In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) **NOTE: 2/4**

Cas:
You weren't kidding when you said this would turn dark, were you? Xani's dream was very disturbing, but you wrote it very beautifully.

Thank you. I haven't even begun exploring darkness with this fic. I have things planned later on that are...a little disturbing.

Master:
I don't want him to go bad! Beautifully written Padawan.And Xan wasn't given a last name in the JA books.I made up deCrion.Crion was his fathers name.You are most welcome to use it.

Ah, Master, we can't always have what we want, can we? My title and the lines from Shakespeare should have given you a clue that this is not a happy fic. Like I told Cas, I'm beginning to explore the Dark side. We'll see if I'm successful, or banned.

Still, I'll be writing angsty/happy when I post my Xan/Obi fic, so you'll have a lightside Xani.


And thankee for the up! As well as letting me use the name for Xani. Bestest. Master. Ever!

Sheila:
Oh, poor Xani with visions of a future he cannot possibly fathom.

Very nicely done!

Thanks. Will the vision come true? Hmm, I'm still deciding.

jacen:
Hmmm, *rubs chin.*



DOT:
Hmmm... dark... and fuzzy at the same time! You have done the impossible, Suzuran. You have made me love and hate the Lunkhead and the trickster back and forth several times in one chapter! This is incredible! I also like how you quickly switch from the dark to the fuzzy! Beautiful!

I just love your nickname for those two! And thanks.

I may have a post tomorrow, possibly, but I'm not sure. Hope so. *crosses fingers*

 

Well, as much as I like Xanatos--I wasn't sure how i'd like him without a decent sidedish of Obi-Wan Kenobi To my surprise I am finding him utterly charming so far. And though you havent mentioned it, i'm not all that certain that we wont see our fave ginger haired padawan sometime down the line.**crosses fingers**

So--things are looking dark and disturbing for the future?? What else is new?? But really, what fun would happily ever after be?? Great writing Jedi_Suz--you've managed to capture the emotions of any newly chosen initiate quite perfectly IMO. Keep up the good work.

--Shan

 

Shan:
Well, as much as I like Xanatos--I wasn't sure how i'd like him without a decent sidedish of Obi-Wan Kenobi To my surprise I am finding him utterly charming so far. And though you havent mentioned it, i'm not all that certain that we wont see our fave ginger haired padawan sometime down the line.**crosses fingers**

I'm glad you're enjoying Xani. As for a certain little charmer, he might make an appearance. Maybe. This is strictly Xani for the long run.

But never fear, as I told my master, I'm writing a strict Xan/Obi fic, based on my plotbunny in your lovely thread. Obi shall appear!

So--things are looking dark and disturbing for the future?? What else is new?? But really, what fun would happily ever after be?? Great writing Jedi_Suz--you've managed to capture the emotions of any newly chosen initiate quite perfectly IMO. Keep up the good work.

Indeed, the future is looking shadowy for our Dark Prince (don't mind if I use that, do you, Master? )

Thanks for the compliment. Now, let's just hope that I can transfer Xani to adulthood as well as I've given you his childhood.

No post today. I'm working on it, but I need to get it just right, since it's crucial for Xani's development. Tomorrow, I hope I can put it out.

 

Silly Padawan! Of course I don't mind.He is our Dark Prince isn't he?

No posty till tomorrow? Well at least it will kick off my vacation with a resounding bang!

 

up

 

Excellent...

*wants to give Xani a hug*

For as many people who use it, I thought DeCrion was his last name.

Good Job!

 

Crossed fingers Obi-Wan doesn't appear - who needs him hogging the limelight?

This was a very intense post! I found myself going *Noooo!* Please say this is an AU because this doesn't happen? It's just so sad I don't mind how dark you get as long as we get a happy ending!

Poor Xani. Poor Qui-Gon...and it's only just started!

 

Master: Thankee

Cas: Thankee for the up!

JKH:
Excellent...

*wants to give Xani a hug*

For as many people who use it, I thought DeCrion was his last name.

Good Job!

Glad you liked it.

Marnie:
Crossed fingers Obi-Wan doesn't appear - who needs him hogging the limelight?

He won't really show up. If that sounds ambigous, good.

This was a very intense post! I found myself going *Noooo!* Please say this is an AU because this doesn't happen? It's just so sad I don't mind how dark you get as long as we get a happy ending!

Well, it is an AU, since officially we don't know anything of Xan's life, but I have to say, I don't think you'll like my ending, which I've had planned from the very beginning.

*braces for some beatings from Master*


Poor Xani. Poor Qui-Gon...and it's only just started!

Yes, indeedy, and things don't get better.

Note to all:
I want to be sensitive to opinions out there, and the things I have planned for Xan are NOT pretty. This WILL get disturbing. If this bothers you, then it's okay if you stop reading. I don't want to offend anyone, and I needed to say that.

That said, my rating for this fic will change, to reflect what comes after this.

Post later today!

 

I've also given credit to my master for Xani's last name.

Here is the post.
*************************

Chapter VII: Explosion

"Are you ready, padawan?"

I tightened the straps of the pack on my shoulder and nodded. "Yes, master." I said, looking behind me. The royal entourage was ready as well.

"Let's go!" The commander yelled. We all began to trudge up the mountain. I fell a few steps behind my master, so I could talk to Edîr.

"How are things going?"

He pushed the long bangs shading his eyes away impatiently; his mouth turned down. "The prince is all right, but this is taking a toll on him, traveling this way. He's not used to it."

I nodded in understanding. "Do you think they might attack right now?"

"I wouldn't put it past them," he spat, scorn lacing his words. "They have no decency whatsoever."

I said nothing, concentrating on keeping up with everyone. That much was true. We had been in Ri'gell for two months now, guarding the royal family against an extremist fringe group of popular democrats who wanted to overthrow the monarchy. The queen had been killed just before we had arrived, and Prince Mido was the new target, as he was the one in charge now.

This trip, to the summer retreat of the monarchy, was vital for the prince. It gave him not only a chance to grieve for his mother, but also brought him into the care of the Ri'gell Elite Guard, who was actively, and ruthlessly, seeking out the democrats and disposing of them. The Guard was not strong in the capital, but they were in the country, and they had vowed to catch every single member for their beloved prince.

I wished, though, that we could have used the a transport. It had been deemed too dangerous by security, my master told me, and so we had to hike through mountainous terrain. We were almost there, but I was cranky, and my feet hurt.

There were compensations, though. I had met Edîr, one of the bodyguards for the prince. He was a few years older than I, but we had become good friends in such a short time. I wasn't so bored when he was around.

"So tell me, Xan," he said, a smile on his lips, "what happened on Yukar?"

I grimaced. "You don't really want to know that, do you?" I asked, hoping he'd drop it.

He shook a finger at me, his tone admonishing. "You promised you'd tell me, Xan. Aren't Jedi supposed to keep their word?"

I sighed, cursing the Order briefly. "I don't think they meant I had to tell you all my embarassing moments."

He laughed. "Well, it can't be as bad as Biovan, can it? I have to admit, I never would have thought that a Jedi could throw up in public."

I threw him an angry look. That had been two years ago, but I was still teased by everyone, except Shar, of course. "We're still human, you know. Well, many of us," I amended.

"I know. I'm glad I'm not a Jedi. You take too many risks."

I stared at him, mouth open. "We take too many risks? This coming from a bodyguard whose charge is a target?"

"Put that way..." He trailed off, then looked at me. "I chose my job. In your case, your job chose you."

"Not exactly. I may have been born with the Force, but I could have trained to become a Healer, or been sent to Agri-corps to be a farmer. I was picked by a great master, so my path is Knighthood. It wasn't ordained for me, Edîr, it never is for any of us."

He nodded, understanding. "I see." A pause, then a smile. "Yukar?"

I groaned. "You're annoying, you know that?"

"Don't badmouth your elders, Xan. It's rude."

I rolled my eyes. "Elder? You're only 5 years my senior."

"Still older than you, little padawan."

I scowled. My height was a sensitive issue; at 13, I was still pretty short. "Not little."

Laughter. "All right, all right. So, Yukar?"

I sighed. "There's not much to tell, really--"

"When someone says that, I know there's more to the story."

"Do you want to hear it or not?"

"Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Figures. Anyway, we were at the negotiating table, someone dropped

 

Oh, Suzuran!

[face_shocked]





Please don't leave it there long!

 

Awesome story! You have a way with description!

I loved those lines from R&J too!

 

Cas:
Oh, Suzuran!

Please don't leave it there long!

I won't, don't worry.

_Tenel_Ka_:
Awesome story! You have a way with description!

I loved those lines from R&J too!

*happy dance*

Thanks for reading this! Happy you liked the R&J lines.

*sniff*

I hope I haven't scared everyone away because of my warning.

Feedback would be very nice for my soul right now.

 

Good Gracious Padawan! I think you have been seduced by the Darkside!That was just....brutal! Good Job!

* peers suspiciously at JKH * There are other people using deCrion? I've seen just Crion,etCrion and alot of totally different versions but never the one I used.Hum.Very interesting. ?

 

Thank you, Master.

Hmm. Looks like I did scare my readers away.

Well, here's the post anyway to those *counts fingers* 3 of you?

I'll go die now.

***************************

Chapter VIII: Shadows in the Garden

Prince Mido was safely in the summer palace, sorrounded by his loyal Elite. A transport was being prepared for us so we could go to back to Coruscant. All in all, our mission had been...successful.

No, not entirely. Not for Xani. I could feel his struggle to hide his pain from me. I followed the mental pulses of his presence, and made my way to him. My padawan desperately needed me.

He was in the royal gardens, standing in front of a fountain, hands tucked into sleeves, black head bent. The picture of a serene padawan. All a lie, of course.

I stood beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Xanatos."

"Master,"he whispered, not looking at me.

"I know you're hurting right now," I murmurred, stroking his sleek head. "What you saw yesterday was horrible."

"I tried to stop him. I did. I told him 'no', master."

"I know, I know, padawan."

"He didn't have to die. That old man killed him, not the democrats,"he spat, looking at me. His blue eyes burned with fury.

"Xani...I don't want you to think that way. Laying blame on someone is not a way to deal with grief."

"He did kill him, master."

"Only out of ignorance," I told him sadly. "You'll find, Xani, that many people in this galaxy kill or are killed, by ignorance."

"That doesn't bring him back. That doesn't bring anyone back."

"No. No, it never does."

He turned away from me then. "What are you going to say next, master? He's in a better place? He died quickly and didn't suffer?" He put his hands over his face. "I don't want to hear empty platitudes, master. None of them work for me."

I sighed, putting my hands on his shoulders. He was trembling slightly, but his body was unyielding. "How do you know I would have said that, Xani? You need to have a little more faith in your master."

He laughed, an empty sound. "Isn't that what adults always say to children when they lose someone?"

"I'm not most adults, I think we can agree on that."

"Yes," he mumbled.

I turned him around to face me. "Xani..." I said softly. "The Jedi have taught you many things, but they cannot teach you to deal with loss. You have to do that, with the help of your master. And I want to help you. Dealing with death is a necessity of our job that not every Jedi can handle. It's why some new Knights burn out, because they deal with it alone. I don't want that to happen to you."

"I don't know how I can, master. I..." His eyes grew opaque with pain. "I see his head, exploding. I see and feel his blood all over me. I can't remember his smile, or his laugh. All I see is his death. All I can remember is his death. My memories of him, of the last two months of our friendship, are tainted terribly."

I stroked his cheek. "I know. I felt the same way, the first time I saw someone die."

He bit his lip, gazing at me. "You did, master?"

"Yes. It was on my first mission, believe it or not. A girl my age, daughter of the prime minister, was killed when a relative of the family stabbed her in the heart. It happened during a banquet." My voice grew soft as long buried pain surged inside me. "She...she was considered a weakness for the minister, and they took out their anger at his position on her. Reesa's death pushed him into madness, and he never recovered."

His eyes roamed my face. "Were you friends?"

I smiled, remembering her sunny smile, her brown eyes shining with mischief, with life. "Yes. We were only there a week, but we connected very quickly. We talked, and laughed. I didn't have too many friends at the Temple--I was considered too ackward and shy-- but Reesa filled that yearning I had for closeness. Her death hit me hard. I can't even begin to imagine what it did to her father, she was his world."

"How did you deal with it?" he whispered.

"Not ve

 

Learning how to deal with death is hard. Teaching someone else is harder.
That was a very touching scene.

 

That was beautifully written, Suzuran. You've captured the pain of losing a life wonderfully.

Please post more.

 

we always walk in shadow Oh Padawan this was heartwrenching! It also hit me hard because I'm facing the same thing right now in my life.Beautiful.

 

O-E: maybe it was someother version of that name...at this point they all look the same to me.

Ack! I missed posts!!! I am bad...but they were wonderful, heartwrenching and still full of kindness from the buckethead.

 

*waves sheepishly* Hello. New reader here.

Wow, that post was sooo moving. All of them are-- you make the characters very human, very believable. The loss of a friend-- much less a violent while you watch-- has to be a traumatizing experience that I think you captured wondefully.

And obi_ew-- I've seen "deCrion" a few times. But the "de" is French "of" so... it made sense to me. *shrugs*

 

Runs in panting!

You haven't lost me JS . I am following way to many fics at the moment and I fell behind. I see that while I was away this rollercoaster ride started to head downhill. Yikes.

Your last two posts were great. Very heartbreaking. Poor Xani, now begins the bumps and lumps of life that will shape him in the future.

 

How sad.

You can see the beginnings of what Xani later becomes in the way he blamed his friend's death on the old man the guard died trying to rescue.

 

PaddyJuan:
Learning how to deal with death is hard. Teaching someone else is harder.
That was a very touching scene.

*does happy dance*

Yay, new reader! Thank you.

Cas:
That was beautifully written, Suzuran. You've captured the pain of losing a life wonderfully.

Thank you, Cas. I wanted to get it just right.

Master:
we always walk in shadow Oh Padawan this was heartwrenching! It also hit me hard because I'm facing the same thing right now in my life.Beautiful.

Aw, I'm sorry, master. But thank you.

JKH:
Ack! I missed posts!!! I am bad...but they were wonderful, heartwrenching and still full of kindness from the buckethead.

Well, glad you came back. Yes, Qui will continue to be kind. But things are getting bad.

vader_incarnate:
*waves sheepishly* Hello. New reader here.

Wow, that post was sooo moving. All of them are-- you make the characters very human, very believable. The loss of a friend-- much less a violent while you watch-- has to be a traumatizing experience that I think you captured wondefully.

*does another happy dance*

2 new readers! Yay! Thanks for reading this.

Sheila:
Runs in panting!

You haven't lost me JS . I am following way to many fics at the moment and I fell behind. I see that while I was away this rollercoaster ride started to head downhill. Yikes.

Your last two posts were great. Very heartbreaking. Poor Xani, now begins the bumps and lumps of life that will shape him in the future.

Indeed, the Dark Prince will continue to experience bumps and bruises.


PadawanKitara:
How sad.

You can see the beginnings of what Xani later becomes in the way he blamed his friend's death on the old man the guard died trying to rescue.

Glad you caught that. That was deliberate on my part.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I was afraid I'd lost my readers because of the warning I gave.

I love feedback, so it kind of depressed me when I didn't get many replies. I'm fine now.

I'm working on a post right now, but I don't think it'll come today. I have a tiny spot of Darth Writer's Block, and I can't decide what scene I should write next. If I post today, it'll be a surprise to me as well as you. So I'll just post on my other fic.

 

Ha! Found it.

Nice story you've got going here, Suzuran . I haven't read many stories that shed a new, white light on Xanatos, but this one is good. Maybe I'll go read other stories that portray Xanatos as a hero.

Well, now that yo'uve addicted me to your story, when are you going to update?

Aunecah

 

Thanks for finding it, Aunecah! I take it DRL released you long enough for you to do so.

There is a post today.

 

This is total silliness, which has no redeeming factors whatsoever.

Came up with it this morning, after a very silly and rather...weird conversation with a few people. Enjoy the silliness, because dark is coming, and there won't be a respite.

***************************

Chapter IX: Random Thoughts

/Council meetings suck./

/Padawan! Watch your language./

/I didn't say it aloud, master. Why can't they at least breathe, so I know they're there?/

/Xanatos, they are alive. Pay attention, this is serious./

I sighed inwardly, and tried to put my attention back to the debriefing, which had been going on for about an hour. We'd just gotten off the ship. Normally, the Council would let us have a few hours to unpack and rest, but this time, they had wanted to see us right away.

I don't know why. It wasn't a vital mission that they sent us on. Just a silly tariff talk, I thought. I was tired, and itchy, as well as peeling. We had been sent to a sunny world, and within a few days, I had gotten gloriously tanned; my skin was now golden. Unfortunately, I was peeling as a result. I wasn't used to it.

I looked around the chamber. They all looked so serious. I remembered a conversation that Shar and several of our friends had, before we all went on missions. Remembering some of the things we'd talked about, I bit my lip to keep my laughter in.

/Padawan, be serious, please./

/I am trying, master./

/Do or do not, there is--/

Groan. /Master, not that! I know, I know. Having master Yoda as a Grandmaster has disadvantages./

/Well, the gimer stick does hurt.../

I tried not to laugh again. /Backwards grammar, I meant. Oh, Force, he's influencing me too!/

/Bound to happen./ He sounded really satisfied.

/I guess./

More silence, as Master Poof discussed another concern of the new tariff law we'd helped institute. I stifled a yawn. This is sooo boring.

/Master, does master Yoda ever have fun?/

/Fun? What do you mean, fun?/

/You know. Fun./

/I'm afraid I don't. What kind of fun are you talking about?/

/Girls. And things. Drinking. Does Yoda party?/

He coughed suddenly. Everyone looked at Qui-Gon in concern. "Are you all right, master Jinn?"

He nodded, clearing his throat. "Yes, just a small cough. Please continue."

/Party?/ he asked, surprised.

/Yes. I mean, doesn't Yoda ever put the moves on someone? Master Yaddle's the same species he is./

/Put the moves?/

/Yeah. My friends and I wondered. It must get lonely. Does anyone in the Council even have sex?/

A chortled laugh escaped him, which was unmistakable. This time, there were frowns from several of the masters. "Are you sure you're all right, master Jinn?"

"I think I'm a little tired, that's all. I'll be fine."

He was laughing in my mind. ./Sex by Council members? This is what you discuss with your friends?/

/Well, Shar brought it up. We all wondered if they get laid. Especially master Yoda. I mean, in over eight hundred years, he's bound to have seen some action, and--/

/Padawan!/ He was laughing very hard now.

/What? Weren't you curious, when you were my age? You gotta admit, master, Yoda inspires some curiosity in that respect./

/I will not reply to that, because I will incriminate myself./ He said, primly, but there was still amusement in his voice.

/Liar./ I told him, laughing mentally.

/You should think of something more constructive to talk with your friends, Xanatos./

/That is constructive, master. We were trying to think of pick-up lines he could use./

/Pick-up lines? Oh Force!/ More mental laughter.

/We couldn't decide between "Hurt, did it? When fell from heaven, did you?"and "Like my body, do you? Sexy, think you?"/

I have a feeling that if we had been outside the Council chambers, he would have convulsed with laughter. As it was, his lips trembled a smidgen. Ah, the impressive control of a master.[/