Lit Ignorance is not an Obstacle: The Manifesto of the Unread

ITT we talk about books we haven't read, and judge them as if we had. Opinions, analyses, and interpretations based on hearsay are highly encouraged. Statements based on zero firsthand knowledge are most welcome. Reading about things on Wookieepedia instead of the source material is accepted. Hatred of things you haven't read is the pinnacle of what this thread aspires to. So get mad.

There will be no comments about books you have read. I don't want anyone talking about books they have read, pretending to not know what they're talking about when they do. Informed comments will not be tolerated. They will be reported.

On with the fun!

So, the ROTS novel. Everyone says it's so good, but I haven't read it. Every snippet I have read sounds terrible, so that means the whole novel must be terrible. I know Stover got Dooku wrong, that's just a fact. And I heard he goes overboard with Obi-Wan so that must be annoying, but I like Obi-Wan so that makes it okay. I think Stover has Mace see Anakin as the Shatterpoint, I'm not sure but it doesn't matter, because Mace is Stover's pet character so that's bad.

Based on the few snippets and quotes I've seen, Matt Stover's prose is long-winded try-hard melodramatic nonsense, which isn't good but it feels like Star Wars so that means it is good. I saw a paragraph about Dooku and it made him seem like a racist psychopath, and even though that's consistent with Sith Lords and TCW, and nearly every other depiction, it doesn't match up with my head-canon so that means Stover ruined Dooku. Minus two points. He has two pet characters, Obi-Wan and Mace, so that's minus another two points. Overall I have to give it a six out of ten, which means it's not as good as the JC Lit Reviews Special says it is.

Okay, tell me all about the things you haven't read.

 

I would like to think that I inspired this thread.

Unfortunately, there's very few books I haven't read. Except the entire nucanon!

Tarkin seems like another book without a plot or reason to exist by Luceno. In fact all the nucanon books don't really seem like they have much reason to exist from a storytelling standpoint.

 

I haven't read any of the NEU either, but I've heard A New Dawn is the best of the bunch; it's written by JJM and he wrote Kenobi which I also haven't read but it's also supposed to be good, so A New Dawn is my favorite NEU novel.

 

I haven't read SWEARHAT but it's really good because Luke and Wedge blow up a Star Destroyer by themselves even though that actually happens off-screen and Han and Leia only see the after-effects.

But it's still enough to make it a good book.

 

I was so angry when I heard Heir to the Jedi fridged some character I never heard of, because I haven't read Heir to the Jedi, that I decided not to read Heir to the Jedi even though I wasn't going to read it anyway. It's one of the most offensive things to ever happen in a Star Wars novel, and made me really angry.

I have to agree, 1/10 for Heir to the Jedi.

It's so cool that we share the same opinions, I feel really close to you right now. *high fives*

 

That's funny, because SOTJ was cancelled before being published. You really are accomplishing the goals of this thread if you're judging a story you have not only not read, but judging it by a scene that was never written.

(And yes, I know you meant the scene in FOTJ, but I had to get that joke in there.)

You, sir, win the thread.

 

So this will be just like the rest of the forum then. Awesome!

 

Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor is terrible because it has a character named Lord Shadowspawn. Goofy names don't belong in my Star Wars. Now let me get back to reading about Darths Maul, Plague, Insidious, and Invader.

 

I presume Shadows of the Empire has aged as well as its video game counterpart.

If so, 4.5/10 for Shadows of the Empire.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

I haven't read any of the TCW tie-in novels, because I didn't need more Stinky the Hutt and I assume he's basically the Corran Horn of TCW tie-ins.

 

LotF sucks.

 

I 've read practically none of the TCW tie-in novels, but I need to, if only to find out if Cad Bane contradicts the rest of the EU.

 

Crucible is the worst book because Havac hated it, and his sarcastic review threads are impossible to disagree with.

A New Dawn is the best book because Jello told us to give it 10/10.

Rebel Dawn is perfect because it features the birth of Lumpy.

I liked Issue 1 of Blue Harvest but hated the other four because they were delayed too much and I didn't read them. Awful storytelling, those four issues. Just awful.

 

Well, yeah. Don't bring logical, thought-out, truthful arguments into a thread full of hysterical hearsay.

 

Everything after NJO sucks and should be burned with fire and acid.

Even though I've only gotten as far as finishing Enemy Lines II (at which point I became Allston nostalgic and reread the Wraith Squadron books + Starfighters, at which point I became X-Wing nostalgic and re read the Stackpole ones, at which point I became Bantam era EU nostalgic and began to read the Corellian Trilogy).

 

you chose an interesting and unfortunate place to stop

 

The only reason I don't read Red Harvest is so I can keep making the "Unread Harvest" joke.

 

I haven't read all the Classic Star Wars comics - but I've seen The Essential Atlas's synopsis of the Executor subplot, and it looks interesting. The image of 3 star destroyers slamming into the Executor's shields at near-lightspeed seems to be pretty popular.

 

I hate FOTJ because I'm told Nom Anor is still dead in those books.

 

I haven't read Mercy Kill because then I'd have no more Allston.

 

Jello you were right.I have read the thread and its satire.