Before - Legends I am Not Mean- an Atris vignette

Okay, this one's short, but it was begging to be written.

Title: I am Not Mean
Author: DWH
Timeframe: KOTOR
Genre: vig

I am not mean.

Oh, I know what they all say about me behind my back. "Look, there goes Master Atris, the mean one." "Let's not go down to the archives right now, there's a mean Master researching at the moment." I always want to turn around and tell them that yes, I am the most horribly mean Jedi in the galaxy, and I throw gizka out windows, too.

They just don't understand. Someday, they'll be in my position- a Jedi Master, with responsibilities to keep them safe from the lure of the Dark Side, and those who might wish to hurt them. They'll understand why I tell them they can't leave the Temple at night. They'll understand why I need them to be quiet when I'm trying to concentrate. And, most of all, they'll understand that it's really nothing personal- they're at the end of a long line of annoyances, and it really does pile up. Can't they see that if they just behaved, I wouldn't have any reason to be mad at them, and I'd be completely amiable?

It affects me, and I hate it. I hate that I twitch every time someone takes a critical tone, that I feel the need to lash back. Even with friends. I can't seem to get past this... this... I don't even know. Even minor teasing makes me disproportionately angry these days. I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I could take it and dish it out at equal rates. Maybe it's partly because I can't take out my frustration on the students the same way I can on my peers. But it bottles up, and I don't think people realise how much it does.

Am I just more uptight than the other Masters? Maybe. I know I'm not the only one who is strict, to be sure. But I feel like I have to be a little extra mean to get my point across sometimes- I don't seem to be the type of person that people take seriously. I get my point across, of course. When the padawans see "Mean Master Atris" coming, they immediately quit their funny business.

I only question if the result is worth the price.

I'd like someone to know me as someone other than the crazy, mean Master. I feel like it's who I am, and I'm not.

I am not heartless, I am not the Master with a soul of ice.

And, above all, I am truly not mean.

 

That was great! A very good insight into what it was like to be Atris as a Jedi Master. I can understand why students would think of her as mean, but it's sad to see that their teasings hurt her more than they could ever know. I guess it's always important to remember that everybody has feelings, no matter how they appear on the outside. Once again, very good story, I enjoyed reading it.

 

Phhhhhh


Yeah right, Atris is not mean.


Good Vigentte Commander, this gave me a laugh.

 

And, most of all, they'll understand that it's really nothing personal- they're at the end of a long line of annoyances, and it really does pile up. Can't they see that if they just behaved, I wouldn't have any reason to be mad at them, and I'd be completely amiable?

I hear ya, Atris.

Thanks to you, DWH, I'm really getting into the KOTOR timeline.