In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) **NOTE: 2/4**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Suzuran, Nov 7, 2002.

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  1. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    I thought about writing this for my birthday, but won't be able to post it on the correct day (2 days from now) so I might as well do it now. :)

    Happy Birthday to me! :p :p
    *********************************

    Chapter XXXII: Peace




    I should have asked Qui-Gon to let me go to bed. No such luck for you, Xanatos.

    I tried not to fidget, and kept my head up. I could feel all the eyes of the Council on me; I knew they were talking mentally amongst themselves about me. They were assessing, and trying to understand. I just wanted to lie down. The rays of light from outside hurt my eyes, and my head felt heavy, my pupils dry.

    It should have been easier, I mused in a somewhat detached way, to tell them everything. I had poured out everything in me to Momma and Qui-Gon, a few more people was probably a breeze. I was wrong. It didn't get any easier. I spent about two hours recounting that which I had kept secret, and it was an even more excruciating experience. Yoda's eyes never left my face, and I fought for composure. I didn't want to let the troll get to me, but it was very difficult. There were no gentle reassurances here, which was as it should be, but it still hurt to be treated like a specimen. It reminded me of my enslavement.

    "Padawan deCrion," Master Poof said after several moments of silence had passed amongst the masters, "why did you not tell your master, or us, all of this before?"

    "Did you not trust us?" Master Eeth Koth said, in a surprisingly gentle tone.

    I blinked, rather flabbergasted at that remark. "I hadn't really considered it, masters. I didn't want to remember anything. Talking about it would have done that."

    "You realize, of course, that keeping things secret does more harm than good? Had we known about this, our understanding of your altercation with Padawan Rudill would have been vastly different. We would have seen your actions as a cry of pain, not aggression. You do not yet realize how close you came to being thrown out of the Jedi, do you padawan?"

    "I do realize it, masters. I know my continued presence here is due to my master's influence."

    "I'm glad you understand. You must meditate on your actions, padawan. Keeping secrets did not help you in the long run, you know that now, don't you?"

    I lowered my head, color tinting my cheeks. "Yes, masters, I do."

    "Glad to know this, we are," Yoda said, speaking for the first time. "Enough, has padawan deCrion talked. Have all the facts, we do."

    The masters seemed to agree. "Padawan, you know that you are still on probation."

    "Yes, masters, I know." I said, wondering where they were going with this.

    "You need a great deal of meditation with your master to work on your feelings and letting go, but we think you should be able to go back to saber practice." My eyes widened. "However, it will, in the beginning, be only with Qui-Gon. We do not want a repeat of what happened before, do we?"

    I shuddered. "No," I whispered. "No, we don't."

    "Good. Your full privileges have been restored to you, provided you work with your master on all that has happened to you. And you might consider talking to a soul healer."

    I knew I shouldn't be defiant, but there was no way I'd agree to that. "My apologies for being rude, masters, but that is not something I want to do. I prefer speaking to my master about this. I would not be at all cooperative with a soul healer. It would be a waste of time. My master tried to get me to see one before. I always refused, and I always will. I'm sorry."

    Poof tilted his bulbous head. "I don't know why you are making demands here, it is not in your best interest." I flushed. "Very well, but if you want to see a soul healer, you will do it."

    "If I do, masters." I said neutrally. No way in hell.

    "Very well. You two may go."

    "Yes, masters." Qui-Gon spoke for the first time, and we bowed respectfully and left the room. I slumped in the hallway, my exhaustion hitting me full force.

    "Padawan, you did very well in there. I know
  2. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Excellant Padawan ! :) Yikes! Forgot to tell you my fav part! he always kicked off his bedding during the night. It was something I'd discovered very soon after he'd become my apprentice. He didn't wake up, only gave a whimper of sorts, and buried his face into the pillow, his limbs curling a bit. [face_love] :) Poetry!
  3. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    That was a wonderful post JS..and real emotion puller...:)

    I really look forward to more..and cant wait to see where this is going to go...

    Pt
  4. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    Great JS!!!

    I can't pick out a favorite part- it's that good!
  5. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    very good. finally some catharsis for him.
  6. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  7. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Master: Thank you! :)

    PT: There'll be more soon.

    Froggie: Indeed, Xani needs catharsis, but it doesn't help him in the end.

    JKH: [face_blush]

    PK: Thanks!

    I should have one, if not two posts, later this week. :)
  8. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Chapter XXXIII: Betrayal




    Lost in gray seas,
    The touch of molten rays brushing past,
    Rising forth, claiming me--
    Briefly.

    Curved away, the cliffs of serenity vanish.
    Mists obscure
    The straight path is lost, gone crooked
    And the need is lost.
    -- Jedi_Suzuran, Sonnets of Seperation (III)




    "Raise your shoulder up a bit more, Xanatos."

    I turned to look at my master. "I thought I already was?"

    "Not high enough, you still have a small opening in your defense." Qui-Gon pointed to his own body to show me what he meant.

    "He's right, you know," said a teasing voice.

    "Oh, shut up, Shar, you know-it-all." I said, making a face.

    She laughed. "You silly!"

    "Xanatos, less talking, more practice," Qui-Gon's voice called out.

    I rolled my eyes. "I am trying master, if some people wouldn't interrupt!"

    "There is no try--"

    "Okay!" I snapped irritably. The last thing I needed was to hear the troll's advice for the millionth time. Stupid troll.

    Shar lifted her lightsaber once more, her lips twitching as she fought a smile. "Some people wouldn't need to be chastised if they paid more attention to their masters."

    I glared at her and was about to give her a suitable comeback when the other person in the room spoke up. "Padawan, your footwork is deplorable."

    She blinked, turning to Saesae Tiin. "Master?"

    "It sucks."

    I didn't try to hold back my snicker at his words. It was strange to hear her dignified Master Tiin spout slang, but also very funny. Shar, of course, didn't appreciate my sense of humor, nor Qui-Gon's either, for I could almost feel my master holding back his own laughter. She glared at me, turning bright red. "I'm sorry, master. I will improve."

    "Please do so. Again, my dear."

    "Yes, master." She turned to me, raising an eyebrow. I assumed a combat stance, and we began again. Practicing this kata was difficult, but we were both determined to do it by the time the Senior Padawan competitions were held in two months. We had always practiced together since Shar had first entered when we were fourteen. It might have been an unfair advantage, since we knew each other's moves by heart, but amazingly, in all the years we'd competed, the two of us had never faced off against each other. I really don't know what the outcome would be if we ever did, so it wasn't a concern.

    Our masters had seen our closeness and had let us practice together. There was always a barely hinted caution when they dealt with the two of us; they walked a fine line, making sure that Shar and I did not become too attached to each other and therefore compromise our objectivity. I personally thought that silly, since Shar and I had worked on missions and nothing bad had happened. Were we close? Yes. However, as I'd told Qui-Gon when I was eighteen, that didn't mean that Shar would make me forget my being a Jedi. I knew she felt the same.

    "More spin to that turn, padawan!" Qui-Gon.

    "Hold that block longer, Xanatos!" Master Tiin.

    We danced around each other, trying to follow their instructions. They often switched roles, advising the other's padawan. We were used to it by now; our masters, no doubt due to our influence, had become good friends. Shar had once told me that they probably became close to discuss more ways to work us to death. Sometimes, like now, I had to agree with her.

    "Xanatos, you're sluggish."

    "Shi-Ara, your footwork still sucks."

    I heard her give a soft snort, and I looked into her eyes. "I told you they want perfection," she murmured breathlessly. "Darn it."

    I grinned back. "We have a reputation to uphold, Shar," I told her. You have a reputation to maintain, I thought, I have a reputation to repair. Frowning at that, I spun away from her next attack, flipping over her head, my mind working furiously. Four months had passed since I'd talked to the Council, and I'd spent that time regaining my equilibrium, both as a Jedi and a man. Reaching out to others had been damned difficult, bu
  9. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    I did say earlier that Shi-Ara wasn't out of the picture yet. [face_mischief]
  10. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Hussy! :mad: Wonderfully written Padawan ! Guess this is the beginning of the end huh? :( Obi was adorable which only makes it worse! :_|
  11. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    **takes all Council members and throws them off a cliff**

    OF ALL THE DUMN STUPID ARGH!!!!!

    JS this was a great chapter...But I am glad that this is a fic and not real for I swear i would be in jail right now!!!

    ARGH!!!

    More soon please??

    Pt
  12. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    i'm on page eight right now--just started reading this a few days ago. after reading that post, nyeh! poor girl. the post of adira .. what can i say? i saw it coming .. you emphasized so much on her innocence, it did get me thinking .. *whiiine.* i liked her too. she was such a nice character. she got xani singing, too! (that scene brought me to tears, might i mind you.) it also goes to show xani that there is a way out of that terrible place he's in .. but i do hope he doesn't take that path!

    :_|

    you're doing a wonderful job--you capture everyone's emotions and reactions so well! it's as if these character are so reaaal.. *whiine.* i liked adira .. but i did see it coming -- i was probably in denial. qui better save all those poor kids soon ..

    now excuse me while i finish reading this!

    [face_love] [face_love]
  13. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    yay, i'm all caught up! so xani is getting closer and closer to the dark side, isn't he? it's only a matter of time .. well, in one of your earlier posts, where xanatos walked by darew without giving him a second glance, i thought the poor kid (darew) would do something drastic--like adira, if that makes sense. because, i mean .. jeez. xanatos has so many people to comfort him, but this kid has no one, really--except for xanatos, who practically threw him away for a while. i'm glad he apologized to darew later on, though. i think, besides xanatos of course, darew seems to be my favorite character here. it's kind of funny how, during their slavery, that darew really depended on xanatos .. but when arriving on coruscant, he's completely alone but, surprisingly, not melancholy of the whole situation going on. so he has no one to lean on now, huh? well, at least xanatos made up with him.

    lol, and i liked how shar got slightly jealous of darew. i don't like that girl much. but she seems to be a .. *cough* release *cough* .. for xanatos, eh? well, i wonder how long that'll last. and i can't believe the council let ferrar and company free! injustice!

    update soon! (wow, this little review was longer than i expected .. )

    :D :D
  14. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    geez JS, you're getting about as bad as I am with updating stories now. :D
  15. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    need .. more .. soon .. *explodes.*
  16. KatarnLead Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 5, 2002
    star 3
    Su! I just read this all! You can't just leave me hanging there!!! More!!!

    Quite good this is. :D
  17. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
    Finally i'm all caught up and i never thought i would be saying this, but poooooooooooooooooooooooooooor xani!!!

    poooooooooooooooor quigon!!
  18. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    it's been a whole month .. puh-leeaase update .. ?[face_plain]
  19. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Master: Hussy! [face_laugh] LMAO! Good one, master. And thank you. [face_blush]

    PT: I'm glad the fic isn't real either. :p Or I'd be in serious trouble. :p

    rundownstars:
    you're doing a wonderful job--you capture everyone's emotions and reactions so well! it's as if these character are so reaaal.. *whiine.* i liked adira .. but i did see it coming -- i was probably in denial.

    :eek: :eek: :eek: *squeal* Yay, a new reader! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. [face_love] [face_love] And thank you also for liking Adira

    so xani is getting closer and closer to the dark side, isn't he?

    Yes, he is. :(

    well, in one of your earlier posts, where xanatos walked by darew without giving him a second glance, i thought the poor kid (darew) would do something drastic--like adira, if that makes sense. because, i mean .. jeez. xanatos has so many people to comfort him, but this kid has no one, really--except for xanatos, who practically threw him away for a while. i'm glad he apologized to darew later on, though. i think, besides xanatos of course, darew seems to be my favorite character here. it's kind of funny how, during their slavery, that darew really depended on xanatos .. but when arriving on coruscant, he's completely alone but, surprisingly, not melancholy of the whole situation going on. so he has no one to lean on now, huh? well, at least xanatos made up with him.


    [face_love] [face_love] Oh, thank you for that! Great assesment of Darew, I'm very grateful. :) I'm terribly fond of Darew, and I'm so glad you caught that, it was exactly what I was going for. :)

    i don't like that girl much. but she seems to be a .. *cough* release *cough* .. for xanatos, eh?


    *snickers* You could say that. *snickers again* :p

    (wow, this little review was longer than i expected .. )


    Never apologize for that! Thank you. [face_love]

    DB: LOL! It's not through choice, unfortunately. DRL is torturing me right now.

    Burkie: Thanks so much for reading this. :D And I can leave it anywhere I want to. :p

    Kidding. [face_mischief]

    Jenny: Yes, poor both of them. It doesn't get better, as everyone knows. :( :_|

    Thank you so much for the reviews, everyone. It's been far too long for an update, but I really do apologize for that. Darth Real Life has been doing a horrible number on me, and I've had NO time whatsoever to write. The next chapter is important (okay, why lie, all the chapters since Xani's emotional break have been important :p ) [but really, this one is even more so] and it's going to be long. I'll try to update within the next two weeks. I know what needs to be done, I just need uninterrupted time, a hard thing these days.

    Cross your fingers I get that time, and please be patient with me. I don't like neglecting my Starlight either. :(
  20. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    DB: LOL! It's not through choice, unfortunately. DRL is torturing me right now.

    I'm sorry JS, but what does "DRL" stand for???
  21. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    uup!

    and, Darth_Bog, i think DRL stands for 'darth real life.' heheh.
  22. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
  23. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    I heard a rumor going around that Jedi Suzuran may have run off with Xani! That might explain her long absence...hopefully they're working on the next chapter together. :D
  24. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
    Xani bring her back to us we need another post!!!
  25. rundownstars Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 1
    well .. i have to admit, i haven't updated one of my fics since 4/8 either .. but it's so terrible to all your readers!

    :_| :_|

    please update soon!
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