humor - umor (general) :)

Dictionar explicativ:


ARHITECT = cineva care n-a fost destul de barbat ca sa devina inginer, dar nici destul de gay ca sa se faca designer vestimentar.

BANCHER = cineva care iti imprumuta umbrela lui cand afara e soare si apoi ti-o cere cand incepe sa ploua.

BOY SCOUT = un copil imbracat ca un tampit sub comanda unui tampit imbracat ca un copil.

CONSULTANT = cineva care foloseste ceasul sotiei tale, iti spune cat e ceasul si apoi iti cere bani pentru asta.

DIPLOMAT = cineva care-ti spune sa te duci dracului intr-un fel care te face sa-ti incepi ziua cu dreptul.

ECONOMIST = un expert care va sti maine de ce ceea ce a prezis ca se va intampla ieri nu s-a intamplat azi.

PRIETEN = definitia unei persoane de sex opus care are acel 'Nu stiu-ce' care elimina orice dorinta de a incerca vreodata sa te culci cu el/ea.

PROGRAMATOR = cineva care rezolva o problema pe care nu stiai ca o ai intr-un fel pe care nu-l intelegi.

PSIHOLOG = cineva care se uita la oricine altcineva cand o femeie frumoasa intra in incapere.

STATISTICIAN = cineva care e bun la cifre dar nu are pic de personalitate ca sa fie inginer.

PREOT = cineva caruia toti ii spun 'parinte', in afara de copiii lui, care ii spun 'domnule'.

DRAGOSTE (LOVE) = cuvant din 4 litere, 2 vocale, 2 consoane si 2 idioti.

DANS = Frustrarea verticala a unei dorinte orizontale.
DURERE DE CAP = metoda contraceptiva cea mai des folosita de femei.

INTELECTUAL = cineva capabil sa se gandeasca mai mult de 2 ore si la altceva decat la sex.

NIMFOMAN = termen aplicat de fiecare barbat oricarei femei careia ii place mai mult sexul decat lui.

MUNCA IN ECHIPA = posibilitatea de a da vina pe altii.

USOR = termen aplicat oricarei femei care are aceeasi morala sexuala ca a unui barbat.

INDIFERENTA = atitudine adoptata de o femeie catre un barbat care n-o intereseaza; interpretata de barbat ca 'se lasa greu'

... continuare:
Mic dictionar de inteles femeile

Da = Nu
Nu = Da
Poate = Nu
Imi pare rau = Iti va parea rau!
Ne-ar trebui = Eu vreau
Fa cum vrei! = O sa platesti cu varf si indesat!
Hotaraste tu! = Hotararea cea buna ti-am pus-o deja!
Trebuie sa vorbim = Iar trebuie sa te critic
Bineinteles, fa cum vrei = Nu vreau sub nici o forma sa faci asta!
Nu sunt suparata = Bineinteles ca sunt suparata, boule!
Ai un aer atat de barbatesc... = Ar fi cazul sa te barbieresti.
Cum de te porti asa frumos astazi? = Asadar vrei sa facem sex astazi?
As vrea perdele noi = As vrea perdele, covoare, mobila si tapete noi.
Ma iubesti? = Am trecut astazi pe la magazinul de bijuterii, sa-ti spun ce mi-a placut?
Cat de tare ma iubesti? = Am facut ceva ce sigur nu-ti place.
Nu-i nimic... = Tampitule!


Mic dictionar de inteles barbatii

Mi-e foame = Mi-e foame
Sunt obosit = Sunt obosit
Ce rochie frumoasa! = Ce sani frumosi!
Da, imi place noua coafura = O gramada de bani la coafor si uite ce iese!
Am putea iesi la un restaurant? = Vreau sa facem sex.
Vrei sa dansam? = Vreau sa facem sex
Ma cam plictisesc aici... = Vreau sa facem sex
Te iubesc = Vreau sa facem sex
Te ador = Stiu ca am mai spus deja, dar... vreau sa facem sex!

http://www.angryalien.com/0804/jawsbunnies.asp

Eu de felul meu sunt o persoana total lipsita de inspiratie cand e vorba de urari, felicitari si altele de genul asta. Asa ca, dorind sa va urez un La multi ani cat mai frumos si original, am cautat pe net ceva in acest sens (si pana la urma am gasit ceva), dar am fiti atenti ce am mai gasit (pentru amatorii de SMS-uri poate fi o sursa de inspiratie...):

10% te vreau, 20% ma gandesc la tine, 30% imi amintesc de tine, 40% te respect, 50% imi lipsesti, 60% am nevoie de tine, 70% te plac, 80% ma innebunesti, 90% te ador, 100% fac misto de tine !

- Dintzii tai sunt ca stelele de pe cer: de un galben orbitor shi la mare distantza unul de celalalt.

- Mi-am pierdut ursuletul de plush .. nu ai vrea tu sa dormi cu mine ?

- Nu plange ca te-am inselat, Zambeste ca te-am comparat. Nu poate fi acum mai bine , decat sa ma impac cu tine.

- Tanara, draguta ,blonda, sexy, fara obligatii, 90-60-90, picioare 1.20 m, plina de viata, patimasa, exotica, misterioasa, amatoare de senzatii tari, vand camion.

- Vreau sa ma culc cu tine, sa te simt peste trupu meu gol, vreu sa intru in tine da nu te gasesc nicaieri. Unde esti pijama afurisita?

- Daca ne-am afla pe un vapor si el s-ar scufunda, ar fi doar o singura vesta de salvare mi-ar fi asa dor de tine...

- Tanara, frumoasa, fara obligatii, nu fumez, nu beau, posed un B.M.W decapotabil, o casa cu 11 camere, imi plac brunetzii, ascult manele! Nu caut nimic doar ma laud!!!

- I love you......... I need you..........I like you..........I vrea tu!

- Am vrut sa iti trimit ceva sexy, care sa te faca sa razi, dar postasul a zis sa ies din cutia postala.

- Cand ma uit la soare, te vad pe tine; cand ma uit la luna, te vad pe tine; cand ma uit la mare, te vad pe tine! Da-te la o parte din fata mea!

- Spune-mi, intra? Da? si doare? Ohh, da! Doare! Il bag incet! Tot doare! Bine! Sa incercam alt pantof atunci!

- M-ai luat în brate. M-ai strans cat ai putut. Mi-ai dezgolit partea de sus si ti-ai pus buzele tale. Doamne, bine ca sunt doar o sticla de PEPSI!

- Eu vreau tripleti. Tu vrei gemeni. Te invit la mine, ca sa vedem cine castiga.

- De ce femeile sunt ca si calculatoarele: nimeni nu le intelege intr-adevar; toate greselile tale sunt salvate în memorie; toti banii tai se duc pe accesorii pt ele.

- De ce barbatii sunt ca si calculatoarele: sunt fara ajutor cand sunt aprinsi; au multe idei, dar nu stiu ce sa faca cu ele; imediat ce iti alegi unul, un model mai bun apare pe piata.

- De ce pisicile sunt mai bune ca barbatii: pentru ele nu conteaza cum arati; poti sa le lovesti fara se le faci sa se gandeasca la sex; nu te enervezi cand incep sa umble dupa pasarici.

- De ce cainii sunt mai buni ca femeile: te asculta cand tipi la ei; nu fac cumparaturi; orice tip poate avea un caine care arata bine.

- Accepti sa-mi fii partener de SMS, la mesaje nashpa, dar si faine, în mesaje sms, dar si cand semnalul este slab, pana cand liniutele de la baterie ne vor desparti?

- As renunta la mancatul de ciocolata, dar eu nu sunt o lasha, ca sa renunt usor.

- Cand se joaca pe langa masini, copiii pot crea accidente. Cand se joaca în masina, adultii pot creea accidental copii.

- Atentie cand un barbat iti spune ca te iubeste din adancul inimii. Inseamna ca totusi mai exista destul loc si pt alta deasupra.

- In lumea asta exista 2 tipuri de personae: EU si persoane care si-ar dori sa fie ca mine!

- Trei maimute au scapat de la zoo. Una a fost prinsa uitandu-se la TV, alta jucand fotbal, iar a treia? citind acest mesaj!

- Vrei sa vii la mine pentru o pizza si apoi o partida de sex? NU? De ce? Nu iti place pizza?

- Fetele sunt ca internetul. Toate domeniile interesante sunt luate deja.

- Esti cumva mama? Eu nu sunt tata! Poate facem ceva in privinta asta!

- Acest mesaj poate fi citit doar de persoane sexy. Mai incearca... Incearca inca o data... Nu forta nota, urato!

- Nu beti apa, pestii fac sex in ea !

- Love is a name... Sex is a game... Forget the name and play the game...!

- Connex si-a modificat tari

Excelente!!!

afise si indicatoare haioase:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/signs.html



farting cat:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fartingcat.html

[image=http://www.ebaumsworld.com/images/tombstone.jpg]

AK-610 incerca sa spuna ceva , "dar cuvintele i se oprira in git ,nedoritoare sa iasa intr-o lume care o lua razna" TP . De unde scoateti mai chestiile astea ? Foarte misto

da-ti casca jos stormtrooperule, ca te ineci (ce, ca si eu sunt stormie )

sper sa mai gasim si alte poze si texte haioase in viitor

desene animate haioase rau de tot!!!!

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/



exemplu:


http://www.uk.eu.undernet.org/chocs.swf


sau


http://www.jibjab.com/xmas/play.asp?contentid=28&groupid=2


ok si ne vedem dupa Craciun!!!

uitati-va la asta:

[image=http://img148.exs.cx/img148/1671/yahooasia8hy.jpg]

Haha Sergiu... ammm... unde au ascuns astia literele?


Uitati aici niste smileys peste care nu am putut trece prea usor.
http://img145.exs.cx/img145/523/catsmiley4te.jpg

Ce credeti ca eu nu am?...LOL

Priviti aici :
[image=http://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/www-patentpolicy-comment/2003Dec/att-0000/01Homealone.jpg]

[image=http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/sexychick.jpg]

[image=http://melanie.time2change.at/gallery/albums/Mehli/Winter.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/santa_sucks.jpg] -LOOOOOOOL

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/euro_vs_america.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/sniper.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/toocute.jpg] -awww...this is just gonna melt your heart

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/chinese.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/malebrain.gif] -creierul unui barbat

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/drugcats.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/catemotions.jpg] -Credeati ca nu mai sunt "cat smileys" ???

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/a_smile_foryou.jpg] -SMILE!!!

....END OF POST NR. 1 ...

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/notcute.jpg] -Feelin' lucky punk?...well..do ya??

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/sawyounaked.gif] ..Oh dear...you should have put your clothes on

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/upyours.jpg]

http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/snowmanblowjob.jpg


[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/slavekitten.jpg] -Slave kitten

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/gfcheating.jpg] Signs that your girlfriend is cheating you

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/baddesign.jpg]

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/rockin.jpg] -Let's rock and roll people

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/tired_kitten.jpg] Don't overfeed your animals please

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/toiletpaper_copy1.jpg] Damn toilet paper LOLOLOLLLLLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLL

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/0135.jpg] -Oy there

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/bungee_surprise.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/saddams_worst.jpg] Saddam's worst nightmare

...END OF PART 2... BE RIGHT BACK PEOPLE

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/0049.jpg] -Grilfriend remote!

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/scaredkitty.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/testcheat.jpg] -Best way to cheat!

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/0047.jpg] -PANIC BUTTON!!!

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/chippy.jpg] -GIMME YO' LOUNCH MONEY OR YOU'LL GET IT!!!

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/rappin_golem.jpg] Yo' Yo' now, give it up for ...the man! Get down

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/0434.jpg] -Te bazai pe dimensiune???...THINK AGAIN!

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/the_singles_ad.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/godkills.jpg] LOLOLO

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/wtfcat.jpg]

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/tiredkitten.jpg] -Who says humans are the only mammals who sleep on their back ???

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/0467.jpg] TOO...much.....booze

[image=http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/0303.jpg] -Thank you....thank you very much!

[image=http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/boom.jpg] -SIZE matter not!...I use this gun...and a powerful ally it is!

....END OF PART 3...BE BACK PEOPLE, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON...JEEZZZ

YO MAMA JOKES HERE!!!!!!!!

YO MAMA SO FAT:
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the

Doona: cool cats

Luke: LOOOOOOL LOOLosaurus!!

Si pe mine m-au dat gata pisicile alea + pozele postate de Luke ,

*looks back on what he posted* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

Luke marfa poza cu Golum

Check this out:

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/298bb5b0/e5c8/__sr_/7b98.jpg?phmBY2BBx5mwpEgL

linky no worky

dar mie imi merge

weird... well... asta sper sa mearga :

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/rup/godkills.jpg

merge poza si e super