Before - Legends I Promised Her I Wouldn't Cry (JA/Obi-angst)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by KrystalBlaze, Apr 19, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. KrystalBlaze Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    Summary: After Bant dies, Obi-Wan is left to face to his own emotions and Bant?s last request.
    Age: 21
    Author: KrystalBlaze aka Blazer

    Hey guys. This is a rather emotional story.


    I promised her I wouldn?t cry.

    It was her last request of me, the only request she had ever asked. Her eyes had been dimmed and half closed, but when she spoke the words to me they alit with a fire I had never seen before. It came so sudden I could only stammer out ?yes.?

    Master Qui-Gon and I had been sent to the planet Merak to rescue Bant and her Master from the monarchs there who had captured them in hopes for a ransom from the Jedi Order. The Merak leaders figured we would do anything to get the missing Jedi back, and we would have paid the ransom if there wasn?t a hope we could rescue them.

    There had been. A rebel knew where the monarchs were keeping Bant and her Master and would lead us to them once we arrived on the planet. As soon as we touched down, the rebel took us to the palace, where he led us through an underground series of tunnels to a chamber under the palace. The monarchs were keeping the two Jedi here. He had no word of their condition, only the fact that he monarchs were known to torture prisoners.

    The rebel left us at the door to the chamber, quickly hurrying away. I pressed my ear to the door, using the Force to heighten the sense. I heard soft whimpers, and through the Force I felt Bant?s life-Force dwindling. Startled, I drew back. Qui-Gon looked at me gravely, and nodded. He pushed open the door.

    The sight that met me was horrifying. I have never been so scared in my life. Bant was lying on the floor of the musty dimly lit room, blood cascading down her body. I couldn?t tell where she was hurt; there was so much blood. Her Master was not in view at all.

    I ran to her, trusting Qui-Gon to cover my flank in case of danger. A sob was all ready at my throat. I could feel her life all ready leaving. Something told me she had waited for me, and now that I had come, she could now die.

    But I wouldn?t let her die! Not my best friend, not my Bant. I couldn?t let her go.

    I gathered her up in my arms, and the words she said confirmed what I had thought.

    ?I waited for you,? she choked out in a soft voice. ?I knew you were coming.?

    Her eyes were dimmed and weary. I never felt so much pain as I looked into her eyes. They were usually so full of life, so ready for whatever would happen. She was my best friend, the closet thing to a sibling I had. She couldn?t leave me. She wasn?t even a Knight yet, she wasn?t ready. I wasn?t ready.

    ?Bant, we?re going to get you help,? I whispered in her ear, the tears brimming in my eyes.

    ?Stop,? she said, her breath catching in her throat. ?I?m going to die, Obi-Wan.?

    ?No!? My cry was so loud I felt Qui-Gon turn to look at me.

    ?Please, Obi-Wan.?

    ?I won?t let you die, Bant. You?re not ready to die yet.?

    ?Let me go, Obi-Wan. It is my time.?

    ?It is not your time, Bant!?

    My tears started to fall.

    The fire came to her eyes. She gripped my forearm, squeezing. She appeared to have suddenly regained her strength, and for a second I hoped.

    ?Promise me, Obi-Wan,? she wheezed, she voice hitching. ?Promise me you won?t cry for me.?

    It happened so fast. I didn?t move.

    ?Promise me,? she said again.

    ?I promise,? I obeyed.

    ?You have to move on,? she said, her breathe now quickening. ?You have to save my Master. They have him? somewhere else.? Her voice now got drowsy.

    ?Well, you?ll lead us to him, then,? I said, desperate.

    She smiled slightly. ?You promised.?

    ?I did.? I shut my mouth tightly then, suddenly realizing this was the last time I would ever speak to her.

    ?I love you, Obi-Wan. Please remember.?

    ?Bant, no!?

    She smiled at me once more, and then her eyes closed. I felt her breathing slow, and then it was as if the Force had been sucked out of the room. I gasped, feeling her breathing stop. Desperate, I felt for her presence through the Force and
  2. Altaira Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 11, 2002
    star 4
    That was good descriptions, and so true.

    My dad was a very strong man, we did not cry... he was also the guy who said, ?I?ll give you something to cry about? when we were ridiculous about crying.

    You portray contained emotions well. Brought back memories of holding it in.

    Well done, Krystal :)
  3. Hananiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 15, 2003
    star 4

    that was wonderful, you portrayed obi wan's feelings so well.
  4. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Brilliant!!! Really heart-wrenching and beautiful!
  5. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    That was beautiful. Truly wonderful. :( So sad, yet so Obi. Great job with this. The emotions were perfect, and you could just feel the pain. Once again, a job well done. :D
  6. Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Nice job Krystal. You handled some tough emotions very well. Obi-Wan's struggle is portrayed nicely.

    Good job!

    Love that angst! :D

  7. Lurkalidth Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2003
    star 2
    Ooh, this is Angst of the most delicious kind: complex Obi-Angst with a happy ending.

    Great job! You were meticulous (which one has to be when writing one post fanfics). Obi's pov seemed quite realistic. I'm most impressed that you made everyone here fallible, from Bant (whose deathbed wisdom wasn't 100% perfect ;)), to Obi-Wan (who tried to hold to his promise, even when it was clearly counterproductive), to Qui-Gon (who was concerned for his apprentice but held back from trying to help Obi-Wan more in depth).

    I think I *have* to add this to my (already bulging) Favourites.

    Thanks for sharing this. I look forward to more...please?!
  8. Renton Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    My god that is so sad (but so good :D )
  9. KrystalBlaze Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    Altaira: If you lost someone, I am so sorry. :( I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review. It meant a lot to me.

    Hanniah: Thank you! I'm glad you commented.

    Arwen: I'm glad you found the story. Thanks for commenting. It's not brilliant, but thanks, anyway. :D

    Jess: I always enjoy your comments, Jess! Thanks so much for the review. It means a lot to me. :D

    Obi the Kid: Whew, you found it! :D :D Thanks for the wonderful review.

    Lurkalidth: :D :D That was a wonderful review! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! It means a lot to me!

    Renton Kenobi: Thanks for reading! :)
  10. Calayka_Bele Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2000
    star 3
    You portrayed Obi-Wan's emotions very well (and nearly made me cry in the process!). It was beautifully written and you did it just so that I'm sure lots of people can relate to Obi-Wan, myself included. Great job!

  11. padawan3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 1999
    star 4
    Holy Force. You depicted Obi-wan's reaction wonderfully. I think you fully capture the waring desire to grieve and remain strong. I loved it.
  12. JediKlea Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    *sobs and more sobs* [thats from me and my sister who is reading over my shoulder] That was so tragic!!! The agony of reading it was horrible!!! *sniff* Wonderful job!!! MORE!!! WE LOVE Obi-Tourture!!!
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.