Saga In Spirit (ESB, Leia, Luke, vignette)

Title: In Spirit
Author: Rynne
Timeframe: ESB
Characters: Leia, Luke
Genre: drama/angst
Keywords: Leia Luke ESB angst
Summary: Leia helps Luke as best she can.

He'd been crying. Tear tracks dirtied a face already twisted in pain, and Leia's own eyes burned that not even in sleep would that expression leave him.

He looked raw and opened and vulnerable, and never had she seen him like that before.

Those tears disturbed her, a few even now squeezing themselves out of closed eyelids. He tossed and turned, incoherent mutters escaping his mouth, with the only intelligible words she could discern being Father, Ben, and don't lie. He felt--broken.

She'd never seen him cry before. Even after the Death Star, when the reality of everything that had happened had finally hit him, he'd refused to give into the grief that she could somehow feel, at the deaths of his aunt and uncle and best friend and the life he had lived before she entered it.

Sometimes she felt guilty that it was she who had so thoroughly destroyed his life, her message leading the stormtroopers to his family and taking him away from everything he had known. She'd mentioned that to Han, once, and he'd told her not to blame herself, that it was all the Imperials--

Oh, Han.

Ruthlessly, she shunted that thought away--but not before her mind had gifted her with the image of Luke when she told him about Han.

The quiet devastation on his face, the stricken look on his eyes, the way he'd murmured with too much self-blame, "I'm sorry, Leia. Vader wanted me, and I--"

She'd shushed him before he said anything else, because she didn't blame him, anymore than he'd blamed her for the destruction of his simple life. But the sorrow wouldn't leave his eyes now when he looked at her, and she thought she could feel him thinking My fault, my fault, if it hadn't been for me, Han would still be here for her--

She didn't know how to help him. Even now, she stood in the doorway of his little cabin and watched him twist himself around on the bunk, watched him sweat, watched his mouth open and close and his teeth clack together. She wanted to go to him, to take him in his arms and hold him as she might a little brother--and he was her brother, perhaps not in blood but in spirit--and soothe him into better dreams.

But she'd tried it three times so far, and since then had gotten the hint. The first time he'd merely shoved her away, his arm careening into hers and giving her a bruise that he'd been horrified at when he'd woken up. The second time he'd moaned, a low, guttural sound full of terrified agony. His eyes had opened and he'd looked at her without seeming to see her, and what she saw in them scared her: blank despair, and horrible resolution.

The third time he had not touched her, but in his sleep had thrown her back against the wall with the Force, hard enough to make her see stars but not hard enough to break anything. After that, Lando and Chewie had convinced her to not wake him during his nightmares. "We don't need two patients," Lando had said, his voice hard but his eyes clear and full of concern.

Leia had hated Vader before, and hated hating him because the emotion made her feel bitter, and not like herself. But hatred then was nothing like hatred now, because Vader hadn't hurt just her--she could have handled that. No, Vader had hurt Han, and Luke, the two men that she loved more than her own life, and that was unforgivable.

Luke would tell her not to hate, that hatred poisoned her, but Luke was twitching in a tortured sleep right in front of her and was unable to tell her anything.

But still, even if she couldn't stop feeling it, she did not like to hate. Vader was out of her reach, now, and so was Han, but Luke was here, and she could help him. Perhaps she could not give him comfort during his nightmares with a touch on his face or arm, but she could touch him still, in a way that she'd only just learned existed.

Bette

 

Very nice job in showing the conflict of emotions at such a difficult time.

 

I really like this, the way you showed both Luke and Leia during that painful journey to the Rebel fleet, and especially Leia's relunctance to hate, even when it's well deserved.

Bravo!

Silence: OC Jedi must survive after RotS

 

Powerful Viggie! I loved Leia's thoughts and her strength. The above quotes got me to thinking, and since it was your story that inspired this plot bunny, I thought I'd extend to you the invitation (or challenge, depending on how you look at it) to write a prequel to this. The idea is from Luke's perspective following the Death Star destruction. It revolves around how Luke refused to show grief because of the way Leia held herself. He contemplates how she lost way more than he did (namely her home planet and everyone she ever loved there), and his one way to comfort her is to not burden her with the pain he?s going through which seems insignificant compared to hers.

 

Sometimes she felt guilty that it was she who had so thoroughly destroyed his life, her message leading the stormtroopers to his family and taking him away from everything he had known.

Very powerful and very in character for Leia!

Perhaps she could not give him comfort during his nightmares with a touch on his face or arm, but she could touch him still, in a way that she'd only just learned existed.

Better dreams, Luke, she sent, and watched as he sighed and settled down.

(sigh)

Excellent viggie!

 

Beautifully done!

She didn't know how to help him. Even now, she stood in the doorway of his little cabin and watched him twist himself around on the bunk, watched him sweat, watched his mouth open and close and his teeth clack together. She wanted to go to him, to take him in his arms and hold him as she might a little brother--and he was her brother, perhaps not in blood but in spirit--and soothe him into better dreams.

If only she knew!

Lovely work, as always!

 

Aw! I love how this is a essentially a brother/sister vig at a time before they even realized what they were to each other. Painful, but so sweet.

And it's intriguing how your take on Leia is somewhat different than customary--that of the Skywalker twins Leia is usually written as the one who hates easily, but here, although her resentment of Vader is livid from what he did to those dear to her, it isn't something she relishes feeling. Still very Leia, but with much more depth.

*sticks crown on Rynne's head* I vote we make you Queen of the OT. Ok, well, co-queen with Ish. Because she might come and flog me otherwise.

 

Sometimes she felt guilty that it was she who had so thoroughly destroyed his life, her message leading the stormtroopers to his family and taking him away from everything he had known.

I'd never quite thought about it that way before. It makes perfect sense, as does Luke's guilt over Han's fate. What an interesting parallel, that both Luke and Leia should have to deal with such guilt over inadvertently hurting the other.

Very well written vignette, and very nice to see the situation through Leia's eyes.

 

Nice viggie! Poor Luke. Poor Leia. They were both so emotionally messed up at the end of ESB.

 

That was beautifully written

I loved all the emotions Leia went through.

Bravo!

 

Excellent work! I really could feel Leia's conflicting emotions.

 

DarthIshtar: Thanks.

RebelGrrl: Thanks!

jpauln: Thanks. I doubt I'll write that, though--my best friend wrote something exactly like it--well, close enough--for my birthday last year, and I wouldn't want to top it.

Golden_Jedi: Thanks!

VaderLVR64: I love dramatic irony. Thanks!

ThePariah: Thank you! I'm glad you thought Leia well-characterized, since this is really the first time I've written her.

Gabri_Jade: Thank you!

PonyTricks: ESB was a tough time. *sigh* Thanks!

KELIA: Thanks!

Arwen-Jade_Kenobi: Thank you.