**HUMOR** Star Wars Quotes in Game Terms

Obi-Wan: "I have the high ground Anakin! It adds plus 4 to my agility!"
Anakin: "Actually that's not nessecarily accurate."
Obi-Wan: "...What?"
Anakin: "See, if you read rulebook edition page 34, paragraph 4, subsection a, you can clearly see the rules regaurding position-based bonuses to attributes, and it clearly states that the high ground is only advantageous in situations wherein the approaching enemy is moving directly up the ground towards you, and in that case it'd be a plus 2 to agility, not 4. Now, see, the entire thing would be completely moot of course were I merely to execute a force jump over you and land behind you, in which case-"
Obi-Wan: "Force-push, rule lawyer!"
Anakin (falling into the lava): "I HATE YOU!"

Threepio: "Sir, the requirements to succesfully navigate an asteroid field are 20 ranks in pilot (starfighter), along with a series of natural twenties against your 2 ranks in pilot (starfighter) and your only d10!"

Palpatine: "My sense motive check has informed me of your player's urge to kill me simply to see the look on the GM's face..."

Clone commandos to Yoda & Obi-Wan: "WE ARE FODDER. KILL US NOW."

 

No don't apologize, that's actually quite good. What's the thing about Anakin being at -10 against Dooku? Somehow I like it, shows the power of the dark side. Is it from the d6 game?

 

"Is the darkside stronger?"

"No, only easier, more seductive, more dice they let you roll on your Force Points."

 

Qui-Gonn: We are taking these people to Coruscant.
Droid: /upload inquiry/ \download response\ #inquiry# "Where are you taking them?"
Qui-Gonn: To Corruscant
Droid: /upload response/ \download orders\ #bluff--stall for time# "um, er?"
Central computer: How witty. \orders: intimidate\ \restrain offenders\
Droid: /you've got to be kidding? He's got at least 8 levels behind him. I have only 3 ranks in Intimidate and a measly +2 stat bonus. Even with the best modifiers and circumstances, he's not going to be impressed. And now thanks to the delay, he's suspicion circuits are active. Thanks a great heap./
CC: \Nope. Obey orders. I'll use my Command skill plus my leadership feat on you if you don't obey immediately\
Droid: /poodoo!/ "Halt! You're under arrest!"
<insert lightsaber fight>
Droid: /Wow, that worked/
CC: \Really? I'm receiving damage reports from other units in your area, and others have deactivated without permission.\
Droid: /of course not really. Make a sense motive roll, would ya?/
CC: \oh, I see...\
Droid: /Uploading visual memory for future analysis and review. Recommendations: do not use STD Mk 1 Battle droids to restrain jedi./
CC: \yes, yes... You're suggestions will be given the consideration they'r due\ |deleting file| \Updating duty rosters to reflect current unit availability. Noting unauthorized and unorthodox deactivation of Battle Droids in your service area. Issuing demerrits for failure to obey orders to your record.\ |initiate computer programming and bureaucrasy rolls to cover my cybernetic posterior|
Droid: /... thank you. Your instructions have beennnnn mmmmoossssst hhhhhelllllpp-ffffulllll... ...pOwwwwrrrr fayyyyyyl-innnnnnnnnnng./
CC: \You are the weakest link in the chain of command. Goodbye.\

 

"So this is how democracy dies with a good diplomacy roll"

"Never tell me the odds, anybody can roll a 20"

Did you know the legend of Darth Plagueis the wise?
Anakin: I don,t have ranks in knowledge (sith Lore) let me make an intelligence check

"Size matters not is the weight of the object and your ranks in move object that matters"

"I,m looking for someone"

"found you someone did you do?"

"(heck another low result in my dice when will I found this Yoda?)"

"Only two there is no more no less a master and an aprentice"

"but who get the critical hit the master or thew Apprenttice?"


Anakin: "I have bring peace and justice to my new empire"

Obi-Wan: "wow somebody got a low wisdom score"

Han: better let the Wookie win

C-3PO: "nobody bothers in upseting a Droid"

Han: "a Droid usually don,t have a +4 bonus on bonus Strenght"

Luke: "I can,t believe it how we did get trought that"

Obi-Wan: "There is a Skill called Affect Mind that you could learn by taking the alter feat"

Palpatine: "The Dark Side Of The Force is a path which leads to many abilities that some consider unnatural"

Anakin: "Wait a minute, you mean like strenght, Dex, CON,iNT Etc?

Palpatine: " No your idiot I mean the force skills didn,t you check the back of your character record sheet?



Obi-Wan: "why do I sense we,ve picked up another patethic life form?"

Qui-Gon: "Didn,t you have the sense feat?"

Obi-Wan: "who is fooler the one with int 13 or the one with int 14?

Obi-Wan: If you would give more time with adventures and campaigns instead of your stupid Jokes you would be better than Yoda"

Anakin: "I think I already was"

Obi: "Don,t bluff yourself my very young padawan"

Obi: "Are they friendly 8refering to the kaminoans)"

Dexter: "It depends"

Obi: "Depends on what Dex?"

Dexter: "On your charisma score"

Obi-Wan: "This is Han Solo an Scoundrel 6/ soldier 2 captain of the milleniun falcon and this is his first officer Chewbacca they could tkae us to alderaan if wwe can make a good diplomacy check"

The emperor is coming?

Vader: And he doesn,t have so few Dark Side Points as me.



"Two starfighters agaisnt a star destroyer?"

Leia: "We,re on the rebellion we can score some great critical hits in the movies

"You will note that the clones are more capable than the droids they can use force points and the,re more like PC,s than the droids besides The Clones are not stoped by a lucky shot from a 9 years old kid"


Padme: "We must capture Dooku if we caught him we could get a lot of experience... I mean end the war sure"


Shmi Skywalker: "I can explain it it,s like if he has.... "

Qui-Gon: "(instead of special powers) the force-sensitive feat?"

C-3po: "My name is C-3PO and i,m afluent in almost every language unless I get less than 5 n my check roll"

"The power to destroy a planet is insignificant comparer to an 18 level character and his 20 level master (that obviusly can control te man who shut that laserbeam capable of destroying a planet)"


"Your great amount of sense motive in order to not buying that crap of the power to destroy a planet is disturbing"



"If we really come to war you must realice tha there are will not be enoguh Jedi to protect the galaxy we,re Guardians of the peace not soldiers, well there are some multiclassed but it is unheard off)"

"The Jedi use the force for knolwledge and defense never for attack"

"And what about force grip, force strike?They don,t give dsp anymore and even folks like Quinlan Vos used Force Lighting"

"Fear is the path to the Darkside"

"not if I don,t take a Dark Side Point for that skill"

Luke: "that tree I sense a penalty in my force skills"

Luke: "Oh no Tusken Raiders, they,re the worse (for a 1 level character)"

Han Solo: "and who is gonna fly it kid you?"

Luke: "Sure I,ve got a +10 pilot skill"

Vader: "There is a big bounty for the milleniun Falcon of course that depends on your profesion (bounty Hunter skill)

Padme: " Oh Anakin is not a Jedi Knight yet his just

 

DARTH VADER: When I left you I was but a male Human Fringer 1/Jedi Guardian 5/Jedi Ace 2/Jedi Weapon Master 3/Sith Lord 2, now I am a male Human Fringer 1/Jedi Guardian 5/Jedi Ace 2/Jedi Weapon Master 3/Sith Lord 7. Plus, I've got all these bonuses for my custom armor.

OBI-WAN: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall finally get a use out of that Luminous Being feat I took instead of Two-Weapon Fighting a few levels back.

LUKE: How did my father die?
GM: Luke, you're going to need to roll your Sense Motive against Obi-Wan's Bluff.

DARTH VADER: You are free to use any methods necessary, but none of those twinked out disintegrators from the Arms & Equipment Guide. It's like make your Fort save or die. Talk about broken!
BOBA FETT: As you wish.

C-3PO: I'm rather embarrassed, General Solo, but it seems I rolled a 1 on my Diplomacy check and now you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.

DARTH VADER: I see you have constructed a new lightsaber. You have a lot of ranks in Craft (Lightsaber), and probably spent a month meditating to get your DCs down on those attribute checks. Indeed you are powerful, as the Emperor has foreseen.

YODA: When nine hundred years old your species reaches on the Aging chart, a more severe penalty to Charisma, you will be forced to apply.

AMIDALA: I will sign no treaty, senator. You're going to need a better role than that on your Diplomacy check if you want to play with the big dogs.

ANAKIN: I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating and it gets everywhere. Penalties to Repair checks, Fortitude saves to avoid damage from environmental hazards...

ANAKIN: I pwned them. I pwned them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women, and the children, too! They're only like Challenge Code B, and I have Great Cleave, so it only took like two rounds to just mow down the whole village. I racked up a bunch of DSPs and didn't get much experience at all. It sucked!

JANGO FETT: I'm just a simple male Human Scout 4/Soldier 6/Bounty Hunter 5, trying to make my way through the universe.

ANAKIN: Love won't save you, Padmé, only the special abilities from my new prestige class can do that!

ANAKIN: (rolls a 1 on Sense Motive and completely changes the course of the campaign) Liar! You're with him! You brought him here to kill me!

YODA: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who get a chance to roll up a new character.

ANAKIN: I've gone up six levels since the last time we met, Count.

MACE WINDU: Very dangerous putting them together. I don't think the boy can handle it. Hayden always plays these characters who screw us over. Like that one time, we were playing this D&D game, and I had this paladin, right? And...
OBI-WAN KENOBI: With all due respect, Master, doesn't he have that Heroic Quality that the GM gave him? I think it's called "Chosen One"?
MACE WINDU: So his character sheet says.
YODA: Totally botched our Farseeing roles, we may have.

ANAKIN: Is it possible to learn this power?
PALPATINE: Not without taking levels in Sith Lord.

MACE WINDU: The Senate will decide your fate.
PALPATINE: Have you even seen my Diplomacy score? And my Reputation bonus? Plus, I've got Influence and Famous and Political Pull and Skill Emphasis (Diplomacy), not to mention a +2 synergy bonus from having 5 ranks in Knowledge (politics). Just bring it, tough guy.

DARTH VADER: Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright?
PALPATINE: I told you already, Natalie went out to a party with her new boyfriend, and the GM got sick of her flaking out on game sessions and killed off her character.
DARTH VADER: She... she couldn't have! She was just going to stop on the way for chips! She texted me to say she would be here! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who ded (only they PC are death idiota).

Dooku: "You must join to me Obi-Wan and toghether we will make a good party"

Yoda: "Still much to learn to go to 20 level do you have"

Sidius to Maul: "Let them make a high initiative roll then you will surpass them with your high attack bonus and your two-weapon fighting ability "

Maul: "As you wish my master"


Qui-Gon: "Why do you think i,m a Jedi?"

Anakin: "I cheked your character record sheet"

Qui-Gon:" What if I killed a Jedi and took his lightsaber?"


Anakin: "There are not low-level Jedi in the movies..."


Qui-Gon: "I see you have a high rank in Sense motive "



Darth Sidius: "To cheat death is a power that only one has achieved as a house rule skill and a very bad one, but together we can convince our gamemaster to bring back that stupid rule"


Luke: "That tree what,s in there?


Yoda: "A chance to make a will saving trow and to use the Dark Side sourcebook"

Luke: "Is the Dark side stronger?"

Yoda:" No, no only if you take low dice rolls"

Palpatine: ¡Good.... Good now use your rage feat¡

Palpatine: Good... Good I can make an emphaty check and feel your anger

Qui-Gon: "will he be trained?"

Windu: "No he,s too old he has levels in the fringer class"

Obi-Wan (refering to Jar-Jar): " Who is this?"

Qui-Gon: "Another stupid NPC"



Anakin: " I heard something about midi.. what,s that?"

Qui-Gon: "The Midiclorians are a way to show that you have the chosen one special quality"



Anakin: "I kill themm all and not just the man, but the childrens, and the women too and I ha,ve only recieved 3 DSP for that"


Luke: "I,m Looking for a great 20 level character"


Yoda:"mmmm levels don,t make someone big"




Luke: "The Force?"

Obi: " The force is a feat the will give you acces to special feats and skills "

Obi: "They,re using a 15 level bounty hunter called Jango Fett to create a Clone army"

C-3PO: "No more adventures... it,s been a long time since I have raised a level"


Leia: "Help me Obi-Wan kenobi you,re my only high level hope"


Mon Montha: "Han it,s your party assembled?"


Padme: "Agresive negotiations what,s that?"

Anakin: "Like diplomacy rolls but with a lightsaber"

Yoda: "A low rank in farseeing do we have if this clone army we couldn,t see"


Obi: "why did it take you so long?"

Anakin: "Sorry master I could,n find a speeder with a good amount of hull points and shield points and the stats I like"

Dooku: "Back Off I have more levels than you as a Jedi Guardian and more skills and feats"

Obi: "I don,t think so"

Leia: "you have your moments when you get 20 there,re few but you had it"

Han: "Wait a minute this is not an asteroid it,s a new creature featured in the ultimate adversaries guide"


Anakin (refering to Obi-Wan): "He has good phisical stats as master windu and good mental stats as master Yoda"


Lando: "We just use this facility to freeze objects there are not written rules for peopple yet"

Darth Vader: "If you only knew the skills and feats of the dark side"



Qui-Gon (refering to Darth Maul): "He knew the arts of the Jedi and besides I picked behind my GM screen and saw that he was a Sith Lord"


Luke: "How did my father died?"

Obi: "A young dicipled of mine went to the dark side and taked some leveles in the sith lord prestige class betrayed your father and killed him"


Luke: "Why didn,t you tell me Vader was my father?"

Obi: "I though you could make a good computer use check and see it on the holonews"


Lando to Nien Nub: "I told you they don,t know we were coming unless we failed our sense motive cheks"

Luke (To 3-PO): Tell them tha you,re a Force Adept if they don,t free us


Han (after being torutred in cloud city): "They didn,t even make an Gather information chek or an intimidate chek"


Dooku: "What if I told you that there is a Sith Lord controlign the senate?"

Obi: "That,s impossible at least one Jedi would succed in

 

Yoda: "How do you feel?"

Anakin "Cold sir"

Yoda: "Fear do you have, see trough you with emphaty we can"


Anakin " And what does fear have to do with any of this?"

Yoda: "Is vital fear leads to a Dark Side point then you will take the rage feat and then you will not be able to use lioght side points...."


Yoda:"The GM DC clouds everything..."


Yoda: "pain, suffering tree Dark side points I feel"

Windu: "This party is over"

Dooku: "I,m not playing a party just myself and the GM npc,s

 

C3PO: ...You will be fed to the Sarlaak, where you shall take (1d4)/10 dmg per turn untill death, with no saving throws.

Akbar: (Rolls critical success on a combination of sense motive, leadership, and tactics) It's a trap! Run aways! The Death Star is still operational!

Yoda: How you get so many hp, eating food like this?

GL: As you walk into the asteroid, you are ambushed by bugbears! Roll initiative!
Harrison Ford: This isn't D&D, George.
GL: I'm George Lucas. You get attacked by bugbears.
Harrison Ford: I hate you so much...

Harrison Ford: I fire my blaster!
GL: What are you attacking?
Harrison Ford: I'm attacking the water!

GL: Hamill, make a saving throw against Vader's attack.
Mark Hamill: D***it! Um, 20.
GL: ...He cuts your hand clean off.
Mark Hamill: Aw.

 

Harrison: "(make a comment about GL mom"

GL: "Ok then the millenium Falcon didn,t get into hyperspace"

Luke:" I want to learn about the force and become a Jedi like myfhather before me"

Obi-Wan;then you will have to take some classes as Jedi ace and Jedi weapon master... ejem and a few dsp"

Han Solo:" Mynocks there,re low-level scavengers"

 

"Moscht PCs have a Force Point. And Moscht PCs watch is slowly fade away. But it you expend it at the right time, in the right plaisch, you can achieve something... Gloriousch."
OK, so it was a Highlander quote, and a Highlander2 quote at that. <hangs head in shame> Was probablly the only good line in any of the sequels.

 

Couldn't remember that quote Kohii, but I loved the Connery accent!

 

Other non-SW movie quotes converted to gaming terms:

"We're going to need a walker-scale boat."

"A force-point for all of us, each and every one."

"Why do you wanna win this race so bad foah?"
"For the Dark side. One big victory for the dark side."

"Light side... Dark side... I'm the one with the blaster carbine (5d)"

"Did you make a successful incantation roll."
"uh, yeah?"
"You're sure?"
"Look, maybe I rolled a 1, but that doesn't mean I didn't do my job."
"Idiot! You've just opened up a whole new plot for the GM, costing the lives of countless NPCs."
"Yeah, but I expanded the adventure by a full gaming session. More XP for me, and for anyone else who survives."

"Go ahead, Dr Jones. Blow it up. I made my sense motive roll, and I beat your bluff and con rolls by 10."

"He speaks a dozen languages with 6D. He has 7D in disguise and streetwise. He has area knowledge specialization for this city of 8D and knowledge:geography for the country of 6D+2. He will disappear!"
"(will he really?)"
"(he failed a navigation check in his own library)"

"AAaaaaarrrrrr" (Intimidation roll: 14)
"AAAAARRRRRRRRRRHHHHHH" (intimidation roll 23 +4 for combined assistance)
"Yaaahahhaagh!"

"ooo Mah Tep... Oooooh Mah Tep..." (Con roll 15)
<pause>"ooo Mah Tep... Oooooh Mah Tep..." (sense motive/per roll: 5)


Hmmm... These aren't looking all that good. Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

 

Hello. What have we here? Welcome. I'm Lando Calrissian. I'm the administrator of this facility. and who might you be?

Someone who beat your bluff check.

 

"I need your help. She needs your help. My age penalty modifiers have gotten to high for this kind of thing."

"Looks like you've made a friend."
"Eh, a +2 modifier is better than no modifier."

"I must be allowed to speak."
"He must be allowed to speak."
"Low Willpower FOOL. Next time, spend skill points."

"How you doing, Dak?"
"Thanks to that speach, I have a +3 morale bonus, and can take on the whole empire by myself."

 

"You were banished because you have a low Dex score?"

"Why do I have the feeling we've picked up another professional-class character?"

"You're trusting our fates to a level 1 Fringer!"

 

KENJI: I wish Hayden was here. Have you seen the stats on his character recently? He's like a Cuisinart with feet.
SAM: Don't worry about it. He wasn't here that night we raided that space station full of bounty hunters, either. We did fine.
BEN: I don't know, man. Let's just wait. He says he'll be over a little later. Hey, pass me a slice of that pizza.
SAM: Look, we'll just say that my character Mace tells him to stay put, and then later when he shows up, we'll say he got restless and came over to help. I don't even think it will be that bad.
TUX: I don't know. Didn't we just find out last session that Palpatine was a Sith Lord? Mmm, this is good pizza.
KENJI: Maybe we should try to get more help, or come up with a plan, or something.
SAM: Oh, come on. I just made 19th level, and all of you are in the teens. It's one old man. It's not going to be that hard. We don't need Hayden's character and we don't need a plan.
GEORGE: Are you guys ready?
EVERYONE: Yeah.
GEORGE: OK, your transport drops you off at the Senate building. The door opens and Chancellor Palpatine, apparently the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, turns around in his chair to face you.
SAM: "Chancellor Palpatine, you are under arrest!"
GEORGE: Roll your Intimidate.
SAM: Ummm, I rolled a 1.
GEORGE: Palpatine just looks at you and asks "Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?" and you see a lightsaber drop into his hand from the sleeve of his robe. Roll Initiative.
KENJI: Crap. 9.
SAM: 15.
TUX: Ummm, 4.
BEN: 18.
GEORGE: Let's see, I rolled a 19, +5 for Dex bonus, +4 for Improved Initiative, that makes it... 28. Pass me two slices of that pizza, will you? One pepperoni, one...is that mushroom?
BEN: No, that's actually sausage.
GEORGE: Oh, actually, just give me to sausage then.
TUX: Will you just roll already?
GEORGE: Sorry, sorry. OK, so he attacks Eeth...
TUX: No, no, Eeth Koth is dead. This is my new character, Agen Kolar, remember?
BEN: Did you just take the same stats from your dead character and change the name? You did, didn't you?
TUX: Shut up.
KENJI: It's even the same character sheet! I can see the eraser marks!
GEORGE: So, I rolled a 15, +22, so that's a 37. Plus, with Improved Crit and Devastating Strike, that threatens a crit.
TUX: *turns pale* He crits on a 15?!?!?
GEORGE: *rolls to confirm* That's a crit, so I'll just roll 5d8 for lightsaber damage... that's 27 points of wound damage for Ee...I mean, Agen.
TUX: Holy ****! Guys, I'm dead!
KENJI: Oh, noes, you're going to have to change his name again.
TUX: SHUT UP!
KENJI: *laughs and stuffs his mouth with pizza*
GEORGE: OK, since he killed Agen, and he has Great Cleave, he's got another attack on Saesee.
TUX: HA!
KENJI: Shut up!
GEORGE: Natural 20, roll to confirm...
KENJI: *chokes on pizza*
GEORGE: Yep, and damage....
SAM: Wow, look at all those 7s and 8s!
KENJI: You're kidding me! You've got to be ******* kidding me!
GEORGE: Sorry.
KENJI: Holy ****! I've been playing this character for six years!
BEN: Hey, if you killed Saesee, don't you have another Great Cleave attack now?
SAM: Dude, why did you mention that?
GEORGE: I wasn't going to forget, but just because you're so helpful, he'll attack Kit Fisto this time...
BEN: Dammit.
GEORGE: He rolled an 8, which is a 30 with all his bonuses.
BEN: That hits, but it's only vitality! YES! YES! YES! I LIVED THROUGH THE FIRST ROUND!
GEORGE: Well, not yet. Now he gets the rest of his attacks...
SAM and BEN: *groan*

*A flurry of dice are thrown. Kit Fisto loses all the rest of his vitality and his wound points on Sidious' final attack of the first round. Mace battles Sidious alone as Ben, Kenji, and Tux commisserate and eat the pizza, handing the last slice to Sam*

HAYDEN (steps into the room): Sorry I'm late, guys, traffic at the mall was insane. What did I miss?
BEN, KENJI, AND TUX: WE'RE ALL DEAD!
HAYDEN: What? Really?
SAM: Yeah, they all died the first round.
HAYDEN: Holy ****!
TUX AND KENJI: That's what I said.
HAYDEN: Why did you start without me?
BEN: Sam said we didn't need you.