoke, other stuff), it brings a tear to my eye.

 

I want some too !!!

 

How in the world did this thread reach this many posts?

 

So, really, what do you guys think about the ending, not about my sanity?

 

awsome

 

You really can't discuss one without the other, IMO.

 

You should definitively make a Phantom Edit, Mas...

 

LOL Mastadge. Well, you have a history of excellent posts, so it's cool that we can dream a little like this.

I know the exact ending you just described. Happened at my apartment last Friday night.




Then that damn alarm clock had to go off....

 

Natalie Portman in a skintight suit! Where?...oh....

::goes and sits in a corner until May::

 

you forgot:
JarJar, in an attempt to finish off Palpantine, brings out the lightsaber he acquired from Darth Maul. Clumsy as he is, he ignites the wrong end, and it impales himself. Forget a Theed celebration, even the Vong are dancing on their worldships.

 

*Dances with the Vong at the death of Jar-Jar and has whatever Mastadge's having*

 

As jar-jar dies the parties from the end of ROTJ start only bigger!!

 

YAAAAYY!!

mas...you are the best!!!

TPM wasnt all that bad...but its just so much fun ot make fun of!!

Jar Jar's dead...yaaaaay!

 

For the record, I like Jar Jar (which is not to say that I liked the fart jokes and similar stupidities) and I have no wish to see him dead.

 

Really? Wow...

To each his/her own, i guess...