Interview with Warmaster Tsavong Lah

Discussion in 'Literature' started by Kimball_Kinnison, Nov 1, 2001.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Charlemagne19 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2000
    star 7
    1.Yanks or Diamondbacks

    "For slaves or food?"

    2. If you could only kill one Backstreet boy which would it be?

    "None. Their music is an essential part of the breaking process."

    3. Vader or Maul?

    "The ancestor of the cursed Jedaaii's founder who has pledged himself to the monstrous abomination that is machinery fully so or the warrior who enjoys pain and ritual scarfication?"

    "A difficult choice..."

    *kills the questioner's family*

    4. Jag or Kyp?

    "Kyp Duroun proves himself worthy as a Jedaii by slaughtering the millions of civilians meant to be housed in the Super Worldship over Serendipidal's remains. Jagged Fel has yet to display such worthiness."

    *is whispered to by Vegere*

    "If you mean for Jania I intend to keep her as my love monkey."

    5. Vong or Borg?

    "Our righteous hatred of the evil machines will drive us to victory over the cubed ones in short order as our gods guide us to destroy them all....at least we were never beaten by Mrs. Columbo."

    6. Can I borrow some cash? I gotta pay this citation for parking my TIE Fighter in a "No Parking" Zone.

    *pulls out Vodoon crab wallet*

    "Sure kid...reach in."
  2. ShinagamiWing Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 2001
    star 4
    Do you read Harry Potter books, Mr. Lah?
  3. Kier_Nimmion Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2000
    star 5


    Charlemagne19- Brilliant, very funny.
  4. Charlemagne19 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2000
    star 7
    Some older questions the Warmaster has agreed to answer.

    1. About how old are the Yuuzhan Vong as a race?

    "We are as old the universe. When the greatest god of the Vong let his body drift apart thus the universe was formed and we were the first among races. The rest of the piddling races are the creations of his body's rotting pieces like maggots spring from the meat of a body."

    [Answer: I don't know]

    2. What is your age?

    "I am middle age by Yzzumng Vong standards which is longer and more durable than your pathetic races weak bodies can handle due to our divine mission, superior biogenetics, and pain rituals that toughen us to your patheic people. I will not speak in your infidel years but the deluded and wronged Vua Rapuung was slightly younger and an up and commer in his career."

    [Answer: I can't do math]

    3. How did you become warmaster?

    "I am the strongest greatest warrior among the Yzzumng Vong and have killed every single challenger to my position and challenged and slain all my superiors who were inferior to me as it cleared the way for better more able soldiers to come. I have slain the great beasts genetically engineered to test me and can recite to you all the great epics of my people from oral memory....does that answer your question?"

    [Answer: Priest Hatarr got me the job]

    4. If the Vong are always challenging each other, how did you ever make it to the galaxy.

    "The Yzzumng Vong women and men do not supply the eggs and seed necessary to create us...all is done in the birthing cauls. We crunch each other...we make more. Mercy and uselessness are not traits tolerated in our society."

    [Answer: There's not a lot of real estate on the worldships and extra room gets freed up....besides it's lonely too]

    5. So, Tsav. Can I call you Tsav? How about Mr. Lah. Or T.La or Mr. T?

    "Master will do."

    6. Anyway, I've been dying to ask this Britney or Christina?

    "Glad to hear it."

    *pulls off his head with his amphi-staff in a whip like motion*

    "I believe Brittany from the sample music prepared for me "I'm a Slave" and "Genie in a Bottle" has the better image for the world we wish. The Christina girl's song promoting infidel demonology and all."

    7. Do you read Harry Potter books, Mr. Lah?

    "I do not read books which promote witchcraft. What sort of man do you take me for? Think what it might do to the children!"
  5. MaceWinducannotdie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2001
    star 4
    Han or Han's clone-I mean Dash?
  6. lejmar_faldor_uk Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 2000
    star 4
    Mr Master Lah guy, how long is a ball of string?
  7. Rogue_Starbuck Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2000
    star 4
    Ha ha. Very funny answers Tsav, I mean, Charlemagne19 :D
  8. corran_rouge9 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2001
    star 2
    Were you ever afraid of the monster under your bed?

    On a side note, would you see Monsters Inc. for the Episode 2 trailer?
  9. Charlemagne19 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2000
    star 7
    Thank you I do my best.

    1. Han or Han's clone-I mean Dash?

    "If the infidel Jedaii Jacen solo has a blood relative due to heathen technology I will rip off his bollocks, roast them gently with bloodwyne, force him to eat them and then burn him alive before tossing him to the horrors the shapers have cooked up. I like him considerably more than I like his father....now who is this Dash person?"

    2. Mr Master Lah guy, how long is a ball of string?

    "Why don't you see?"

    *tosses him ball of it and sicks the gentically altered demon-kittens on him*

    3. Were you ever afraid of the monster under your bed?

    "No. On the contrary we were quite close. I used to feed him pieces of my kills from the arena and my little brother."

    4. On a side note, would you see Monsters Inc. for the Episode 2 trailer?

    "Yes."
  10. corran_rouge9 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2001
    star 2
    Do you know anything about the not so distant futures of Anakin's body and/or Nom Anor?
  11. Charlemagne19 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2000
    star 7
    1. Do you know anything about the not too distant futures of Anakin's body and Nom Anor?

    "hahahahahahahahahaha I got a Solo! I got a Solo! Errr I mean MUAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAH Now they begin to taste true Vong vengence. Nom Anor is unfortunately doomed...I shall say no more?"

    *Nom Anor sneaks over to the New Republic*
  12. lejmar_faldor_uk Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 2000
    star 4
    How do Vong Smoke their version of Spice?

    can I have some?
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.