Speculation In this thread, please fabricate "scoops" for Episode 7-9!

Episode VII will start off at Jack in the Box with our heroes eating tacos.

 

my firing from my job today was secretly set up by jj Abrams so i could be in the films (i wish)

 

Arndt just handed me the first 6 pages of the script. It opens with Luke buying hats. That's literally it for 6 pages. He's just looking for a new hat. There's, like, 4 lines of dialogue in it and the line "I need a new hat" is repeated twice. I hit Arndt will a rolled up newspaper and told him to make it better. I think the pressure is getting to him.

 

Luke returned to Mos Eisley in Tatooine to buy back his vintage speeder. He paid 5 times more than what he sold it for but he was happy to get it back. Now he cruises around the desert singing along to "Born to be Wild". His hat was blown off while cruising so now he needs a new hat.

 

Luke finally gets back to Tosche Station and gets his power converters. He proceeds to convert power.
Boba Fett gets resurrected, captures Chewbacca, ties him up and proceeds to shave him, to get hair to start the wig shop he always wanted to set up. This gets Han Solo really peaved so he intercepts Fett in the Falcon and kills him. To avoid another resurrection, he chops him up into little pieces with Luke's lightsaber. While he is disgusted looking at shaved Chewey, he does grudgingly admit that he smells a lot better.

 



America's favorite space wookie-led crime fighters earn another shot at the big screen in this sequel-trilogy to the hit Star Wars. The reunited Millenium Falcon Inc. team -- Han (Freddie Prinze Jr.), Leia (Sarah Michelle Gellar), C-3PO (Linda Cardellini), Luke (Matthew Lillard), and Chewbacca (voice of Neil Fanning) -- return to Han’s hometown of Coolsville on Corellia as heroes when a local criminology museum offers an exhibition of the many ghostly disguises used by villains they've subdued over the years. However, their warm welcome is not long-lived; mean-spirited television reporter A Reincarnated Darth Vader (Alicia Silverstone) has aired a series of stories calling the team's intelligence and bravery into question, and even worse, a number of the weird creature costumes on display in the museum are coming to life and wrecking havoc on the people of Coolsville. Some of the clues seem to point to Old Man Wickles (Peter Boyle), whose attempts to pose as the Black Knight Ghost were foiled by the Mystery Machinists in the past, but is he looking for revenge or just a red herring? And what is C-3P0 supposed to do about R2-D2 (Seth Green), a curator at the museum who's warm for his helmet-haired form? Star Wars ST also co-stars Tim Blake Nelson and features a cameo appearance from American Idol star Ruben Studdard.

 

^ That wins for most random.

 

Cate Blanchett will appear as Irina Spalko; Ep VII will begin where Kingdom of the Crystal Skull left off.

 

She went through the portal from the transdimensional beings into a Galaxy Far, Far Away. She will be called Darth Spalko. The first time Han Solo sees her, he will do a double-take. And any other scene they share, Han is always fidgety and awkward and looking at her cross-eyed. When someone asks him about it, he'll yell, "Uh, NOTHING!" angrily and immediately try to change the subject, muttering only to himself, "Dammit, why did she have to come here? She'll blow the whole deal sky high!"

Hah! I missed these the first time round, those are genius. This thread is very re-readable.

 

This just in, "DERP! Double post!"

Oddly, that is actually the third line of dialogue spoken in Ep. 8

 

Kate Beckinsale will play every single character in the movie.

She's not too old you guys.

 

Darth Plagueis has returned in the form of all-conquering swine flu. Galaxy´s last hope is Like´s apprentice, Red avian.

 

Arndt and Abrams argue over lens flare.

 

In Episode 7, a hooded figure will be shown taking apart a lightsaber with The Force and putting it back together. During that process, a green crystal will be replaced with a purple one. The hooded figure will be revealed as Luke. Later in the film, Luke, using his now purple bladed lightsaber will fight a powerful Sith, have his hand cut off and be Sith Lightning'ed out of a window. Fans will speculate and debate Luke's survival/return in Episode 8 and 9.

 

Ronald McDonald just told me that Disney is desperate to somehow cram a commercial tie-in in the film but it's really hard to figure out how to do it in the Star Wars universe. Character names being bounced around include "Darth Nugget" or flat-out using the character of "Mac Tonight" as the alien sidekick.



Kennedy is oddly warm to the idea but she's pushing in more of a Hot Topic marketing tie-in, since their merch as dried up post "Twilight" saga.

 

Arndt and Abrams murdered for not including Sith.

 

Episode VII will be an adaptation of every single EU novel ever.

 

All at once! In an hour and 30 minutes. There's currently going to be six "opening crawls" interspersed in there.

 

It's going to be like Cloud Atlas only every single storyline will play at the same time.

 

Kathleen Kenedy will confirm next week that Episode 7 will truly be about the next generation offspring. Of Porkins.

 

In lieu of the recent announcement of a Superman/Batman crossover, the next E3 announcement will be for a Trek/Wars crossover.

 

My informer told me, after some drinks, that the new enemy is going to be Evronians! And on of the new heroes are going to be an albino lepi jedi who are going to fight with two lightsabers called Miga-Moto Kanin

 

I know a guy who knows a guy who knows some guys he refers to as 'Mike' and 'JJ' and apparently the ST will borrow heavily from 'Twilight'...including the cast.

 

Devin Faraci just posted that Abrams is so angry about moving to England he threw Bob Orci into a closet with a pack of toothpicks and superglue and told him not to come out until he makes a fully functional transporter. Abrams is considering giving him water after 10 hours as a mercy.