I See You (JA Story)--Finally Updated! (8.23.01)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Sat'zi, Oct 31, 2000.

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  1. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Oh man, oh man, oh man.....
    I once said that I couldn't write worth anything but this plot bunny has been driving me crazy so I'm gonna try my hand at writing one. Everyone here seems very kind and I'm sure if it's really bad I'll be told constructively.
    I'm still working on the first post but I'm creating the thread so it'll force me to post something rather than chicken out as I have several times.
  2. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
  3. Darth McClain Arena Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2000
    star 6
  4. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    UP!
    Sat'zi, do NOT lose your nerve! Post! You can do it!
  5. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Ummm....give me a bit longer. I'm still working with it.
  6. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    HA!! I knew you would cave!!! We all do. I once vowed I could NEVER write fanfiction. I actually said I would never be able to do it. *L*
    I have faith in you Sat'zi!! Can't wait to read it.
  7. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Okay, I'll at least do this:

    Title: I See You
    Time: JA Universe
    Summary: While Obi-Wan struggles to re-integrate himself as Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan after his decisions on Bandomeer, the two are sent on a mission that may open Qui-Gon's eyes but a little too late.

    Characters:
    Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Qui-Gon Jinn
    Ven Gamm, a researcher on the planet that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are called to.
    Zalia Gamm, his daughter.
  8. KADI-WAN_KENOBI Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2000
    star 4
    Sounds good to me.

    Please start it soon!
  9. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    You read my stories, now I'm willing to read yours. Bring it on!
  10. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Okay, so I chickened out with the entire post. Here's a half of it. I'll try and work on the rest later.
    I'm already off to a lousy start. I meant Melida/Daan, not Bandomeer! *smack, smack, smack myself on head*
    It's kind of AU. The Captive Temple never happened and Obi-Wan just got re-instated as Qui-Gon's padawan.
    _______________________________

    Part One:

    "Try it again" came the stoic voice.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi bit back a frustrated sigh as he re-ignited his lightsaber and took on the first form for his kata. He concentrated, allowing the Force to flow through him as he performed the series of jumps, hearing the rhythmical hum of his lightsaber as it sliced through the air. The series of motions ended in a graceful back flip as he simultaneously shut off his weapon.

    "Again."

    Obi-Wan looked up almost unbelievingly at the dark blue eyes. They showed his Master was not kidding.

    "Again? I already did that kata three times." He tried to keep any whining out of his voice. But Force! He had done it THREE times already! What was wrong with the first three?

    The tall Jedi Master regarded his student. "I am aware of how many times you have done that kata, Obi-Wan. And you will continue to do it until you get it right. The execution of your third block is still inaccurate as well as your initial attack."

    The criticism was listed almost flippantly and for some reason hit the student harder had Qui-Gon shown a bit more forcefulness behind his reprimand.

    "Maybe...maybe could you talk me through it?" requested the student. It was a hidden plea. He just wanted some kind of communication to go through their bond like before. Before Melida/Daan. It had been months since Obi-Wan had returned to the Temple after the war was over. And in all those months, their bond had remained silent. Qui-Gon spoke to him when necessary but the bond always remained cold. Shielded. Forgotten.

    "Take your initial stance" Qui-Gon began without hesitation. Obi-Wan stood for a fraction of a second, trying not to show the disappointment in his instructions being verbalized. How he missed hearing his Master through their bond.

    //Be grateful. Be glad he took you back at all//he told himself as he re-ignited the blue blade.
  11. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Yay! You posted! Finally! *sheesh* (just kidding)

    That was a fine post. Don't worry so much. I liked the tense exchange btwn. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Poor kid, looks like he's headed for a cold front.

    Don't worry about making the Bandomeer-Melida/Daan error. I did that too once. I don't know what it is, those two just seem so similar to me.

    I hope more is coming soon, Sat'zi. Like that second part for instance.
  12. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    That was wonderful Sat'zi! I really look forward to more.
  13. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    For the Master Upper of threads.....
    UP!
  14. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Wonderful start Sat'zi, for some reason I can't explain I like the stories where Qui-Gon is being kind of cold and Obi is feeling hurt and depressed about it. Maybe because I know in the end they usually end up together!

    Look forward to seeing more!
  15. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Good start. I'm looking forward to more. I have to admit, I like those stories too, where Qui-Gon is cold at the beginning and then thaws out towards the end.
  16. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Wonderful start. Like many others I too love young Obi-Wan stories where he and Qui-Gon are still working things out. Please please continue.
  17. Kaylla Norn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2000
    star 3
    Hmmm promising this is, looking forward to much more soon I am... and soon it will be, I hope....

    ;~D
  18. Latara Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 21, 2000
    star 1
    okay, i'm jumping on the bandwagon too! I love stories where they start off on a rocky relationship. Great start!
    Post more soon. :)
  19. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Nothing over the bond??? I already feel bad for Obi.

    Good start Sat'zi!!!

    Post often. post soon.
  20. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Here's the next part
    ________________________________

    Part Two:

    "Progress report you have?" questioned Yoda.

    Mace Windu gave a tense nod as his meeting with the green Master fell upon the newly returned Obi-Wan Kenobi and his old friend, Qui-Gon.

    "I've observed their progress...if you can call it that" replied Mace.

    "Many things my old padawan has yet to accept."

    "It is affecting his training of the boy."

    "Talented young Kenobi is."

    "But without a proper teacher his talent will be useless to him" said the Council member.

    The old Jedi Master thought silently for a few minutes before replying. "A mission for them we have."

    "A mission?" Mace frowned. "It might be better for them to try and fix their trust here at the Temple."

    The green Master shook his head. "Cannot fix what was never there." The dark-skinned Jedi didn't have a response to that. He knew it was true. Even before the whole incident on Melida/Daan, he knew his old friend had never given himself completely over into traning Padawan Kenobi. From the very start it had been awkward, made only a thousand times worse by their last mission.

    "Simple mission it is. To oversee the progress on Mesoen" stated Yoda.

    "The environmental science rescue?"

    Mesoen was a small secluded planet tucked away in a small corner of the galaxy. For months now their planet had been raged with pollution storms ever few weeks that poisoned the air. There had been several deaths and shelters and raids had had to be enforced. The leaders of Mesoen had no choice but to ask for help from neighboring planets. While they had scientists of their own working on the problem of trying to cease the storms, they needed from the outside.

    "Simple it is" repeated Yoda. "Good for them it will be."

    Mace relented that it would be good for them. Though he doubted it would be simple. Things hardly were when it came to Qui-Gon Jinn.
  21. Master_Tahl Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2000
    star 2
    Wow! Great story Sat'zi. I loved that last line. LOL! Post soon!
  22. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Great post Sat'zi!
    The last line made me chuckle as well.
    Please keep going!
  23. Adi-Ser Lence Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    So far so good! and we all know that this mission won't be simple. funny how mace sees that already. hehe:) please post more soon!!
    Adi-Ser
  24. imzadi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 19, 2000
    star 4
    Just joined in. More please!

    Imzadi
  25. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Yeah, I love that last line, too! Wise old Mace! A mission, huh? Why do I have the feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better? Keep writing, Sat'zi!
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