Beyond - Legends I Who Have Nothing (Han, Leia, Isolder--Angst)

I Who Have Nothing
Dana Skywalker

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George. Not me. (hides in a corner and cries) And the song ?I (Who Have Nothing)? is by Tom Jones.
A/N: I wrote this a while ago. You may have seen this on FF, since I'm planning on transferring some of my stories there to here (the ones that aren't awful ). Hehe. . . Hope you guys enjoy! Even though it's pretty angsty.

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[i]I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Adore you, and want you so
I'm just a no one,
With nothing to give you but Oh
I Love You. [/i]

It was after the fifth bottle that I collapsed onto the bed, my hardened resolve withering away like a burnt out star. I opened the palm of my hand, and the empty glass bottle rolled smoothly off the tip of my fingers. The moment of silence was deceptive, as the shattering sound of glass against hardwood rang in my ears. A single shard of glass flew into the hand hanging out of the bed.

The trickling blood tickled, but there was no pain.

I was past the point of pain, past the point of feeling. For all I knew, the few things that had mattered to me in life were all dead. Dead, or dying.


[hr]


[i]5 years ago [/i]

It had been nice owning a planet. Even one festered with Force obsessed, Dark Side loving, domineering women. Even one that I gave away after a few weeks. But stang, nothing was nicer than entertaining the illusion that a Princess could ever love a man like me.

Kriff, I was dense. I supposed I blamed it on my abnormal childhood, having never heard enough fairy tales. [i]Everyone[/i] knows Princesses marry Princes. Who ever heard of a Princess and a smuggler? But in the back of my mind, in the heart that I never knew I had, I could only see one, underlying reason.

I was never and would never be good enough for Princess Leia Organa.

Force, she couldn?t even accept the fact that she was a Skywalker. How in the seven hells of Corellia would she be willing to be called Leia Organa [i]Solo[/i]?

?Han.?

I didn?t even turn around. ?What.?

?Han, please just look at me.?

[i]Why? So you can break my heart into even tinier pieces? So I can gaze one last time into those chocolate pools of eyes that I somehow believed I would be looking at for the rest of my life? So I can watch you walk away? So I can memorize a face that will forever haunt me in my dreams?[/i]

I said, ?I?ll be at the wedding. I?ll see you then.?

?You will?? Her voice sounded slightly hopeful. ?I appreciate it, Han. Really, I do.?

I shrugged. ?I promised the kid I?d go. He wouldn?t stop nagging me about it.?

?Oh.? Her voice fell. ?Well,? she said, a false cheeriness in her voice, ?It won?t be for a few weeks, so Luke said you guys would head back to Coruscant first. Besides, you need to spend some time in the bacta tank with those wounds.?

?I will.?


[hr]


[i]He, He buys you diamonds
Bright, sparkling diamonds
But believe me, dear when I say,
That he can give you the world,
But he'll never love you the way
I Love You [/i]

The wedding was awful. The cake was five feet tall, the attendees looked gorgeous, the whole Hapan Consortium, not to mention the New Republic in general, was celebrating. The worst part of it all was the bride. She was beautiful.

When the priest reached the part of ?You may kiss the bride?, I ran out of the reception, sick, feeling a few hundreds eyes and holocams following me. Once I emptied my stomach?s contents, I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom.

My suit was perfect: a black, unwrinkled tuxedo the kid bought me. For the wedding, he had said.

Out of the blue, I lifted my left leg and kicked the tiled, marbled wall. I gasped, and grabbed at my foot, moaning. There was no dent in the wall, but my foot hurt like hell.

The party had begun once I stepped outside again. The Force was definitely not with me, as I ran headlong into someone. Into him.

?General Solo,? he greeted politely. I resisted the urge to pick him up with bare hands and ram his head against

 

Gracious Dana, that was angsty ... Whew!!! Wow!! All the emotions were in character. At least you didn't have her say: Yes, I love him; he rocks my world. Then I'd have to say: Yeah? Not!! (Now don't go writing a Luke/Callista thingy on top of this! Yargh!!) That is, where they're together .... eeeeeek!!! Huggles!!

 

?We?ll talk more, won?t we? We?ll still be friends.? Her voice sounded partly desperate, partly hopeful, and I didn?t think I?ve ever heard a voice so torn by different emotions.

?Of course,? I promised. ?Take care of yourself, Leia.?

I dropped the comlink onto the ground and stared out the window. The Coruscanti nighttime looked the same as usual, yet for the first time, I saw it in a completely different light. I wondered how the buildings could stand so tall, how the ships could fly, carefree, and how the stars could glow in a galaxy where love didn?t even stand a chance.

I felt the edges of my eyes water, but wiped away the tears roughly with my sleeve.

?It?s a cruel, cruel galaxy,? I whispered into the air. And I got up to get another bottle of whiskey.

I Love You.
I Love You.
I Love You.

Oh gosh! Thank goodness it didn't really happen this way!
Seriously though, this was awesome! Heartbreaking and bittersweet, but very true to character and so well written. Thanks for sharing this!!

 

Jade_eyes

Gracious Dana, that was angsty

Yeah...I guess I was in the mood.

At least you didn't have her say: Yes, I love him; he rocks my world.

Of course not! Leia and Han =

Now don't go writing a Luke/Callista thingy on top of this!

I don't think I'd ever write Luke/Callista...(unless I was feeling really evil ) Actually, I've got a L/M viggie that I just finished. I know you like those.

Thanks for reading!

dancing_star

Thank goodness it didn't really happen this way!

Agreed!

Seriously though, this was awesome!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed, even though it was really angsty.

 

Awww!!!! This was sooo sad! Poor Han! I can't believe Leia married Isolder....

 

Too sad... poor Han

 

You've been busy, my padawan! Excellent AU you've written. Your characterization of Han was superb and this was such a pleasure to read. Of course I LOVE angst, so this hit the spot just right.

Bravo!

 

Sad, but very, very believable. You did an excellent job with characterization, and you wrote the whole situation wonderfully. Good job, Dana!

 

Very angsty. You've almost made Han and Leia's life worse than the profic authors.... almost...

 

Jaina_and_Jag

This was sooo sad!



I can't believe Leia married Isolder....

We know she didn't in profic! This was just my own, crazy spin on a 'what if'.
Thanks for reading!

Julia-Wan

Too sad... poor Han

I know! But no worries, it's not for real.

Jade_Pilot

You've been busy, my padawan!

Well . . . actually, I wrote this some time ago. I just recently posted it here. But I've been working hard, I promise!

Your characterization of Han was superb and this was such a pleasure to read.

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Lonewolf89

Sad, but very, very believable.

I'm glad you think so! I was going for a realistic 'what if' AU -- that just happened to be angsty.

Good job, Dana!

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this!

PonyTricks

Very angsty.

Yes.

You've almost made Han and Leia's life worse than the profic authors.... almost...

You know, if I was the one writing profic, I promise it'd be much happier! There'd be loads of mushy L/M, H/L, etc. But since I have no obligations here...

Thanks for reading!