Saga Indespensable (TPM, OC, Humor--Repost)

Deep inside the rancid pile of rocks called a palace, the minor crime lord Garja the Hutt relaxed in his throne room, sheltered from Tatooine's savage suns. For the moment the chamber was empty save for a couple of guards, a Weequay and a Nikto. The only sounds were loud inhalations and exhalations Garja made while lazily smoking his water pipe. Next to Garja, a frog bowl nearly empty of water sat on a pedestal.

A slightly-scuffed silver protocol droid shuffled in and stopped in front of the dais where Garja sat. "Sir, might I have a word with you?"

Garja waved a pudgy hand.

The droid inched closer. He took a moment to look back at both guards and then faced the Hutt. "Please don't take this the wrong way, sir, but you don't pay me enough to take this constant abuse."

Garja smirked. "I don't pay you at all."

"Well, that is beside the point."

"Then what is the point, talk-droid?"

The droid straightened. "My designation is C-3K0."

"Whatever." Garja took a puff from his pipe. "Whadda you want?"

"Well...I want better treatment."

"I want more Twi'lek dancers, but wanting something doesn't mean you're going to get it."

"At least hear me out, sir."

Garja's huge eyes rolled in their sockets. "All right."

Threekayo drew himself up proudly. "Well...for a start, I don't want to take out the garbage anymore. This is not what I was programmed for."

"At least you're taking out the garbage. You're not being take out as garbage." Garja snickered nastily.

"I find no humor in that statement."

"You would if you knew how many droids I go through. You know, you're lucky."

"I don't consider it lucky that I am forced to walk your nekk attack dogs. Loathsome creatures."

"They like you."

"I do not care!" Threekayo waved his arms in disgust. "I do not like them!"

Garja rolls his eyes again and kept smoking. "Anything else?"

"The roomasche. I don't want to cook it anymore."

The massive Hutt seemed to deflate. "Awww..."

"Well, I don't!"

"But I love it. Nobody else can get the tentacles to the tenderness I like."

"Have you ever tried to kill one of those things? Take off one tentacle, another sprouts in its place and it tries even harder to get away. 'Fastest lunch on legs', indeed. And the ink is detrimental to my delicate circuitry."

"You're hurting me here."

"I only way I could hurt you is if I left."

Garja squinted at the droid. "You're leaving?"

"If I don't get what I want."

Garja reached down beside him and held up a droid caller, waving it menacingly. "You'd better be joking. This is a joke, right?"

Threekayo was unmoved. "No joke at all. And if you attempt to immobilize me with that, you'll find it will not work."

The Hutt aimed the caller at the droid and pressed the activator. When the droid did nothing, Garja glared at the caller. "What's going on here?"

It was impossible for Threekayo to look any more smug than he did at that moment.

"I am not a typical droid, and typical restraining bolts will not work on me. You equipped me with the ability to cook and cook well, which required that you remove my creativity inhibitors. As I must constantly repair your ailing kitchen equipment, rewiring a restraining bolt is not much of a problem."

"Then what did I just activate?"

"The hangar door."

"Oh." Garja recalled how many times he had pressed the activator button and pressed it the right number of times to close hangar door. At least he hoped it was closed.

"Anyway," he said, regarding the droid with a sour look, "how could you hurt me by leaving? I can always get a new droid. One that can only cook."

Threekayo ignored the threat. "I know about your dealings with Nabur the bounty hunter and how you tried to have your cousin Kujo blown up on his sail barge."

Garja shrugged. "He knew it was me. I said it was a joke, and he believed it."

"He is either biding his time to get back at you, or he is the most gullible creature I've ever met."

The Hutt appeared to think about

 

That's hillarious! Good work!

 

Hah! That was a good one. It's been a long time since I saw a droid starring in a fic. Too long. Very well done, DOTF. Humorous, yet carrying a sort of tragedy... no matter how silly.

 

A droid who can do more than whine or complain? Huh, no not really. He is whinning and complaining!

And how does a droid manage to look smug?

Loved it. Droids make some of the best characters (The don't have love affairs, unless it's with their oil bath, but lets not go there. They don't need walks. And if they annoy you, you can just turn them off (maybe not in this case but *innocent look* in most cases.)

lol

 

LOL very humorous, I always wondered what would happen to a droid if it complained...