Saga I Can't Breathe (one time post)

TitleI Can't Breathe
Author:Takianna
Timeframe:End of ROTS
Characters:Padme
Genre:drama
Keywords:
Summary: The irony of a set of words

I Can't Breathe


From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again?I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you?I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating?hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me?what can I do? I will do anything you ask. If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me.

From the moment he had spoken those words, she had been frightened. He had freed his love for her to curl about them like smoke from a blazing fire. She found herself entwined in it?s embrace. A feeling she couldn?t shake. She still, even now, felt the chill of his words. The look in his eyes.

It was a side of Anakin with which she wasn?t comfortable. The stony gaze and silent reflection. The emotion mirrored in his forlorn stare. It was the Anakin which made her want to run. To get away from the feelings she had for him. To abandon all common sense and throw herself more fully into the passion which she knew was consuming them both. A look she wasn?t sure he even knew he possessed.

In the throws of their romance, she had seen him in many different lights. The friend. The lover. The husband. Now though, she saw him for what she had known was truly him all along. A being broken and withering underneath the weight of such an existence. He wasn?t a strong jedi, but a feeble and weak soul who was crying out for her to save him. If only she knew how.

Knowing she had failed him miserably, she continued to put on a strong exterior. To be the perfect wife and now mother. She couldn?t fix him. There wasn?t anyone who could put him back the way he was before he headed down the path of destruction. She should have told someone so long ago when they had returned from Tatooine. When he had confessed he had killed so many in the heat of his anger.

Would her words have saved him then?

It was hard to possess the strength to continue. One day, she knew in her heart, she would no longer possess the required strength and then she would be gone. Their love would go with her. When he was consumed, she would no longer exist to temper his fiery soul. There would be no way to stop him.

The beast, as she had come to call it, would be freed in just the way their love had been. Only the smoke which rose from this unleashing would consume everything it touched. Sucking the world into a black hole where no light could ever escape.

Why did she stay?

She had to make sure Anakin wasn?t given up on. There were things about him which were the bright sunshine in her life. She knew there was more to him then the beast which now vowed to consume him. It was her duty to tell others of the light shining from somewhere deep inside Anakin. A light, she was sure, he had reserved for the child she was now carrying. It would be the duty of the child to continue to believe in the good of Anakin Skywalker. It was something she had to believe.

To lay down the belief of Anakin?s true fate would mean her love had been meaningless. Just another passing day in his life. She didn?t want it to be that way. Her love had to matter. Now only through her child could her love carry on. Only through her child could the dreams she had for Anakin be fulfilled.

For now though, she mused as the invisible force of Anakin?s hand on her neck crushed in, I can?t breathe.

 

How sad but a great story. She was seeing what Anakin was.