humor - umor (general) :)

nu e acolo din motive gramaticale, ci pentru ca acolo e o pauza cand spun fraza aia.

 

Pentru un gentleman e pauza si inainte si dupa si in timpul...

 

banu, numai pentru canadieni

 

I know, gentlemanu' da banu'. Si cel canadian si cel vietnamez sau de unde vrei tu. Numai ca fata ramane un pic dezamagita.

 

O pereche sarbatoreste nunta de argint si in acelasi timp 60 de ani de viata. In timpul celebrarii apare o zana si le zice:
- Ca premiu pentru fidelitatea voastra timp de 25 ani, va implinesc cate o dorinta.
Sotia entuziasmata exclama:
- Vreau sa fac o calatorie in jurul lumii cu sotul meu!
Zana a atins-o cu bagheta magica si apar doua bilete de avion. Sotul se gandeste putin si dupa aceea, adresandu-se sotiei zice:
- Am aceasta sansa doar o singura data in viata asa ca, scuza-ma draga, dar dorinta mea e aceea de a avea o sotie cu 30 de ani mai tanara decat mine.
Sotia ramane socata dar dorinta e dorinta asa ca zana il multumeste, il atinge cu bagheta magica si pac! Sotul devine de 90 de ani!!

Morala: barbatii sunt ... barbati .... , zanele insa... sunt femei.

 

Asta cred ca explica varsta inaintata pe care o am...

 

cugetari ale unui copil de 9 ani:

"Exista unele femei care in loc sa-i faca sa sufere pe mai multi barbati, asa cum e firesc, se concentreaza asupra unuia pana il extermina. Acestea se numesc "fidele".

"Pentru ca se tot intimpla ca oamenii pur si simplu sa moara, trebuie sa apara altii. Asta este copulatia. Insa oamenii nu dorm ci lucreaza cu inima, penisul si vaginul din greu. Eu i-am vazut pe parintzii mei in camera de zi cind copulau. Tata icnea ingrozitor si mama a urlat, insa deocamdata nici unul dintre noi n-a murit. Insa poate ca doar au exersat fiindca bunica e deja destul de batrina. Am observat ca ei exerseaza cam de trei ori pe saptamina, cred ca bunica va muri curind. In noptiera mamei am gasit niste pastile. Tata o tot intreaba daca si-a luat deja pilula. Precis e si ea bolnava, insa nu merge la doctor. Insa daca ei continua sa exerseze asa de mult, sigur va aparea o noua fiinta pe lume. Eu mi-as dori un iepuras. Reproducerea la oameni se intimpla prin seminte.Florile si tufisurile si pomii trebuie udati des si mama face dus in fiecare zi. Poate atunci creste totul mai repede. Noua fiinta creste in burta, insa fiindca mami e bolnava, o face de data asta poate tati. I-a crescut deja burta insa nu ne-a spus inca nimic. Cind noua fiinta apare pe lume, trebuie sa iasa mai intii prin vagin si e foarte mica si alba. Negrii ies cu siguranta prin fund."

 

Perfectly Aligned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8ugJSAgkUk

The end is very funny!

 

I think it's sad

 

Deci se zguduie casa cu mine de ras.

 

Madonna BMW

 

Jack: Vreau sa te insori cu o fata pe care o aleg eu.
Fiul: Imi voi alege singur mireasa.
Jack: Dar fata este fiica lui Bill Gates.
Fiul: Ah, in acest caz...

Apoi, Jack se intalneste cu Bill Gates.
Jack: Am un fiu pentru fiica ta.
Gates: Dar fata mea este prea tanara pentru casatorie.
Jack: Dar tanarul este vicepresedinte la Banca Mondiala.
Gates: Ah, in acest caz...

In sfarsit, Jack se duce sa se intalneasca cu presedintele Bancii Mondiale.
Jack: Iti recomand un tanar pentru a fi vicepresedinte.
Presedintele: Dar deja am mai multi vicepresedinti decat am nevoie.
Jack: Dar tanarul este ginerele lui Bill Gates.
Presedintele: Ah, in acest caz...

 

You might know these, ca sunt de ceva timp pe net - dar sunt GOLD!

O fatuca cu un ras penal care se prapadeste uitandu-se la un vid:
http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_girl_rotflol/

Si acum faza de 1000 puncte, de ce radea fatuca, de unu care are cred cel mai amuzant ras ever:
http://www.totallycrap.com/comments/nice_face_shame_about_the_laugh

I laughed myself to tears on that one!

 

1. I-o fi zis mami a ei ca daca razi iti cresc sanii.
2. Deci Doug from Memphis i-a furat clar showul tipului... hil, hil, hil... Cut him off!

 

What your icons do at night

 

A very funny vid aboooout... CATZ!
http://www.glumbert.com/media/cats

Cred ca aia atarnata de ceiling fan care se roteste in disperare must be one of the funniest!
Miau.

 

The following are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear... and be misread.

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is http://www.whorepresents.com/

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
http://www.expertsexchange.com/

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
http://www.penisland.net/

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
http://www.therapistfinder.com/

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
http://www.powergenitalia.com/

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
http://www.molestationnursery.com/

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com/

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
http://www.cummingfirst.com/

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
http://www.speedofart.com/

 

LOL! Those are good!

 

Nice!

 

US state mottos:

Alabama
Hell, Yes, We Have Electricity.

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona
Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas
Literacy Ain't Everythang.

California
By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts , only smaller.

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grand kids And Our Voting Skills.

Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes.
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle states

Kentucky
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt

Michigan
First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney
And No Right To Self Defense!

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

Texas
Se Hable Ingles

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Too liberal for the Kennedys

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington
Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin
Come Cut the Cheese!

Wyoming
Where Men are Men and the Sheep are Scared. Home of Brokeback

 

Good one, Sergiu.

[image=http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/6759/americaworldkj8.gif]

 

Din seria "legi interesante"...


25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

21. Under the UK?s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don?t want him to know, though you don?t have to tell him anything you don?t mind him knowing.

20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants ? even, if she so requests, in a policeman?s helmet.

16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to ?own? a pet ? the town?s citizens, legally speaking, are merely ?pet minders?.

4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman?s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.

1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset.

 

Makes you wonder about the rest of the USA.

 

Something for all the guys in the forum: THE MAN CODE:
http://www.seductionlabs.org/2007/07/30/the-man-code/

Some are pretty damn funny.