Beyond - Legends Insane Humor/EU/Rogue Squadron : "Wedge's Big Day"

On a list that I frequent there was a Birthday Fic Challenge Contest. Those of you who know Fic Challenges know that there are some really weird challenges out there.

This one had:

You must use: Pizza, Party hats, A stuffed ewok, A broken down Lambda-class shuttle, No working com-links, and Hobbie saying "It's worse than that."

I think I covered it all...though I have to warn all you readers. This falls into pure unadulterated INSANITY.
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Wedge?s Big Day
BIRTHDAY CHALLENGE FIC

Ganik Malan, ex-smuggler, Corellian, New Republic starfighter pilot and newest Rogue Squadron member was too hammered to see his squadron-mates approaching. A drink was the perfect thing to drown out the sorrows of the past few months when he had seen too many of his former squadron-mates killed. But now he was with Rogue Squadron, the best of the best. He lifted his glass again and was about to guide it to his mouth.

"Ho, fellow." The cheerful face of Wes Janson suddenly interposed itself between Malan?s glass of Dentarian Ripple and his mouth causing him to recoil in a state of inebriated horror and choke on his last imbibed drink. "Whatcha doin?"

Malan looked blearily at his squadron-mate. "Wha-whashuwant!" he slurred, protesting? "Yoush nearly shcared the alcohol out of my shyshtym." He coughed a couple of times.

"Sorry about that." Hobbie patted Malan on the back, "But we?re calling in all the Rogues."

"For what??? Not a mission?" Ganik got some of his mental faculties back, while coughing the last vestiges of the misdirected alcoholic beverage properly oriented towards his stomach rather than his lungs.

"Nope." Wes grinned. "You do know Wedge, our esteemed leader, will be celebrating his birthday shortly and we, Rogues, Being worthy of that name have come up with a splendid getaway birthday celebration for the good General."

Ganik still looked confused. "C?mon?" Hobbie said as he pulled on Ganik?s arm nearly spilling him to the floor, "We?re burning daylight."

"Hey!!!" the Twi?lek barkeep yelled, "You?d best make sure Malan pays for his drink. He?s already over-extended on his tab." Wes ignored the Twi?lek and guided Ganik to the door. The barkeep shouted, "Hey! Malan!!! I said?"

"Put it on General Antille?s tab." Wes tossed back. "It?s an alert." A white lie never hurt.

The Dancing Rancor was the Rogues? hangout during their off-hours. Good drinks, good food, and periodically, if time permitted, a good rousing, clear-the-stalls bar fight. What more could any self-respecting star-fighter jockey ask for?

It was a quick airspeeder ride back to base and the wind in Ganik?s face went a long way to sobering him up. When they approached the base gate, they were met by Corran Horn and Gavin Darklighter.

"The Wraiths are here." Corran stated to Wes as he looked at Hobbie and Ganik with an eyebrow raised. Hobbie was trying to keep Ganik on his feet.

"Well, they should be here." Wes replied. "Considering they have some ties to Wedge too. We?ll need all the help we can get to pull this party off."

"What about our little friend?" Hobbie asked Wes with a conspiring grin. "Did you find him?"

"Right here." Said Gavin, holding up what to Ganik?s bleary eyes appeared to be a scruffy-looking, battered stuffed ewok, "None the worse for being stuck in Wes?s closet?" snapping to an exaggerated attention, posing the stuffed ewok in the same manner. "Lieutenant Kettch, sir, reporting for duty."

"So any ideas on where we should take our erstwhile commander?" Wes asked, once everyone was seated.

"Somewhere we?ve never been before." Volunteered an anonymous Rogue.

"That?s a lot of help." Grumbled Hobbie. "Where HAVEN?T we been in the last decade? I?m drawing a blank."

A sandy haired head, attached to a neck covered with the collar of a Jedi-black tunic leaned in the doorway, a hand reaching around to balance himself. "So did the meeting start without me? Wes?"

"Glad you could drop by, Luke." Hobbie quipped.

 

LOL! This was insane humor but I enjoyed it. I like weird humor anyway, it suits me.

You did a great job with this, especially considering all of the factors you had to put in.

This was hilarious!