JCC IMDB Parental Guide? HELL. YES.

i cant believe ive never noticed this feature before, its amazing. there used to be some ozk-wannabe who did hilarious reviews of movies that usually concluded with "you will go to hell if you watch this movie that i just watched" and while that site was hella funny, (unfortunately i cant remember what it was called or id link to it), the imdb parental guide format is hilarious for an entirely different reason: they list off, deadpan and in no particular order, all the acts and images that might be considered questionable for children in the film. for instance, i present 21 jump street

in the sex and nudity category:

in the violence and gore section:

the entire profanity section:

in the alcohol and drugs section i like that this was the extent of the description of the scene in question, given the detail given to the violence described above:

and for some reason they boiled all that down to a "frightening/intense scenes" section, depicted here in its entirety:

and all this is given a weighted score out of 50 somehow. 21 jump street got a 34. for contrast, pulp fiction and caligula both scored a 40. gentlepersons, let's find us a 50!

EDIT: haha someone gave salo a sub-rating of "666/10" for frightening/intense category, leading to an overall ranking of 701/50. looks like a serbian film got the coveted perfect score tho

 

There's also the Keywords feature, which lets you look up what certain films have by plot keywords, like severed heads, masturbation, upskirt shots, etc.

 

Screen It has been doing this for years, but it looks like they're a paid service now, so IMDB swooped in to provide it for free.

I do have to say that although at first blush things like warning parents for vomiting seems hugely puritanical, it's actually pretty valuable to have a list of all the potentially upsetting things that occur in a movie not just for parents to shelter their kids, but for people who have really sensitive stomachs or psychological triggers or whatever. Every once in a while a movie will sneak a scene on me that I would have liked to be warned about ahead of time, and I'm emotionally pretty stable. There's a lot of worth for people who can't easily handle mere references to rape or eating disorders or jokes about war violence - for example - to be able to either avoid or know going into a movie that they should be prepared for those things.

Also after having to sit through the sex toy chair scene in Burn After Reading while sitting between my parents, I used to use Screen It to check whether to go see certain movies with my parents or decline their invitation and go with friends instead.

 

yeah dani i think that might have been ozk-wannabe guy i was thinking of. too bad its behind a pay wall now, i loved that ****

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DAN THE JEDI!!

 

You're doing it wrong. It's

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Gran Torino

 

that too

 

This will be helpful when the wife and I have to help the kids choose between "Saw V" and "Hostel 2" for family movie night.

Hostel 2 only got 3/10 on alcohol/drug use, so we're going with that.

 

I had a nightmare about seeing a man vomit only two evenings ago, thank you.

 

This might be useful if I were to watch something with my family, so I can avoid awkward scenes followed by awkward silence in the room.

 

What's your profession again?

 

was it me?

 

these are valid points i hadnt considered. i still find the matter-of-fact listing of potential offenses to be a little hilarious. almost as hilarious as the old evangelical weirdo i remember doing reviews (i think it might have been someone else, does screen it have a strong religious undertone?)

 

There was this one Christian film review site that I think was called Child Action Program or something along those lines. It was really hilarious to read because the reviewer sounded so angry about everything. He/she/it gave The Polar Express an "F" because he/she/it claimed that it "promoted running away from home to worship a Satan-like entity".

 

YES yes.... that was it. you are now my favorite poster

yesssss yesssssss breaking dawn 2 electric boogareview

 

Oh good God that site is still running? With the same format as I remember it when I last went on in '04?

 

ahahaha... hahaha oh my god lmao

 

I remember reading that CAP Alert guy's review for the second X-Men movie, and he was peeved that it promoted the theory of evolution .

Somehow, I don't think that guy reads the comics, because that's what they're kinda about.

 

i dont think he cares about fidelity to the source material so much as fidelity to THE LORD, heathen