Before In the Moment (Qui-Gon/Dooku) vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Nov 19, 2004.

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  1. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Title: In the Moment
    Author: dianethx
    Timeframe: Pre-Jedi Apprentice
    Genre: Drama
    Keywords: Qui-Gon Jinn, Master Dooku
    Summary: Padawan Qui-Gon Jinn kills for the first time.
    Disclaimer: I do not own the characters nor the Star Wars concept. Lucasfilm does. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No credits have changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
    Notes: This first appeared in the Qui-Gon challenge thread but I've changed a few things....
    Other Stuff: WARNING!!! This is dark. Don't read if you don't like dark stories. You have been warned.
    -----------------------------------------------------

    It all happened in one horrifying moment. Too fast, too fast.

    The cry of "Kill the Jedi" shrieked into the air. Overwhelmed by the clamor of pitched battle, desperately fighting for his life, twelve year old Qui-Gon Jinn had only an instant to react.

    The wild-eyed rebel rushed forward, her mouth foaming with rage and obscenities. With a sudden burst of speed, her vibropike came in high then slashed low at the vulnerable Padawan even as the blood lust pushed her toward the Jedi. Her face was insane with hatred's mask, pale skin painted in gore.

    As she shoved the pike toward the boy, he leapt aside, back-pedaling to try and escape her fury. She twisted then into his path, reaching forward to gut him and rid the universe of the Jedi abomination. But it was too late.

    With one quick thrust, the woman was impaled, the lazersword piercing her chest. A red mist blossomed out, heart heat turning cool in the air, and covered them both in a fine oily spray. In the green glow of the saber, the crimson haze darkened, devastation apparent in black blood.

    For a brief instant there was silence between them. And suddenly, the savage grunts of her uncontrolled Rancor rage spiraled into high-pitched wails, screams of searing agony.

    Qui-Gon just stood there, frozen in the moment.

    He did not hear the shrill echoes of destruction going on all around him. Rough curses and the whispered pleas for mercy, the sun-bright pulse of explosives, and the startling call of carrion birds were without meaning. All he could see, all he could hear, all he could feel was her hoarse howl of scalded pain.

    She moved then, pulling fiercely at the light spearing her chest, as though she could pluck the torment from her body. But she did not understand that it was already too late.

    Instead, her hand sliced apart, the fingers falling away and downward, making soft plopping sounds as they hit the blood-soaked ground one by one. Her voice gone in the scorching agony, the mewing whimpers grew fainter as she stared at the Padawan. And then she slumped sideward, collapsing into the saber.

    Qui-Gon tried to shut off his blade but not soon enough. Her body fell apart as the light sizzled through liquefied flesh, heart and bone and skin. Spurting out, her life's blood vaporized into a scarlet cloud, coating everything. As the woman collapsed into pieces, one shortened arm seemed to reach for her errant fingers.

    And then she was dead.

    Qui-Gon did not know how long he stood there, watching the unnamed woman turn into a corpse. He did not hear the final sounding of surrender or the soft footfall of his Master. He saw only the horror that was of his own making.

    An eternity later, as Master Dooku quietly called his name, Qui-Gon Jinn let out a single wail of grief and promptly vomited all over the pieces of human meat now littering the ground.

    He said not a word when his Master urged him away, just stared into some infinity that only he could see. But it could not last long. There were decisions to be made.

    -------------------------------------

    As the ship winged its way through the sunset clouds and shot up into the first reaches of deeper space, Qui-Gon had still said nothing. Dooku had guided him into their small cabin but, even as he began to speak, the boy just turned away. Studiously avoiding all questions, he retreated to the viewport in the far corner and stood t
  2. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :eek: Geez Diane! I'm starting to worry about you. [face_worried] Very gruesome but powerful. It's easy to forget that the Jedi were forced to kill. Great job showing how the experience could affect one so young. :(
  3. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Oh my! Very powerful. I loved the internal struggle in Qui-gon and how helpless Dooku was to help him through it.

    I have often thought of how hard it would be for a padawan the first time they had to take somebody's life. You did a great job of capturing the horror they would feel.
  4. CodeName_Targeter Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2003
    star 5
    *sniffs* Poor Qui-Gon! I couldn't imagine having to kill someone at that age! *shudders*

    Very well written though! :)

    :Targeter:
  5. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwwwwwww poor Qui :_| I loved this on the challenge thread and I'm so glad you posted it for others.

    THat's a facet of being a Jedi I don't think many people think about -- during their missions regardless of how mnay lives they save there are some that aren't saved and that especially has to be hard on one with Qui's connection to everything.

    A most excellent vignette -- and I already added it to the index along with OE's :)
  6. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    OE Geez Diane! I'm starting to worry about you. LOL. Don't worry, OE. I've been in the mood lately to write more descriptive things but I'm now up for something happy or angsty, I think. This one was inspired by thinking about what would happen to a poor kid forced to kill at a young age. Scary!

    Thanks.

    Noi I wasn't sure how the struggle would come across but I think it worked. Death is always hard and the horror of causing it - especially to one so in tune with the Living Force - would make it ever harder. Thanks!

    Targeter The Padawans do go off at a young age and they often have to kill to survive. Plus they'd surely feel the death in the Force. Thanks for reading.

    Layren You didn't have to comment again, silly woman. Thanks anyway. :p



  7. tangled_sphere Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2003
    star 4
    Diane, that was so sad. :_| And also powerful, feeling like he can't go on. That would just be devastating! It is going to take a long time to get over this and I'm glad he has his Master to lean on. [face_love] That was dark, but very well written, Diane.
  8. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Diane, this is just as powerful now as it was the first time I read it. It's beautiful. I think you have created such accurate characters, particularly both Qui-Gon and Dooku.

    But :_| it's so sad.

    It is impossible to figure out what I liked best. I think that Qui-Gon was regretting not having listened to the Force's urgings. Makes me wonder if this experience might not have informed his every future decision.

    KD
  9. SarkaVrae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    Great Job, diane! such good descriptions (as always)! :)

    very vivid and emotional! it's so sad! :(

    but so good too....i guess i like angst! :)
  10. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Gonna echo everyone else here, but I agree that this is powerful!

    Your descriptions of the killing were excellent but even more was the feel of Qui-Gon's torment and guilt.

    Very well done!

    ~Jedikma :)
  11. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wow! You always do such an amazing job of capturing Qui-Gon's character. This was just beautiful, as usual. I love everything you write...
  12. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Yay! [face_dancing] you posted it by itself! :D

    Very worthy of it's own lil spot :D

    Poor Qui... he isn't as innocent as he was before... killing isn't easy even in self defense :(

    Loved your take on Dooku with handling the situation :)

    :p See sometimes Dooku can be a sweetie!! [face_love] hehehe ;)

    Excellent job!! =D=
  13. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    tangled_sphere Glad you enjoyed it. It is really devastating for someone that young to go through. I thought that the Jedi really expect a lot of their children. <shudders> And death may seem almost glamorous and certainly rather bloodless in the movies but war is often filled with horror.
    Yes, I do seem to be doing dark a lot lately. :p Thanks!

    KD You silly woman, you didn't have to post here too. I'm glad you enjoyed it though. As for accurate characters, I try. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't get them right but I do try.

    Me, I liked the imagery of the battle the most. The fingers getting cut off was the inspiration for this fic. Icky, I know.... I really, really need to write something fluffy!

    Thanks.

    SarkaVrae Thanks about the descriptions. I really do love to do them - sometimes too much so but I love to visualize things with words.

    As for angst, I love angst! Thanks.

    Jedikma Thanks. It almost wrote itself, especially the battle scenes. The aftermath was a little harder but I thought Qui-Gon, being a Living Force Jedi, would feel the death very clearly.

    Thanks.

    VaderLVR64 Thanks so much about the capture of Qui's character. I try, I really do.
    And you love everything I write... Really? I'm thrilled! Thanks so much. :D

    Kynstar Thanks. I liked this one so much that I thought it needed its own thread. Glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad you liked my Dooku take. I'm not sure about his personality but I figure he wouldn't let Qui suffer in silence.

    Thanks!

  14. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    *so* powerful, and such a sad, perfect fic. It is dark, but beautifully so, and you kept them in character, and did a very nice Dook! I loved his hesitation, like, it was done in a very Dookish way, but still conveyed nicely his whole 'okay-padawan crying and no idea what to say' attitude. (Lol, sorry, I'm short on adjectives tonight ;)) You handled it perectly. LOL, I would have lost control and made it into mushfic, but you had just the right amount of everything, and it came out very lovely.
  15. Opal Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2003
    star 4
    Whoa! That was pretty intense and wonderfully written.

    Hmmm...It seems as though Dooku is gaining in popularity as of late. I suspect Kynstar has gotten to you all. :p
  16. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Charm Thanks. I tried really hard to keep Qui-Gon in character - after all, he's just a 12 year old boy who has just gone through something traumatic. Dooku was a bit harder. I couldn't decide whether to make him more hard-nosed or sympathetic but the sympathy won out. Thanks.

    Opal Thanks. It was pretty intense to write! Especially since I had to picture what I was going to do with the victim/attacker. Yeck!

    As for Dooku, unlike some :)::cough::: Kynstar :::cough:::), I avoid writing him (he's the bad guy in AOTC [face_devil] after all). He needed to be here because of Qui-Gon's age and I thought he would be relatively sympathetic to his padawan's plight. Thanks.
  17. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Thanks so much to my readers for voting this fic - Readers choice vignette for winter 2004. I really appreciate it very much. [:D]
  18. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Congrats!! Keep up the good work! You're such an awesome author! [:D]
  19. VadersMistress Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    Congratulations on the awards! You deserve them all! Your such a fantastic writer. :D [:D]
  20. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Thanks, Kynstar and VadersMistress I really appreciate the thoughts.
  21. tangled_sphere Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2003
    star 4
    Congrats on this wonderful vignette Diane! @};-
  22. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    thanks, TS I really enjoyed writing it and I'm glad my readers did, too.
  23. SarkaVrae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    congratulations on the win, diane! :D you really deserved it! :)
  24. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Wow. That was amazing. Twelve years old is very young. And knowing Qui-Gon's connection to the Living Force, it must have been even more devastating. This is an amazing insight into his character, why he feels so adamantly that he must follow the will of the Force, no matter the price, no matter what else draws his attention. Poor child. I never saw Dooku as the comforting type--his emotions also came out strongly and clearly. Very, very well written.
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Sakra Thanks so much. I thought your Force Rave should have won though. Loved it!

    maycholian Thanks. As you can tell, I was pretty descriptive but I felt it needed to be that way. Poor Qui-Gon was quite devastated about the whole thing. Glad you enjoyed it. I love writing Qui-Gon.
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