humor - umor (general) :)

Discussion in 'Romania' started by sergiurusu, Nov 10, 2004.

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  1. sergiurusu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2001
    star 5
    [image=http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/3841/smokingwz3.jpg] [image=http://i26.tinypic.com/fz7lw5.gif]
  2. SVAndrei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 5
  3. ROGUESQUAD Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 27, 2004
    star 4
    Intr-un copac stateau o soparla si un koala... si fumau marijuana...
    La un moment dat i se face sete soparlei si se duce la rau sa bea apa. In rau era un crocodil si acesta ii soparlei : "Ce-i cu tine ma, ce esti asa de ametita?" Soparla ii raspunde " io si cu koala stam si fumam marijuana".
    Intrigat, crocodilul se duce la copac sa vada cu ochii lui. Ajunge intr-un final, se uita sus la koala, la care koala se uita la el uimit si zice " CATA APA AI BAUT, BA ???"



    Doi prieteni se intilnesc pe strada. Unul il vede pe celalalt cam abatut si-l intreaba:
    - De ce esti asa suparat?
    C: Uite, ma, eu brunet , nevasta-mea bruneta, copilul roscat.
    M: Pai de cite ori faceti dragoste pe saptamina?
    C: Niciodata.
    M: Pe luna?
    C: Da din cap negativ.
    M: Pe an?
    C: Iar da din cap negativ.
    M: Pai vezi, rugina.



    Pe Titanic, dupa impactul cu aisbergul, un individ reuseste sa ia o barca si vasleste disperat sa se salveze.
    -Unde pleci dom'le ca mai sunt femei aici?
    -Lasa-ma in pace omule, mie de femei imi arde acum?



    Examen de fizica la politie. Subiectul: Fenomenul ionizarii. La sfarsitul examenului il intreaba unul din politisti pe colegul lui de banca din timpul examenului:
    - Ma tu ai stiut?
    - La perfectie ! - raspunde acesta.
    - Sa-ti dea D-zeu sanatate zice primul, inseamna ca am stiut si eu, pentru ca am copiat cuvant cu cuvant de la tine.
    Enervat si ingrijorat politistul care stiuse ii spune celuilalt:
    - Idiotule, cum ai putut face una ca asta, acum o sa ne prinda si o sa ne pice pe amandoi!!
    - Fii serios, ii raspunde cel care copiase, n-o sa se prinda nimeni pentru ca am mai si schimbat si eu pe ici pe colo . De exemplu unde tu ai pus Ion, eu am pus Gheorghe!



    Vine Ion la Vasile si il intreaba:
    - Cum poate vaca ta sa dea cate 100 litri de lapte pe zi?
    Vasile:
    - E simplu. Totul depinde de amabilitate. Ma apropii de ea si o intreb : "Ce avem astazi, lapte sau carne?"



    Care sunt cele 3 faze ale sclerozei?

    Faza intai:intri la toaleta, iti faci treaba si uiti sa tragi apa.
    Faza a doua: intri, tragi apa si uiti de ce ai intrat.
    Faza a treia: intri, termini treaba, tragi apa, dar uiti sa-ti dai jos pantalonii.











  4. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    Din sectiunea "traim in Romania", savurati urmatorul interviu:
    http://www.catavencu.ro/fun/fabricat_in_romania/se_cauta_un_traducator_din_limba_vasluiana.html

    :eek:
  5. Claude_ICE-C Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    doamne cum se poate asa ceva ... imi aduce aminte de Voronin cand a venit la summit si a cerut sa i se traduca din romana in moldoveneasca :oops:
  6. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    Din sectiunea "sa va cracanati de ras", va prezint urmatoarea duduie si siteul ei:
    http://www.naomy.ro/index.php?pag=index

    [face_sick]
  7. FriendlyPiranha Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2005
    star 4
    Care duduie, ca eu nu vad niciuna?
    De apreciat ca ai pus si tu linku' ala mai calumea.
    :D
  8. Milena_Syan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    It's her right to dress up as a woman and to express her views.
    However, nothing excuses the inadequate use of romanian - I don't care what field she's working in, knowing the basic rules of one's native language is a 'must' in my book!
    Btw, I'm not an expert in web development - and certainly not a graphic artist - but the design of that site, or rather the lack of it, gets on my nerves.
  9. Darth_Garak Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    Extremely funny reviews of games (and yes he mostly just trashes whatever he can). I don't consider them actual reviews so much as alternative comedy. Merita vazuta toate (all three pages) just don't drink anything while viewing or you'll end up like me, having to wipe Pepsi off the keybord and then letting the thing dry.

    http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2694-Zero-Punctuation-Assassin-s-Creed (short link, ain't it?)
  10. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    A spoof for the Citroen commercials with the robot-car, by Chevy:
    http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_chevrolet_transformer_tastic_ad/

    Hihi. "Please... let's go home" [exasperated, pleading voice]
  11. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    ABUZ= (Om) fara buze
    APOI= apa mare
    BIZAR=zar dublu
    MACEL= mac mic
    MICROSCOP= scop marunt
    SOIOS= de soi
    INVIORAT = Prevazut cu vioara
    INFOCARE = transformare in foca
    IMPRASTIERE = rezultatul procesului prin care betivii se fac prastie
    GHINIOANE = varianta moldoveneasca pentru ardelenescul "Bine, Ioane"
    LESINA = pe unde merge "le tren"
    MERITORIU = teritoriul ocupat de livada de meri
    RATEU = pateu din carne de ratza
    SCARABEU = cetatean ce locuieste la bloc, la scara a doua; din aceeasi familie de cuvinte se cunosc scaraceu si scaradeu.
    TRACTOR = actor cu mult trac
    TUTUN = a-a-arma de-de-de a-a-artilerie
    TZURTZUR = Sunetul soneriei, iarna
    BATALION = fratele mai mic al plutonierului Batal Gheorghe

    Mie cel mai mult imi place aia cu "infocare" si "lesina".:D
  12. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    apoi infocare si ghinioane mie. :D
  13. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=UkILePFsXdk&feature=related
    THIS IS GOLD.
  14. Darth_Garak Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    By the Force [face_laugh] Aia l-au intrebat pe Palpatine ce pot face for fun? [face_laugh]
  15. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    2 faceau dragoste, iar la un moment dat el zice:
    - pentru ca esti prima pentru mine am sa iti zic Eva;
    ea raspunde:
    - pentru ca esti al 407-lea pentru mine am sa iti spun Peugeot!
  16. Darth_Garak Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    http://www.cracked.com/article_16275_9-most-devastating-insults-from-around-world.html WARNING: some (if not most) of that stuff might be considered offensive. Especially the last one - care aparent ne apartine dar jur ca in viata mea nu am auzit ceva asa gretos. Ugh.

  17. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    Laughing....for....two....hours
  18. Darth_Garak Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    http://www.cracked.com/article_16261_5-vacation-planning-tips-according-horror-movies.html

  19. Milena_Syan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Hey, those guys got the translation slightly wrong for the romanian insult... well, at least we're #1 at something. :D

    We could try that vacation stuff... as soon as we get some random afro to join us... I think we've pretty much got everything else. [face_thinking]
  20. CyberFaust FanForce CR FF Romania

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 4
    o_O
  21. Chantal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 3
    Un forum thread care had me rolling meat balls on the floor:
    http://forum.softpedia.com/index.php?showtopic=296134&st=60

    [face_laugh]
  22. Jedi_Umi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 19, 2006
    star 1
    Atentie!
    S-a confirmat existenta gripei aviare !
    Daca nu va vaccinati cocoselul,fierbeti-va macar
    ouale!
    Atentie la pasarici!
    Ardeti tot ce prindeti.

    Daca va este frica sa nu va ingrasati, incercati sa
    beti inainte de fiecare masa 50 g de tarie.
    Taria, precum se stie din batrani, atenueaza frica!

    Naufragiaza o corabie.
    Un pasager se apropie inot de capitan si-l intreaba:
    - Capitane, cat avem de inotat pana la cel mai
    apropiat pamant?
    - Trei kilometri.
    - In ce directie?
    - In jos...!

    Un orb intra in bucatarie si da de o razatoare...la
    care spune..."cine a scris porcaria asta?

    Omul de pe targa catre infirmieri :
    - Unde ma duceti ?
    - La morga.
    - Dar inca n-am murit.
    - Pai, inca n-am ajuns...

    O masina se loveste brutal de o caruta. In urma
    accidentului, calul si carutasul sunt raniti destul de
    grav. Un politist apare imediat la locul accidentului
    si, vazand calul chinuindu-se, intr-un acces de mila,
    il impusca in cap. Apoi se indreapta catre carutas, cu
    pistolul in mana, si il intreaba: - Si dumneavoastra
    sunteti ranit? - Nu! Nu! Doamne fereste! Asa de bine
    nu m-am simtit niciodata!


    O pereche tanara joaca golf. La o lovitura data de
    ea, mingea de golf sparge geamul unei case alaturata
    terenului de golf...
    Geamul se sfaramiteaza in mii de bucati...
    Tinerii constienti de greseala lor se duc imediat
    sa comunice proprietarului...
    Suna la usa , dar nu raspunde nimeni. Atunci, ei
    intra in casa prin usa deschisa a terasei si vad langa
    geamul spart si o carafa sparta ... Langa carafa sta
    un barbat bine cu un turban pe cap.
    - Dumneavoastra santeti proprietarul? Intreaba
    sotul.
    Barbatul ii priveste pe tineri nedumerit si dupa
    un timp raspunde ironic:
    -Nu, eu am fost inchis 1000 de ani in aceasta
    carafa , dar cineva a spart geamul si carafa, cu o
    minge de golf si m-a eliberat.
    La aceste cuvinte, sotului i s-a iluminat
    privirea, spunand:
    - Asa deci, dumneavoastra sunteti spiritul din
    carafa?
    - Corect, eu va indeplinesc doua dorinte voua si o
    a treia pentru mine.
    - OK! se gandeste sotul si spune imediat prima
    dorinta:
    - Super, deci eu vreau un salar lunar de 1.000.000
    dolari, neimpozabil.
    Spiritul raspunde
    - S-a indeplinit! Si care ar fi a doua dorinta?
    - Totdeauna sa avem cele mai bune mancaruri si
    bauturi fine, sa nu ne lipseasca nimic din casa!!
    - Considerati si aceasta dorinta indeplinita... Si
    acuma dorinta mea, spune spiritul:
    - De 1000 de ani nu am mai vazut o fiinta
    feminina. Deci, doresc sa ma culc cu nevasta ta.
    Tinerii se supun si dupa cateva minute spiritul si
    femeia sunt in puternica activitate, timp in care
    sotul s-a intors pe terenul de golf si isi continua
    partida...
    - Cati ani are sotul tau? o intreaba spiritul pe
    tanara femeie.
    - 37! raspunde sotia, gafaind.
    - Ciudat... la varsta lui mai crede in spirite?
  23. Milena_Syan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Facts about engineers - you probably know them by now ... :D

    ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
    You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
    Straighten it.
    Ignore it.
    Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
    The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

    SOCIAL SKILLS
    Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
    "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
    Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
    Important social contacts
    A feeling of connectedness with other humans
    In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
    Get it over with as soon as possible
    Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant
    Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

    FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
    To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
    Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
    Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
    No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

    FASHION AND APPEARANCE
    Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

    DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
    Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
    Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house.
    While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
    Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
    Bill Gates
    MacGyver
    Etcetera
    Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

    HONESTY
    Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
    Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
    "I won't change anything without asking you first."
    "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
    "I have to have new equipment to do my job."
    "I'm not jealous of your new computer."

    FRUGALITY
    E
  24. MaraStardreamer Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2006
    star 4
    Cred ca doar "inginerii" se amagesc cu ideea asta. Ma indoiesc ca "oamenii normali" ar vrea sa aiba astfel de copii :p

    PS: N-am citit chiar tot [face_tired][face_coffee]
  25. Milena_Syan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Mara, I seriously think you should reconsider [face_shame_on_you] ... given that you have no less than two kids with an enginner.[face_whistling]
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