humor - umor (general) :)

Discussion in 'Romania' started by sergiurusu, Nov 10, 2004.

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  1. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    nu e acolo din motive gramaticale, ci pentru ca acolo e o pauza cand spun fraza aia. :D
  2. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    Pentru un gentleman e pauza si inainte si dupa si in timpul... :D
  3. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    banu, numai pentru canadieni :D
  4. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    I know, gentlemanu' da banu'. Si cel canadian si cel vietnamez sau de unde vrei tu. Numai ca fata ramane un pic dezamagita. :D
  5. Jedi_Umi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 19, 2006
    star 1
    O pereche sarbatoreste nunta de argint si in acelasi timp 60 de ani de viata. In timpul celebrarii apare o zana si le zice:
    - Ca premiu pentru fidelitatea voastra timp de 25 ani, va implinesc cate o dorinta.
    Sotia entuziasmata exclama:
    - Vreau sa fac o calatorie in jurul lumii cu sotul meu!
    Zana a atins-o cu bagheta magica si apar doua bilete de avion. Sotul se gandeste putin si dupa aceea, adresandu-se sotiei zice:
    - Am aceasta sansa doar o singura data in viata asa ca, scuza-ma draga, dar dorinta mea e aceea de a avea o sotie cu 30 de ani mai tanara decat mine.
    Sotia ramane socata dar dorinta e dorinta asa ca zana il multumeste, il atinge cu bagheta magica si pac! Sotul devine de 90 de ani!!

    Morala: barbatii sunt ... barbati .... , zanele insa... sunt femei.

    :D
  6. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    Asta cred ca explica varsta inaintata pe care o am... :D
  7. Jedi_Umi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 19, 2006
    star 1
    cugetari ale unui copil de 9 ani:

    "Exista unele femei care in loc sa-i faca sa sufere pe mai multi barbati, asa cum e firesc, se concentreaza asupra unuia pana il extermina. Acestea se numesc "fidele".

    "Pentru ca se tot intimpla ca oamenii pur si simplu sa moara, trebuie sa apara altii. Asta este copulatia. Insa oamenii nu dorm ci lucreaza cu inima, penisul si vaginul din greu. Eu i-am vazut pe parintzii mei in camera de zi cind copulau. Tata icnea ingrozitor si mama a urlat, insa deocamdata nici unul dintre noi n-a murit. Insa poate ca doar au exersat fiindca bunica e deja destul de batrina. Am observat ca ei exerseaza cam de trei ori pe saptamina, cred ca bunica va muri curind. In noptiera mamei am gasit niste pastile. Tata o tot intreaba daca si-a luat deja pilula. Precis e si ea bolnava, insa nu merge la doctor. Insa daca ei continua sa exerseze asa de mult, sigur va aparea o noua fiinta pe lume. Eu mi-as dori un iepuras. Reproducerea la oameni se intimpla prin seminte.Florile si tufisurile si pomii trebuie udati des si mama face dus in fiecare zi. Poate atunci creste totul mai repede. Noua fiinta creste in burta, insa fiindca mami e bolnava, o face de data asta poate tati. I-a crescut deja burta insa nu ne-a spus inca nimic. Cind noua fiinta apare pe lume, trebuie sa iasa mai intii prin vagin si e foarte mica si alba. Negrii ies cu siguranta prin fund."

  8. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    Perfectly Aligned:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8ugJSAgkUk

    The end is very funny!:D
  9. MaraStardreamer Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2006
    star 4
  10. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    Deci se zguduie casa cu mine de ras. [face_laugh]
  11. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
  12. valo Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 24, 2006
    star 1
    Jack: Vreau sa te insori cu o fata pe care o aleg eu.
    Fiul: Imi voi alege singur mireasa.
    Jack: Dar fata este fiica lui Bill Gates.
    Fiul: Ah, in acest caz...

    Apoi, Jack se intalneste cu Bill Gates.
    Jack: Am un fiu pentru fiica ta.
    Gates: Dar fata mea este prea tanara pentru casatorie.
    Jack: Dar tanarul este vicepresedinte la Banca Mondiala.
    Gates: Ah, in acest caz...

    In sfarsit, Jack se duce sa se intalneasca cu presedintele Bancii Mondiale.
    Jack: Iti recomand un tanar pentru a fi vicepresedinte.
    Presedintele: Dar deja am mai multi vicepresedinti decat am nevoie.
    Jack: Dar tanarul este ginerele lui Bill Gates.
    Presedintele: Ah, in acest caz...
  13. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    You might know these, ca sunt de ceva timp pe net - dar sunt GOLD!

    O fatuca cu un ras penal care se prapadeste uitandu-se la un vid:
    http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_girl_rotflol/

    Si acum faza de 1000 puncte, de ce radea fatuca, de unu care are cred cel mai amuzant ras ever:
    http://www.totallycrap.com/comments/nice_face_shame_about_the_laugh

    I laughed myself to tears on that one! [face_laugh]
  14. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    1. I-o fi zis mami a ei ca daca razi iti cresc sanii.
    2. Deci Doug from Memphis i-a furat clar showul tipului... hil, hil, hil... Cut him off!
  15. sergiurusu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2001
    star 5
  16. SVAndrei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 5
  17. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    A very funny vid aboooout... CATZ! :D
    http://www.glumbert.com/media/cats

    Cred ca aia atarnata de ceiling fan care se roteste in disperare must be one of the funniest!
    Miau.
  18. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    The following are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear... and be misread.

    1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is http://www.whorepresents.com/

    2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
    http://www.expertsexchange.com/

    3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
    http://www.penisland.net/

    4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
    http://www.therapistfinder.com/

    5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
    http://www.powergenitalia.com/

    6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
    http://www.molestationnursery.com/

    7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
    http://www.ipanywhere.com/

    8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
    http://www.cummingfirst.com/

    9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
    http://www.speedofart.com/
  19. sergiurusu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2001
    star 5
  20. SVAndrei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 5
  21. sergiurusu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2001
    star 5
    US state mottos:

    Alabama
    Hell, Yes, We Have Electricity.

    Alaska
    11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

    Arizona
    Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.

    Arkansas
    Literacy Ain't Everythang.

    California
    By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

    Colorado
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

    Connecticut
    Like Massachusetts , only smaller.

    Delaware
    We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

    Florida
    Ask Us About Our Grand kids And Our Voting Skills.

    Georgia
    We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

    Hawaii
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

    Idaho
    More Than Just Potatoes.
    Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

    Illinois
    Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

    Indiana
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

    Iowa
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn

    Kansas
    First Of The Rectangle states

    Kentucky
    Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

    Louisiana
    We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

    Maine
    We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

    Maryland
    If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

    Massachusetts
    Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt

    Michigan
    First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

    Minnesota
    10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

    Mississippi
    Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

    Missouri
    Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

    Montana
    Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections

    Nebraska
    Ask About Our State Motto Contest

    Nevada
    Hookers and Poker!

    New Hampshire
    Go Away And Leave Us Alone

    New Jersey
    You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

    New Mexico
    Lizards Make Excellent Pets

    New York
    You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
    You Have The Right To An Attorney
    And No Right To Self Defense!

    North Carolina
    Tobacco Is A Vegetable

    North Dakota
    We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

    Ohio
    At Least We're Not Michigan

    Oklahoma
    Like The Play, But No Singing

    Oregon
    Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

    Pennsylvania
    Cook With Coal

    Rhode Island
    We're Not REALLY An Island

    South Carolina
    Remember The Civil War?
    Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!

    South Dakota
    Closer Than North Dakota

    Tennessee
    Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

    Texas
    Se Hable Ingles

    Utah
    Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

    Vermont
    Too liberal for the Kennedys

    Virginia
    Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

    Washington
    Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

    West Virginia
    One Big Happy Family...Really!

    Wisconsin
    Come Cut the Cheese!

    Wyoming
    Where Men are Men and the Sheep are Scared. Home of Brokeback
  22. Milena_Syan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Good one, Sergiu. :)

    [image=http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/6759/americaworldkj8.gif]
  23. MaraStardreamer Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2006
    star 4
    Din seria "legi interesante"...


    25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

    24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

    23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

    22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

    21. Under the UK?s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don?t want him to know, though you don?t have to tell him anything you don?t mind him knowing.

    20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

    19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

    18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

    17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants ? even, if she so requests, in a policeman?s helmet.

    16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

    15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

    14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

    13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

    12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

    11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

    10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

    9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

    8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

    7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

    6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

    5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to ?own? a pet ? the town?s citizens, legally speaking, are merely ?pet minders?.

    4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

    3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

    2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman?s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.

    1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset.
  24. SVAndrei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 5
    Makes you wonder about the rest of the USA. [face_laugh]
  25. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    Something for all the guys in the forum: THE MAN CODE:
    http://www.seductionlabs.org/2007/07/30/the-man-code/

    Some are pretty damn funny. :D
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