Immortality - a JA Fan-fic from Mekial and Jedi Chikara

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi Chikara, Jan 8, 2000.

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  1. Jedi Chikara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 1999
    star 4
    This is a co-written JA story by Mekial and myself. Also, this is my first venture into JA so be gentle. I hope it is to your liking Mekial.

    Immortality

    Snowflakes cascaded from the heavens, blanketing the ground and trees with ice that reflected the ocean of lights above and below. Millions of lanterns hung from the espaliers inhabiting the gardens, like beacons guiding the guests down the marble walkway towards the crystal palace. Children of innumerable races ran through the shrubbery maze, their laughter floating through the air and mingling with the beautiful music from the orchestra at the base of the palace stairs. The palace itself was ornately decorated, the steps made of glass containing a heated aquarium, the sea life of a hundred worlds gliding amongst the precious corals.

    Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn ignored the splendor however. His senses were on full alert, his gaze interrogating every man, woman and child who entered the gates. His apprentice, on the other hand, was having a harder time. Obi-Wan Kenobi was in awe of his surroundings. Never had he seen such a world, or such a celebration. The guests wore garments as intricate and captivating as his surroundings, providing yet another distraction to pull his attention from the task at hand. He had been to many worlds on many missions, but few were as beautiful as Kiriath. The planet was in a perpetual winter. Obi-Wan had dressed appropriately, though still noticeable as a Jedi. The cold bit at his skin despite his attempts, destroying in an instant his hard fought focus.

    Qui-Gon was fully aware of his Padawan?s difficulties. ?Concentrate Obi-Wan. The enemy can be your own temptation as readily as it can be your greatest opponent.?

    ?Yes Master,? Obi-Wan acknowledged impassively. He noted his Master?s emphasis on temptation as much as the rest of his comment. That seemed rather inappropriate. It was probably a comprehendible embellishment on one of Master Yoda?s proverbs.

    ?Greetings, Master Jedi.? Senator Asteros joined the two at the gates, his hands in the pockets of his surprisingly thin cloak of Alderaan silk. The Senator rocked on the balls of his feet nervously, his warm breath visible in the air.

    ?She has still not appeared, Senator?? Qui-Gon inquired.

    ?No. Carmel is worried sick. That girl aggravates me terribly sometimes.? The Senator greeted a few guests before returning to the Jedi?s side.

    Obi-Wan eyed the man closely. He was younger than the average Senator in the Galactic Congress. After Chancellor Valorum had been elected Asteros had taken his position as representative for the worlds in this sector, of which Kiriath was one. Asteros also had a young daughter and a young wife. Obi-Wan had met neither, though he had been unknowingly privy to a heatedly fought argument between at least one of them and the Senator. He didn?t think it possible one could scurry from a scene in a manner that was more accustomed to a womprat. Luckily he had not been discovered. But it did raise concerns.

    The girl he spoke of was rarely in the palace where the Jedi and Senator were staying. The capital city of Kiriath was less than a kilometer away and was home to the galactic spaceport. The daughter had not been seen for over two days. Though it had not been expressed verbally, one didn?t need Jedi abilities to detect the worries harbored by the Senator for the safety of his child. She could very likely be on the other side of the galaxy by now.

    Obi-Wan?s mental ramblings were interrupted by the arrival of the guest of honor at tonight?s celebration. An old-style carriage constructed purely of gold came to a stop at the base of the stairs, its arrival halting the music of the orchestra. Supreme Chancellor Valorum stepped from the cabin along with the representative from the nearby planet Ekron. They were greeted by polite applause from the guests on the ice pond below as well as those caught on the steps as they had arrived. Various aides and advisors left the carriage along with the Viceroy. His name was Kay?tna Malik.

    His greeting to Asteros mi
  2. Lwyn`nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 1999
    star 2
    YEAHH!!!! More JA fics!!!!

    AAAACCCKKK!!!!! Write MORE!!!!!
  3. Hiroko01 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 1998
    star 3
    Cool beans! Keep writing, you two.
  4. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 1999
    star 2
    Sugoi desu yo ("That's cool!" in Japanese)

    Can't wait for more....JA is *always* a good thing
  5. Trika_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 4, 1999
    star 6
    Yes!!!!! Keep writing, this story rocks!

    Trika Kenobi
  6. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    That was great, Chikara.

    [This message has been edited by Mekial (edited 01-08-2000).]
  7. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    That was AWESOME! POST s'more!
  8. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    Ooo! How very nifty! This is excellent, keep it up. There can never be too many JA fics.
  9. Jedi Erica Amidala Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 1999
    star 4
    This is great! bi angyst please!!
    POST!
    Please!
  10. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    ***

    Tren snickered. Perfect. It was going as planned. He stuffed his blaster into the holster on his waist. The bomb had gone off at just the right time. He had needed a clear shot at Asteros, and he had gotten just that.

    He walked to the door and punched in the code. The hidden panel slid open and Tren squeezed out. He looked around to see if anyone had seen him coming from his hiding place, but not a soul had. They were all too frantic, some running around and screaming. Others appeared calmer, but their faces showed their true feelings of terror and anger. They were all in a state of panic, all because of a single shot fired off from a cheap blaster, his blaster.

    He grinned evily at the thought, and turned to the wall to hide his glowing face. Never had victory tasted so sweet. He was almost foaming at the mouth from the intense pleasure he felt at successfully completing his mission.

    He made his way through the wailing crowd turned mob. The howls of the furious people rang in his ears like sweet music. He had caused this. He had done a great favor for the planet, not to mention gained a sizeable profit for himself. And Tren had done it in the name of the Jems, the leading terrorist organization on Kiriath.

    With the stealth of an alley cat Tren moved through the crowded streets. He needed to get back to headquarters as soon as was possible.

    A beeping sound alerted him to the transmission he was getting from DeBrue Incorporated, where the boss lived. Tren slinked back into the shadows to take his call.

    A balding man wearing dark purple robes appeared on the screen. "Did you complete your mission, Commander?" he asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

    A smug smile lit up Tren's tan face. "Asteros and his wife are dead, General Catisia."

    Catisia returned the grin. " Well done. Now hurry back to headquarters for your next assignment."

    "Yes, sir!" Tren saluted and signed off. He grinned again, but it quickly faded. A man stood over him. A Jedi. His hand went for his blaster, but the tall man's penetrating blue stare told him to stay completely still. He held up his hands in defeat.

    [This message has been edited by Mekial (edited 01-08-2000).]
  11. Lwyn`nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 1999
    star 2
  12. Lwyn`nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 1999
    star 2
    MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE-

    -needy, aren't I?-

    -MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE!!!

    Please?

    Pweaty Pwease?
  13. Jedi Chikara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 1999
    star 4
    LOL Lwyn`nya Kenobi. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'll post the next section tomorrow.


  14. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    Since it's early morning can "tomorrow" be just later today?
  15. Trika_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 4, 1999
    star 6
    *Joins Lwyn'nya...*

    MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE!

    Trika Kenobi
  16. Jedi Chikara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 1999
    star 4
    There will be more following this soon.

    ***

    The hospital smelt of antiseptic. The smell made Kaloni sick to the stomach. She numbly walked the halls, not entirely aware of where she was heading. Patients lined the corridors, wrapped in bandages, some whimpering in untold pain. Kaloni could barely hear their cries through the dimness of her grief. The nurse had said the Senator was in surgery. But Kaloni knew he was already dead, as was her mother.

    Towards the end of the corridor was a makeshift morgue, created to handle the huge inflow of fatalities from the attack. She crept amongst the corpses, looking at each face in turn. On more than one occasion she actively forced herself from becoming sick at the sight of the more horrific injuries. She stumbled at a glimpse of the final body. Her father had a charred hole between his eyes. A chair snapped from the weight of her body collapsing on top of it.

    For hours she sat on the remains, her arms wrapped around her body as she rocked her quivering form. The arrival of a hospital worker had finally hastened her retreat.

    ***

    Obi-Wan lay on his hospital bed, trying to detect his ribcage beneath the drug-induced numbness. He had completed yet another bacta dip a few minutes before. The pain of the injury was incomparable to the guilt he was experiencing. What little he remembered of the attack was enough to give him nightmares during his treatment. Often he would regain consciousness crying into his facemask. All his thoughts now centered on the daughter he had now orphaned.

    ?Obi-Wan.? His Master sat at the bed beside him. ?How are you feeling??

    He rolled slightly to face him. ?Great. Never been better.?

    Qui-Gon gave him a sympathetic smile. ?The Chancellor and Malik are alright. King Ouranos? condition is critical but he should survive.? He paused. It appeared as if he wanted to say more, but at the last moment he checked himself.

    Obi-Wan knew want he wanted to say. ?I killed the Senator. My stupidity caused his death and his wife?s.?

    ?We have captured the killer. His name is Tren. Little more is known about him or whom he works for.? Qui-Gon stood from his chair and moved towards the door. ?I am returning to the palace. We need to know how he was able to get in. I want you to stay here and rest. No heroics.?

    Obi-Wan made to protest, but thought better of it. ?Yes Master.? Qui-Gon left the room. He had not consoled him. His guilty outpourings had been met with little understanding. And it made Obi-Wan feel worse.

    He sunk into the pillows, closing his eyes as the drugs pulled him under. Another restless sleep would follow.

    ***

    A blurry silhouette sat beside him, the blinding lights giving it a supernatural glow. I?m dead. How did this happen?

    Obi-Wan cleared his vision with the Force. A girl was standing at the door rather than sitting in the chair. She stared at him with a mournful look. Her jade eyes were bloodshot with recent tears.

    ?I saw you at the palace.? The girl crossed her arms wearily and leaned against the doorframe for support.

    ?I didn?t see you.? Obi-Wan tried to sit up, but the pain hampered his movement, making him wince.

    The girl laughed mockingly. ?Poor guy. I?m sure you must be in a lot of pain.? Her sarcastic tone betrayed the seemingly sincere concern.

    ?Thanks for your sympathy.? Obi-Wan broke eye contact. ?My name is Obi-Wan.?

    ?That?s good.? She smiled, almost apologetically. ?I?m Kaloni.?

    Obi-Wan looked at her again, noticing her raven hair for the first time. The way it reflected the light, shining like Kiriath?s three moons. He had to admit she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen despite her stinging tongue. ?Are you alright? I notice you?ve been crying.?

    Kaloni left the door to sit beside him. Her arms remained crossed like they had been at the entrance. ?Of course I?m alright. I just break into wailing fits for no reason.? She stared at her lap, where her hands now fidgeted nervously.

    Obi-Wan tried to shrug as if he didn?t care. ?Doesn?t bother me if you don?t want to talk.?

    ?Fine.? The two sat in silence for a whil
  17. Jedi Chikara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 1999
    star 4
    Tren looked up at the newcomer. It was a young girl. Well, not that young. A smile of satisfaction slithered its way onto his face. He knew who she was. She was the daughter of Asteros. His final target. He racked his brain for the girl?s name. Kaloni. That was it.

    ?Hello there, Kaloni.? He nearly fainted from the pleasure of seeing her obvious surprise. ?Yes, I know who you are. I killed your parents you know.?

    Kaloni said nothing. She stood just within the doorway, glancing back out the window at an unseen person.

    He motioned with his hands as best he could. ?Come sit next to me, Kaloni. I?ll tell you how I killed them.? He broke out into wicked laughter.

    Kaloni sat down opposite to Tren, her hands clasped in front of her. He reached out and grabbed her hands, laughing once again when she jerked away. The window rattled slightly.

    ?Who?s there, sweetheart? A friend of yours??

    Kaloni remained deadly quiet.

    ?I shot your father right between the eyes.? He motioned with his hands. ?Pow.?

    The sudden flurry of motion caught him by surprise. Kaloni leapt from her chair and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him forward. ?I?ll kill you. I swear.?

    Tren reached up at Kaloni?s face with a cuffed hand, stroking her flawless skin. ?You can try. I?ll look forward to seeing you again.?

    The door slid open. A young man strode in and grabbed Kaloni by the wrist. He pulled her towards the door.

    ?Is that you?re boyfriend, Kaloni? Don?t I mean anything to you anymore?? Tren cackled as the door slid closed.

    Obi-Wan guided Kaloni towards the exit. ?We?re leaving.?

    Kaloni followed him down the corridor; she glanced back once at Tren as he pressed against the glass, mockingly kissing at her as she and Obi-Wan left the building.

    ***

    Mekial will be posting next.
  18. Jedi Gryph Grin Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 1999
    star 4
    Whoo-Hooo! This is pretty groovy. I can hardly wait for more...erg...I guess I'll have to.
  19. Hiroko01 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 1998
    star 3
  20. Trika_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 4, 1999
    star 6
    Cool! Please post more soon! I like it!

    Trika Kenobi
  21. Trika_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 4, 1999
    star 6
    This is called an I-Don't-Think-So Post...
    "I don't think this is going to stay on page two for very long..."
    -Trika Kenobi
  22. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    Hey everybody!

    I'm sorry I haven't posted yet. Can you wait just a day or two longer? I'll try to have my next section posted by tomorrow, but I promise I'll post it by the day after that.

    Jedi Chikara-E-mail me. I have a new address. My other one messed up. It's now mailto:jedimekial@hotmail.com">jedimekial@hotmail.com .
  23. Trika_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 4, 1999
    star 6
    Awww, ok...

    Trika Kenobi
  24. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Post, Mekial, Post!
    I can't wait for the next part of the story.
    It's great- especially the part you wrote!
    Keep it coming!!!
  25. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    Hey Ty-Gon! So you finally got yourself a screen name! Alright!
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