Discussion in 'Games: RPG & Miniatures' started by Jedi Merkurian, Jun 14, 2006.
"You'll Laugh. You'll Cry. You'll kiss three buck goodbye!"
Do another one! Another one!!!
George: 3 stormtroopers come round the corner.
Peter & Harry: We charge them, yelling
Harry: and firing our blasters
Pete: Yeah, and firing our blasters. Say, what happened to my wookie bowcaster?
Carrie: you left it on the ship as part of your disguise of being a prisoner, remember?
Pete: oh yeah.
George: the stormtroopers see 4 people charging at them turn on their heals and run.
Mark: Carrie and I aren't chasing them
George: Well, they thought you'd be joining your friends, so they don't know.
Carrie: "I say we head back to the ship"
Mark: "Good Idea" Heh. Hey Harry, if your character dies, can I have his ship?
Harry: No way punk. Where's the grape soda?
Pete: Graaaaaaaaaawwwh! oh, sorry. In the fridge, dude.
George: OK, you two head back to the ship when
Carrie: Let me guess--more stormtroopers?
Carrie: Fine. We run. Luke shoots his blaster. Nice going guys. Couldn't you have picked up one for me while you were shooting up everyone getting me out of jail.
G: Detention Block.
Mark: Sorry, didn't think about it. But yeah, I guess we run and I dodge&shoot.
G: You round a corner, pass through a doorway, and suddenly you're standing on a 1meter ledge. The stormtroopers round the corner and are shooting at you again.
Carrie: I close and lock the door behind me.
Alec: Sorry guys, just got off the phone with my girl friend. Where are we?
Peter: we're running arround the deathstar while you're off on your own dealing with the tractorbeam.
George: Welcome back. I'll get back to you shortly. There's no lock on the door.
Carrie: "There's no lock"
Mark: I blast the control panel.
George: OK, it's a smoking wreck.
C: is there a way to get across this shaft.
G: well, there was an extendable bridge, but the controls appear to now be a smoking wreck.
C: Nice going.
M: It's not my fault.
G: from across the shaft, stormtroopers on a higher level are firing at you.
Alec: I thought you said this game didn't have levels like that D&D stuff?
G: I ment a higher floor.
A: oh, never mind.
Mark: I shoot back.
H: what about us.
G: the stormtroopers round a corner and come to a dead end. all three of them turn arround.
M: who puts a dead end in a space station corridor? This isn't D&D, remember?
G: Good point. The stormtroopers round a corner which opens into a locker room garrison. There are hundreds of stormtroopers starting to pay attention to what's going on. The 3 you were chasing turn arround.
H: Crap! Nice going. Pete, think we can take them?
P: we turn and run screaming.
H: That's a "no". OK, we turn and run screaming. Run and Dodge.
A: George, I'm gonna have to leave soon.
G: alright. You find the tractorbeam controls and deactivate them. The stormtroopers don't spot you because of your force trick.
A: Cool. I sneak away.
G: OK, you're sneaking through corridors. Meanwhile, what are Luke & Leia doing?
M: I use the grappling hook & rope you mentioned were on the stormtrooper belt I took to swing across the shaft.
C: 'With Leia', right?
M: Um, yeah. With Leia.
C: While he's setting that up, I take his blaster and shoot stormtroopers.
M: Hey, that's my gun!
C: You aren't using it. Tough.
G: OK. You shoot & kill a stormtrooper.
G: You swing across the shaft to the other side.
M: Yay! We go through the door, Close it, lock it, and blast the controls again. Oh, and I'm taking my gun back.
C: Why don't you use your lightsaber.
M: I only have 2d, which averages 7, and I need a 15 to hit anything.
G: OK, OK. You sneak through another corridor. Suddenly you see a figure in black armor with a glowing red lightsaber.
A: Um... Is this the guy I'm supposed to have a backstory with?
G: Yup. Looks like him.
A: "Hello Darth"
G: "Greatings, Obi Wan."
Harry: Lightsaber Fight! we haven't really had one of those yet.
Alec: wow, these rules and rolls are getting complicated.
G: he's not only keeping up with you, he's starting to beat you.
A: No way! I'm a badass! "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I'll be more powerful than
Dizfactor, you just made my day. That was *awesome*.
Koohii, yours was also good (though Diz's still takes the cake).
Ok I'll have a go.
If the Star Wars movies reflected the rules of the RPG
George Lucas: All right. Luke, you've entered a dark smoky chamber. Up above you see a man dressed in all black, it's Darth Vader.
Luke: What! I'm here to rescue Han and Leia, not face DARTH FRIGGIN' VADER! He's like 18th level! I'm level 5! What is his friggin' challenge rating for me, X, Y, z, OMEGA maybe! Christ my defense is like 19! His first attack is +20! Hello?! George! What am I supposed to do; do my song from the Holiday Special until he's writhing in agony on the floor, his melted brain leaking out his nose!
GL: (stroking his beard) Ok Luke roll iniative...heheheh...
Luke: What was that? I'm pretty sure I heard an evil laugh!
GL: It's just a cough...hehehehhehe!
Luke: There it is again!
Luke: Yes it was! I just heard it.
GL: No. You didn't hear it. I'm enforcing my favourite rule.
Luke: What, the "Reality doesn't matter rule"?
GL: (evil grin) Rule...zero. Everything I say is fact. Period.
Luke: All right you megalomaniac on with it...There I rolled an 18.
GL: And I roll a...15...don't like that. On second thought I rolled a 33.
Luke: On an initiative check? What does he have a +13 on his initiative?
GL: Good. Gooood. (Cackles) Now he attacks you. He hits.
Luke: Wait a minute you didn't even roll!
GL: Well there's not much point is there. He'll always hit you.
Luke: Point taken.
GL: Right he hits you for 25 damage.
Luke: Wow OK I've got 1 vitality point left!
GL: Ok he hit's you again for 10 damage. You lose your hand.
Luke: Wait a minute! We've been fighting for six seconds and it's all done? What kind of a stupid thing is this, I thought there would be drama!
GL: Shut up. If my supercool drama-laden six second duel isn't enough for you then you should go play another game you poopyhead!
No, his is great. Mine is derivitive.
"I want them with at least 1 wound points, no disintegrations!"
[Diplomacy roll: 1] "But I want to go to Tosche station and pick up some power converters!"
Emperor ROTJ: "Soon you will, like your father, be my exceptional minion!"
"No. I am a Jedi Guardian, like my father before me. Although he was technically only a Jedi Guardian lev 5, which does not make him a Jedi, he had levels in the Jedi Ace and JEdi Weaponm...AHHH!!! Lightning!"
"I AM THE SENATE! Figuratively speaking, of course."
"I must face him Leia. I have to finish my personal story arc."
"Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Uhmm...that was an absolute statement, wasn't it? What was my point again..."
"Hand over your lightsabers please. We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Sith Lo...I mean Chancellor [nervous grin]."
"Only two there are, no more no less. Sometimes three". (Stolen from Star Wars: A Lost Hope Fanfilm)
"You don't know the POWER of the Dark Side Template."
[Like father, like son, Diplomace check: 1 ]"I don't like sand. It's so coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. It's not soft, like you".
Vader: I am your father
Luke: Thats impossible!
Vader: Search your strategy guide and know the truth!
[kick him in the balls and run!]
I can still take you with one hand!
I'll join you.
Ewocke: Weeeee-ahh-boom! [ewokes don't have speeder piloting as a class skill, unfurtualy...that had to hurt!]
Anakin: You turned her against me!
Obi: Your lack of pursuade and diplomacey have done that yourself.
Anakin: You wont take her!
Obi's dialog options:
[Lie]She was mine any way.
[Intimidate]Camon and getta peice of me!
Your lust for power has already done that!
George Lucas i hate this story!
[English accent]i believe its tea time!
Yoda: Ha sidious! no more force points have you!
Sidious: Ha Yoda you have no more vitality points!
why did the chicken...never mind
Han stared in envy while Lando kissed Leia's hand,
his stats were unbelieve able
Harrison Ford:somethiing screwy is going on here GL!
Yoda: The dark side clouds everything. Too high a DC is the Farseeing check.
Yoda: Death, anger, pain I feel. Young Skywalker has picked up dark side points, many dark side points.
Obi-Wan: We'll take him together. You rolled higher on initiative than me, so hold your action, and then we'll close together and-
Anakin: No, I'm gonna charge and attack at +2 NOW!
Obi-Wan: No, Anakin! No! You'll be at -2 to Defense!
Dooku: Brave of you, boy! I'd have thought you'd learned your lesson.
Anakin: Well I do have a low Wisdom.
Yoda: mmmm...Many dice did you roll when you spent that Force Point. The dark side I sense in you!
Dooku: I can roll more Force Point dice than any Jedi. Even you!
Yoda: More experience points to get you still have, Dooku.
GL: Okay, Ian... Sidious hits Yoda with Force Lightning and flings him into the wall, for (rolls) 18 damage.
Ian: Okay, Sidious says "Yes! In your face big discrace!"
Yoda: Dude, that's totally oh-oh-cee man.
Ian: Shut up! He's my character! Besides, big words from someone who just named his character after himself.
Yoda: You little-!
GL: Knock it off you two. Yoda, make a fortitude save or be knocked unconcious.
Yoda: Ha! Natural twenty! Suck it, Ian!
Ian: Screw you, dude.
GL: If you two do this every time we're not gonna have any more character battles, guys.
Ewan: Yeah, and hurry up, guys. I wanna move on to the next story.
Yoda: Yoda gets up shakily.
Ian: Sidious jumps to the door.
Yoda: Yoda jumps in front of him and is all: "If yer so tough, why're ya runnin'?"
GL: I thought Yoda used German grammar and had a kermit the frog accent.
Yoda: Yeah, well this is my "remastered" Yoda voice.
GL: Shut up.
Hamill: Where're the cheetos!?
GL: They're like right next to you!
Ian: I attack Yoda with force lightning!
GL: Initiative, dude.
Ian: CRAP! Um, twenty.
GL: ... Your move Yoda.
Yoda: Force push, suckah!
GL: Sidious goes flying back into the chancellor's seat, taking 10 damage.
Yoda: I beat him with it!
Sidious: Dude, the chancellor's seat is huge and it's mechanised.
Hamill: Where's the Mountain Do!?
GL: IN THE FRIDGE! So, you two are circling each other, when the force lightning explodes. Roll dodge.
Yoda and Ian in unison: Er, twenty.
GL:... Well, Sidious is knocked into the seat behind him, and Yoda goes flying off the edge.
Ian: Ha! You lose!
Ian: I'm the Juggernaut! (Hits Yoda in the arm)
Yoda: Dude, I spent so long with that character!
GL: Yoda's still alive, Yoda.
Ian: LAAAAAME. Can I at least still call myself the Juggernaut.
GL: But your characters are gonna be NPCs in the next game.
Yoda and Ian in unison: LAAAAAAME.
Yoda: Whelp, I run through the ductworks and fly off.
Ian: I tell lackey number three to send out a search party for Hayden's character.
Lackey3: I have a name, you know.
Ian: You don't do enough to merit a name.
GL: Knock it off, Ian, or I'll let Hamill killl Sidious.
Hamill: Is my character there!?
GL: NO, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BORN YET!
Ian: He's probably gonna make a dumb character anyways. I mean, he's gonna be Anakin's kid, right?
Hayden: Okay, first off, spoilers. Second, Ima beat your robed butt.
GL: You know what, rocks fall and everybody dies. Roll new characters.
"I can't make a Spot check on anything in this helmet. I think it's lowering my Per by a full 1D. Isn't it only supposed to do that to Dex?"
Mark: "I put bindercuffs on Chewie."
Peter: Like hell. I roar at him. Here's my intimidation roll: 18. With modifiers, 26. "RAAAAAAAAAHRRR"
Mark: "Um, ok. Han, you put them on him."
Harrison: Wuss. "It's ok, pal. I made my sense motive and deduction rolls. I think I know what he has in mind." This Con is so old... Even with 8D, they're never going to buy it.
George: Guys, would you make up your minds which system you're referencing? It's driving me nuts.
Peter: Dude, it's not our fault you keep trying to rewrite the system every time we turn arround. Episode 3 was written in D20. Episode 4-6 are already in D6, but now you're converting them to D20. Make up YOUR mind.
Harry: "What do we do about the droids" Let's get back to the game kids.
George: You see Luke walk out of the trash compactor shaking his head violently.
Carrie: Oh Yuck. I duck the flying muck-water and grit.
Mark: She's right. My hair is going to be full of crud from being underwater.
G: Um, Never mind. You stopped in the refresher station across the hall and everyone got to clean up.
Harry: Good. We shuck the stormtrooper armor
M: except for the utility belts.
C: So we don't have to smell like garbage? I hope they had separate facilities for women. My character isn't going to want to have to change in front of these bozos. No offence.
G: Fine fine fine. Yes, there's a separate women's refresher station on every level.
Peter: Yeah, but even storm-troopers' industrial cleaning agents aren't going to be enough to clean my fur.
G: why not?
P: Dude, I told you before we went into the trash compactor. My pelt is going to stick for the rest of the adventure if you make me go in there. That's why I growled at Harry--um, Han.
C: great. the stormtroopers are going to be able to smell us for the rest of the movie.
H: yeah. My ship is going to smell worse than wet dog.
G: Uh, no. Stormtrooper armor has an environmental seal. THey won't smell you at all. You find "New Armor Scent" air fresheners in the refresher station that mask wookie oder. Can we please get on with the adventure?
Dooku: j00 |-|4\/3 4|\|63|?, j00 |-|4\/3 |-|4\/3 |-|473! j00 |\|33|)5 70 |_|53 7|-|3|\/|!
[Fighting, dooku is stunned and reduced to 1hp]
Palpatine: very good Chosen_1 kill him
Anakin: It... it is not the rp way...
Dooku: 70757 U 5|_|XX0|?Z 5700p1|) |\|00 -
Anakin: (Cuts off his head.)
LIAM: ...and my last attack does 15 points of damage.
GEORGE: Okay, the Sith Lord is still up. He attacks 4 times...that one hits...that one hits...that one misses...for his last attack he'll spend a Force Point...that hits...68 points of damage total.
LIAM: Okay, I'm down. -10 on the nose.
EWAN: What?!?! I've gotta fight this Sith on my own? NOOOOOO!!!
LIAM: It's cool. I was done with this character anyways.
EWAN: What? What are you talking about? You're supposed to train Jake's character.
LIAM: I'm taking a little break before I play Chris' DC Heroes game. I'm gonna play the mentor to Christian's character. Plus I had an idea for a D&D game, where I play a talking celestial dire lion that mentors the party.
EWAN: Dude! Mentor complex much?
GEORGE: Liam talked to me about wanting out, so I figured this was a pretty good stopping point. That's why I had the Sith focus most of his attacks on Liam's character.
EWAN: So tbat leaves me to take this guy on by myself? I knew those laser shields were a lame-*** idea to split us up!
LIAM: Well, you could have used your Burst of Speed to catch up...
EWAN: Dude that Sith was tearing the *** out of me as it was! You want me to spend more VPs to catch up? You should have waited up!
GEORGE; Alright guys, drop it! Anyways, this is Jake's last session too.
EWAN: Holy ****!
JAKE: Yeah, I gotta focus on school more. Sorry, dude.
EWAN: Jake gets shot down, Natalie's captured by the lizard-guys, Liam just got smoked...I'm up against the tatooed combat beast from Hell...are you going for a TPK here?
GEORGE: Aaaanyways, the laser shield opens. We're keeping the same initiative. The Sith Lord stays put.
EWAN: Well, since I'm about to die anyways, I'll see how much I can do before I go down. And I was close to levelling, too!
(several rounds later)
GEORGE: Alright, you make your Reflex save, so you manage to hang on to a handhold. The Sith Lord stands above you, after having kicked your lightsaber down the shaft
EWAN: Great. Rub it in, why don't you. I've got like 2 vitality and 1 Force Point left. I've done diddly in damage, and now I don't even have my lightsaber anymore...
GEORGE: Make a Wisdom check...OK...you remember that Qui-Gon's lightsaber is lying nearby.
EWAN: For the good it'll do me! He's still got like at least 50-something points left, and even after I use Move Object, I'll have 1 vitality left.
LIAM: Better than -10. Give it a shot.
EWAN: Sure, what the frak. At least I won't go out like at *****.
JAKE: (under breath) Yeah but you sure whine like one....
EWAN: And I could've been in the Wachowski brothers' cyberpunk game, but noooo! I turn it down for this! "Give it a try," Uncle Dennis says...
GEORGE: Fine! The Sith Lord looks at you with a dumbarse expression while you cut him in two with Liam's lightsaber. Both halves fall down the shaft...
LIAM: ...Now you have enough xps for 7th level, and I know this guy Hayden that might take over for Jake. At 8th, you can take levels of Jedi Master.
GEORGE: Are you satisfied now? Sweet Jeebus!
"EWAN: And I could've been in the Wachowski brothers' cyberpunk game, but noooo! I turn it down for this! 'Give it a try,' Uncle Dennis says..."
From [link=http://notstarring.com/movies/matrix]notstarring.com:[/link] Ewan McGregor was offered the part of Neo, but turned it down. Also, "Uncle Dennis" is Ewan McGregor's uncle, Dennis "Wedge" Lawson.
Yeah, I meant to quote that one too... I didn't know Ewan was offered the neo role til I read that... you learn something new everyday
[off-topic] notstarring.com is a goldmine of information about who didn't get what role. Check out [link=http://notstarring.com/movies/star-wars]this link [/link] in regards to Star Wars. Can you picture:
*Nick Nolte, James Caan, Al Pacino, Kurt Russel, Christopher Walken, or Sylvester Stallone as Han Solo?
*Sean Connery as Obi-Wan? (remember, this was around 1975)
*Cindy "Shirley Feeney" Williams as Princess Leia?
Okay, I can picture Kurt Russel:
"Never tell me the odds!"
*Anakin disarms Dooku*
Palp: Kill him.
Anakin: It's not the Jedi way...
Palp: Do it, do it now.
Ian: what's your willpower?
Ian: ... Yeah, I could roll all twos on my persuade roll, and beat your best roll.
Hayden: Oh, alright then,
Oh no, my young apprentice. It is you who has failed your Perception roll, about a great many things!
muahahahahaahaa that is funny
Obi-Wan: "It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground, which gives me a +5 circumstantial modifier to my AC."
"May you roll recurring 6's on your wild die."
"R2, make a Starship Repair roll, see if you can boost the power."
I see you've put some ranks in Craft (lightsaber). Indeed you have levelled, as the Emperor has foreseen.
You can't do this father. I feel the conflict within you, burn off a few Dark Side Points.
EWAN: It's over, Hayden. I have the high ground, and you're low in hit points.
HAYDEN: You underestimate my powah!1!1!
EWAN: I'm tellin' you dude, don't try it...
HAYDEN: I spend a Force Point to regain surge, *rolls dice* That's +30 to my Jump check. I'm also gonna spend a Destiny Point to auto-crit. Booyah!
EWAN: I spend a Destiny Point to act out of turn.
GEORGE: That note that Ewan slipped me earlier? He figured you'd try something like that.
HAYDEN: No way!
EWAN: Yes way It's the same trick I used on the Sith Lord back when the campaign started. As many times as I've told you about that, I can't believe you'd try it on me. I use Double Attack *rolls dice* That one hits, that one crits.
GEORGE: The first hit's gonna be enough to drop him.
EWAN: Holy crap, dude! I didn't wanna kill you I tell you what, I'll just use Severing Strike instead.
GEORGE: Cool. We'll say that he loses both legs and his other arm instead of dying.
HAYDEN: Oh, thanks a frakkin' lot
EWAN: Hey, you're the one who went all emo and killed Sam's character over pizza! Not to mention what you did to Natalie's character.
HAYDEN: She said she's not playing anymore...
EWAN: Because not only did you attack Sam's Jedi, but you like sacked the entire Jedi Temple! I'm not sure she ever got completely over you being all stalkerish when you first started playing. She thinks you've wigged out. That's why she broke up with you!
HAYDEN: Hey, hey, she wasn't there for that session, and she wouldn't have known until you told her about it. Regardless, Padme' will still do her destiny thing and have mah bay-bayz!1!1!1!
GEORGE: Except, the last you saw of her was that she was laid out after you used Force grip on her...
HAYDEN: It was only for a couple of rounds. That's only what, 2 steps down the condition track.
GEORGE: But the real question is how many persistent steps was she already down for being pregnant
EWAN: Oh noes
HAYDEN: Man, &%$#* you!
EWAN: You were the Chosen One! Your destiny was to destroy Darth Sidious, not become his apprentice!
HAYDEN: Have you seen how the Sith prestige classes work in the new ruleset? They freakin' r0xx0rz my b0xx0rz!1! Plus, I can still get that permanent Destiny Bonus by killing him and becoming the reigning Dark Lord
GEORGE: Except now you'll be at -5 on all your Use the Force checks because of cyber replacements...
EWAN: Oh noes Not so uber now, huh?
HAYDEN: Waitaminnit! How does Ewan even have Destiny Points? He fulfilled his "Education" destiny when I made Jedi Knight!
EWAN: I guess I had one more lesson to teach: Don't mess with teh Mastah!!1!1!
HAYDEN: I hate you!!! *storms out*