Insurrectors / Complete (Important Story Notice! 4/24) New Short Story Announced!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Rokangus, Feb 4, 2002.

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  1. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Whoa! Two surveys to read at once! :eek: :D :eek: :D I'll do my best to give each equal attention. Here we go!


    What could/can/and has happened is that it creates expectations that may not appear in the next story, and that could be a let down for the storyteller.

    It gets tough to fit them all in the story, and you do have to centralize characters to move story along, but don't forget those characters that got you to the dance.



    Two very excellent points you make Casper, and to be honest it is something that I struggle with. On the first point, it always seems to be my natural inclination to let a little of the cat out of the bag. Try as I might to keep things a secret, there's always the monkey on my back telling me to tell someone something. Honestly, it took a good chunk of my willpower to not make a part of the climax one of the prizes in a really tough contest. I almost did it.

    And as you've probably very well noticed, I have a big penchant for introducing lots of characters, and I honestly do struggle to give each of the main characters their equal share, but as you nted with Saul, sometimes I fall short. Part of it may well have to do with the summer interruption (something I'm glad to say won't be an issue this summer :D), and part of it was probably my own desrie to get this done and rush things when I shouldn't have. It's something I'll probably struggle with for a long time, but thanks for keeping me honest.


    Call it what you will: religious, deep thinking, philosophics, what have you; if you can tell the story where its in it and it has merit, if there is explanation within the story in either thought or dialogue or just in the storytelling, then you will sell it and sell it to me. Again, I find nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't SO and it fits in the story.

    You have no idea how much this both sets me at ease, and makes me apprehensive. :p On the one hand I'm relieved you have enjoyed it thus far, however at the same time I wonder how much more I can push the envelope.

    It all comes down to the point you made about the Fox News approach. True to this point I may have made some bold statements, but I have kind of taken an existentialist approach in making it seem like there could be many truths, I offer but one.

    So the wrinkle comes in this; in the conclusion, do I leave the issue vague, or should there be some sort of closure or epiphany. It's classic political correctness: I can say nothing in particular and offend hardly anyone, or try to say something and risk crossing the line at some point. In any case, Istill haven't made up my mind, but it should be a while before it becomes an issue in the plotline.


    I don't necessarily dislike the GDF. I think they can be destoryed though by Republic bearucracy more than by the Sith at this time (of course the storyteller might have something up the sleeve to say otherwise, which would change my opinion.).

    Hmmmmmmm, you may be on to me there. ;) Perhaps I have said too much already? :p


    This goes back to the last question for the NSO; it's coming along at Seri's pace and it has to. But yeah I think both Sith and Kelpalian get a little more mad in action

    I will most definitly keep that in mind. Hmmm, now I may fnally have an excuse to play more Galactic Battlegrounds. [face_laugh]


    I have a Sith bias so..........more Sith.

    Ask and ye shall recieve. ;)



    I think there were some angles you could have gone into that would have helped explore your ideas. For example, what is it like to be a member of the New Sith Order? What does a member go through in training? What do they think of their missions and of Seri?

    A good point, and something I will definitely keep in mind for HellFire. Sometimes though, what keeps me from doing stuff like that is simple length restrictions. To include all the perspectives would give me a story of Tom Clancy-esque proportions. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing, not at all! But I'd probably be writing the thing for a few years to come
  2. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    One more thing that I've been thinking about and that I feel like I should address, based on something Casper said in his response to the survey:


    Some of you may remember that some time ago before Thanksgiving, I had said something about doing a Christmas special deal for the EoT in order to compensate for the big break between this last story and HellFire.

    However, the deal with this story, as I have envisioned it thus far, is that it focuses mainly on a new set of original characters that I was thinking of incorporating in HF. In HellFire they would be background characters (much like Casper's exmples of Eric Maltanaw and Queen Landana) but their main purpose would be to add a new element to the story that otherwise wouldn't be there.

    However, as yet I've only been outlining the short story, I haven't actually started churning out the actual writing. But the question I want to pose to you the readers is this: Should I go ahead with the short story or should I scrap it. And before you answer that question, please consider the following points.

    Pros:
    Like I said it would incorporate an element into HF that would otherwise be missing, but it is not a crucial element. It would just be something to make things a tad bit more interesting. Also it would give you all something fun to read in the meantime.

    Cons:
    On the other hand, as I said it isn't really a crucial element. The story won't suffer in any great way if I do scrap the ideas and the characters. Also, any time I spend writing this short story will be time I won't be able to spend writing HF, and time is the one thing that will really hold me back. The more time I have to work exclusively on HF, the better the end product will be. Also, the less new characters I have to write the more simplistic the overall plot will be, with less distractions.

    So I leave it up to you guys: Yea or Nay? ?[face_plain]

  3. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 5
    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    Me, personally, I wouldn't do it. Casper would do it.

    But me and Casper are different people. And you are a different person.

    Me, I'd rather wait for Hellfire and get the higher quality book. And I wouldn't mind a Clancy-length book either.

    But it's all up to you.
  4. Casper_Knightshade Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 6
    Hmmmmmm. Good question.

    If you continue a writing trek it may curse more than bless, but on the other hand you would be constantly in a creative mindset that leads you into.

    I'm kind of reminded of Council Buddies here, BUTT, and a big one at that, that was that and sometimes a change of tone does wonders for the creative process.

    I would probably write a few pages of your idea first. Hellfire isn't until, what, spring? If so you have time between now till at least January to get this other project done.

    Of course this is coming from someone that said TFL would be done by July 4th. I'm still writing it AND I just began writing TSM. [face_blush]
  5. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 5
  6. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 5
    Hey Rokangus, you need to change your Nifty Song of the week. I liked Teenage Dirtbag ;)

    Let's see what's next
  7. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Neh, it's done. :p Glad you liked that last one. ;)


    And after some careful thought, I think I shall do with this story idea as Casper kinda did with TFL, turn it into an extended prologue piece. Thanks again guys, and a festive holiday season to y'all. ;)
  8. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    And because I've put this off for far too long...here's a sneak peek trailer to brighten your Christmas Eve...[face_devil]




    {Screen goes black. Quietly the sounds of arhythmic drumming can be heard, as well as some chanting in a crude and archaic tongue. A woman's voice cuts through the silence.}

    Woman: Many know of the Jedi's impudent claim that the dark side is weaker than the light...

    {Scene suddenly brightensinto a swiftly moving panorama of a barren desert landscape at the break of dawn.}

    Woman:...I would tend to agree...

    {The panaorama swiftly halts and rotates 180 degrees to face a sheer cliffwall with many small entrances dotting into face.}

    Woman: After all, it is plain to see how hard the light side must grind its servants with its mere presence. The Jedi are too cowed to even take direct action when it is necessary. Surely the light is a harsh and unrelenting master, if the jedi are the best it can produce.

    The dark side...on the other hand...

    {The scene suddenly rushes forward at a blinding speed and dashes into to one of the holes in the cliffside. The viewers find themselves racing inside a dark tunnel towards some unknow destination.}

    Woman: The dark side, on the other hand is a prize ripe for the picking. For it is the dark side alone where true power can be found. Where the Jedi must work hard and struggle for even an ounce of their power, such power is freely given to the followers of the dark at a mere beckon call. Thus it is those who proudly serve the dark who are the true masters of the dark side.

    {The tunnel suddenly explodes open, and the view floats and hovers over several beings dressed in dark shades. Warriors are seen sparring with lruid red lightsabers. In dark and shady corners, dark side sorcerors are seen chanting over some ancient artifact. The scene suddenly changes direction and speed and rushes up another cliff-face. It halts at the top and slowly zooms in on a figure with red hair who's head is bowed in concentration. It is the woman who has been narrating.}

    Woman: The hour of the Sith is at hand. And we will use the gifts that the dark side has given us to put an end to the madness once and for all!

    {The woman suddenly looks up, revealing the face of Seri as the camera rushes forward towards her eye.}

    [Cue: "O Fortuna" by Therion]

    {The scene rapidly changes once more to a side view of disfugred creatures charging forward through a forest at break-neck speeds. Again the scene changes this time to a dark shadowy scene of a group of Sith with lightsabers drawn advancing on a lone figure with a yellow lightsaber. A new scene, a Sith spawner with a hand outstretched chanting over a figure who is writhing in great pain at her feet. The scene changes yet again to a shot of Adja crawling through a small tunnel with tears in her eyes, as something reaches in after her. It seizes her by the ankle and begins to pull as she screams in terror.}

    Seri's voice: Soon all will tremble before the might of the Sith!

    {Scene switches to a view of a Sith Talent charging over a field. Unlike the Kelpalian and GDF mechas, this one is thin and lanky, almost skeleton like. And it moves with an almost organic grace. Leaping over a low ridge, the face of the Sith Talent contorts into a feral roar, as it brings one of it's arms down on a GDF Talent, smashing a fist through it's torso.}

    {The scene suddenly cuts to black. The the words "HellFire" slowly creep up to life in flames before slowly dying away. The words "Coming in April" also appear in flame in the same manner.}

    END






    Well whatcha all think of them apples. ;)



  9. Casper_Knightshade Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 6
    JINGLEHEIMERSCHMIDT! I buy that bushel! :D
  10. Forcefire Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 2000
    star 4
    Um... wow.

    If I was looking forward to this before, than now I'm in a full frenzy. April can't get here soon enough.
  11. Aralna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2000
    star 4
    Looks good. :) Can't wait for April. It's only what, 4 more months? actually... nearing 3, if I use April 1st. ;) Somewhere in between those anyway.
  12. Whiskey in the Jar-Jar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2000
    star 4
    After reading that, all I can say is April can't get here fast enough. It sounds so <evil smirk> delightful [face_devil] [face_devil]

  13. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Thanks everybody!! :D

    And don't worry, there'll be plenty more trailers. I'm kinda taking a cue from EP 2, and doing each trailer revolving around a certain theme or group of characters. The one you just read is obviously about the Sith. Which one will be next? You'll find out soon enough. ;)

    UPWARDS!!!
  14. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 5
    Oh THAT was YUMMY!

    I am giddy with anticipation!

    if the other trailers are just as good, well heck an darn an shoot, we might not even need the story itself (just a trailer after trailer... ends with a trailer revealing the climax ;) )

    Sweeeeeeeetness....
  15. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Holy crap! One unfortunate disappearance and catch-up later, I'm astounded... that rocked.

    Rok rocks. Should I be surprised?

    Well, to elaborate, I'll fill out the reader survey.

    THE STORY

    - What did you like about Insurrectors? What parts did you realy enjoy, and what did you enjoy about them?
    "Insurrectors" was great- you continued the trend of improving with every story. I think that's generally true of all the writers on the board; every story shows signs of growing maturity in storytelling talent, and the Era of Tribulation is a concept ripe for wonderful writing. Honestly, what I really liked was, of course, the "all a toupee" exchange- every story needs some infusion of humor. Of course, the character interchanges were brilliant. While Saul's moment of martyrdom wasn't quite the flashing brilliance of his "road-to-Damascus" moment in DS, it was still moving, especially given the presence of a love interest.

    -What did you not like about Insurrectors? Please be honest with me here.
    What did I NOT like about it?? That's a toughie... perhaps the emphasis on the effects of the Red Knight. It seemed to serve no purpose except to weaken Kelak at the dramatic moment... which could have been achieved in a number of ways. Perhaps I'm just easily peeved, but this seems to speak only to a possible addiction to the suit later on, which is a bit commentary.

    -What do you think could have been done better? Maybe there was something you neither liked nor disliked, but just thought it would have been better if it had been done differently.
    No idea. If it had been done differently, it wouldn't be what it is. In that case, then, it wouldn't have been so awesome. This is your story, Rok, and by trusting you with it, we've been greatly rewarded.

    -Your thoughts on the somewhat heavy religious content? Really I just wnat to pick your brain on this. Does it offend you, interest you, bore you? There's no way i can extract it from the plot of the story now, but depending on feedback, I may scale it back a bit.
    Please don't scale it back. The Biblical influence is perhaps one of the reasons these stories have been so effective, and they've been an influence on my own stories, though it will become more evident later rather than sooner.

    -Did the story fit well with the rest of the Era of Tribulation stories?
    I thought so. There was a real characteristic continuity all the way through. Jadis is still a frigid (insert the word you're thinking of here), Kelak is still the ideal idealist, Dejirra kicks (you know what) even as a young mother. And, from the galactic setup of Dark Spirits, I don't see how the situation could have progressed any other way.

    -Could you follow the plotline without difficulty? Did you notice any holes in the plot that I didn't tie up?
    Well, yeah. The ending was open-ended. Saul was still in a coma.
    Oh, wait. That's what HellFire's for. Bring it on!

    -Did the conclusion satisfy you? Was it a fitting end?
    Fitting? Very much so. The loss of Kelak's eye was a nice dramatic touch- fallability and a nice physical shift in one. As I said, Saul's coma practically makes us beg for HellFire. And the moment of Saul's sacrifice was chilling... see above for my thoughts on that.


    THE GOOD GUYS

    -What did you like and dislike about Kelak's developement? Do you like where he is going as the hero? What should I change in the next story, if anything?
    "Neh- neh-ver join you" was so perfectly Star-Wars-hero that it seems tampering with his character would be a grave error. Anything to change in the next story? Perhaps go a little easier on the "motivational speaker" mode- I'm sure with Saul around it's not necessary to perk up everyone's spirits twenty-four hours per Standard Coruscant day.

    -Saul's?
    Saul rocks. Don't change a thing. Sarcasm, skill, and a soul, all wrapped up in a wicked package- can you top that?

    -Dejirra's?
    Here's the main thing I'd like to see in the next story- more Dejirra. Catchin
  16. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Wow! Thanks Jaxx and Ty-gon! And Ty-gon it is especially good to see you back again and to hear that you really enjoyed Insurrectors. :D I'm sorry that I don't have time to respond to your survey just yet, but I have read it and I hopefully will get around to respnoding to it soon.

    But for the rest of you, fear not! I come bearing a new trailer for your enjoyment. And based on most of the surveys I received a lot of people will be very happy with what this trailer promises. ;)

    So with no further ado: Trailer 2: Riot Girl


    *********************************************

    <Scene fades from black to an image of a cloaked woman carrying a pair of bags up to the counter of a grocery store. The cloak hides her features so that the audience cannot tell who she is. She sets the bags down at the counter, and leans against the edge as the cashier droid begins to ring up her purchases. The scene changes suddenly to an outside view of the store; the audience can see that it?s in the shadier part of an already shady planet. The large sun sets in the background, as plumes of smoke drift skyward from factory columns. Suddenly there is the sound of tromping boots, and a small squad of Kelpalian Legionnaires runs onscreen from behind the viewer?s perspective. The perspective changes to a side shot of the Legionnaires, as their captain takes a step forward.>

    Legionnaire: We know you?re in there; come out quietly, or we?ll open fire!

    <The Legionnaire continues to speak, but the scene changes perspective again to inside the shop. The woman looks up and reveals her face; and the audience recognizes the face of Dejirra Gheruit Raederth, though her hair is cut short to about shoulder length, and a pair of sunglasses hide her eyes. Standing up straight, she reaches into one of the bags and pulls out an Auto-slugger; primary weapon of GDF armed forces. Spinning around quickly, she opens fire with the automatic slug-thrower; shattering transpariplast and Legionnaire armor alike. The screen fades to black.>

    <Cue ?What Kind of Love Are You On? by Aerosmith>

    <A new scene begins showing Dejirra walking forward carrying a large pack, while talking to someone off-screen. The camera moves backwards, keeping pace with her.>

    Dejirra: Those Sith bastards did something very stupid. They kidnapped my daughter Adja. They killed a lot of good people while they were at it too.

    <Scene shows a pair of cloaked Sith jumping out of a window onto a speeder, clutching a screaming four-year old Adja between them. Scene then changes to a pair of GDF guards being cut down by Sith Warriors inside a tight corridor. Scene changes back to Dejirra walking forward.>

    Dejirra: That was their first mistake. Now I?m on my way to see them to teach them what their second mistake was. And that mistake is this: If you?re going to kidnap a child, you make damn sure that Mamma Bear is dead and buried in the center of the hottest star out there. ?Cause you can bet that I will not rest, I will not sleep for an instant, until I have my daughter back safely in my arms, and those Sith vrelts wish they?d never been spawned. So are you with me?

    <Scene flashes rapidly over to show two new, never-before-seen characters. The first resembles a sort of humanoid rabbit, with long, thin, pointy ears, bluish fur, and comically large feet. Beside him sits an orange colored, large and fat alien that looks something like a cross between a Mon Calamari and a Trandoshan that glances around at nothing in particular. The rabbit-like creature spits before speaking.>

    Scutfleet: Yeah, yeah, you?ve already told us this bit. But back to how much you?re going to be paying us?

    <Cue ?Riot Girl? by Good Charlotte?>


    <Scene now shows Dejirra, the rabbit-creature Scutfleet and his partner, Zeekbob around a table in a cantina deep in negotiations. And the negotiations have taken a sudden aggressive twist. Dejirra slams her hands on the table angrily.>

    Dejirra: Let?s get something straight here, I?m the one who hired you, the
  17. Aralna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2000
    star 4
    They kidnapped Adja?! That's going to slightly upset Dejirra. You know, just a little. ;)

    Looks good. and "Zeekbob" is an interesting name... :)
  18. Whiskey in the Jar-Jar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2000
    star 4
    Seri Seri Seri Seri Seri Seri....tsk tsk tsk.

    Just what the SMECK ARE YOU THINKING? SHE'S A GHERUIT <SP> DO YOU HAVE ANY GRASP OF WHAT THAT MEANS?

    Well, you will soon enough. [face_devil]
  19. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 5
    guess Seri wasn't beaten enough with the ugly stick of common sense. Sch-weeeet! :D
  20. Forcefire Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 2000
    star 4
    At last, Dejirra gets to take on the Sith and Kelps! And without anyone from the GDF, by the looks of it.

    Oh, since she's fighting the Sith, does she bring along the stick from Dark Spirits? No Dark Sider can stand before it.
  21. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Aralna: Yupp, I think you could stake good money on that bet. ;) As for "Zeekbob"...for a last minute name, yeah I suppose it works. :p

    Whiskey: Aparently not, or so the trailer would suggest. But then again, the Star Wars Franchise has proven again and again that while the Dark Side does grant its followers great power, it also tends to lead them on occassional bouts of great stupidity. I mean take Vader taunting Luke about his sister. Bad, bad, bad idea. :p

    Jaxx: LOL!! Nope, she never stuck around long enough for the important lesson that would have taught her not mess with a Gheruit. Seri's and the Sith in general's loss.

    Forcefire: Well, mainly the Sith, but the Kelps do tend to stick their collective noses where they don't belong. ;)

    And yes, Dejirra is on her own for a reason; one that will become apparent later on. So far each of the trailers have only focused on a rather small part of the overall story; there's lots more that needs to be told of course. ;) By my estimations there will probably be three, maaaayyyybe four more trailers to go. Two will be like th ones you've already seen focusing on a small aspect of the story, and the last one will be the big, grand, sweeping trailer that willcover the story in more general aspects, much like the way the trailers worked for episode two.

    Thanks again everybody! I judge by the rapid responses that you all enjoyed that little comedic spoiler. Stay tuned for when more Trailers (and soon some Select Images ;)) appear!
  22. Whiskey in the Jar-Jar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2000
    star 4
    21 eh? Cool...now you're legal everywhere in the world except Russia (I think it's 24 over there) :D

    Now I could go all philisophical about the nature of Vader's taunting and how he was simply following his religion and trying to proliferate the Dark Side, but I wouldn't want to wear out your hearing, you being such a mature age and all :p

    MORE TRAILERS!
  23. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Yeah, Whiskey, but in Russia you can smoke at 13 and you can find Vodka pretty much at any age.

    When I went, a group of people my age HAD to take a bottle to avoid offending the drunks who offered it... it was quickly thrown away.
  24. Whiskey in the Jar-Jar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2000
    star 4
    Probably a good move on the vodka...you don't know where it's been ;)
  25. Rokangus Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 5
    Thanks Whiskey! Yeah, I know why Vader was doing it. He still lost a perfectly good cybernetic hand for it though. :p Ah, I was just kidding anyways.

    And yeah, good call on the Vodka. Me, my friends insisted on getting me a little bottle of Rasberry Jack Daniels. Tasty, but it won't beat a 50/50 orange soda, for me anyways. :p
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