Icy Frostings of the Birthday Cake (AU Obi Vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Aunecah_Skywalker, Feb 22, 2003.

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  1. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Warning: I cried writing this story, but I heard that authors cry when they write, so I don't know if this story actually is depressing or not.

    Disclaimer: GL's world - I'm only playing.

    I don't know why I wrote this, but I did. I just needed to learn how to write a character the way I don't usually write him - *ehemquigonjinnehem* - and this story just pounded me over the head.

    Feedback is - as always - appreciated and rather welcome.

    I hope it's all right.

    ~*~*~*~

    A succession of sniffles fluttered into the air, punctuated by the steady beating of the drapes caught in a cool breeze and the not-so-steady beeping of the heart monitor. The hand that clasped the pallid arm of the young boy lying on the bed trembled from grief that its owner strove so hard to contain. In a twisted mutiny of nature, Qui-Gon forced himself to smile even as he wept, tendrils of icy draught freezing his heart.

    Midnight-blue eyes stared back at him through a haze of murky mists, the twinkle that had always been present in them fading away into anguish. Qui-Gon gripped the little one's hand tightly, as if he thought the bone-crushing pressure would somehow stop the hand from going dead. He gave Qui-Gon a weak smile as whorls of sweat trickled down his face that was entirely too white to be healthy.

    Some mutilated version of what was otherwise only a harmless flu had spread throughout Coruscant, sending hordes of people from all species scurrying to the healers' wards. While nasty and leading to annoying migraines, the virus had been relatively harmless ? more harmful than the flu, certainly, but nowhere as harmless to cause death. Except in one person, the young boy who now lay on his deathbed, whose immune system had already been weakened severely by the drugs that had been shot into his body during his long period of torture by as-of-yet unnamed pirates.

    "It hurts ? " Obi-Wan's weak voice broke into a rally of fitful coughs, flares of agony rolling over in his closing eyes.

    "Ssh ? " Qui-Gon tried to think of something to say, anything, but the possibility that this might be the last time he would ever talk to his apprentice was putting all his logic circuits at a rest. He gripped Obi-Wan's hand in both his own and held it tightly, wishing he could give Obi-Wan at least a momentary warmth. Despite the sweat on his face, Obi-Wan's body temperature was morbidly low. The healers said that it would eventually stop his blood from flowing, and that the 'eventually' part might not wait until ten hours in the future.

    " ? to see you like this," the youth went on resolutely, anguish rolling into his eyes in heavier cascades at each word. His eyes were the windows to his soul, as they had always been. He might have been able to hide his emotions from Qui-Gon through even the Force, but his eyes always betrayed him.

    "We will be fine." Qui-Gon raised Obi-Wan's hand to his mouth and kissed his fingertips lightly, struggling to keep his tears at bay, to spare Obi-Wan what little pain that he could. "Both of us."

    "You always knew this day would come." A lone tear tumbled down Obi-Wan's eye. "It had been prophesied by Master Yoda even before I learned to talk."

    "Ss-sh."

    "Why did you still take me as an apprentice, Master?"

    "The Force is always in motion. Visions ? are not to be trusted, even Master Yoda's." Qui-Gon touched his forehead, pushing his hand through Obi-Wan's hair as if feeling for temperature. He leaned over and placed a tender kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead. "Because I love you so much." His throat constricted painfully as he wrapped his arms around his apprentice's neck ? his very young apprentice's neck. Fourteen years old. It wasn't fair that people who deserved to live came to die so young.

    "Why do you cry, Master?" Obi-Wan asked softly when Qui-Gon pulled back. He reached a shaky hand to touch Qui-Gon's cheek, wiping the tears that emptied out of his eyes like little rivers. His hand slid down onto Qui-Gon's heart. "I'll always be alive you know. Right here." He pressed his fingers we
  2. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    What...was...that?


    :_|

    Are you trying to kill me?

    :_|

    That was beautiful, Aunecah. And the last moment was described with stunning perfection.

    Tragic, but lovely. You captured Qui-Gon's grief and Obi-Wan's spirit with distinct style.

    Wonderful!

    And you're not the only one who's gonna be crying over this!!!
  3. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Poor little Obi! It's so unfair to have him die... the little guy was so brave! It's scary, thinking that a disease like that could kill a person... but to still have a birthday cake... so sweet, so loving and mushy!


    *runs away crying*
  4. Lady_Kandriya Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 1
  5. ForbiddenLove Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2002
    star 4
    :_|

    That was beautiful!!

    Thank you for sharing!

    :_|
  6. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
  7. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Thanks all for your wonderful replies. Don't have time right now for individual replies, but I'll try to get them sometime later today. I didn't mean for you all to cry. :(

    Aunecah
  8. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Yes you did. but you did so very well, so you are forgiven...

    but only if you post another story.

    * big froggy grins *
  9. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    [face_shocked] [face_plain] A-another story???
  10. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    LuvEwan : Nope. I haven't been trying to kill you. Thanks! :D

    bobill : Yes, it is scary to think that a disease could do that to a person, isn't it? I liked the birthday cake part too. [face_blush]

    Lady_Kandriya : *pats on the head* Don't cry, don't cry.

    ForbiddenLove : You're quite welcome. :)

    Froggy : Thanks. :)

    Aunecah
  11. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    :_| I need tissues too, now... Very well written, and so sad! :_|
  12. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    That was . . . so sad. :_| But it was written very beautifully.

    Wonderful story! :D
  13. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Thanks guys. :D No time for more personalized responses - I'll find some sometime soon, I hope. Just know that I adore you all for giving me feedback. :D

    Aunecah
  14. Bellyup Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2002
    star 4
    Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan's hand forward and let the knife cut through the cake.

    //I'll always live, Master. Right here.//


    Ohh... :_| :_| That was sooo sad, but so touching and so beautifully written!! The emotions were running freely, but not wildly. You had them wonderfully under control but still kept them so real! And wonderful descriptive imagry. I like the analogy with the tears and the rain.

    Wonderful!! *sniff*
  15. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
  16. Knight_Larin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2002
    *sob* :_| but that...was seriously GOOD! I love the bit with Obi-Wan blowing the candles.
  17. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    :_|


    You cried??? We're all crying!!

    Beautiful!! Absolutly beautiful!!
  18. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    [face_plain] :( :_| :_|

    Beautifully written and tremendously sad Aunecah.

    ** runs off thread for tissues and chocolate **
  19. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
  20. freak-pudding Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2002
    star 4
    [face_shocked] :_| [face_shocked] :_| [face_shocked] :_| [face_shocked] :_| [face_shocked] :_|

    NO!!!! How could you?!?!?! NO!!!!!! Obi DON'T DIE!!! I love&hate&love&hate&love&hate&love&hate&love&hate&OH-SO-TOTALLY LOVVE (with a double V) this fic! *sob* This is just... beyond wonderful. *sniffle*

    Obiiiiiiiiiiiiii whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

    *goes off to write her own horribly sad fic*


    I loved. Absolutely loved it!
  21. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Thanks freak-pudding. :)

    Aunecah
  22. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
  23. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Nat : Thanks!

    Cas : Thanks!

    Knight_Larin : Thanks! (I'm surely overusing the exclamation marks!) :D

    Arwen : *sniffles*

    Sheila : Thanks! *hands her a platter of chocolate.* :D There, better?

    Aunecah
  24. Lady_Kandriya Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 1
  25. NyghtFyre Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2002
    star 4
    Wow... I am going off to :_| now...be back when I can compose myself!
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