Beyond Insatiable - (Luke/Mara, angst) Complete! Epilogue posted 12 May

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JadeLotus, Nov 26, 2005.

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  1. JadeLotus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 4
    Title: Insatiable
    Author: JadeLotus
    Rating: PG
    Category: Angst, Challenge Response
    Characters: Mara Jade, Talon Karrde
    Summary: Mara faces the horrors of addiction.

    A/N: This can be read as a one-shot, but I might be expanding on it sometime in the near future. This first part will only be considered as the challenge response because I will be going outside of my own rules and involving Luke :)


    Response to the "Mara Sans Skywalker" November Challenge:


    Write a fic set either post-Endor, when Mara is on the run and struggling to survive, or when she is working as a smuggler/trader for Karrde (up to and including VOTF). However, Luke can not be featured or mentioned at any point, in any way.

    Must include the words:

    Deviant

    Cautious

    Diplomacy

    Polemic

    Sludge News





    A part of her doesn?t miss the killing.

    Not of the act itself. It was a rare person who was left completely unmoved or untouched by the moment of death itself; the instant of flesh and body slackening, of eyes deadening, life dimming. No, blood held no pleasure for her.

    But the moments following, in the shadows of darkness as Mara slipped away from her kill, the euphoria crept in. The knowledge of completing her Emperor?s will, of his pleasure at her clean, concise success. It became irresistible after a while?the rush of elation, the ecstasy that rushed through her blood, her mind. It blocked out everything ? any remorse, any thought of the victim?s family, any hate. Any feeling at all other than complete rapture.

    After the Emperor?s death, the pain was too much to bear. She was not only deprived of her station in the Emperor?s court, she was not only hunted by the Imperials or haunted by the dreams of the Emperor. She was chased by the emptiness in a galaxy where there was nothing to fulfil her. Although that had not stopped her searching for substitutes.

    It began with alcohol. Innocuous enough, really. She was no different to the myriads of others seeking solace in the drink. The pure numbness of it satisfied her at first. It dulled her senses, but that only increased her desire. The liquid imbibed her with new life, although it only lasted until the morning.

    The men had come next. Mara had been no innocent in the Emperor?s service ? too often she had played mistress to men, more habitually for information and on reconnaissance missions. It had been no more to her than a part of her job, a quick and effective way to earn a man?s trust, or at least access to his secrets. But in those days after Endor, it became no more to her than an augmentation to the alcohol?a glimpse of ecstasy wrapped in the glorious feeling of forgetfulness.

    She used men as she had always used them ? they were tools for her own purposes. They bought her drinks and took her back to their rooms ? never hers ? and she was fulfilled for a time. She was always gone by morning, anyway, their faces nothing but a blur on her memory.

    The first time she?d tried spice had been like her first kill. It had roused such dormant emotions within her ? a rush of pleasure and pain so divine Mara swore she had touched the stars themselves.

    Soon the ryll and glitterstim became the only thing that fulfilled her properly ? even if she had to steal or bargain for it in ways she would never have dreamed of doing before. But there was no respect for herself while in its euphoric embrace, no standards of decency for her body or mind. There was only the spice ? what she had to do to get it was immaterial.

    The days that followed had been a haze of alcohol, sex and spice, the glorious feeling of apathy, of her very soul being numbed while her mind soured with the self-indulgent, physical highs. There was no aching in that place, no regret or thoughts of pity, of depression at what her life had become.

    She had not kept an occupation ? she no longer had the lucidity for it. She lived in slums, in hovels with people lik/>
    Last edited by JadeLotus, May 11, 2014
  2. ginchy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2005
    star 4
    I vote for EXPANSION! You MUST write more of this. I beseech you! ;)

    Wowza, JL, this was great! I can totally see Mara feeling and acting like this, after having her life torn from her. And Karrde was perfect here...I often think that Luke gets all the kudos for 'reforming' Mara, while Karrde had a huge impact on her life, too.

    Excellent job, lady! =D=
  3. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    That was superb! I can see where she'd get caught in that trap so easily! Lovely fic! =D=
  4. RedGold Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2004
    star 4
    Awesome work!

    Very realistic!

    I can so see this happening considering everything.
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Great beginning.

    She was chased by the emptiness in a galaxy where there was nothing to fulfil her.

    Very tragic - :_| :_| but it perfectly explains why Mara turned to Alcohol, sex and spice to try and fill the void.

    And she lost a baby too? :_| :_|

    I certainly hope there are some good times ahead for here.

    Excellent response to the challenge

    =D= =D= =D= =D= =D=
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    This one HAS to be expanded on! [face_praying]

    I LOVED it! A perfect response to the challenge! =D=
  7. Anakins_Force Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 4
    One night she had collapsed, bleeding and in an unimaginable pain. The med-droid had apologised, unfortunately, she?d lost the baby. Eight weeks, it had said, a common occurrence around those of her kind. It was better off that it had not lived, she?d been told ? those born with the addiction never survived more than a few years. And those that did wished they hadn?t. Mara had listened to the cold, mechanical, clinical analysis, pain for the first time in months penetrating her closed heart. She hadn?t even known she?d been pregnant.

    Wow. This whole piece was powerful. Her losing the baby bc of her lifestyle is a good explanation for the way Mara acted before she and Luke really got together. It was self-protection and memories of her past life. I'm sure she was pretty freaked out when she realized how human she actually was--the drugs affected her just like everyone else.

    Great job and thanks for the PM.
  8. Golden_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2005
    star 4
    Beautiful, though painful... :_|
  9. MirandaFair Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2005
    star 4
    Amazing! :eek: I put my vote with the others that you must continue on with this story.

    She was more a slave to her own weak desires than she had ever been to the Emperor, although at the time she had not seen it that way. All she knew of the rush, the hit ? she chased it with every breath.

    You've really created a sad, very pathetic (due to the circumstances) Mara Jade. Her lost pregnancy, her meeting up with Karrde. Talon Karrde, who also beat addiction and is now her lifeline.

    A very moving piece and response. Can see the events happening. Very probable. Please continue. Well done, dear JL!=D= @};-

    edit: typo - so late.
  10. Ariapaige Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2002
    star 2
    Wow! i'd like to put in my vote with the others for expansion of this idea :D Let me know if/when you do, okay?

    ;) paige
  11. JadeLotus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 4
    ginchy - Thank you :D I've had the idea for a while, and it just seemed to fit in with the challenge.
    And Karrde was perfect here...I often think that Luke gets all the kudos for 'reforming' Mara, while Karrde had a huge impact on her life, too.
    I agree - Talon doesn't get enough credit for what he did for Mara. I think it would have taken even longer for Luke to get through to her if Karrde hadn't been in her life.

    Healer_Leona - Thanks! :)
    I can see where she'd get caught in that trap so easily!
    I think she has the perfect disposition for addiction, unfortunately.

    RedGold - Thank you. I'd said i'd write that drunken/spiced/promiscuous Mara fic someday ;)

    KELIA - Thanks!
    And she lost a baby too?
    I couldn't risk adding that extra angst, but I figured it was bound to happen eventually, with all the spice and lack of birth control...
    I certainly hope there are some good times ahead for here.
    [face_whistling] Thanks for reading!

    VaderLVR64 - This one HAS to be expanded on!
    I'm working on it, don't worry :) Thanks for the encouragement!

    Anakins_Force - Thank you so much! [:D]
    I'm sure she was pretty freaked out when she realized how human she actually was--the drugs affected her just like everyone else.
    I think so too - I thought it would be interesting to give perhaps a different view to why Mara was so closed of, unwilling to trust, etc. She discovered that she was flawed and was scared to death by it. I love deeping like that into Mara's psyche - complicated as it is ;)

    Golden_Jedi - Thank you :)

    MirandaFair - Thanks!
    You've really created a sad, very pathetic (due to the circumstances) Mara Jade. Her lost pregnancy, her meeting up with Karrde. Talon Karrde, who also beat addiction and is now her lifeline.
    I really like the idea that she was indebted to and trusted Karrde due to more than giving her a job. It makes sense, if you know what I mean? Someone experienced and fatherly, whose seen it all, accepting and helping her through her struggle. Like I said before, Karrde doesn't get enough props :D

    Ariapaige - Thank you :) I think you've all guilted me into starting this relatively soon.
    Let me know if/when you do, okay?
    Sure thing :)






  12. Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 1999
    star 6
    WOW! :eek: That's the only word I can think to describe this.

    You've handled the sensitive subject of addiction extremely well here. I deal with people in withdrawal on a fairly regular basis in my job and it can be a truly hideous time.

    I loved how you had Karrde as her father figure and her outlook afterwards:

    She had risen above mere human pleasure and pain, to a new tower of indifference that coated her soul in a protective sheath. Never again would she be victim to earthly desires, never again would she lose her vaulted self-control.

    Very much in keeping with her reluctance to pledge her life in service as a Jedi afterwards.


    Wonderful vig, JL!! =D=



  13. jade51999 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 1999
    star 5
    Excellent Vig!

    Loved it!
  14. JadeLotus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 4
    Jedi Trace - Thank you. I can't imagine withdrawal would be easy for anyone, so i'm glad it seemed realistic.
    Very much in keeping with her reluctance to pledge her life in service as a Jedi afterwards
    That's what I was going for :) I thought it might have put her wariness in a different light.


    jade51999 - Thank you :)





    Chapter 1




    ?Don?t look at me that way, Karrde.? Mara couldn?t help but be irritated by the sceptical look on her friend and former employer?s face. With anyone else, she would have simply told them where they could stick their opinion, but she tolerated such things with Talon. After all, she didn?t have to guard herself with him and he knew it enough not to fear her sharp tongue. But his dark, pensive expression, almost a look of disappointment, still irritated her.

    ?Mara, are you sure this is a good idea?? Karrde abandoned the meal that was before him and turned his full attention towards her. ?Are you sure it?s safe??

    Mara tried to sound dismissive. ?I have no doubt Calrissian will think that such a business merger should no doubt extend to the bedroom, but I can handle him.? Her attention shifted to the dancing couples, in harmony with one another. She saw Chief of State Organa-Solo, along with her husband among them. They seemed to radiate more brightly than those around them and even Solo looked graceful, lightly swinging his wife around the room. She supposed she would have to talk to them later ? hers and Talon?s invitation to this function had come directly from Leia, after all.

    ?You know I?m not talking about Calrissian,? Karrde?s voice was soft, but firm. ?What were you thinking, Mara?? He continued, as his tone hitched slightly, probably at her passive reaction. ?Spice trade? And at Kessel of all places? After all you?ve overcome-?

    He abruptly halted as Mara?s gaze flicked back to him in a dangerous glare. ?Are you saying I can?t handle it?? She didn?t like to be doubted. Talon rarely brought the issue of her former spice addiction up, diligently guarding her secret as if it were his own. Mara didn?t need him reminding her of how close she?d come to succumbing to it completely, of how dangerous it still was to her, looming tantalisingly just beyond her senses.

    Karrde sighed, reaching out to place his hand over her own. ?I?m saying that maybe you haven?t thought this through,? his voice had become warm again. ?I?ve always told you, Mara, never to put yourself in a position to fail ? especially in business.?

    ?I won?t fail,? she said sharply, but did not remove her hand from under his. ?Don?t you see, Talon? I need this. To know that I?ve beaten it.? She needed to prove to herself her own strength, again. If she could resist the temptation, working with the very cause of it, she would know she had won. Put the final piece back into her broken soul. ?And besides,? she continued, ?What?s the harm in making a little money on top of it all??

    ?You talk about it like it?s so easy.? Talon was clearly not convinced. ?You forget that I know how hard it is to live with, Mara. This is not a decision you should be taking lightly.? He held up a hand to halt her protests. ?And you choose to tell me here,? he gestured around the room, clearly becoming more incensed. ?At a New Republic banquet, in the presence of nearly a hundred people. As if you were telling me how you decided which dress to wear. Mara, this is your life.?

    ?I didn?t ask for your opinion, Talon. If you would just?? Mara trailed off as she felt a more irritating, but no less familiar presence approach. Without looking behind her, Mara sighed. ?Hello, Skywalker.?

    Talon looked up and greeted the Jedi, removing his hand from Mara?s and shaking Luke?s politely. It was clear that as long as Skywalker was in the vicinity he would not leave Mara alone and they would not get a chance to continue their discussion. Skywalker, of course, was oblivious to this, taking a seat at the empty place beside />
  15. ginchy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2005
    star 4
    Ooooh.....JL....this is great! I'm so glad you continued! I foresee tough times in the future for Mara...but maybe there will be a handsome farmboy to help her find her own way? :D

    I just love your writing...you make everything seem to real, without being overly dramatic or too simplistic. Excellent job...can't wait for more! =D=
  16. RedGold Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2004
    star 4
    Yay!!

    More!!

    I can't wait to find out why Luke is acting like the way he is... and how Mara's troubled past is going to effect things!
  17. Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 1999
    star 6
    Oooohh, this looks great, JL!! Loved the dance. ;) Luke may have started off awkwardly, but he certainly got a handle on the situation soon enough. [face_love]

    Looking forward to more!! :D


  18. Anakins_Force Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 4
    You never fail to hit the right note on these two!

    I like this edgy Luke and Mara--I'm glad he got to show up in this chapter. I like how she wasn't expecting him to take control. Go Luke!

    Great job and keep me on the PM list please.
  19. Ariapaige Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2002
    star 2
    ooh! non-bumbling Luke :eek: i can see how this would be really hard for her at this point in her life. but she can't keep running to Karrde as an excuse that way. though i'm sure she's upset at the loss of her security blanket, as it were, but she'll have to face it alone eventually.

    this is really an awesome update JadeLotus. thanks for the pm, as well

    ;) paige
  20. academygrad88 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2004
    star 5
    Wonderful story so far. I am really loving it. I hope to read more soon.

    AG88

    EDIT:
    You know, I was thinking about his story some more and I just realized how much potential angst you put into this story.

    I am a major Luke/Mara shipper, but the way you have developed Mara?s background I actually think she would be better off with Talon :eek: (I can?t believe I just said that).

    But think about it, if Mara starts dating Luke she will be forced to disclose to this man she respects all the disgusting and lurid details of her past life. Forget about her being an assassin?which almost seemed like a source of pride to Mara?but the degrading life she lived as an addict would be a terrible source of shame to this once proud woman.

    And she would have to confess her sins to Luke. Not only does he deserve to know, but once she is connected with him in the media the paparazzi will dig at her background until all the details eventually come to light. I don?t care how sweet and caring Luke is, you can?t tell me that he wouldn?t be terribly embarrassed if the galaxy found out that his girlfriend used to whore around in order to get drugs. Her life and his would become a mockery.

    Unless Mara can be assured that her past could not be traced back to her, I really think she is better off living a life of anonymity with a good but less famous man, such as Karrde.

    Wow, what angst! This has the potential to be an amazing and angst filled story!! Great job!!

    [Sorry about my rambling... I get this way sometimes. :p ;) ]
  21. MirandaFair Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2005
    star 4
    :D I beamed when I saw this had a Chapter One update. :D

    Karrde's talk to Mara about lapsing back into old habits was very touching. You can really see how deeply he cares for her, and how Mara cares for him.

    I always love when Luke and Mara have a chance to dance together. It sure makes for an exciting read. Luke was acting a little odd...what's going on in that Farmboy's mind?

    ?Well, don?t be shy, Skywalker? Mara said. ?I?m sure Karrde would love a spin around the floor?.

    The dry humor Mara has has got me laughing. For all her seriousness, she does have a funny streak. [face_laugh]

    I have no clue where this is going, but I can't wait to read more. Would you send me a PM when you update?

    Many thanks, dear JL! [:D] An amazing start!
  22. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Hey: Followed the link in your signature from Chimera's latest chapter. Woo, boy, this looks dynamite!!! Mara's addiction and struggle with spice was totally realistic. I feel that she needs to not see herself as damaged and broken--just wounded, and in need of healing. If she overconfidently rushes in and surrounds herself with spice users and dealers--this could be dangerous. She needs to find a new source of inner strength, and a reason to believe in herself again, as a person who can have self-respect and can live and love and be loved by a decent person. Until she realizes that, she'll always be incompletely recovered and will always hold Luke at a distance. *gasp* My goodness--can you tell I can relate to this? The story needless to say has totally captivated me. Pm, please with chapter updates? Thanks heaps. [face_batting]
  23. academygrad88 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2004
    star 5
    I didn't see that you had a PM list. Please add me to yours!

    AG88
  24. JadeLotus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 4
    ginchy - I foresee tough times in the future for Mara...but maybe there will be a handsome farmboy to help her find her own way?
    Perhaps ;):D Or he might just cause more trouble for her...
    I just love your writing...you make everything seem to real, without being overly dramatic or too simplistic.
    Aw, thank you! [:D] I didn't think overflowing, flowery prose (which I do also like) wasn't quite right for the tone of this fic.

    RedGold - Thanks!
    I can't wait to find out why Luke is acting like the way he is... and how Mara's troubled past is going to effect things!
    I can only really promise that there's going to be angst. But there's nothing wrong with that, right? ...right? :p

    Jedi Trace - Thank you :)
    Luke may have started off awkwardly, but he certainly got a handle on the situation soon enough.
    Once he's able to assert himself, that boy's a winner [face_love] I think the trick to approaching Mara is that you've got to treat it like going into battle...if you know what I mean....

    Anakins_Force - Thanks!
    I like this edgy Luke and Mara--I'm glad he got to show up in this chapter. I like how she wasn't expecting him to take control. Go Luke!
    He's not always the mousy Jedi Master, and now Mara's gotten her first taste of that :D Luke will have a big part to play in this story, so expect more edginess!

    Ariapaige - Thank you :)
    i can see how this would be really hard for her at this point in her life. but she can't keep running to Karrde as an excuse that way.
    That's true. She has to learn to stand alone, to face her own problems without Talon there to guide her. I think she's trying, but when she is at a loss, her first instict is to run to him, which will only hurt her recovery in the long run.

    AG88 - Thanks!
    I am a major Luke/Mara shipper, but the way you have developed Mara?s background I actually think she would be better off with Talon
    You know, I actually think you're right. Talon knows her inside and out, knows how to handle her, and there is no lack of affection and love between them. The only thing is that Talon is very much her father figure at this time, and while Mara may be able to overcome that, I think Talon would never overstep that boundary. He's too honorable ([face_love]) and I think he would see it as taking advantage.
    And she would have to confess her sins to Luke. Not only does he deserve to know, but once she is connected with him in the media the paparazzi will dig at her background until all the details eventually come to light.
    I hadn't actually thought about this, but you're right. I think, personally, Luke would eventually be able to deal with Mara's past life, but if it were to become gossip fodder for the galaxy, it would hurt and embarrass him greatly, and perhaps somewhat tarnish his reputation. I suppose i'll have to deal with that if/when I come to it.
    Unless Mara can be assured that her past could not be traced back to her
    I've had a think about this, and i'm sure that Mara did use a pseudenom during that time, although i'm not sure if she changed her appearance/hair colour, etc. But like any secret, it's bound to be brought out into the open.

    Thanks, AG88, you've given me a lot to think about for the rest of the story! [:D] :)

    MirandaFair - [:D]
    Karrde's talk to Mara about lapsing back into old habits was very touching. You can really see how deeply he cares for her, and how Mara cares for him.
    Thank you :) I've always thought Talon was just a big old softie where Mara was concerned. I've really enjoyed writing a bit of their relationship here.
    I always love when Luke and Mara have a chance to dance together. It sure makes for an exciting read. Luke was acting a little odd...what's going on in that Farmboy's mind?
    Well we all know that dancing is a form of foreplay ;):p As for Luke acting odd...well, he's just a little confused with all
  25. AliKatKelts Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2003
    star 2
    Whooo! Wonderful fic. You've set up them both for a world of heartache, haven't you. I love the Mara/Karrde interaction. I've always thought that she thought of him as a father figure. I can't wait for more.
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