Saga "I'm Your Angel" needs to be Beta Read!

I have written a story that I need read by two beta readers so that I can submit it to TF.N's fan fiction section! Please read:

I?m Your Angel
By Quinn

Summary: After days of separation due to their responsibilities in the newly formed Clone War, Anakin and Padme finally consummate their marriage.


Once you get married, you expect a wonderful, euphoric honeymoon to begin almost immediately after the ceremony. Unfortunately, we weren?t granted that luxury.

Obi-Wan and my other Jedi superiors thought I was only on Naboo to escort Padme home. Therefore I knew I needed to get back to Coruscant as soon as possible so that they wouldn?t get suspicious. Padme and I both understood this, but neither of us liked it.

My bride watched with unfulfilled eyes as I powered the thrusters of my starfighter and prepared to take off. I stared at her with an expression that was trying to say, ?Don?t worry. We?ll be together soon.? I realized later I was trying to convince myself.

Obi-Wan had informed Chancellor Palpatine that he overheard Nute Gunray say he wanted Padme?s head. Therefore, it was with her safety in mind that the Chancellor ordered her to stay on Naboo until further notice. The chances of Padme coming to Coruscant any time soon were slim.

Flying back to the capitol, my mind tried to find some reason, some hope that we would see each other sooner rather than later, and consummate our wedding vows. But it couldn?t. I was excited that we were united in marriage, but anxious and upset that I couldn?t feel the results of that union. It was as if I had gotten a taste of a wonderful love, but only a taste. It was as if I was an impatient child on his birthday that had new robes but wasn?t allowed to wear them.

When I landed, Master Obi-Wan and Master Windu were waiting for me. The cockpit opened, and as I climbed out, I could see that my master had a huge smirk on his face.

?Welcome home, young padawan,? he said.

?Why are you smiling that way, master?? I replied, walking beside him.

?Oh, nothing,? he answered. ?It?s just that you were on Naboo longer than I expected.?

I became tense. Did he suspect? ?Really? It?does take a while to get from here to Naboo and back.?

There was a long silence. He chuckled. ?Yes. Maybe I did miscalculate.?

I chuckled with him, trying to conceal my tension.

?Oh, relax Anakin!? he belted. ?You do get awfully tense when I suspect you of something.?

I was pleasantly surprised. ?I do??

?Yes! Ever since I?ve known you. On countless occasions, I would question you about the lightsabers in the youngling?s quarters not being put away, or something out of place or missing, and even though you didn?t do it, you would get incredibly nervous because you knew that you could get punished for it.?

He laughed. Master Windu began to laugh with him.

?And then,? Master Windu joined in, ?we would accuse him because of the stress we felt in him, only to find out that he wasn?t the culprit!?

Their laughter grew.

?He drove Master Yoda completely insane,? Obi-Wan added.

As they shared a laugh, I was relieved. My master didn?t even suspect that my relationship with Padme was one that was forbidden by the Jedi order. But even though I had this momentary satisfaction, I couldn?t get my new wife out of my head. And my discontent would only grow in the days to come.


The Clone War had begun, and this meant overwhelming responsibilities for each and every Jedi.

With the Supreme Chancellor having emergency powers over the Republic, the senators of the various systems had nothing more to do then get frequent updates on the struggle against the separatists. There was no platform for the senators to voice their concerns about the war or discuss issues affecting their system.

This caused many senators to become frustrated. It was rumored that other senators, secretly loyal to the separatists, were convincing them to leave the Republic and join the Confederacy, where their voices would be heard. Chancellor Palpatine therefore ordered Obi

 

I?ve read it but I don?t know if I?ve ?beta read? it. I didn?t notice any problems with it with grammar or pacing or whatever it is a beta-reader is supposed to be looking for.

Enjoyed how Anakin was always unnecessarily nervous when questioned and so now he has reason to be nervous Mace Windu and Obi-Wan are discounting his nerves.

Liked Anakin daydreaming about Padmé when matters of galactic import are being discussed and then seeing his chance.

Agree that Anakin would be very nervous and finding it difficult to believe this is really happening.

Lovely last line.

 

Bump! Beta readers at TF.N, please read!

P.S. thanks for the positive comments, JM!