Before - Legends If You Give Me the Chance.... {KotOR} OC Revolution Winter Challenge

Title: If You Give Me the Chance...
Author: SabyneAmberle
Era: KotOR
Genre: Drama, Romance
Characters: Sabyne Amberle [OC], Carth Onasi
Summary: As they near the end of their mission, Carth and Sabyne spend some quiet time together. They talk about recent events, and come to terms with feelings they've each held since the start of their journey...
Notes: I've wanted to write a fic like this for YEARS, but always felt it strange to when playing as a female PC. With Revan being deemed canonically male, I figured it was time to write this up.

**********

The Ebon Hawk jumped to hyperspace, leaving Korriban a fading dot in the distance. Carth sighed as he punched in the hyperspace coordinates for their final destination. They had found the final Star Map in one of the tombs on Korriban; now all there was left to do was make the jump and find the Star Forge. It sounded easy, but he knew all too well the danger in underestimating a task.

Leaning back in his chair, Carth combed his fingers roughly through his hair. “It's over...” he whispered, staring at the ceiling through his bangs. “I did it, 'Gana. It's finally over.”

His thoughts returned to those last minutes on the bridge of the Sith flagship. There, Saul Karath had taunted him, reminded him of why he held such a burning hatred for the man. Karath was a respected admiral, one of the finest the Republic had, and his treachery had gone unpunished for too long. Only when he was mortally wounded did Karath reveal the truth; with a poisonous whisper, he soured the revenge Carth had fought long and hard for.

The truth of his companion's identity. Raine Lotranzi, lowly Republic soldier aboard the Endar Spire, newly minited Jedi Padawan...was Darth Revan. The bitterness of that truth churned at his gut like acid. Adding to their problems was Bastila. She had sacrificed herself to allow them to escape from the ship, and from Darth Malak. He had little doubt what plans their foe had for her now that she was in his grasp.

He sighed again, more loudly this time. Things had gotten a lot more complicated, and in a hurry. How were they going to get through this, now that their best chance for victory lay in their enemy's hands?

A soft laugh interrupted his thoughts. “Don't think too hard there, flyboy.” A warm drink was set on the edge of the console in front of him, soft tendrils of steam curling from the cup's top edge. A small smile curled his lips as he instantly recognized the friendly voice. “You might give yourself a headache. Then who's going to fly the ship?”

Turning slightly in his chair, his smile broadened when he locked eyes with Sabyne Amberle, the owner of that familiar voice. Another Jedi on their crew, she had hidden her Force training and pretended to be merely a soldier herself while on the Endar Spire with Bastila. It wasn't until they were stranded on Taris that she revealed her true self. And since then, she had gradually revealed much more of that 'true self' with each passing day.

He reached out and took the cup, taking a long sip from it. “You always do find ways to look out for me, don't you Sabyne?” he asked, turning the chair around to better see her. As always, he took note of every detail, from the long auburn braid that hung over her right shoulder to the nontraditional jerkin and bodysuit she wore in place of Jedi robes, to the blue eyes that either smiled when she did or flashed sparks of stubbornness.

His breath stopped for a split-second. Those eyes....

She shrugged, leaning on the wall next to the ship's Galaxy map. “Someone has to, Carth,” she replied. “Otherwise you would work yourself into a hole. Then where would we all be?”

“Hopefully in a much better place than here,” he muttered to himself, taking another drink from the cup. As he swallowed, he noted the slight aftertaste of mint lingering in his mouth. It was an odd, slightly tingling sensation, but was not otherwise unpleasant.

Apparently her hearing was better than he gave her credit for, as he noted the raising of one eyebrow. “Do you think so little of yourself that you think you haven't been instrumental to what's been accomplished?” she asked. “Because you've done a lot more good than you give yourself credit for.”

“Sabyne. Basic. Short sentences. They won't hurt you.”

She stifled a laugh. “Sorry, I got a bit overeager there with the flowery Jedi speech,” she replied sheepishly. She left her leaning post near the door and crossed to the co-pilot's chair, settling into it without spilling a drop of her drink. “What I was getting at is that your contributions to this mission have been incredible. So give yourself a bit more credit than that.”

Her statement was met with a long silence from him, as he mulled over her words. It was just like her to speak her mind like that, and her honest compliment was a welcome change from the lectures and stories told by their other Jedi crew mates. Unlike Bastila's preachy lectures, Juhani's barely-concealed angst, or Jolee's philosophical storytelling, Sabyne was frank and honest. She spoke the way she saw things, with an odd manner of description that could tip into 'Jedi-speak', as she so called it. It was a refreshing difference.

“You know. You're a pretty unusual Jedi, Sabyne,” Carth said, taking another long drink from his cup.

She laughed, balancing her cup on one knee. “Am I really?” she asked. “How so?”

“Well...” he paused, searching for the right words. “For one thing, you show more emotions than most Jedi I've encountered. You show when you're angry or sad as much as you show when you're calm or happy.”

Somehow she was still able to perfectly balance that nearly-full cup like it was nothing. That took discipline. “Well,” she began. “That's how I was taught to deal with them. Before she left to join the Mandalorian Wars, Master Rohn taught me that emotions aren't as evil as many Jedi make them out to be.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Sabyne took the cup from her knee, took a sip, then balanced it again. “She told me that bottling up my emotions would only harm me in the long run. She said that learning to constructively express them, to use them toward a purpose instead of suppressing them, could only benefit me in the long run. I learned that keeping everything hidden inside will eat me alive, but expressing when I hurt, or when I'm happy, or even when I'm angry, all of it can help me heal and help me move forward.”

“You know, that makes a lot of sense.” Carth took a long drink from his cup. “It seems a lot of Jedi have difficulties with that, from what I've observed. Your master was a very wise person.”

“She was.” Sabyne bit her lip, averting her eyes briefly. “Even now, there are times I still miss her.”

Silence reigned for several minutes, with the two of them struggling to think of a way to change the subject. Finally, a thought occurred to Carth. “Hey, Sabyne. What do you think of Raine being Revan? Did you see that coming?”

She shook her head. “Not completely, no. Though I suspected there was something amiss,” she replied. “There were so many little coincidences that kept seeming very odd to me, but I downplayed them as me being overly analytical. Now that he's been revealed as Revan, I feel silly for ignoring my gut.”

“Well, that makes sense. I had a feeling from the start that something was off about him, but it wasn't until Saul told me on the Leviathan that everything really crystallized for me.” Carth drained the last of his drink and set the cup back on the cockpit console. Somehow, he felt a little better after finishing it, though he also suspected his present company had more than a small role in his recovery as well.

“Carth, I know you were really angry at him earlier,” Sabyne's voice cut into his thoughts. “How are you feeling now?”

He shrugged. “I...I can't hate him,” he began. “Believe me, I tried. I wanted to hold him responsible for everything he's done. For...for my wife, for Telos, for Dustil. But I can't.”

“Why not? You were pretty vehement about it before.” Sabyne finished off her drink, but remained where she sat, watching him keenly with those blue eyes.

“I know I was. But then I started thinking,” Carth replied. “I-I got the revenge I wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace I thought it would.”

Sabyne was thoughtful. “At the risk of sounding like I'm rubbing it in, that doesn't surprise me,” she answered. “Master Rohn taught me that seeking revenge is like merely gluing your arm back on when it's been cut off. Yes, the arm is back where it should be, but it's a temporary fix that will likely fail in time.”

“Now that's an interesting analogy.” Carth laughed at the mental image her words had conjured. “But I think it makes sense.” He was about to continue when he noticed her smile. It always made him pause, but this time, it seemed to make time itself stop.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Throughout this entire journey, Revan has shown me that, despite whatever part of his old self might still be inside him...the darkness that must surely be there, it doesn't have to be who he is. That's why I can't hate him, why I don't want any more revenge. He can be so much more than the Revan he once was. Whatever the Jedi did to him, they gave him that chance.”

“I'm glad you're dealing with this in a relatively positive manner. But why are you telling me all of this?” she asked, her smile fading to a more confused expression.

“Be-because I keep thinking about that promise I made you. All I can think of now is the promise I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge.” Seeing her confused expression persist, he hastily continued his explanation. “Revan isn't the only one destined for great things. You also have this huge destiny waiting for you, Sabyne. And I just fear if you're alone, it could swallow you whole.”

He'd held all of this in long enough. Now was the time to tell her. He stood from his chair and walked the few feet to where she sat, kneeling and taking her hands in his. He could tell by the slight widening of her eyes that the gesture caught her off-guard. “What I mean is...is there room in there for me?” he asked. “Will you let me help you?”

He watched her face, watched the way she averted her eyes and chewed her bottom lip. They were gestures he noticed whenever she was thinking and trying to be tactful. Did she not feel the same way toward him? Was she trying to think of a way to turn him down gently? He felt his heart racing in his chest, and he almost dreaded her next words.

Finally, she sighed. “Carth, I...” she began. “I don't want you hurt protecting me. A Jedi's life isn't exactly conflict-free, after all.”

He smiled, giving her hands a gentle squeeze between his. “I think I'd be hurt worse if I didn't try,” he replied.

“I...I don't understand,” she stammered. He could tell she was totally out of her element here. Had no one ever acted this way around her, confessed feelings to her? Their loss, he thought.

“After seeing what happened with Bastila, I feel like there's going to come a point where you're going to have to make a choice,” he said. “And once you do, there won't be any turning back. I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to.”

“I'm not sure I follow, Carth,” she said. “What kind of choice is it? And what happens if I make the wrong choice?”

“I...I don't know exactly what sort of choice it is,” he admitted. “I just feel it's one that will decide your fate for the rest of your life. And if you choose wrong, then I only hope I can save you. From yourself.”

She still seemed a bit puzzled. “But...why are you doing this?” she asked. “What possible reason could you give me for making the 'right' choice, whatever it might be?”

He took a shaky breath, it was now or never. “You gave me a future. Now I want to give you a future, too...with me.” He paused for a second, bracing himself for a possible rejection. “I think I could love you, if you give me the chance.”

He flinched a bit when he heard her soft gasp. Apparently, she had not been prepared for a confession of this kind, and he closed his eyes tightly as he struggled to calm his nerves.

“Carth, I...I can't see into the future,” she replied quietly, her voice wavering slightly. “I don't know what's going to happen from here.”

He shrugged. “Neither do I. But does that really matter if we love each other?” he asked.

He watched her shake her head silently, tears welling in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks. Without a second thought, he reached up with his fingertips and gently wiped them away. “You...you do love me, don't you Sabyne?” he asked. “Or have I just made the biggest mistake of my life?”

Letting out a laugh that was edged with a sob, she shook her head. “I...I do love you,” she whispered. “I loved you since our first meeting on Taris all that time ago. I just...I never thought you would ever love me in return, especially after hearing about your wife. It felt like a dream, one I'd never see realized...” She trailed off, fresh tears streaking her cheeks.

“Sabyne...” without thinking, he pulled her into an embrace, smoothing a hand against her back. While she seemed surprised at first, he soon felt her arms encircle him as well, hugging him tightly. “We gave each other a gift today, didn't we?” he asked. “You came to comfort me and listen to my thoughts, after all.”

She nodded. “And you gave me something precious in return,” she replied, her voice slightly muffled by his jacket. “Something I can reciprocate as a woman, not as a Jedi.”

“Well then, I'm...I'm glad,” His nerves returned, though they were infused with the thrill of hearing her own admission. “Let's...let's face the future together, Sabyne. There's still a lot to do.”

She straightened up and drew back from him. Though tears still dampened her cheeks, there was a determined fire in her eyes. “Malak himself could show up right now and I would face him head-on without batting an eye,” she said. “I would give anything to protect that which is most precious to me.”

He squeezed her shoulders affectionately. “I know how you feel,” he replied, laughing softly. “Let's hope it doesn't come to that.”

 

Can't say in one word what she would say in ten. I suffer from the same disease.

Sabyne's master was wiser than most.

Liked their discussion of the revelations about their crew member being Revan. That would take a while to sink in and process. The second-guessing of old hunches and intuitions sounds like something that would come in naturally as one tried to re-organize their ideas of this person they thought they knew.

I like her old Jedi Master better all the time. Obviously one who took their mentoring duties seriously and had a healthy outlook on life.

Carth's declaration and Sabyne's response were great -- definitely a mutual gift that will be remembered for as long as they live. They'll be stronger together when they reach that uncertain future.

 

SQUEE! The title reeled me in and then Wonderful. Sabyne is a joy to read.

 

Thank you both. I've been kicking around reposting/resuming my very first fic from years ago, which is a darkside AU retelling of the ending to KotOR and does feature Sabyne as well. Maybe I'll start putting it up, see where things go, then look at finishing it.

 

N00b alert! I finally read a TOR fic for the first time and I loved it Sabyne is a interesting as a character and as a Jedi, with that unorthodox master of hers. And the little moment between these two was very touching but also felt so very real. I need to read more about them.

And now, n00b request: because you're such a prolific writer, can you list your stories in the Prolific Writers' thread so that hapless readers like me know where to start?

 

I enjoyed this - although I am not familiar with the characters - tag me in - if you continue, please.

 

This is so well written and it brings the reader right in. Your descriptions and dialogue are very natural. I don't know these characters but I'm hoping that between your interpretations and a quick peek into the Wook, I will appreciate them better!

Sabyne is intriguing. I really like her, she seems very honest and caring.

 

"And I know that it's not too late...never...too...late..." THREAD NECROMANCY TIME!

Have had this on my reading list for more than two years, but I am actually glad that I did not respond before (finally) giving KOTOR a go. Why? Because once I've realised how charming Master Onasi is, bar that little sexist remark issue, I can totally get how would somebody want to give him a chance. I do admit that I would go a bit angry with the "basic short sentences" remark, as I too have to waffle on and on again, but there's time for the five-o-clock shadow cutie to improve even further, r-right?

Just like everybody before me more or less pointed out - the idea of there being another Jedi in the Ebon Hawk crew, one who is a love interest for Carth but NOT Revan herself is intriguing. Would this, in a way, be a part of your OC's origin story? I mean, did you start writing Sabyne Amberle with an idea that she should be a KOTOR protagonist, but not Revan? Do Raine/Revan and Sabyne start the story from the same point as two Republic soldiers on Endar Spire and was Sabyne on a covert mission to look after "rebooted" Revan, without actually knowing what she was assigned to? Either way, you have tumbled that notorious "the adventure is YOU" trope on its head and I am enjoying it. If that first fic ever comes up, I'll read.

I love the little details in this - how Sabyne's drink alerts Carth to her presence and how this drink is seen throughout the story, every now and then - balanced, very much like our heroine herself. Also, there are discreet fumes coming from it - and where there's smoke, there's fire, right? Fire in her heart, but a balanced one at it. On the other side, we have Carth's drink - the one with a minty aftertaste - his doubts lingering on, everything he's gone through - from the loss of his wife and disappearance of his son, to being taunted and betrayed, to the discovery of Revan and Bastila's sacrifice - all these things made him who he is, thus he needs to drink all of that up.

And only once he's realised all this, is he able to come forward with his feelings for Sabyne. Love their hug at the end, her voice muffled by his jacket while she's saying the only thing that comes close to being so-un-Jedi and the fact that they did not need a kiss to confirm their relationship. After all, they're en route to their final mission, ain't nobody got the time for that!

Will second Kahara in all she said about Sabyne's master, too. Bottled up emotions suck, but expressing one's emotions the right way, without hurting others and being a Kylo - now, that is almost a form of art.

Overall, a great fic that will never, ever grow old.

 

Always grateful for Ewok Poet's thread necromancy skills because I get to read things like this. What a great story! So well written. Your details bring everything to life, and the characters are easy to like. I confess, I know nothing about this era, but a good story with excellent writing transcends that detail. Great work.


Edit - just realized I had already commented on this. I guess that shows how good it is- I liked it twice.