Saga In the Shadow of the Chosen: Episodes I-III (Obi-Wan, Anakin, TPM/post TPM) - - End of III, March 2!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by solojones, Dec 1, 2003.

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  1. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Ok, replies soon, but first, an update ;) Sorry this has been so long in coming. I blame school and having a snowday when I was actually going to work but left my notebook at school. All right, I blame me :p

    *****

    Coruscant?s planetary justice headquarters was incredibly busy this time of day, and every time of day for that matter. It was a loud, bustling building stacked with floors and floors of offices dealing with the highest judicial matters. It made Obi-Wan?s head throb unnecessarily.

    Anakin had practically begged to come along, but Obi-Wan had pointedly reminded him of his physics lessons. Educational schedules were always flexible at the Temple, but it was the Jedi policy that missions were no excuse for slacking off in a padawan?s studies. After all, it wouldn?t do to train children to be mindless brutes.

    Truthfully, it was a relief to do this last crucial part of the mission without Anakin. The boy had shown his strengths well in this critical trial, and Obi-Wan had taken note of them. The mission had also, however, reminded Obi-Wan of Anakin?s weakness for careful discussion. He would learn to hold his tongue in due course, but this was not the time to practice that. Besides, Obi-Wan was personally eager to bring the whole case to rest as painlessly as possible.

    As soon as Obi-Wan had entered the governor?s holding cell, it became clear that the conversation would not quite go painlessly.

    ?Perhaps you can explain all of this, Master Jedi.? Lamont spoke curtly. The governor sounded irritated, but also truly exasperated. It looked as though he hadn?t slept all night, which Obi-Wan doubted he had. Not that Obi-Wan cared how well-rested the man was.

    ?Relax, governor,? Obi-Wan said. ?There?s little chance of saving face by pretending to be innocent now. They?re releasing a statement of your arrest and the charges against you to the media now.?

    Lamont grew red with anger. ?Would ?they? care to tell me about the charges as well??

    The governor?s usual calm demeanour was obviously harried by the night in custody. Thinking of the terrifying conditions the kidnapped orphans had been under the past week, Obi-Wan had half a mind to delay his answer for a bit longer. But no- that would be petty. Besides, he was very tired and very eager for this mission to come to a close.

    Without taking the open chair, Obi-Wan slid the small stack of flimsies across the table to the governor. ?Here is your writ of conviction.? He gestured to the document on top.

    The governor?s eyes went wide with panic. ?Conviction? On what grounds??

    Usually there were trials for everyone, albeit rather short ones in many cases so as not to clog up Coruscant?s busy judicial system. In special cases, however, an individual could be immediately convicted without trial. A vote from the senate justice committee, the Jedi Council, the Supreme Chancellor- two of the three were needed for such an order. The documents Lamont now held bore the marks of the Jedi Council and the Chancellor.

    ?You?ll find all the relevant evidence and statements in the writ,? Obi-Wan said. He stood back while Lamont quickly read through the first few statements. Obi-Wan folded his arms. It was a normal way of standing for him, but it had the added benefit of allowing his aching right arm to be supported at the elbow by his left.

    After a moment, Lamont?s face blanched. He looked up to Obi-Wan, dumbfounded. ?Slavery?? He half-whispered the word as though it were forbidden. It seemed only the governor?s years in politics allowed him to keep talking when he had no idea what to say. ?And it?s believed that I went through all of this trouble to gain a small scrap of campaign money? That?s preposterous.?

    ?It is not my duty to remark on whether your actions were sensible or not,? Obi-Wan said evenly. ?I am merely here to present you with the evidence.?

    Lamont gave him a questioning and somewhat wary glance before looking down to read through the documents contained in the writ. His eyebrows soon flickered; he looked up at
  2. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Reader Replies :)


    ophelia:
    Emotional, relationship scenes = evil. They just take forever to write--at least for me.

    Nah, it?s not just that. It?s mostly Anakin that makes things hard. I understand what Obi-Wan is thinking- where he?s right, where he?s wrong. Anakin?s a lot harder for me to grasp because he?s kind of moody :p

    It is indeed very nice, although you've come up with others just as good.

    Thanks. When I re-read some of the stuff I?ve written, I feel better about descriptions. Of course, I feel worse about other things, but still ;)

    Well, I gave Obi-Wan a "sister"

    And it worked out really, really well. That was a strong point of that story, IMHO.

    But yeah, after AOTC came out and people wanted to talk about "deep" Star Wars stuff for 2 seconds

    Except me. I think about it all the time? oh dear 8-} There have been some really nice discussions on the film boards, particularly in Saga, though. Those have been incredibly helpful to my writing of the characters.

    Maybe we should make that the next Obi-Wan characterization thread topic--why the hell doesn't Obi-Wan have a mother?!

    Sounds good to me. Since sg has been on hiatus, so has the thread kind of. But I?ve been talking to several people about it lately and it seems we should revisit it. Yes, we should. That took me 2 seconds to decide. Let?s get on that ASAP.

    "You get right back in there and clean that up, young man! We do *not* leave arms and legs lying all over somebody else's building. And while you're at it, put your hood up. It's cold outside."

    I can?t even begin to imagine what Obi-Wan?s mom would be like, although I?ve pondered various ideas. Of course, these all start breeding into plot bunnies, so I have tried to avoid the topic ;)

    I actually like the idea of there being a kind of dedicated no-questions-asked meditation room somewhere in the Temple

    Geez, why do we have to have such similar ideas about the Jedi life? It couldn?t possibly be because we?ve both studied some of the same eastern cultures, could it? ;) Well, I have an idea that?s not quite like this but is about ?Super Meditation? that I was going to work into a room in the next episode. We?ll see how that goes.

    It is officially Not Happening. If that person wanted attention, they wouldn't have come there, so mind your own beeswax.

    Yeah, especially among guys there is already this kind of ?Don?t talk about it? thing? I can see that extending much more to the Order, such as it is.

    I guess that tribal mourning thing somewhat resembles the idea of mourning in a lot of cultures. Put on sack cloth, beat your chest, wail and such- fun stuff like that. In the Ibo culture of Nigeria, though, they have a particularly interesting way of dealing with things like that? but I can?t remember specifics at the moment because I read ?Things Fall Apart? last year and right now I?m tired ;)

    How do you write interesting stories about people with a religious objection to emotion?

    Lots of angst :)

    ?I am so unhappy- No I?m not! I refuse to be unhappy! Ahh, now I?m angry! No I?m not, just unhappy! No, it is wrong to be unhappy! I?m happy! It?s wrong to be happy! Ahh, now I?m mired in angst! It is wrong to feel angst! It is wrong to feel mush! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?

    Obi-Wan's lucky that the Force tells him "no" as often as it does. He may be a snot, but at least he realizes that there are things outside his control.

    Definitely. He is such a weird snot, because it seems more like he just really wants the galaxy to be well off (hence why he?s such a martyr :p) so he disdains those who screw it up. But he definitely isn?t controlling when it comes to things he knows are Force-territory.

    Anakin gets told "yes" so often that he starts thinking he gets to do anything he wants.

    Correctamundo. He also gets told he?s the magical boy of prophecy. That can?t be helpful to anyone?s inflated ego. Then on the other hand, he has Obi-Wan trying too hard to deflate his he
  3. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Poor Obi... it had to be done, but he had slight doubts there for a moment. Shoot I'd look into it further as to why Palps wanted further done to the case than just simplicity of it.

    Great chapter!
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Another great post. I feel really bad for Obi-Wan right now. Can't wait to see what happens next! :D
  5. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    Great post! I feel bad for Lamont though--and I don't know why!

    Ughh, Anakin had physics! The seniors in my school say it's a hard class. I'm not really looking towards it.

    can't wait for the next post
  6. lvk1978 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2004
    star 3
    Super post, sj! A semi-healthy Obi-Wan here kind of takes the edge off circling the drain Obi-Wan in ophelia's fic. Thank goodness I can now go to bed and not dream of almost-dead Obi-Wan...

    As for what's happening here, I get the feeling that Obi-Wan's not getting the entire picture. This whole thing smacks of Palpatine and I wouldn't put it past the illegitimate sonufagun to set up this Lamont guy for a fall. And what hacks me off is that it looks like Obi-Wan is painted into a corner with no way out.

    *shakes fist angrily at Palpatine* Darn you to heck, Palpatine! And even if he had nothing to do with this scheme...*shakes fist angrily at Palpatine* Darn you to heck anyway, Palpatine!

    Don't go to bed sad, go to bed angry! ;)
  7. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    [face_mischief]

    Replies a bit later. These comments are so interesting.

    But School > Me :(

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  8. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    I was surprised to see that Episode II- A Master's Legacy was reviewed in the latest FF Newsletter :eek: Thanks to whomever nominated it. I feel a bit embarassed, though, because it has so many problems... on the plusside, I got some objective criticism about it, which is much appreciated and should be good for ongoing rewrites of those :)


    kynstar
    Poor Obi... it had to be done, but he had slight doubts there for a moment.

    Mmm... so he did.

    Great chapter!

    I think this is what's said of every chapter here, which I know is certainly *not* true, but thank you for your enthusiasm anyway :) I'm glad you enjoy the story.


    VaderLVr64
    I feel really bad for Obi-Wan right now.

    Interesting... why's that, may I ask? Just curious. All these replies make me wonder certain things.



    Laine
    I feel bad for Lamont though--and I don't know why!

    Also interesting... hmmm....

    For the record, I would never, ever take physics. ICK. The theories are splendid, but the calculations are evil.

    Liza
    A semi-healthy Obi-Wan here kind of takes the edge off circling the drain Obi-Wan in ophelia's fic.

    Hey, for once we can be kind of Yin and Yang instead of Yin and more Yin (or Yang and more Yang... I don't know. Which is the black one? We're that, usually :p)

    I get the feeling that Obi-Wan's not getting the entire picture.

    Wahh?? Come on, we all know Obi-Wan knows *everything*... right? ;)

    Well, I can promise you that we shall see all in good time... hopefully. If this next chapter makes any sense :p


    -sj loves kevin spacey


  9. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    I think this is what's said of every chapter here, which I know is certainly *not* true, but thank you for your enthusiasm anyway I'm glad you enjoy the story.

    :p hehehehe Of course I'm enjoying it!! Loving it big time! You do so well with the characterizations :D And yes so far every chapter has been great ;) well to me any ways hehehe

    Can't wait for more :D But can wait ;) I understand RL believe me I understand that! :D
  10. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Well, I do think I have gained a much greater knowledge of the characters as I've been writing, so I won't dispute you too much on that ;) My problem is that I don't actually think I'm a very good writer as in the actual act of writing it. Character creator- sure. Storyteller- maybe. Writer- ney :p


    -sj loves kevin spacey
  11. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    It was a loud, bustling building stacked with floors and floors of offices dealing with the highest judicial matters. It made Obi-Wan?s head throb unnecessarily.

    Oy . . . sounds like my reaction to department stores at Christmas.

    After all, it wouldn?t do to train children to be mindless brutes.

    No indeed. Imagine if Vader had taken aim at Alderaan and *missed,* all because he skipped too many physics lessons as a child:
      TARKIN: We will deal with your rebel friends soon enough.

      LEIA: No . . .

      VADER: Commence primary ignition.

      <A green beam shoots out of the Death Star, and misses the planet by several million lightyears. The bridge is deathly silent.>

      STORMTROOPER: <To buddy, under breath> That's why they call him "Lord Va-DUH."
    Truthfully, it was a relief to do this last crucial part of the mission without Anakin.

    I can see that. Non-Jedi parents get to send their kids to school while they go to work. When does Obi-Wan get to get rid of Anakin?

    Without taking the open chair, Obi-Wan slid the small stack of flimsies across the table to the governor. ?Here is your writ of conviction.? He gestured to the document on top.

    Oh, this legal system is evil, horrible, twisted! I love it! I may steal it! What a fabulous set-up for the Empire.

    Usually there were trials for everyone, albeit rather short ones in many cases so as not to clog up Coruscant?s busy judicial system. In special cases, however, an individual could be immediately convicted without trial. A vote from the senate justice committee, the Jedi Council, the Supreme Chancellor- two of the three were needed for such an order. The documents Lamont now held bore the marks of the Jedi Council and the Chancellor.

    Too deliciously horrible for words. I feel like quoting some pithy French phrase that perfectly expresses both my sophistication and the glorious, bitter irony of this section, except that I don't know any.

    ?Master Kenobi, you must realise that I cannot possibly keep track of all my contributors. There?s a campaign to be run, yes, but I?m also a standing official.?

    Aaand this is all too familiar from real life. It makes me slightly ill. "Why, I didn't know that the Nazi Puppy-Kicking Society contributed a hundred million dollars to my campaign! People give me a hundred million dollars all the time . . ."

    But there was a sense of sincerity behind Lamont?s words that puzzled the Jedi.

    And that is worrisome. White knight to black pawn 2? And who's moving the pieces around, here? [face_worried]

    Still, what did it matter if Palpatine was being biased in issuing the writ so quickly? With the evidence Obi-Wan had gathered, Lamont would surely have been convicted anyway. ?I stand by the Council?s decision,? was all Obi-Wan said in response.

    And you would, you stubborn Eagle Scout, you. I just hope you're not driving that asphalt truck to the gates of hell.
  12. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Oy . . . sounds like my reaction to department stores at Christmas.

    I don't go to department stores on Christmas. Not no way, not no how!

    ...when did I become the Cowardly Lion?

    VADER: Commence primary ignition.

    Vader doesn't say that line. I'm dethroning you from the SW Nerd Royalty [face_plain]

    That's why they call him "Lord Va-DUH."

    [face_laugh] Never to his face, though, I'm sure...what, with the mask and all, it would be kind of hard...

    When does Obi-Wan get to get rid of Anakin?

    Yeah, it is an extremely intense relationship, isn't it? Not only do you have a psychic bond with this person, you also spend all day with them a lot of the time. Yeesh. You know, really, it's almost a *closer* relationship in some ways than some parent/child ones. At least in terms of how much they have to deal with one another.

    So no, even post RotS, I don't think Obi-Wan ever gets rid of Anakin. He probably tries at some point. The boy's like a boomerang, though. A ghost boomerang, always hanging around even when 'dead'...that made no sense :(

    But this is not to mention his silly progeny.

    Oh, this legal system is evil, horrible, twisted! I love it! I may steal it! What a fabulous set-up for the Empire.

    I'm glad you liked it [face_mischief] I may use some of your medical stuff from SWoA as my next episode involves quite a bit of medicalageness. Trade you organizations? :p

    Too deliciously horrible for words.

    That's the best thing that could be said about this story [face_love] ... it's so bad it's good. But not in the badly dubbed Kung Fu movie sense.

    I feel like quoting some pithy French phrase that perfectly expresses both my sophistication and the glorious, bitter irony of this section, except that I don't know any.

    Je veux bien faire de la planche à voile.

    ... all right, so this means 'I really want to go wind surfing', but no one has to know that. It sounds nice and that's all that matters.

    Aaand this is all too familiar from real life.

    You can probably tell I'm not that fond of politicians, on any side ;) This whole episode has been kind of painfully fun to write because there are so many duplicitous sleeze bags in it- painful because there really are people like that, but fun because it's so terribly confusing to our heros [face_batting]

    And that is worrisome. White knight to black pawn 2? And who's moving the pieces around, here?

    solojones [face_devil]


    I just hope you're not driving that asphalt truck to the gates of hell.

    Now that's a use of the expression I haven't heard before. Interesting image, there. But yeah, I get your point. We shall see.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  13. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    I'm not dead. I swear. Or at least I won't be after this week. Very inconvenient time in the story to be swamped, though :(

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  14. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Yeah baby! This is the last chapter of 'Episode III: Smoke and Mirrors'!

    Sorry for the delay. This took re-reading over notes and the entire story for me, plus I've been busy at school with a play I directed.

    Episode IV will be starting up soon. I've been working on the planning for a while, and I hope to have it up in a week or two. It will NOT be in this thread, however, as I feel this one's getting confusing and crowded. If you would like to be notified, tell me here or PM me and I will PM you when the next episode begins.

    And now, I am happy to *finally* present to you the last chapter, so I don't have to keep being cryptic :p

    *****

    It felt darker on this level of Coruscant, colder. All the buildings were lit just the same as on the surface, but every bit of light here was artificial. Day and night felt the same here. What residual slush had managed to drain down this far collected in stagnant pools that dented the pedways like the acidic pockets of a stomach.

    In the shadowy recess of an alleyway, Kala Sigrid moved quietly, unassumingly. Her only distinction was the slight favouring of her left knee, bound in a stiff cuff that held the shattered pieces together. Kala wished she could have flown to the appointed meeting spot, but her employer was extremely cautious. She understood the logic of it. Identifying a vehicle was easy enough; finding a half-remembered nameless face was more difficult.

    But who would be looking for her now? Oh sure, she knew her sector?s police force would make it look like they were actively pursuing her for a while. Kala knew it wouldn?t last, though- they had their man. Governor Lamont was already starting the slow, agonizing death of life-long condemnation. She had to hand it to the Jedi. They were swift. They left no room for questioning.

    Kala smirked. Jedi arrogance was a truly marvellous thing, she decided. It had made everything almost too easy. Kenobi had immediately discounted her, giving her time enough to feed him the other hints she wanted him to have. He?d missed much of the planted evidence pointing towards Lamont, of course. The Governor?s office was littered with all the evidence gained at the diner and more. But in the end all the most important bits had been sorted out. The affair, the Syndicate, the security lapses- eventually it had all ?slipped?.

    And the amazing Jedi Master was somehow able to pull all the pieces together, Kala thought, giving a derisive snort. It had taken him long enough. She had watched the syndicate?s rooftop surveillance for a ridiculous amount of time as the Jedi Master and his apprentice fumbled around with their supposedly surprise entrance. The display made Kala wonder how the man managed to dress himself in those troublesome Jedi garments.

    She had come to the designated inn and quietly slipped in a back doorway. Managing the way down the tight staircase proved painful. Her knee throbbed dully, and Kala took her anger out in private curses aimed at Obi-Wan Kenobi. Her employer had warned that the fight would be difficult, and though she?d never been in real danger of being apprehended, Kala had escaped with more damage than she would have liked.

    Of course, she reminded herself with smug satisfaction, the Jedi had hardly escaped unscathed. It was the first time in Kala?s work history that she?d fought with one of the Order. Kenobi was certainly a formidable specimen. But she had been able to disarm and disable him, too quickly for him to recover. Kala revelled in the memory of the lauded, pious Knight withering helplessly against the wall, his life at her mercy.

    She gripped the railing of the stairway angrily. What she wouldn?t have given at that moment to draw one of her knives across his throat. But Kala had specific instructions from her employer. The Jedi Knight was not to be killed, if it could be avoided. Kala had to admit it made sense. She needed a quick break. She did not need the Jedi Order hunting her down for murder.

    Finally, the petite blonde reached
  15. Jedi_Neil Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2004
    Started reading this three weeks ago, and all I can say is brilliant. It is so well written the characters are so well defined and you expand on them so well it fits perfectly with what has been established in the movies. For me this could be considered "canon". :)

    I assume you are considering writing as a career?

    I await the next episode with baited breath.

    Love the way you have implied that Sidious has been plotting to get Anakin all along, and that Dooku is just a temporary replacement.

    Finally, superb. Keep up the most excellent work. =D=

    [face_peace]
  16. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh wow and what an ending!!! =D= ...for now that is ;)

    Do PM when you do start the next bit!! Please? :D

    Loved how she was leery there, was wise to be, though it didn't matter she got 'it' in the end all right! [face_laugh]

    Great job on Sid there :D Excellent work over all! Loooooved the story! Poor Obi doesn't know what's coming his way [face_mischief]
  17. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    PM me please! I don't want to miss anything.

    I did thought Sidious was behind it all. Then again, when isn't he? :)

    So Kala was Force-sensitive, just not enough to be identified as a Jedi?

    It really boils my blood that he's going to use Obi-wan to get Anakin, which he successfully does, by the way. I really like how you are crafting this to fit so perfectly with the movies. I know that's your plan, but you're doing it so well!
  18. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Neil
    Hey! It?s wonderful to have a new reader. That?s quite a bit to catch up with, and I?m honoured you?d take the time and glad you enjoyed it.

    I?m especially glad you feel that the characters could have been straight from the films. It?s not the aim of all stories, I understand, but for this one it is. So you saying it could be ?canon? is a wonderful compliment. Thanks [face_blush]

    I assume you are considering writing as a career?

    In a manner of speaking. I aim to be a screenwriter/director. I have yet to hear back from schools yet, but I?m hoping to get into film school.

    I await the next episode with baited breath.

    I thank you for your vigilance ;)

    Love the way you have implied that Sidious has been plotting to get Anakin all along, and that Dooku is just a temporary replacement.

    Yeah, I feel as though the line about watching his career in TPM is telling. Palps didn?t know about Anakin before then (I don?t think, anyway), but he?s had time to observe now. Setting up this incident was the perfect way for him to observe more closely.

    Thank you very much for your compliments!


    Kynstar
    Oh wow and what an ending!!!...for now that is

    Yeah ;) You want to know the crazy thing? I have the last chapter of this whole entire saga already in my mind. I mean, I know what most the lines are, and I know the last line. But there are still about? 8 or something episodes until then :p

    though it didn't matter she got 'it' in the end all right!

    She?s no match for a Sith [face_devil]

    Loooooved the story! Poor Obi doesn't know what's coming his way

    No, he really is an unwitting participant in a grander scheme. Poor guy. He?s well intentioned and he does his best. Hey, the second half of the saga gets happier, though :)



    Laine

    I did thought Sidious was behind it all. Then again, when isn't he?

    He isn?t when it?s something good :) Yeah, I figured people would get an inkling of it, but that?s fine. The important part is that Obi-Wan doesn?t know. It?s this hierarchy of confusion? Obi-Wan doesn?t know Kala?s intentions and Kala doesn?t know her ?employer?s? intentions. Only Sids really knows, and he?s good at keeping a secret ;)

    So Kala was Force-sensitive, just not enough to be identified as a Jedi?

    There?s some backstory I?ve made about her, about how she came to be an adept kind of con artist/street fighter so young. To answer your question, though, her parents didn?t want to give her up to the Jedi? there are backstories on almost all the OCs I write, I just will never have tim to flesh them out. It helps me, though.

    It really boils my blood that he's going to use Obi-wan to get Anakin, which he successfully does, by the way.

    I know, but doesn?t it make you long for RotS? :D

    I really like how you are crafting this to fit so perfectly with the movies. I know that's your plan, but you're doing it so well!

    Again, thank you. It?s something I?ve worked so hard on and yes it?s the plan, so I?m just glad people are enjoying it :)


    -sj loves kevin spacey
  19. Darth_Pixel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2003
    star 2
    Wow what an ending! I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeves for the next part!

    Oh and put me on that PM list ;)
  20. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    What residual slush had managed to drain down this far collected in stagnant pools that dented the pedways like the acidic pockets of a stomach.

    Eeeeeww . . . I can imagine your "film crew" recycling parts of the Jabba's Palace set for this one.

    Her only distinction was the slight favouring of her left knee, bound in a stiff cuff that held the shattered pieces together.

    Ouch . . . that just *sounds* painful. :(

    The display made Kala wonder how the man managed to dress himself in those troublesome Jedi garments.

    Have you ever read "Jedi At The Gate" by Chat Noir? It's PG-13, so I can't provide a link, but it is the funniest depiction of Stupid!Obi I have ever read:
      Obi-Wan: "By observation of the first movement of the force beams, perhaps I can extrapolate a timetable for the barrier change. Concentrate. Right leg, left leg, use brain, right leg, left leg..."

      Maul: "Why is the blonde one hopping? What is this? Oh, great. Now the old one's kneeling. Is this normal? I mean, no one told me about this kind of stuff. All I got was 'Go reveal yourself to the jedi, seek revenge.' Nothing about this crap. My mission briefing never said anything about force beams or dancing jedi. Sidious has a lot of explaining to do on this one."

      Qui-Gon: "I've got a really bad feeling about this."
    That was written right after TPM came out, and it *still* cracks me up. Now and again when I'm feeling brain dead during a moment that demands "high performance," I start thinking, "Right leg, left leg, use brain . . ."

    Anyway . . . never mind. :p

    She needed a quick break. She did not need the Jedi Order hunting her down for murder.

    Ooh, yeah. If cops will really go after you for being a cop killer, just imagine what being a Jedi killer would be like. You do *not* want 10,000 armed, psychic people wanting you dead.

    the door slid open, as though it knew she was there.

    That happens to me when I go to the grocery store!! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! :_|

    letting the door close behind her with a hiss.

    Nice little audio description--sets the tone for Sidious' lair quite well.

    There was, however, one hollow presence there, but she could hardly call it filling. The robed figure sat facing away from Kala towards the solid wall on the opposite side of the room. It was because of this presence that the room was strangely more than empty. It was like a black hole, sucking all the life and light away. Kala felt it each time she was in the presence of her current employer.

    I really liked this description, especially the lines about "hollow presence" and the room being "more than empty." It creates the impression of an almost Amityville Horror-like presence.

    For a moment, the room remained deathly still. Then the figure spoke in a voice that resembled what Kala imagined the dying groan of a Kath Hound must sound like.

    ?Your task is complete,? he said.


    Another really good, evocative detail compacted into a very small space. I don't even know what a Kath Hound is, and I can *so* hear Ian saying that line.

    Or, what was more, that he had been able to teach her ways of hiding her thoughts from the Jedi?s probing?

    Did she teach Lamont the same thing? 'Cause that was one of the things that bothered Obi-Wan about him . . .

    It had been tempting to give her leave to kill the Jedi Master, and now the Sith wondered what might have happened if he had.

    ANH would have totally sux0r3d: "Don't bother helping me, anybody . . . I don't have any hope . . ."

    The Chosen One would be his, and Master Kenobi was going to help him.

    Hey, you stole my little ominous evil Palpy internal monologue thingy!! Oh, well, at this rate I'll never get to that part anyway . . . [face_doomed]
  21. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Pixel

    Wow what an ending! I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeves for the next part!

    Thanks! Although I must warn you, the next episode is not a mystery. I could only be crafty for so long, and it nearly killed me :p But I?ll keep you updated.


    ophelia

    Eeeeeww . . . I can imagine your "film crew" recycling parts of the Jabba's Palace set for this one.

    That would be thrifty *and* nostalgic! Splendid. The sad part about the stomach descriptor is that I was thinking, ?Now these are the gastric pits which make gastrin which stimulates the production of HCl by?? too much IB Bio for me :(

    Ouch . . . that just *sounds* painful.

    Yeah, well Obi-Wan might be the loser in this episode, but he definitely didn?t go out without a fight.

    Have you ever read "Jedi At The Gate" by Chat Noir?

    No, but now I?m going to have to [face_laugh] "Right leg, left leg, use brain . . ." is the best motivation I?ve heard in a while. Thanks for the inspiratio :p

    You do *not* want 10,000 armed, psychic people wanting you dead.

    You don?t? Crap? er, let me ask you something. *Theoretically*, if someone were to superglue all of the Jedi lightsabres together in a really long chain, do you think this would warrant a death wish? [face_worried]

    That happens to me when I go to the grocery store!! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

    It?s Palpatine. The next time it happens, run [face_plain]

    I really liked this description, especially the lines about "hollow presence" and the room being "more than empty."

    Thanks! I was trying to think of the darkest word for black possible, and I guess this is how my brain worked it out. I have to admit, I really liked ?more than empty?, so I?m glad you did, too :)

    It creates the impression of an almost Amityville Horror-like presence.

    I always connect Amityville with Jaws, actually. Maybe it?s because Sharks are the only thing I?m scared about. I don?t even like to swim in our neighborhood pool :( I blame John Williams.

    I don't even know what a Kath Hound is, and I can *so* hear Ian saying that line.

    I loooove Ian?s voice, especially in Sith mode. Oh, and a Kath Hound is a kind of cross between a bison and a wolf. They live on Dantooine in KOTOR? yes, I?ve stolen something from the EU. Please kill me quickly.

    Did she teach Lamont the same thing? 'Cause that was one of the things that bothered Obi-Wan about him . . .

    Ah, perhaps I wasn?t clear enough on this point in this ?reveal? chapter. While all politicians are better at lying, Obi-Wan has a hard time gauging Lamont?s deception because he?s innocent. Of the kidnappings, anyway. The only thing he was nervous about was having an affair. But he truly knew nothing about Kala?s scheming, just as Kala knew nothing about Palps?s real scheming. Wheels within wheels within wheels.

    ANH would have totally sux0r3d: "Don't bother helping me, anybody . . . I don't have any hope . . ."

    That?s not nearly as catchy :( Although our OT heroes seem quite adept at switching their minds about what?s the last/only hope:

    ?You must use the information in this R2 unit to plan the attack. It?s our only hope.?
    ? We must take this last transport. It's our only hope.?
    ?That boy is our last hope.?
    ?If I don't make it back, you're the only hope for the Alliance.?
    ?Han, I have to find my hairbrush. It?s our only hope!?
    etc.

    Hey, you stole my little ominous evil Palpy internal monologue thingy!

    Sorry, Master :( I?m sure it?ll be all right. There?s quite enough evil in the man to go around.


    -sj loves kevin spacey
  22. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    *Theoretically*, if someone were to superglue all of the Jedi lightsabres together in a really long chain, do you think this would warrant a death wish?

    I'm thinking that so long as you can get the purple one unstuck, you'll be all right. Mace is influential . . . and dangerous.

    It?s Palpatine. The next time it happens, run

    I tried that, and now I can't go shopping. *All* the stores are possessed by Palpatine. All of them!!

    I?ve stolen something from the EU. Please kill me quickly.

    That's okay . . . I stole a "Jedi poem" from a Wizards of the Coast RPG game. They say that if you put an infinite number of monkeys in a room with an infinite number of typewriters, one of them will eventually type out "Hamlet." So I guess an excessively large number of EU writers must occasionally be able to peck out something good, if only by accident.

    While all politicians are better at lying, Obi-Wan has a hard time gauging Lamont?s deception because he?s innocent.

    Got it. Too bad they don't equip Jedi with innocence detectors. Stupid Jedi.

    Although our OT heroes seem quite adept at switching their minds about what?s the last/only hope:

    ?You must use the information in this R2 unit to plan the attack. It?s our only hope.?
    ? We must take this last transport. It's our only hope.?
    ?That boy is our last hope.?
    ?If I don't make it back, you're the only hope for the Alliance.?
    ?Han, I have to find my hairbrush. It?s our only hope!?
    etc.


    Hey, you're right . . . that's almost as doofy as the fact that the people on "The X-Files" found at least one "key to everything" per season--generally right at the season finale. I guess they must have kept changing the locks on everything, because the keys somehow never seemed to work. In the end, they got the answers (maybe) via spontaneous confession, a la Old Mr. Crabtree at the Haunted Amusement Park. ("And I would've gotten away with it too--if it weren't for those meddling FBI agents!!") How lam3.

    Sorry, Master I?m sure it?ll be all right. There?s quite enough evil in the man to go around.

    That's quite all right, my young Padawan, for never does the glerpf fly through the open door of blompfswaddle but that the phleghrinators exit the--::gets hit by a poison dart:: Aiiigh!















    . . . and anyway, as Master Dimwiddle used to say to me, blah, blah, blah blah blah irrelevant garbage blah . . .
  23. Psycho-Freak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 4
    Oooo Great ending, perfect way to leave us wanting for more. :)



    Put me in that PM list.

    P-F
  24. lvk1978 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2004
    star 3
    Do0d, like you totally finished!!1!!!11 LIke, I've been waitin' 4-evah! ;)

    ...What residual slush had managed to drain down this far collected in stagnant pools that dented the pedways like the acidic pockets of a stomach.

    <offers sj a TUMS> I absolutely love this description. It's the old Biology major in me.

    Kala smirked. Jedi arrogance was a truly marvellous thing, she decided. It had made everything almost too easy.

    <DV/JEJ voice> All too easy. <DV/JEJ voice> That nasty little hussy! I think what makes me even madder is that she's only thinking the truth. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to slap that smirk right off her face!

    ...The display made Kala wonder how the man managed to dress himself in those troublesome Jedi garments.

    Okay, she's gone too far. <Lisa rolls up her sleeves> Them's fightin' words ya nasty little piece of baggage!

    Managing the way down the tight staircase proved painful. Her knee throbbed dully, and Kala took her anger out in private curses aimed at Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    Ha! I hope it hurts bad, ya snotrag!

    Kenobi was certainly a formidable specimen.

    Hubba, hubba! That's one thing we agree on!
    Aaaack! Ended with a preposition! Ummmm...That's one thing on which we agree! <Lisa does the grammar Dance of Joy>

    But she had been able to disarm and disable him, too quickly for him to recover. Kala revelled in the memory of the lauded, pious Knight withering helplessly against the wall, his life at her mercy.

    Ohmigawsh, sj, how much have you made me hate this woman?

    The robed figure sat facing away from Kala towards the solid wall on the opposite side of the room. It was because of this presence that the room was strangely more than empty. It was like a black hole, sucking all the life and light away. Kala felt it each time she was in the presence of her current employer.

    What? You mean I actually got something right? :eek: There is only one person who could suck all the life out of room (I mean two actually -- Sidious and the former governor of my state :p)! sj, I can now die a happy woman. I finally guessed something right! Woo-hoo! BTW, if you can't tell, I really loved that black hole line -- it was awesome!

    The last thing Kala heard was as much in her mind as it was spoken. Your vision is lacking, the voice hissed. With one final cough, she collapsed to the floor.

    Do0d, you di'nt! More wicked, bad, depraved deliciousness! Mazel tov!

    The Chosen One would be his, and Master Kenobi was going to help him.

    And that truly is the saddest and scariest thought of all. Great final line, sj. Super read and in case you haven't guessed, please put me on that PM list. I can't wait for the next one.

    Congrats again!
  25. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    ophelia
    So I guess an excessively large number of EU writers must occasionally be able to peck out something good, if only by accident.

    [face_laugh] I?ve never heard the infinite monkey theorem applied in this way, but it makes sense, I suppose.

    as Master Dimwiddle used to say to me, blah, blah, blah blah blah irrelevant garbage blah

    ?Does this mean I?m allowed to call Dooku Master Dimwiddle from now on? :)


    Leida
    Oooo Great ending, perfect way to leave us wanting for more

    Well, I can?t insist it?s more of the same, because it *is* 5 years later, and you wouldn?t really want the same story anyway, would you? But I do hope it can live up to expectations of the series ;)


    Liza
    I absolutely love this description. It's the old Biology major in me.

    Yeah? you know you?ve had too much biology when it starts creeping into how you describe streets :p

    <DV/JEJ voice> All too easy. <DV/JEJ voice>

    I have to admit, that was in my head ;)

    That nasty little hussy! I think what makes me even madder is that she's only thinking the truth. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to slap that smirk right off her face!

    Yeah, it?s aggravating when the truth comes from someone you really don?t want to hear it from. Hence Obi-Wan ignoring Dooku in AotC :oops:

    Omigawsh, sj, how much have you made me hate this woman?

    A lot, it would appear ;)

    sj, I can now die a happy woman. I finally guessed something right!

    Good guess :p Although I think it was getting much more obvious towards the end. The ?twist? if you will was more that Lamont was telling the truth. And yet Obi-Wan put him away for life. Fabulous :)

    I really loved that black hole line -- it was awesome!

    Thanks :D As I?ve mentioned, I?m kind of fond of that one, too.

    The Chosen One would be his, and Master Kenobi was going to help him.

    And that truly is the saddest and scariest thought of all. Great final line, sj.


    Merci. And yes, sadly, Obi-Wan does contribute somewhat. In the end, though, Sids gets more than he bargained for in Obi-Wan. I mean, had he realized it?s actually impossible to kill/stop a Kenobi, he would have seen to it that someone else screwed up Anakin?s childhood instead :p


    -sj loves kevin spacey
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