I will Never Love Again

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Borme, Apr 29, 2000.

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  1. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Okay this is the first story I have posted here. Tell me what you think of it please.
    ------------------------

    She sat watching he other children play. She never played with them, they didn?t like having her in the game, but that didn?t bug her, she didn?t want to play their dumb games anyway.
    All of a sudden she stepped to the side just as a ball landed right where she had been standing. She knew the ball was going to land there. She always knew things before they happened.
    "Hey, dummy give us the ball," yelled one of the kids playing.
    She looked over at them. She hates it when they call her dummy. They had no right. All of a sudden the ball flies through the air hitting the boy in the head. She never moved a muscle, she knew she didn?t have to When they get her mad enough she can do incredible things.
    "What did you do that for stupid," yelled one of the girls. All the kids turned around and looked at her. She may be young but she knows when to stick around and when to leave. Right now it was time to leave. She turned around and ran for home.

    When she walked into her house, her dad was waiting at the door. "Hi, little one," he said as he picked her up.
    "Hi daddy. What you doing?" she asked.
    "I was waiting for my little Knight to get home," he responded.
    "Me Knight now home no fear," the little girl said with a big smile, and weaving her small hand in the air.
    "Good," said her dad. "I need my little Knight to run up to bed now because some one special is coming to are town and he wants to meet all the little kids that go to bed when they are told."
    "Ok, Daddy good night, time me sleep," she said.
    "Your Mom will be up in a little. Good night little one," he said.
    The little girl ran upstairs and went to bed.

    The next day the little girl and her parents walked to the city?s meeting house. There was a long line of people. All having a child 4 or younger with them. They go in line and an hour later they were next to go meet him.
    They started to go in when one of the guards stepped in the way of the girl?s parents. "Only the child," it said. Then one of the other guards pushed the little girl into the room. There in the middle of the room he sat.
    "Come here little one," he said. She walked over to him She had never been more scared in her life. "Look at me."
    When she did not look up, he grabbed her chain and lifted her head up. He looked start into her eyes. She could feel him looking into her mind and soul. She could do nothing to stop him, she felt venerable.
    "Yes you will do fine, just fine," he said. "You will be very strong when I am done. Great thing await you little one," The little girl looked at the man in horror.

    One month later there was a knock at the little girl?s house. The little girl?s dad answered the door. "Hello?" was as far as he got before he saw who was at the door.
    "Where is you daughter," said the man dressed in red.
    "Shshshe is upstairs," he responded.
    The man in red grabbed him as an other one went to get his wife. "Please don?t take her, she is only a kid," said the girl?s father.
    Then he walked in. As he passed one of his guards he said, "Kill them when I am gone with the girl." Then he walked upstairs to find her.

    As he left the house, he carried the little girl. Her big green eyes struck with tears. "MOMMY, MOMMY!!!" she yelled as she saw her house for the last time.
    Then she heard a blaster then a scream, then just herself screaming.
    "Forget them little one. They are no longer important. The Force has picked a better life for you," said the man carrying her.
    The little girl look back knowing that she will never see them again That she must forget he mommy and daddy or she will never survive in her new life.
    The man got into the ship carrying a wide eyed, scared and frightened little girl. In her new master?s arms she whispered, "I loved you mommy and daddy." Then promised to love no one again so she could never be hurt. She was no longer a little girl, n longer a child.
    The ship took off with the Emperor and his new righ
  2. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Very good beginning. You set the foundation well, and also Mara's experiences, thoughts and impressions.

    A few minor problems with changing the tense, (something I too am guilty of doing) but overall, good.

    You have caught interest. Keep it up!
  3. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Good one. Well-written and interesting, yes. A cool first story it is.
    Any more chronicles of young Mara planned? (hint hint)
  4. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    I am so glad that you people like it. And to answer your question Maelisaandii yes I am going to write more stories about Mara. I am working on one right now that takes place three months after the Emperor took her.
  5. Jedi_Hood Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 10, 2000
    star 6
    Interesting beginning. You might want to fill in a little more background, but otherwise good.
  6. Jedi Erica Amidala Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 1999
    star 4
    Nice! A little more work with the punctuation though..but otherwise very interesting!
  7. Katri Tai Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2000
    star 1
  8. Short Round McFly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 1999
    star 6
    He's been gone so long I forgot he existed until I looked at the "Moderators" panel on the side of the JC 8-( Where the hell is he?
  9. The_Scream_Man Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2000
    star 5
    Morpheous was last seen at the end of the Matrix when he pullled the plug on Neo who was online at the time. he will hopefully return for Matrix 2
  10. Saeed Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2000
    star 3
    *Laughs obligingly at Scream_Man*

    Short Round - I am reliably informed that he is busy with fanforce.net...out of interest, why do you ask?

    Saeed TTC
  11. Short Round McFly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 1999
    star 6
    Cuz poor old Azeem is taking care of the nursery all by himself
  12. Saeed Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2000
    star 3
    ...and doing a damn good job, too!

    Saeed TTC

    PS do you have an upcoming release, too?
  13. Short Round McFly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 1999
    star 6
    Who me? Well, I'm still getting used to Blender, but when I'm good at it like Lokmer then I'll start! It's all CGI and a saber battle.
  14. Saeed Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2000
    star 3
    Ooh, sounds exciting! Bear in mind though, that it will be a long time before mere mortals like us can begin to compare ourselves with the almighty Lokmer

    Good luck with your idea, and if you like CG, check out my FX Project when Azeem releases it (next couple of days, I hope!)

    Saeed TTC
  15. lokmer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 15, 2000
    star 4
    Guys, guys <Blush> come on, really. I'm not *THAT* good. I just have knack for understanding how things work... But thanks anyway.
    -Lokmer
  16. The_Scream_Man Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2000
    star 5
    Hey saeed, wanna take our show on the road? U tell a joke, Ill laugh, I tell a joke u laugh...we'll amuse ourselves at least! ;D
  17. Saeed Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2000
    star 3
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The_Scream_Man:
    Hey saeed, wanna take our show on the road? U tell a joke, Ill laugh, I tell a joke u laugh...we'll amuse ourselves at least! ;D

    Sure, Scream. Me and Lokmer do this kind of thing all the time!

    Saeed TTC

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