Saga In the Shadow of the Chosen: Episodes I-III (Obi-Wan, Anakin, TPM/post TPM) - - End of III, March 2!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by solojones, Dec 1, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. KenobiObiWan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Please add me to your PM list! I've really enjoyed this story. I know I don't comment that often but I'm still a loyal reader. Can't wait for your next episode!

    I agree with everyone about the last post. Sidious was just downright creepy. I also can't stand Kala, but she made a deal with the devil and it caught up to her. I almost felt sorry for her for a moment there.
  2. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    It's ok. I know what it's like to be behind on commenting on/reading a favourite story [face_worried] I blame school.

    I think in some way you have to feel a bit sorry for most of the 'bad guy' types Palps attracts, including Anakin of course. Some of them just don't know what they're getting into.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  3. RobertHuntingdon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 22, 2005
    star 1
    Hmmm... well I must say I like this. I think you need to add your new fanfic to your signature when you get it going tho... or better yet, just tack it on here at then end. Who cares how long a thread gets?? I don't. That just means it's popular. And this one is for good reason.

    I don't have much to say about individual posts. And even if I were to try, I'd have three years of postings to catch up on. Instead, I'll settle for a few general comments.

    Lets see now, strengths. Well, it's definately interesting, engaging, and moves the story along quickly enough to keep from getting boring, but slowly enough to keep you begging for more. That's a good skill to have. That it deals with some of my favorite characters from the PT is also handy. (I know you won't agree with me here, but I guess I should admit that Luke is my favorite from the OT. But Obi-Wan is definately very high on the list in the PT. Which I suppose is good considering how much he shows up in it. If we didn't like him we'd really be up a creek!) Actually, come to think of it, this is more than interesting. I tore through this ENTIRE THREAD in one day... granted, I skipped reading most of the outside posts to do so, but still. You are definately doing something right if you can keep me glued to my computer for 8 hours like this...

    Weaknesses? Not too many, really. Only thing I really noticed consistently is your spelling could use a bit of work. Nothing really terrible, but maybe you should type out in Word first and use the spell checker a bit more, then just cut-and-paste over here...

    Guess that's all for now. Enjoy the rush, Ms. feedback junkie! :D

    RH

    P.S. I can't wait until we can say happy RotS MONTH... can you? :D
  4. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    I think you need to add your new fanfic to your signature when you get it going tho

    I definitely will. When I get to that. Alas, I haven't yet completed the first post. I've had the concept of this story in my mind since I began this one, but it's taken a lot of fleshing out. Mostly, I blame Anakin for being hard to write :p

    Who cares how long a thread gets?? I don't. That just means it's popular. And this one is for good reason.

    Well, thank you, but it's not matters of length I'm concerned about. It's more that, while this is a series and I think works best that way, each story is quite individual and could be read on its own. I should have done a better job representing this from the beginning, I think... I don't know, we'll see how an individual thread works this next time around. I think it's worth trying.

    Well, it's definately interesting, engaging, and moves the story along quickly enough to keep from getting boring, but slowly enough to keep you begging for more.

    Thank you. I'm glad you think so, though I'm in the process of reworking Episode I at the moment and it has some issues. But one is always improving, right? Hopefully? ;)

    I should admit that Luke is my favorite from the OT.

    It's all right. I like Luke well enough. I don't dislike him at all, I just was never really attached to him much. But actually the PT has solidified the whole Skywalker family story for me and has made his bit more important and interesting to me now. And if you stick around for, oh, forever, this series will eventually get to the OT and Luke :p

    If we didn't like him we'd really be up a creek!

    Not *entirely* up a creek. There's always the option of becoming an intense Anakin lover and utterly despising Obi-Wan, though I'd rather you not do that ;)


    I tore through this ENTIRE THREAD in one day... granted, I skipped reading most of the outside posts to do so, but still.

    :eek: Yikes! That's either dedication, interest, insanity, or some combination. Pretty flattering, though [face_blush] And yes, there are some rather talkative readers here, but I enjoy the conversation and it really helps me write, too.

    Only thing I really noticed consistently is your spelling could use a bit of work.

    [face_laugh] Not surprising. It's never ever been my strong point. The thorn in my side, really. I've succeeded academically save for the fact that I still miss points in both English and French classes for spelling things incorrectly.

    I do use Word and I have a friend read over it before I post it, but I'm sure things still get through. Part of that is in my eagerness to move ahead, especially since I've always planned on redrafting each episode when I've finished and seen the reaction to it. I'll fix it in post! :p I blame GL.

    One thing is, though, that I have tried to use British spellings intentionally. Well, for one thing, I spell some words that way. But I felt like, being that this story is linked largely to Obi-Wan's point of view and he is the GFFA equivallent of British, it made sense. I mean, I realised when I wrote Qui-Gon's funeral scene that it made sense, because there Obi-Wan says, "The Council have granted me permission..." which is clearly the British use. If he were American, he would have said "The Council has..." because we refer to groups like that as plural not singular. We wouldn't say, "The Senate have voted on this bill." ...

    All right, now I'm just being trivial :p But you're right, poor spelling is noticeable as are inconsistencies. It's one of the things I'm working on in the redrafting :oops:


    Guess that's all for now. Enjoy the rush, Ms. feedback junkie!

    Mmmmm.... it's like heroin, but without the risk of AIDS.

    ...

    Er, yes. But truly, I love the way this community works. Having feedback along the way as you're writing is immensely helpful. It allows you to see what is working and what isn't. I definitely think the ends of each of my stories here have ended up being better than the beginning.
  5. RobertHuntingdon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 22, 2005
    star 1
    (re: the trailer) Hey hope you like it. After you see it, drop by the lightsaber thread and see what you think. I've picked that critter apart and I plan to do so more fully yet still... I probably overanalyzed it to death but... well I'll just say it's a very nice looking trailer... :D

    RH
  6. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    It is a lovely trailer. Can't wait to *really* have some new stuff to talk about in that thread. You know, you have ophelia to blame/thank for that one ;)


    Attention Readers!
    The newest installment of the "In the Shadow of the Chosen" series has begun. So head on over to Episode IV: The Cure to check it out.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  7. spiritgurl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2003
    star 4
    Heya solojones! I'm catching up on some of my reading today!

    I hate to go "backwards" but first off *fantastic* ending, very chilling. [face_worried] Well done! :)

    And as for earlier in the story. I really liked the rooftop stuff. You could have easily just had them find and entrance and sneak in but you kept it very interesting and helped develop the characters and their relationship really nicely. It was nice seeing you sneak in moments of Obi-Wan's brand of training as well. :)

    The Kala vs Obi battle was also well done, wonderfully choreographed so I could see it and it made sense how she almost got the best of him there. Poor Obi. :( She got hers in the end though. :p

    I had to laugh at Palpy "accidentally" digging his finger into Obi's wound in his back. Poor Obi but "accidentally"? Yeah, right... [face_whistle]

    Anakin dealing with his "first kill" seemed very in character with his conflict palpable there.

    sg
  8. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Eep! What are these stories doing leaping out of the depths :p Speaking of which, nice to see you, Liz ;)

    I hate to go "backwards" but first off *fantastic* ending, very chilling. Well done!

    Thanks! You don't know how much I just wanted to get through the last half or so of that story once I'd completely got that last post planned out in my head ;) I'm really happy with how it turned out, and happy it could bring some lovely chills to readers :p

    And as for earlier in the story. I really liked the rooftop stuff. You could have easily just had them find and entrance and sneak in but you kept it very interesting and helped develop the characters and their relationship really nicely. It was nice seeing you sneak in moments of Obi-Wan's brand of training as well.

    Sometimes it's really easy and tempting to just do the quick thing. I have observed, however, that one of the marks of a good story is in not skipping opportunities for 'normal' moments that can help to reveal more. So I'm trying to do that myself, now that I've realised that quality in good writing.

    As for Obi-Wan's training methods, those just seem to pop up naturally. Actually, I don't ever find myself having much trouble with Obi-Wan at all. He's taken over what parts of my brain didn't already coincide with his 8-} It's that Anakin kid who gives me all the trouble. Well, him and that 'plot' thing.

    The Kala vs Obi battle was also well done, wonderfully choreographed so I could see it and it made sense how she almost got the best of him there.

    It probably didn't look as wonderful when it was just me jumping around the room, throwing myself into walls coreographing it... I must say, this part was fun even though I don't like writing action. Mostly because the research was fun. I tried to pit Shaolin Monk (so Jedi) Kung Fu techniques against street/guerilla techniques learned in this manual I found called 'Kill or Get Killed' written by an ex-Marine o_O

    It was wicked fun, though, really. I did have to ask my mom (a chemistry teacher) about chemical burns. It's actually more likely that throwing water on it would have made it explode or something, but Obi-Wan got lucky ;)

    I had to laugh at Palpy "accidentally" digging his finger into Obi's wound in his back. Poor Obi but "accidentally"? Yeah, right... [face_whistle]

    [face_devil] I enjoy every delicious moment of writing Palpatine, especially when he's busy coddling Anakin and/or secretly getting at Obi-Wan. I had fun writing that part especially because it's from Obi-Wan's POV and he is pretty clueless, which is what gives Palpy the chance for 'accidents'.

    Anakin dealing with his "first kill" seemed very in character with his conflict palpable there

    It didn't come out quite as powerfully as I'd planned because I had to get Obi-Wan away and after Kala. But I was pleased with getting the chance to have Ani talk to Uncle Palpatine about it.

    Thanks so much for the comments [:D]

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  9. Alley_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Wow! It had taken me several days to finish reading this but I have to say it was A<AZING!
    The ission and the whole intrigue was planned out very well. There's something that I'll never be able to do..lol :)
    A very creepy ending there...Pa;patine is one sickO!
  10. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Woah, look what thread's back from the dead :) I'm happily surprised to see someone new reading. I'm glad you enjoyed these stories. Yes, Palpatine is quite, quite evil. It's only to get worse from there ;) Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I'm glad you've enjoyed the series thusfar.
  11. _ThatJediScum_ Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    I've been reading this series off and on for the past few weeks and I absolutely love it. I haven't finished reading everything yet but I just had to drop you a line to let you know how much I'm enjoying your work.

    bran
  12. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Wow, another new reader. I'm truly surprised and happy :) I'm glad you're enjoying it. I hope you continue to.
  13. Mr_Dagobah Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2005
    star 2
    Well, I have just finished off the third episode, and I'm happy there is another one waiting for me! I have also been through all the commentary on the previous pages, and I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. But I will say that you have done an admirable job of writing this fic. You have got Obi-Wan and Anakin dead on, in my opinion. I think this is the absolute best characterization of Obi-Wan that I have seen in any fanfiction. You should be very proud of yourself. May I ask to be put on your PM list, as I would like to be notified of your stories. [face_peace]
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.