Speculation In this thread, please fabricate "scoops" for Episode 7-9!

The Khyber Crystal will finally play a role in the Star Wars saga!

 

JJ Abrams will not drop out of SW because he actually doesn't exist. It's a Latin anagram for George Lucas.

 

In possible casting news, Zac Effron has been seen trying on cloaks and waving his hand at random people, hoping to Jedi mind trick him into handing over 5 bucks. Oddly, it seems to be working.

 

In Episode VII, the Sith will acquire vast new powers.
I foresee this to be true, because:
"The new seventh episode of Star Wars"
... is an anagram of ...
"Foresee the new and vast Sith powers"

 

There's no 'f'.

 

?? No "f", you say? ...
Yes there's an "f" in both parts of the anagram.
The anagram is correct (if you wish you can verify it with an anagram checker). (-;

 

Jar-Jar is discovered to have a high midi count and is the protagonist of the ST.

 

MTV just told me that, in the greatest Punk'd promo ever, all of Episode 7 promotion is a smokescreen and on opening night in theatres across the globe, "Pootie Tang 2" will unspool on unsuspecting audiences. Then Ashton Kutcher, JJ Abrams & George Lucas will come on screen and tell us that we've all just been Punk'd. Should be a blast! Literally!

 

Inspired by the game 'Star Wars Kinect', Harrison Ford is demanding that Episode 7 includes a dance off so he can show what Han Solo can really do on the dance floor.

 

Furcifer wins. Lock imminent.

 

Katy Perry is in Star Wars! Costume test photo leaked!



Absolutely 100% confirmed by her agent. Because I AM her agent!

 

According to ancient lore from Nostradamus that he foretold to a drunken store clerk and was handed down from generations, the great Star Wars of the mid-2015 year caused a horrific schism between it's followers, those who fell into the cult of Darth Jar-Jar vs. Darth Goofy (and the small off-shoot of Porkins-related hardliners who were generally just written off as a bunch of noodniks and teased by random passerby), across theaters in North America a Chosen One was foretold to bring the two groups together. In a desperate attempt to fulfill this prophesy, fans of both rallied around their respective figureheads which were, ironically, personified by Jake LLoyd and Hayden Christensen. While both men patiently explained to their now-inadvertent-cult-like following that they weren't actually Chosen Ones, it was actually just a big mistake of blending fact and fiction together, the conflict came to a head until, one day, Mickey descended from upon high carried by a fleet of Herbie the Love Bugs and brought the groups together with an offer of free beer pong with Billy Dee Williams. "It works every time", the actor happily replied. A rousing "Life Day" song chorus ensued from the fanbase and carried onto the streets, generally confusing people who were lined up to see "Die Hard 7: Please, Make It Stop Die Harding"

In response to this event being foreseen, Kenny Baker has started, and this is a direct quote, "mad ab crunches" to get into fighting shape for Episode 7. Artoo is gonna be going places! With the cast of "Jersey Shore"!

 

episode 7 will be max rebo's quest to prove that he is not an elephant. I found this out while driving Abrams in a taxi

 

Luke finds out his great, great, great grandfather was the first Sith. Who was also named Luke.

 

STAR WARS EPISODE VII HAS BEEN MALICIOUSLY CANCELLED BY BOB IGER KNOWN TO UNKNOWN REASONS!

Source? Bobby's Mom.

 

(Headline from The Wrap in mid 2014

In a bit of ingenious casting magic, Abrams used his connection to the Dark Hollywood Underbelly to resurrect Alec Guinness for a cameo in Episode 7. Unfortunately, once being shipped in a crate in chains to Elstree Studios and opened up on set, zombie Alec Guinness simply growled, "I... belong... dead!" snapped his leash and began eating Bryan Burk. Might slow down production a tad. Oddly, Rick McCallum seems cool with it, calling it a "bold" choice while mailing in his resume.

(Yes, headlines on websites will get much much longer by early 2014)

 

Completing the Anagrammatic Scoops Trilogy ...


Anagram-Scoop #2:

In a subplot of Episode VII, an intrepid Ewok warrior defeats a pair of remnant Sith assassin droids that had been wreaking havoc on Endor. These two leftover droids, their original missions long past, had recently emerged from hiding and gone berserk in a series of apparently random attacks. Destroying both of these deadly droids single-handedly and ending their brief reign of terror, the Ewok warrior (whose nickname is "Phantom") will be hailed as a hero. ... I foresee this to be true, because:

"Ewok hero named 'Phantom' fights two Sith assassin droids. He saves Endor, etc."​

is an anagram of:​

"The seventh Star Wars episode, named Dark Shadows of the Sith, is coming soon."​

Anagram-Scoop #3:

In Episode VII, friendships and alliances will be challenged and tested. History bears the seeds of growing discord and dissension, dangerous divisions and factional schisms, emerging amidst rising omens of impending chaos. ... I foresee this to be true, because:

"The seventh episode, Star Wars: Shadows of the Sith, is coming soon."​

is an anagram of:​

"The past divides those who sense how omens of chaos start rising."​

These silly anagrams were constructed with help from an anagram generator, and verified by an anagram checker.

Obvious disclaimer: Of course I don't claim any credit for "Shadows of the Sith" (an official title, apparently from a canceled game) etc. (discussed in the Title Speculation thread since July 29th).

 

episode 7 is really a plot how to hypnotize us to forget about the holiday special

 

Due to internet complaints, the entire OT3 *and any returning character* will be made completely out of CGI in order to guarantee they look as young/fit and beautiful *or in Obi Wan's case...as Alec Guinnessy as possible* as we remember. Fans dont know whether to rejoice or not.

 

john cena is not really injured hes been cast as the lead role in episode 7

 

figrin Dan sings his rendition of they're coming to take me away

 

It is confirmed that, due to a dark, unspoken secret from their past which emerges, tensions between Han and Leia took 30 years to reach a breaking point and they are a very bitter couple in Ep. 7.

What was it that caused the schism, you ask?



Sources remain vague on that point. But it ain't exactly hard to guess, y'know?

 

I guess she WOULD rather kiss a Wookiee.