Amph I Fell Into the Well of Lost Plots- Jasper Fforde Ffans

Good, great, awesome, double awesome

 

David Niven as Edgar Linton (computer generated)

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Oh, very well. My name is Edgar Linton, true owner of Thrushcross Grange, and I hate and despise Heathcliff because no matter what I do, my wife, Catherine, is still in love with him.

Laurence Olivier as Heathcliff (computer generated)

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You and I will live again in a modern novel, without all these trappings of Victorian rectitude. I thought we could reside in a spy thriller somewhere, go shopping at Ikea and have a boxer puppy with one ear that goes down . . .

Kate Winslet as Lola Vavoom

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Appears on magazine cover. No lines

Cate Blanchett as Aornis Hades

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Mother's very upset with you.

Why?

Why do you think? You murdered Styx. . . . Mother was very upset about it and I think you should apologize.

Pierce Brosnan as Acheron Hades

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Aornis? Little Aornis?! My goodness . . . last time I saw you, you were this high and and barely even started torturing animals.

Talk about intertextuality; we have Winslet as Thursday telling Winslet as Mariane to never let Winslet as Lola Vavoom play her in a film . . . and of course, 'Lola Vavoom' has played 'Mariane' in a film . . .

Not to mention that with Winslet as Marianne and Thompson as Beatrice, we know have both Eleanor and Marianne back in the Dashwood house . . . would that they were in a scene together . . .

Fford intends these books as hymn to books; I've cast them so that they're also a hymn to movies.

 

So, Rogue, by any chance do you like Kate Winslet?

 

My head hurts.



Really that kind of thing seems quite Ffordian of you, Rogue.

That was definitely the right Winslet pic for Vavoom.

 

If it were biologically possible, I would have her babies.



As to the Ffordian casting, wait until Something Rotten; it gets even worse!

 

I'm guessing Rogue will just have Winslet double as every female character in the book. Winslet as Thursday, Winslet as Granny Next, probably Winslet cameoing as Tuesday Next for good measure, Winslet as Cindy Stoker, Winslet as Mrs Stiggins, Winslet as Shirley and hell, probably Winslet as Melanie Bradshaw too

Then we can have Winslet as Thursday telling Winslet as Cindy that it would be Winslet wiser if Cindy Winslet Winslet didn't Winslet go to work on Winslet morning Winslet spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam spam spam and spam

 

I'm about to take my 4th try at reading "The Eyre Affair". Wish me luck.

 

Um, okay. Good luck.

The Eyre Affair is arguably the most normal of the books, so there's that...

 

I liked it Haven't gotten around to reading the other 3, though. Landen is my favorite

 

I bought this book last night. I'm up to chapter six. Enjoying it so far. Acheron Hades is a worthy villain.

 

Ewan McGregor as Yorrick Kaine

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No lines. Seen in cricket stands.

Alec Guiness (computer generated) as George Formby

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No lines. Seen in cricket stands.

James Mason (computer generated) as Nemo

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Poor old Macbeth took it a bit too seriously - all they were trying to do was sell him a mortgage and insurance on a bigger castle - when the Birnam wood and 'no woman born' stuff all came true, the witches were as surprised as anyone.

Judi Dench as The Red Queen

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Off with her head!

Orson Welles (computer generated) asEdward Rochester

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Although I am now, as you see, maimed, no better than the old lightning-struck chestnut tree in Thornfield orchard, I am happier than I have ever been. Yes, sir, miss Next changed the ending, and I thank her every evening for it!

 

Guinness as Formby is genius. He'd do perfectly, especially in the 'Man in the White Suit/Lavender Hill Mob' era.

One of the funniest lines of the series.

 

Nathanael Parker as Prometheus

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What did you think of Byron's retelling of my story?

I thought it excellent.

Me too. When are we going to get the Elgin marbles back?

No idea.

Anthony Andrews as Sebastian Flyte

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Of course, we in Brideshead could not have done it all on our own. I'd like to thank all the other characters in previous works who have done so much to lay the groundwork.

Gary Oldman as Count Dracula

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I hope he's not going to start crying like he did last year.

Jude Law as Jude Fawley

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Well, that wraps up The Well of Lost Plots. I'm putting Something Rotten on order from the library. I'm about half tempted to go ahead and cast the Spratt books in this thread as well. Off topic? perhaps!

Note: my casting of Jude Law as Jude Fawley . . . of course that's the Jude after which Law is named, an interesting bit of trivia that maybe most people wouldn't know.

Cameo at Bookies. No lines.

 

What has Judi Dench been in? She looks so familiar . . .

That line is pretty funny I also liked the bit about Dracula crying--must read this . . .

Go ahead and do it, why not

 

Casino Royale
Die Another Day
The World is Not Enough
Tomorrow Never Dies
Goldeneye
As Time Goes By
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride and Prejudice
The Chronicles of Riddick
The Importance of Being Earnest
Chocolat
Shakespeare in Love
Mrs. Brown
Hamlet
Henry V
A Room with a View
Macbeth
A Midsummer Night's Dream

...and more still.

Rogue, I have to admire your dedication to casting everyone.

 

Can't take credit for that, actually; I skipped a host of people: Kenneth at the Judgment of Solomon, the guy who sells backstories, Godot ( ), tons of people at Thrushcross Grange, Falstaff, etc. Fforde has way too many characters for even someone as obsessive as me to cast them all!

But thanks just the same!

 

Something Rotten Cast:

Kate Winslet as Thursday Next

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If I'm with you, SmileyBurger is the Ritz.

John Cleese as Trafford Bradshaw

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Was that a double negative? I SO hate those.

Andy Griffith as Sheriff

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Oh, THAT Mr. Johnson!

Alan Rickman as Emperor Zhark

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If this were a novel, you'd have to start a new chapter as soon as I appeared.

Kenneth Branagh as Hamlet

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To espresso or latte, that is the question. Whether tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay or extra cream or have nothing or by opposing the endless choice, end one's heartache -

 

I just finished Eyre Affair. In short, I liked it!

However, I couldn't get Rogue's freakin' casting choices out of my head.

 

Hugh Laurie as Joffy Next

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Outrageous. I would be guilty of a shameful breach of trust if I were to allow a room search in his absence. I have a spare key here.

Armin Mueller-Stahl as Otto Bismarck

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So, Battenberg you finish behind my back, yes?

Kate Winslet as Gran Next

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Dear Thursday! Always so linear. It does work, believe me. Thinks are just so much weirder than we can know.

John Hannah as Millon de Floss

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Ever since I published my autobiography, I've become something of a celebrity myself. I even have a sponsership deal with Compass Rose coats.

Ewan MacGregor as Yorrick Kaine

[image=http://www.abbeyboxoffice.co.uk/data/images/width140/ewan-mcgregor-guys-and-dolls-340.jpg]

I would like to bring the audience's attention to an unrelated yet emotive issue that will bring the discussion away from embarrassing shortcomings of my administration and back into the arena of populist politics: namely, the disgraceful record of puppy and kitten death when the Commonsense Party was in power.

 

Where is everyone?!

Kenneth Branagh as Colonel Next

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Why do you think dictators like Pol Pot, Bokassa and Idi Amin live such long lives and people like Mozart, Jim Henson and Mother Teresa are plucked from us when relatively young?

I don't think Mother Teresa could be thought of as young.

On the contrary - she was MEANT to live until a hundred and twenty-eight.

Rachel Weisz as Cindy Stoker

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Sometimes the devil looks after his own.

Martin Freeman as Bowden Cable

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We've concocted a cover story of such bizarre complexity and outrageous daring that it can only be true. Here it is: in a parallel universe ruled entirely by lobsters -

Ian McKellen as Victor Analogy

[image=http://www.britishcouncil.org/arts-design-255x352-dandy.jpg]

What, may I ask, is more important than Montague and Capulet street gangs, cloned Shakespeares, smuggling Kierkegaard out of the country and authors using banned substances?

Finding reliable child care.

Goodness! You must bring the little squawker in some time!

Mackenzie Crook as St. Zvlkx

[image=http://www.virgin.net/movies/galleries/piratesofthecaribbean2premiere/pix/08_main.jpg]

Your mother has firm breasts for a middle aged woman, orb like and defying gravity. I should like to play with them, as a baker plays with dough.

 

Very nice I really like Kenneth Branagh as Colonel Next

 

I'm here, just missed one.

Mackenzie Crook's a very nice choice for St. Zvlkx. He would do very well looking like a time-traveling homeless prophet dirty-minded saint. Though I'd hate to see him typecast as those forever afterward.

Good stuff as always.


Oh, I got The Big Over Easy for Christmas, and I'm well into that. Great stuff. Simply smashing.

 

I'm yet to read The Big Over Easy and series, as I didn't really enjoy Thursday's time in that world. Worth the read, though?

Oh, and Mackenzie Crook as St Zvlkx is inspired.

We've concocted a cover story of such bizarre complexity and outrageous daring that it can only be true. Here it is: in a parallel universe ruled entirely by lobsters -

Another hilarious line I'd forgotten about!

Rachel Weisz is a good choice; she'd go well with Winslet.

 

I thought The Big Over Easy was hilarious; it spoofs detective novels and fairy tales both brilliantly.

 

Great, as always.

John Hannah as Millon is a superb pick. Mackenzie Crook as St Zvlkx is truly inspired. Yep, I can definitely see that one

I liked The Big Over Easy. It's actually got a remarkably clever detective story, if you can stop laughing long enough to notice, given the setting.