Before I'm On A...What? One post..Humor...Obi/Qui...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Durhelediel, Jul 5, 2007.

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  1. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Title: I'm on a?What?
    Author: Durhelediel
    Rating: G
    Dedication: To ardavenport, who came up with the original idea with A Qui-Gon on Your Couch. I could not have had my bunnies without you, and I hope I do this justice since humor in writing has not always been my strong point. (Psst, and yours is much better...) lol
    Disclaimer: George Lucas owns anything Star Wars that is recognizable?I just take them out to play!


    I was one step in the middle of Coruscant, and the next step flipped onto a squishy piece of furniture that was an antique version of my hovercouch. I had been mid-conversation with my master, Qui-Gon, when I was yanked away from him.

    "Wow," came a voice from behind me, "it worked!"

    I turned my head to see a blonde-haired, blue eyed young woman. She wore pants that were stiff and blue, a loose lavender top and a double ring on one of her fingers.

    What in the Sith had the woman done to me?

    "Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm Jenn," she finally introduced herself. "Well, Jennifer." She grinned at me.

    I righted myself from my sideways position, flipped my padawan braid back behind my ear where it belonged, and said my first words to her, "What is going on here? How did I get here? Where is 'here' anyway?" For a quick look behind me showed that the outside window showed me no planet I had visited before.

    "You're on Earth. I'm not sure where it is in our galaxy, but I think it's not in your galaxy but mine," she babbled at me, still smiling.

    "So how did I get here?" I repeated as patiently as I could as I began to realize what had just happened to me.

    "Um." Jenn looked uncomfortable now. Glancing down at the funny-looking footware I learned later that she called 'tennis shoes', she mumbled, "I bought an inter-dimensional portal. It doesn't open for another two days."

    My stomach slammed into the floor. "Then?I can't go back?"

    She shook her head, her long hair swishing around her face. "Not for two days. I can't take you back until then."

    No. Nonononononononono! This could not be happening to me! "Two days?" I repeated stupidly, then sank onto her couch.

    This should not be such a surprise. I mean, Qui-Gon told me it happened to him, but I didn't believe him. I mean, the old man would sometimes tell me all sorts of humorous things to get me to stop being scared, so how was I to know his story of being dumped in a weird dimension with a hysterical female was true?

    And now, it seemed, it was my turn.

    Still feeling quite out of sorts, and remembering that Qui-Gon told me a year or so ago that the Force flowed differently in this dimension, I folded my arms again, and demanded sullenly, "Entertain me then."

    From the expression on her face, this meeting wasn't quite going as she had planned it. "Um?entertain you?"

    At twenty and with a life full of always being diverted, I thought it not an unreasonable thing to request. Besides, she was the one who stranded me here?shouldn't she have an obligation to provide for me?

    Perhaps it was my attitude. No, I wasn't happy about being here. No, I was disgusted with being thought a plaything that could be used at whim and then discarded. But Qui-Gon always taught me that attitude could create a peace treaty?or start a war. I dropped my arms, sighed, and gestured around me at all the odd implements surrounding us. "Why don't you give me a tour? Tell me what these?things?do? I'm here for two days?Enlighten me as to your culture."

    I must have done something right, for Jennifer grinned so huge I thought her jaw would break. With renewed enthusiasm, she jumped out of her chair and proceeded for the next five hours to show and explain everything around the small house. Some things were similar, just given different names, while others were completely alien to me. Some I stored in my mind to try to create when I returned to my master on Coruscant.

    Finally, the single sun had set and d
  2. darth_grievous1 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2004
    star 5
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    That was awesome. Poor Obi-Wan...doesn't know what happened to him. [face_laugh]
  3. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5

    He took one look at me, my astonished expression, haggard appearance, and tufts of cat hair hanging onto my tunic, and said with a firm nod, "Portal, wasn't it?"

    The first words I could think of were, "You might have warned me."

    He laughed and clapped me on the back. "I did, Padawan! You just weren't listening!"

    My mind still muddled from my experience, I said, "Even in another dimension, I can't seem to get away from pathetic lifeforms!"

    My master just laughed.


    Hahaha, of course Qui would laugh at that ;)
  4. Luminara_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2006
    star 2
    Yummm...chai tea (my fav!!! w/brown sugar, honey, and a bit of vanilla---I call it 'liquid happy') and Obi-Wan...where can I get one of these portals?
  5. lizodessky Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    [face_laugh]

    Aww, poor Obi. He had no idea what he was in for. He can come stay at my house next time... [face_love]

    Fantastic! =D=
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    He took one look at me, my astonished expression, haggard appearance, and tufts of cat hair hanging onto my tunic, and said with a firm nod, "Portal, wasn't it?"

    The first words I could think of were, "You might have warned me."

    He laughed and clapped me on the back. "I did, Padawan! You just weren't listening!"

    My mind still muddled from my experience, I said, "Even in another dimension, I can't seem to get away from pathetic lifeforms!"


    [face_laugh] I loved it! =D=
  7. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    darthgrievous- I'm very glad you liked it! And laughed! Yay!

    Layren- Yay you read my fic! Oh, I know...it was Qui... lol

    Luminara_Kenobi- Ebay! lol Hm I'll have to try it that way, though I have had it with vanilla and sugar and milk before.

    lizodessky- Looks like you might have to take a number and get in line, or at least outbid, lol.

    Vader- Wow you haven't read something of mine in a long time! Very glad you liked it! I was very worried with this being my first trip into vig humor by myself. :}
  8. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Still feeling quite out of sorts, and remembering that Qui-Gon told me a year or so ago that the Force flowed differently in this dimension, I folded my arms again, and demanded sullenly, "Entertain me then."

    From the expression on her face, this meeting wasn't quite going as she had planned it. "Um?entertain you?"

    At twenty and with a life full of always being diverted, I thought it not an unreasonable thing to request. Besides, she was the one who stranded me here?shouldn't she have an obligation to provide for me?


    Ha! I like that he turned the table on Jenn. ;)

    Right before dinner, Jim woke, ate quickly, and went to work, kissing his wife goodbye. When informed that I would be gone before he returned on the morrow, he did a bad job of concealing his happiness.

    "Don't do anything to my wife," he warned as he shook my hand. With that confusing statement, he turned to his wife and cautioned, "Leave him alone, Jenn." Then he was gone.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] I'm a bit surprised he went to work at all! ;)

    Very fun viggie!
  9. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    I'm glad to see Obi-Wan finally settled down and enjoyed his brief time on Earth.

    I folded my arms again, and demanded sullenly, "Entertain me then."

    Loved that!!

    Great job on this

    =D= =D==D= =D=
  10. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Very cute. :) Ooooooh, Obi-Wan is sooooooooo demanding! 'Entertain me.' I bet Qui-Gon wouldn't let him get away with that kind of cheek. :p And that was an amusing 'It's not my fault.' moment between hubby and Obi-Wan. Guys.:rolleyes: "I'm afraid he's not a fan of you until you're older." [face_laugh]

    And doesn't he live dangerously wanting a Sith Lord instead of Obi-Wan! Is this woman married to Han Solo? [face_mischief]
  11. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    Hey there, Durhelediel. Long time no see. :)

    This was hilarious, and delightfully quirky. Got to watch out for those portals.

    "Jenn, why him? Why not Anakin, or better yet, Lord Vader? You know how much I like Dark Lords!"
    LOL Oh, behave! ;)

    Enjoyed the giggle. :)
  12. Star_Angel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2006
    star 4
    You see, we had the unused credit card, and I saw on ebay that you could bid on an inter-dimensional portal to retrieve your favorite characters from any movie or time, so I bid and won

    I would love one of those.

    Why not Anakin, or better yet, Lord Vader? You know how much I like Dark Lords!

    And that?s why I would want it, but I wouldn?t mind a pre-TPM Obi-Wan either.

    Normally, I slept with nothing on

    I would mind pre-TPM Obi-Wan even less.

    This was awesome, and really funny, I loved it.
  13. Brandon Rhea Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2004
    star 5
    My mind still muddled from my experience, I said, "Even in another dimension, I can't seem to get away from pathetic lifeforms!"

    [face_laugh]

    Great! Awesome story.
  14. Grand_Admiral_Sean8 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 2007
    star 1
    Rating: 8.7/10; very good (recommended)

    Positive:Descriptions and dialogue are interspersed with details of action (e.g.: Obi-Wan's gestures as he speaks), adding a consistent sense of motion to the narrative and balancing the literary structure. Specific verbs and well-placed adjectival details (e.g.: Jenn's hair "swishes", while her couch is "floppy") provide a vivid, immersive sensorial experience. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are adroitly (not to mention humorously) written; too, their dialogue is snappy, quotable, and appropriate to their characters. The characters' interactions are depicted in cute, colorful terms, and their personalities are amply demonstrated by their reactions to an unusual situation. Humor is seldom forced and never repeated to the point of annoyance. Prose is generally clean. The fangirl author does not sink into blatant sappiness or wish-fulfillment.

    Negative: Great lengths of time are glossed over in a rush. Of course, the shortness of the story necessitates this perfunctory summation; nevertheless, the incorporation of a few specific details (what places, in particular, did Obi-Wan and Jenn visit?) would add depth to the blandly generalistic accounts of passing days. While the dialogue of the Jedi characters is wonderful, the Earthly couple speak in a fashion too formal and articulate for modern America. Jokes are occasionally (rarely!) oversated, which unfortunately diminishes their initial brilliance. When the author has already described Obi-Wan's repulsion from the tomcat, she proceeds to note, rather unnecessarily, that he thinks it a "pathetic lifeform". The generic quality of word-choice cripples many sentences. Also, some statements have an arbitrary, parenthetical quality and lack discernible purpose. Finally, sentences seem unfocused, changing subject in mid-clause. Where phrases begin to branch, they should be either split into multiple sentences or trimmed entirely.

    Conclusion:A very cute vignette, actually heartwarming for its admirable lack of nauseating mush. The author numbers among the best writers of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in or out of official canon; their characterization is charming, deft, and laconic. Despite its shortness and comedic quality, it is the equal of Jude Waton's Jedi Apprentice series.
  15. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Healer_Leona- Me too! lol You should see the glares I get from my husband whenever I mention Obi-Wan Kenobi. [face_laugh]

    KELIA- Glad you followed me over here...it's been a while since being in this era and was scared my feet would sink instead of getting wet, lol.

    ardavenport- Don't let him hear you call him Han Solo! [face_laugh] He can't stand Solo! Glad I did you semi-justice and you liked my little spin. :}

    Tahi- Yep, been awhile hasn't it? lol My Before muse died and shifted to Saga so I've been working on an epic there lately. Have an idea for a Before AU so I hope to be back here soon. :}

    Star_Angel- Thanks! Yeah, pre-TPM is yummy... ::happy sigh::

    jedimasterbac- Glad you liked it! I'm rather surprised my first attempt at humor alone worked so well!

    Grand_Admiral_Sean8- WOW! Can I get a review like that on my Saga epic, Storms of Fate? Thank you so much for the compliments! Hopefully next time you review something of mine the Negative slot will be smaller. :}
  16. lordmaul13 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 4
    "Honey, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan, this is my husband, Jim. I'm afraid he's not a fan of you until you're older."

    That's a great line. I laughed out loud at that one.

    I tried to give him a look that said 'Please don't blame me. It's not my fault. You know how females are, right?'

    Women. They are all the same, even in another galaxy.

    "Honey, let me explain! You see, we had the unused credit card, and I saw on ebay that you could bid on an inter-dimensional portal to retrieve your favorite characters from any movie or time, so I bid and won."

    Teacher, I accidentally dropped my worm I'm supposed to dissect and it accidentally fell in my mouth and I accidentally ate it and... and can I have another one?

    we ate a quick breakfast of something called 'cereal'?a food that seemed to have no nutritional merit to it whatsoever?and left the house.

    Isn't that the truth?

    while other times I just sat there as tears came into her eyes as she spoke of a friend who died in a particular place. Death, it seemed, was no stranger to any dimension.

    Isn't that the truth too. Nothing has made me feel older than looking in the paper and seeing someone I knew in high school in the obituaries.

    "I'll never pay that stupid portal off, but it was worth it. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you, but I know I'll never regret doing this!" She grinned again.

    That would be so worth it. That'd almost be worth your first born. :p

    He took one look at me, my astonished expression, haggard appearance, and tufts of cat hair hanging onto my tunic, and said with a firm nod, "Portal, wasn't it?"

    Good old Qui Gonn. :)

    Great job.

    ~lordmaul13
  17. Qui-Gina-Jinn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2003
    star 4


    The day passed pleasantly enough, except for one odd thing: other humans we met on the street or in a shop would stop, stare at me, and then call me "Ewan McGreggor". Jennifer explained that I looked very much like that other man?famous, evidently?but that I was not him. She gave me the name of Bob Roland, no matter how many times I shuddered when she said it. She could be quite stubborn.


    [face_laugh] That one had me cracking.

    Poor, poor Obi-Wan!

    Must get one to get Qui-Gon.... [face_mischief]
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