Infestation (JA Universe)-1st Fan Fic

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Sith_Lady_Aurila, Apr 3, 2001.

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  1. Sith_Lady_Aurila Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2000
    star 1
    Hello guys!
    Okay....I'm nervous. What can I say? This is a fan fic idea that's been bouncing around in my mind so I thought I'd post the first part and test some waters.

    It's a bit odd but I hope it works.
    Comments and constructive trashing will be appreciated! :)
    ===================================

    Infestation

    PROLOGUE

    /slither/

    One....two of them.

    They would be considered beautiful. Not just by their own kind but by all those who met them. Such beings were always considered beautiful. And there were no boundaries set for beautiful creatures. For them, the world was a sea of limitless opportunities and acceptance.

    /slither/

    Closer. Yes, they are still beautiful. Even more so when closer. Jealousy like no other gripped the hiding mass. A quiet rage built inside the misshapen body as it shook, unseen by the observed pair. So beautiful. So unfair! It's anger made it want to scream out but instead, it clawed at it's own arms and legs. Or what should have been its arms and legs. No matter that ugly lines now ran down them, created by its sharp nails.

    Ugly things were not so noticible on other ugly things. That was the one advantage it had.

    /slither/

    How it longed to have blue eyes like the smaller. Or a lean frame like the older. Even to have hair like either. Hair that rested neatly on one's head instead of residing, viperlike. So ugly.

    It was time to think of better things. To stop concentrating on their beauty and on other things. Like how such beauty can be so easily destroyed. A smile formed on what must be considered its face as it began to think how with the rake of one hand, the younger's perfect face would be turned into a mask of bloody ribbons.

    /slither/

    Or with one quick swipe, it could tear the hair off the elder and leave only a peeling, raw red scalp in its wake. All that beauty could be so easily destroyed. That one realization allowed for contentment to bloom inside its chest and bleed to all area of its body. The smile only widened, cracking the skin on its lips and the corners of its large mouth.

    /slither/
  2. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    What a fantastic start! Please keep going with this, Aurila. I'd love to know more! :)
  3. Sith_Lady_Aurila Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2000
    star 1
  4. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I agree with Jemmiah!

    Awesome start SLA, just knowing that...that thing is watching my favorite Jedi sends chills down my spine.

    Post often, post soon.
  5. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Creepy.

    Was reminded very much of Medusa the Gorgon of Greek/Roman mythology, for some reason. (I think it was the slithering.)

    Eagerly awaiting more. Onward! --AWK
  6. Senni_Arava Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 22, 2000
    star 3
  7. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Oh! That was a wonderful start, Aurila! :) Great descriptions, truly :) I wish *I* could describe slithering things like that!

    Can't wait for more! And don't worry about weird; weird is good and a wonderful resource.

    You've also got a great troupe of readers now, btw :p
  8. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Great start!!!! It gave me chills :eek: That creature watching the boys with such hate, shocking :eek:

    Hope we get more soon!!!!
  9. Sith_Lady_Aurila Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2000
    star 1
    Oooo! Thank you Healer Leona, Alli-Wan, Senni_Arava, Amidolee and Kelly Kenobi!
    Here's the next bit.
    ============================

    Two Days Earlier

    "We are grateful for your assistance, Salla Jedi," spoke the elegant figure.

    15 year old Obi-Wan Kenobi did his best not to stare at the group assembled before him and his Master with gawking awe. The boy reminded himself that several cultures had their own standard of beauty and really such asthetic qualities were a shallow point to judge a person on.

    But still, a person could admire, couldn't he?

    By the stars, in all his life, Obi-Wan had yet to see so many lovely creatures in front of him all at once. Since the moment he and Qui-Gon had landed on Gabris-Olm, the two had been met by several of the planets occupants, each member as lovely or if not even more impossibly so than the last. The young padawan had yet to see a single inhabitant of this planet deviate even slightly from its usual line of beauty.

    It wasn't even that each person looked exactly the same. The population had its varying colors of eyes, wavy versus straight hair, tall versus short. But each person was so perfectly symmetrical that it pleased the eye to no end. All the inhabitants of Gabris-Olm shared a silvery complexion that shimmered when the light hit them at a certain angle. But beyond that, every person was uniquely beautiful.

    Even the planet itself was a paradise. The temperature was perfect, sunlit warmth in the daytime and cool and comfortable in the nighttime. Flowers of all kinds peppered the green fields, the air was clean, the waters clear, the trees healthy. It was truly as close to paradise as one could get.

    Hardly a place where so many lives would be brutally and grotesquely murdered.
  10. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    I love how Obi-Wan thinks that this is a paradise, surrounded by all these wonderfully beautiful people...and that last line! Very dramatic *grin*

    More soon! :)
  11. jade_angel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2001
    star 4
    Oh cool!!
    Great post, I love it so far, more!!
  12. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Good post! :) I wonder if Obi'll be attacked by those slithery things? *evil cackle*
  13. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Yes, after extolling on the beauty of such a place that last line was great foreboding!'

    More soon?
  14. Senni_Arava Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 22, 2000
    star 3
  15. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
  16. Sith_Lady_Aurila Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2000
    star 1
    Sorry for the delay! Here's the next bit!
    Thank you to Senni_Avara and Amidolee for keeping this up for me!
    ================================

    "Please, be seated, Salla Jedi," ushered the willowy creature. Her musical tones lilted and flittered past the ears of her guests like a light breeze.

    Waiting until he was sure that his Master had begun to lower himself onto the seat, Obi-Wan allowed himself to sit down on the plush seat. The young student watched with barely concealed admiration at his host's grace. His mind having long forgotten to tell him that physical beauty was moot point, Obi-Wan's eyes remained glued to the slender fingers as they brushed back a lock of golden hair from the woman's shoulders and then moved to pour tea into polished, pristine cups.

    "My people are amazed at the speed to which you answered our distress, Salla Jedi," spoke the woman.

    "Your message did more than suggest your people were in need of our immediate assistance, Gallan Varaiah," replied Qui-Gon in his usual reserved tone. His use of their language and formal title to address her seemed to please the woman a great deal. She gave the taller man a bright smile.

    "You have learned our customs and titles very quickly, Salla Jedi," she remarked. "I daresay there are not many outsiders who would remember that I am the rank of Gallan."

    "Information of your world is scarce," agreed Qui-Gon. "But we make it a priority to learn as much about each culture we are to visit and aid."

    The smile stayed on the young face, like a permanent tattoo of some sort. Suddenly, the dark violet eyes shifted their focus from the older Jedi's face to Obi-Wan. "And you, Salliat Jedi," she addressed. "Do you know what I mean when I call you a Salliat instead of Salla?"

    The quick shift of attention startled Obi-Wan slightly and he knew that his Master could tell it had caught him by surprise. Internally, he kicked himself and mentally prepared for the lecture he knew that was going to come later about keeping focus. But luckily, his mind always worked better when under pressure. Nodding, he ordered his face not to blush at the woman's attention, "Yes, Gallan Varaiah," answered the student. "I am the Salla's student."

    The golden-haired Varaiah smiled, sweetly. "You are indeed, Salliat. And a very good one. I'm sure with no doubt a great asset to your Master."

    The praise in front of Qui-Gon made Obi-Wan feel slightly awkward but he nodded his head in appropriate gratitude, not being able to help the small rush of pleasure that filled his chest. "Thank you, Gallan Varaiah."
  17. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Awww! Obi ---> [face_blush]

    That was great! You're doing a wonderful job with this story! Very interesting so far! :cool:
  18. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    this is great!!!

    (How come my 1st fic wasn't this good?1 :( )
  19. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    I really liked Obi's embarrasment infront of his master. Lovely little post SLA! :)
  20. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Just now catching up to this wonderful, spooky story. I'm definitely hooked and can't wait to read more.
  21. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
  22. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
  23. Sith_Lady_Aurila Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2000
    star 1
    Thanks Amidolee for upping this for me!
    Sorry for the lack of posting guys, work has been swamping me. I'll try and get something up soon.
  24. Jedi Susie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2000
    star 4
    You are off to a very nice start and I love the plot you're setting up. It's great to see Obi acting like a 15 year old boy in the presence of a pretty lady.

    I can't wait to see how the creepy prologue ties in with the story.

    Keep up the great work.
  25. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    No post since March?

    UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!
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