Before Invisible Enemy -- (An-Paj!) COMPLETE and with thanks!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jane Jinn, Oct 6, 2003.

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  1. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Bentangan culture does make sense. ALpha is indeed to the strongestr around. Besides, it gets rid of all competition. Can't be a potential candidate or marytr to rally around if they are dead.
  2. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    Hello, all! Sorry this is so late. I am still having fun running around w/Mom. A big scene needs to be written, and I haven?t done it yet. There may be a gap. But we are indeed in wrapping up mode.

    Thank you, Lunetta! I was thinking of wolves? And I think Kitara?s right. If you claw your way up (literally) to Alpha, I can?t see you quietly retiring.

    Two parts to the next bit?

    * * *

    The Gathering ground was sparser tonight than it had been on the night of the Howling. As Alta followed the High Council members to the central circle, where the new Alpha of the colonists waited to receive them, she felt a lump in her chest as she realized how few colonists had come. Worst of all, there were no cubs chasing each other in games, no striplings standing self-consciously in clusters, trying to look grown-up. An entire generation was gone.

    The new Alpha stood stiffly, with his hackles slightly raised and his tail lashing from side to side. He was very, very young. Alta followed the lead of the other Council members, bowing low before him.

    "Alpha Barourr," said Kinxit. "May the Force be with you."

    "Master..." His ear flickered back to catch a whisper from an aide no older than he was. "Master Kinxit. We will never be able to repay your Order for everything you have done for us here... tried to do for us here." His ears flattened.

    "We have done what we can," interjected Plo-Koon quietly. "Now we will do what we can to settle a peace between the two worlds."

    "Peace!" hissed Brourr. A low growl rose from the throats of the other colonists. "There will be no peace until Batanga has paid for what they have done! Every murder! Every grave will be avenged!"

    "We will see what can be done," said Wiyella Lluworit gently.

    "They owe you, too!" snapped Brourr. "How many Jedi died because of their treachery? How many credits will it take to rebuild your Chapter House?" One of his Betas, who had been sniffing at the air, suddenly yelped a warning. Everyone assembled turned to see the new Ambassador, Garurri, trot up and bow, deeply. Her ears were flattened against her head, and her tail was pressed very firmly between her legs.

    "Peace be on you, packmates," she murmured. Only a chorus of growls greeted her. She licked her jaws, eyed them nervously, and continued. "I am delegated by the new Head Alpha, Yapparr to discuss reparations to the colonists of the Homeworld. And to the Jedi," she added.

    "There is much to discuss," said Barourr, with narrowed yellow eyes. "Sit!"

    Garurri sat slowly, near the center of the circle. Alta had to guess that the new Ambassador was her own equivalent in age, for her muzzle was gray and her joints were stiff. Her escort sat at the lower edge of the circle, leaving a great deal of distance between themselves and the colonists. The whites of their eyes showed in the moonlight, and they occasionally wagged the tips of their tails nervously. The Jedi took up positions at the edge of the circle, unobtrusively separating the two groups. Alta suppressed a grunt as the cold damp of the ground came up into her joints. She felt for Garurri.

    "Noble brothers and sisters," the older canid said. "I am first instructed to play this for you."

    She slipped a small holoprojector from her pocket, activated it, and set it before her on the ground. A shimmering blue image, the new Head Alpha of Batanga appeared. Powerful, middle-aged, his ears and nose still bore the marks of the battle that had won him his new position.

    The image flattened his ears and his tail and bowed deeply to his unseen audience.

    "My packmates," he said, in a rich, deep voice. "Let me first convey the horror, the disgust and the utmost anguish that the people of the Homeworld feel. All here on Batanga have littermates and cubs who voyaged to Sarawaksala, who settled there. All feel the pain of your loss, and the betrayal of the pack." He hesitated, catching his breath. "Believe me when I say that this plot, this foul act was not known to most of the packs of the homeworld. Even in the factories
  3. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I love the physical description to show humility, insecurity and every other emotion running through the officials from Bentaga homeworld.
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I really liked that. You gave them quite an alien demeanor and expression. I felt like I was watching two peoples coming together after a horrible war.

    I especially liked Alpha Yaparr bowed low, so that he was crawling on his belly. "I wipe my scent," he said. "I shave my tail. I cannot do more to express to you how much we regret what has been done in the name of the Homeworld. That more than anything else really gave me the sense of who they are.

    Great job.
  5. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    It is quiet in here! I?m in New England, visiting family, so I don?t have much time. I did want to give you all this.

    Thank you, Kithera! I was thinking of the way dogs sort of hunker down when they know they?ve done something wrong. And thank you, dianethx! I?m glad the difficulties of peacemaking are showing; this whole segment was actually really challenging to write?

    * * *

    For a moment, there was silence as those gathered absorbed the message. Garruri looked shyly at the Jedi. "I am to negotiate settlement with you separately," she murmured. "I know you suffered losses to the Order."

    Master Kinxit nodded, his black scales shimmering in the moonlight. "Come to the Chapter House tomorrow," he said. "We will discuss it then."

    "What is the status of the criminals?" demanded a colonist. A female, middle-aged and once plump, the skin seemed to hang off her frame. Worry and anguish had kept her from eating, Alta guessed. "Where is Ambassador Nahz?"

    Garruri shifted. "He was recalled with the reli-occupation forces," she murmured. "His case has been discussed, but he will not be prosecuted."

    "What?!" Several voices barked in disbelief. Alta took a deep breath. Anger is of the Dark Side. She glanced at Wiyella, whose young brow was creased in puzzlement.

    "He and the occupation troops were not responsible for conceiving this plan, only for carrying it out. We do not feel he can be prosecuted, just because he was just following orders. He didn't have a choice."

    "He was aware of the plot!" cried a young male starting forward. "He could have done something to stop it! He could have warned us!

    Garruri looked helpless. "It would have been against orders," she said feebly. A low chorus of growls rose from the assembled Colonists.

    Plo-Koon stepped forward. "Ambassador," he said gently. "The Galactic Senate have called for a full investigation. May I suggest that the Homeworld would agree to having the situation of Nahz and the other packleaders presented to the Senate Tribunal? While I am confident that the Batangan courts would be impartial, it might be better in this case to present it to an outside authority? If Nahz and the commanders of the occupation army are truly innocent of wrong-doing, the Tribunal will clear them."

    Garruri looked from the Jedi to the colonists. "I will present this to the new Alpha Council," she said. Plo-Koon nodded.

    Alta could see her reluctance, and knew this would be a sticking point in the negotiations to come. The homeworlders would not be happy at airing dirty laundry before the Galactic Senate, and would fear reprisals from outside worlds. It was the only way, though. She didn't have very high hopes of Nahz's prospects. How many innocents had died over the years, tortured, murdered, because a group drunk on their own power were "just following orders?"

    Plo-Koon nodded, and turned to Barourr. "Alpha, the Alpha of the Homeworld have offered reasonable terms. They appear to genuinely desire reconciliation and restitution, and they owe you much. The matter of trial for those accused of this plot can be negotiated further. But are you and your people willing to agree to what has been offered, at least?"

    There was a pause as the young male considered his reply. "The offer is acceptable if the criminals behind this, including Ambassador Nahz, are turned over to the Galactic Senate Tribunal and if the Alpha Council of the Homeworld agree to cooperate fully with the Senate investigation committee and the Jedi to gather evidence for the trial," he said. In the flickering torchlight, Alta could see all the Batangans, of both worlds, relax. "I will appoint Beta Druff as head of a committee to prepare our restitution claims."

    Garruri bowed low. "You honor us, Alpha," she said. "I will tell the Council." She turned to Plo-Koon. "Tomorrow at sunset, if it is all right, I will come to the Jedi Chapter House to begin separate negotiations concerning restitution."

    Plo-Koon glanced at Alta, who nodded wearily. "We will be ready," he said.

    Garruri began to ba
  6. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    have to remember that the jedi suffered severe losses as well.
  7. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I can imagine this was difficult to write. Trying to make negotiations sound interesting, making politics exciting and reminding us of the loss of all those lives. You've done a good job doing all three.

    Keep going.
  8. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    Here at last - sorry about the long hiatus. June is never a good month for me for some reason. :(

    ?With six wives to warm you up, you?ll soon be generating enough heat to run the entire chapter house. We could have used you when the power went out --? Johakin broke off suddenly, obviously feeling An-Paj?s glare. ?Aaaayyyyiiii.? LOL I loved that bit.

    Dear old An-Paj - his wives DO look after him don't they. But poor Wiyella having to give the report. Good musings on the role of the Jedi, too. It sure wasn't an easy life.

    Nice description of Arwen giving her concise account. It does sound as if Trett is an effective master.

    Love the way you write Yoda. :)

    he will even experience an increase in lung capacity.? LOL - for some reason I suddenly had an image of Hachas bursting forth into song like Pavarotti. :D

    There have already been several challenges to the Alpha Council." Alta winced at that. Batangans were, in some ways, very traditional. The only way to become the Alpha head was to beat all other challengers... often in a fight to the death. Argh! What a way to go!

    Yes - Alta is a terrific woman. And again, I enjoyed her musings about family and how the Jedi are her family. :)

    Alpha Yaparr bowed low, so that he was crawling on his belly. "I wipe my scent," he said. "I shave my tail. I cannot do more to express to you how much we regret what has been done in the name of the Homeworld. I hope you will accept these settlements, and I will look forward to your response." Still abject, the hologram flickered out.
    Wow! That was just brilliant. I could see that scene so clearly. :)

    The peace process is fascinating - good work. It does get pretty hard to come up with judgments taht satisfy everyone and yet are fair.

    Congrats on the nominations. You both definitely deserve it. :)

  9. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    If I keep this deplorable post-and-disappear schedule up, a drunken Bantha could stampede me and you'd never realize I was dead and gone... o_O

    ?Mistress Loo-Zhie? is of course based on someone we all know and love. *jaw drops* Oh my goodness! Can you believe I didn't even realize? Comes of never trying to pronounce strange names out loud... Lucy is practically preening; she's so pleased! Sure, she's trying to be properly inscrutable, but the act could use some work. :p

    Underpaid: Exhausted to the core, half dead on their feet, and there they stand: giving a concise report of their actions. Moments like these always make me wonder, in all their whining and demanding, does the galaxy have even a clue?? [face_frustrated] Ah, well. I liked the way Wiyella noticed what a good job Rendell had done at teaching Arwen the fundamentals, and I appreciated that (though it didn't seem very nice of them to demand a report just then) the Council did seem pretty understanding. The effective stonewalling of An-Paj's appearance by his wives was hilarious! :D Oh, and I'm glad someone is keeping an eye out for Alta. That woman would die and proceed to dig her own grave, if she thought there was no one else better qualified to do it. :p

    Interesting: So a well-known seer died, eh? I wonder what his unexpected predictions were... [face_thinking]

    AHA!: Hachas couldn't hide forever! :D Oh, poor Kiu, though... I figured he'd be in about that state (or perhaps worse if Jane went ahead and cut his bungee cord), but of course she wouldn't have guessed. I really like that healer! Further kudos too on the technical jargon for healing Hachas' lungs. His fingers were warm, but unresponsive, and she settled for laying her palm on his forearm. Aw! That was so sweet. [face_love]

    Plo Koon: You did an excellent job writing him! I haven't read many (if any) fics with Plo Koon in them, but he always interested me; maybe because of the breathing mask. I think he and Alta speak the same language. Oh, and I laughed at the poor woman's grouchiness! So inexplicable bouts of despising the galaxy happen to Jedi too? That makes me feel better. ;) Blast it, though -- a request like that for diplomatic help on the heels of unwarranted destruction makes me want to retort something really sarcastic. Like: "As soon as we find a Jedi who hasn't been shot by your guns, gassed by your chemicals, diseased by your poisons, or who has managed to squeeze in enough sleep since your attack to be able to string two coherent sentences together, we'll send him or her along." *grins sheepishly* Reason #845 why they are the Jedi and I am not. :p

    A good point: Some people felt terrible that Jedi were taken from their families. Alta knew better. She had a family, even though most of them weren't human. Who would always come through for her. And wherever they were, it was home. That was great! A perfect rebuttal. Beautifully done! :)

    Bangatan politics: Yikes. :eek: Kind of like Bothan politics, only without the need of knives... Highly pack-animal in nature; appropriate, but not nice to think about amongst sentient beings. Alpha Yaparr bowed low, so that he was crawling on his belly. "I wipe my scent," he said. "I shave my tail. I cannot do more to express to you how much we regret what has been done in the name of the Homeworld. I hope you will accept these settlements, and I will look forward to your response." Still abject, the hologram flickered out. Wow, that was a really good piece of writing! Absolutely laced with their culture, and about as groveling as you could get. It seems as if the homeworld is quite ready to offer restitution.

    Loss: I'm glad you didn't try to squeeze a flawless ending out of this. Happy, yes (Hachas, Rendell, Alta, etc. all made it out alive), but not flawless. It would have taken away the story's realism. Hundreds of Bangatans have truly died and there is no curing that; Jedi have been killed, the Chapter House is a disaster.
  10. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Sorry this is late -- I was so caught up in writing for the challenge that I almost forgot. *gasp* But I'm getting this in before midnight board time. :)

    PadawanKitara Yes, the Jedi suffered losses as well. Not as many as on Geonosis, thank the Force.

    dianethx Making politics exciting is Renata's job -- it's much too difficult for me! She does it admirably, though.

    Tahi Great to see you anytime! Hachas bursting into song like Pavarotti? LOL!

    Sarah_K Great to see you, too! That woman would die and proceed to dig her own grave, if she thought there was no one else better qualified to do it. That's a wonderful assessment of Alta's character! Very true.

    As for the technical jargon for healing Hachas' lungs, I must admit that I was inspired by the film The Abyss so I did a little research on the web. This fluid that I mentioned is a real thing and used in treating the lungs of premature babies, among other things.

    Thank you, everybody, for responding. :) And please, none of you get trampled by a bantha. I would miss your responses, no matter how infrequent, and would wonder what happened to you, like I'm now wondering about Ty-gon.

    *****

    An-Paj was awakened by somebody calling his name and knocking on the door of the bedroom where he was sleeping. He stirred, not willing to even think about waking up or getting out from under the warm covers. Hearing An-Taec get out of the bed, he closed his eyes again in gratitude, confident that she?d take care of whatever was going on out there. A moment later, however, he heard An-Taec?s voice in his ear.

    ?Paj? It?s Hwaet. She says that your son is calling from the Temple and he?s got some good news.?

    An-Paj made a questioning noise in his throat without moving his mouth.

    ?Yes, your son. Young Paj, the one we left back at the Temple. Remember??

    Groaning, An-Paj opened his eyes. ?What good news??

    ?Go and find out, then you can tell me,? she laughed, walking away. An-Paj let his eyes slide shut one more time, only to have something soft fall across his face, covering it completely and startling him half to death. Instantly and fully awake, he clawed the thing away for a closer, frantic look, then sank back in relief. His trousers. An-Taec had thrown his trousers at him.

    His heart was still racing as he got up, and the wave of cold sweat that had washed over him now made him shiver, but he?d mostly recovered by the time he?d finished dressing. An-Hwaet met him at the door with an eager smile. ?I?m so sorry to have to wake you, Paj, but it?s so exciting! Come on!?

    The holo had been directed to An-Hwaet?s apartment, and as soon as he came in, An-Paj could see the blue-tinged figure of his only son fidgeting impatiently. He sat down in front of the transmitter, and young Paj put his hands in his lap and grinned. ?Dada! Guess what!?

    ?I have no idea,? An-Paj said, glancing towards his second wife for a clue. She only smiled a mysterious smile.

    ?I?ve just been chosen as a padawan! And my master says we?ll be going on missions soon. I?ll get to have adventures and everything!? A hand came into view on the hologram and touched young Paj lightly on the shoulder. The boy directed his grin up at the face that was still out of range, then turned back to his father. ?Oh ?- this is my master, by the way.?

    Young Paj moved to one side, and a man of about An-Paj?s own age stepped into transmitter range next to him; short, with ears that stuck out farther than normal, and hair that might have been blond if An-Paj had been able to see enough of it to guess. What had not succumbed to baldness, however, had been cut mercilessly short, even shorter than the padawans wore theirs. The man smiled warmly. ?Master An-Paj, do you remember me? Imja Pumori.?

    An-Paj stared at him, his son?s excited cry of ?adventures? still ringing in his ears and reminding him of his own recent adventures of having been captured, tied up, almost frozen to death, and having been that close to
  11. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Ah, good way to lighten up a grim (but getting better) situation. However, doesn't young Paj know that Jedi do not crave adventures? LOL, I'm sure that his dad doesn't crave any more right now. I loved the little thing with young Paj watching his parents go all mushy and wanting to shut off the transmission. That is just so funny!

    At least, An-Paj can 'relax' and know that his son is in good hands. His master seems a nice person and able to tease the young one.

    Good job.

    BTW, how's Hachas doing?
  12. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    [cocks ear] Isn't that Hachas I can hear in the distance singing an oratorio? ;)

    That was a lovely scene - as Diane says an interlude to counteract the recent grimness.

    Suddenly, he wanted to reach through the holo transmitter, grab Knight Pumori by the shoulders, and shake him until the man gave his word as a Jedi that he wouldn?t take young Paj on any mission more adventurous than walking from their rooms to the cafeteria or one of the gardens.
    I know exactly how he feels. :)

    ?Imja Pumori, yes,? he repeated, hoping that he sounded pleased. Stuck for something else to say, he fell back into medical jargon. ?And if you?re going off on missions soon, don?t forget to come in for your annual innoculations. Both of you.?
    That was great writing. That IS just what we do when we're a bit overwhelmed - revert to whatever it is we're familiar with.

    An-Hwaet leaned down and placed her chin on An-Paj?s shoulder. ?As long as we?re giving away good advice, Knight Pumori, make sure that Paj changes his socks and underwear every day.?
    LOL And I loved the response, too.

    Super post. :)
  13. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Well, everyone has already said what I would have, and probably much more clearly, so I will have to just say: What a nice treat to come back to after my really rather icky week last week! Three lovely new posts (well, new to me) full of Jane & Renata goodness.

    The problem with really good books/stories, like this one, is that one doesn't want them to end. Maybe we can look forward to another story from one or both of you soon?

    KD
  14. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    So An-Paj is just a normal overprotective parent. Love hsi reaction and the son's "they're doing mushy stuff again" [face_laugh]
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    WOOHOO! PAJITO (little paj) is a Padawan! Crazy master, perfect for him. I'm back and the posts were well worth the wait. Loved that one part where the head alpha was transmitting. So primal, but such civilized/crazy words.
  16. padawan lunetta Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 1999
    star 6
    Sorry I have been late in responding guys! I've been lazy.

    ?You didn?t think I belonged in the infirmary like moss on a stone?? An-Paj heard himself saying, and there was a silence in which the others all tried to look innocent of any such misconception. LOL!

    ?Congratulations, son, I?m so proud!? Hwaet added. ?And now, husband, I think this calls for a little private celebration. Speaking of antennae warmers ...? OoOOOOoooooOOo ;)

    An-Paj turned to his second wife and they leaned their heads towards each other. As their antennae touched, An-Paj heard his son?s disgusted exclaimation of ?Oh, yuck, master, they?re doing that mushy thing again. Switch it off!? LOL! Cute!

    An-Paj didn?t see the blue shimmer of the hologram disappear, but in the midst of his caresses, he did spare a thought for the future weddings of his son. Too bad it would still be a few years yet, as the best part of an adventure was coming home to your wives. Awww, that's so sweet!

    Loved this section. :)
  17. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    *staggers in, hair tousled* Well, the Bantha had a go at me, but I walloped him with the good old 'Order of the Phoenix' and he changed his mind. [face_batting] What ho? I actually am writing feedback for only one post? Amazing! Oh yes, though, I also wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to be away at speech and drama camp for a week; naturally there are no computers allowed, and I didn't want you supposing the Bantha had succeeded in his dastardly mission after all. ;)

    Stars, I loved this post! It was great to have a small snapshot of inside-An-family-life. And such an historic snapshot too! :D

    Sleepy Paj was just priceless! Nice to see he's spending his resting time wisely. I'd say there's a good chance of he and Taec becoming a wonderful pair! Or rather, a wonderful facet of many pairs! ;) The panic over his attacking pants was too funny.

    This whole thing brings to mind a curious sort of wondering: it must be so odd for children born to Jedi! Especially children like young Paj, whose family rarely (if ever) leaves the Temple and who would have had a chance of knowing him and building relationships with him. It would be a difficult thing to give up your infant to be raised and trained by strangers; I wonder if it would be more or less difficult to instead have had a hand in raising your child and then have an almost-stranger claim him and train him... Seems like the Ans are just proud, so I guess it's less difficult -- barring, of course, the new-found anxiety over adventures. Masterfully captured! Oh, and pun intended or not intended, depending on whether you love puns and thus now love me, or hate puns and thus now desire my blood... :p

    Interestingly enough, Lucy joined me in cracking up over Hwaet's and Pumori's simultaneous instructions! Okay, mine was a laugh that nearly sent me off my chair and her was a low, chuckling sort of purr, but this is a big step for the Formality Queen! I am most encouraged! =D= The idea of antennae warmers was hilarious!

    Too bad it would still be a few years yet, as the best part of an adventure was coming home to your wives. Aw, so sweet! Best line in the whole post. [face_love]

    See you in a week or so! Golly, are you both close to finishing this...? I hope I get back before the end gets here, but if not, then not. :) Now then, must go pack far too many changes of clothes, and warn Lucy about how displeased I will be if she finishes eating my potted ivy in my absence...

    Sarah >^,,^<
  18. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    dianethx Doesn't young Paj know that Jedi don't crave adventures? Yes, theoretically, in the same way that he knows he'll get married one day, but he can't comprehend it yet. Old An-Paj certainly doesn't crave any more adventures, that's for certain!

    Tahi You know exactly how An-Paj feels? Yes, being a mother, I guess you would. Me, too. :)

    Knight_Dilettante I'm pleased that our posts were able to cheer you up after a horrible week. And even more pleased that you don't want our story to end. :) As for a new story ... we've tossed around some ideas, but I'm afraid that anything we do won't be soon. You know that we both like to finish our stories before we post, or at least get them mostly finished, and we haven't finished this one quite yet! Actually, it's almost starting to look as though we're going to hit our two year anniversary of working before we get done with it.

    PadawanKitara Yes, An-Paj is just a normal overprotective parent. Though we'll have to see how "normal" he reacts if Imja Pumori and his son ever end up coming to the Chapter House with injuries. :D


    DarthIshtar Congratulations, Mrs. Ish! I hope you had a great honeymoon, but I'm glad you're back. We're flattered that you think our posts were worth the wait. Thank you!

    padawan lunetta I'm so glad you loved all my favourite bits of the post, too! It was a fun one to write. :)

    Sarah_K Nice to see you again so soon, and looks like you've successfully walloped that bantha. As for children born to Jedi at the Temple, I'm wondering just how much they'd be allowed or encouraged to raise the children themselves. Obviously, the An family is an exception to everything, because they're "home" all day. More active knights would probably turn the children over to the Temple completely and just visit them every so often between missions.

    I'm very flattered that Lucy gave a low, chuckling sort of purr. *beams happily*

    Are we close to finishing this? Yes ... but it could take a while. We each have a few scenes left to write, but it's getting hard for me to find the time to do so. I'm afraid I put the story on hold last week while I entered the summer fanfic challenge (see my sig!) and this week has been too hectic for me to write. Next Tuesday, I'll be flying to America for a four-week holiday. I might get on the boards every so often, but I'm not counting on it. We'll have to see what happens.

    In the meantime, there's this.

    *****

    It was evening. Hachas was still asleep in the infirmary, so Kiu was standing alone in the crowd of Jedi that had gathered around the separate funeral pyres. They were bringing out the last body now, lifting it up to place it on the small wooden platform. As soon as she caught a glimpse of the Jedi's face and recognized it, Kiu felt a keen sense of failure pierce her heart. It was the old master, the one who had urged her to join the battle, to let the Force flow through her and see what happened! So she hadn't managed to save him after all. He was dead. She remembered that moment of worry about him, the temptation she'd felt to go back and check, and cursed herself for not doing so.

    Glancing over to the other end of the line of pyres, Kiu felt tears come into her eyes as she took a last look at Knight Pau's body. Her dreams hadn't managed to save him from death, or help anybody find the cure. What good were such visions? Why was she being tormented with dreaming things in advance if the dreams didn't help her avoid the upcoming catastrophes? Hachas' broken finger, Knight Trett's injuries -- everything had happened and she hadn't been able to stop any of it.

    "Kiu?" Mistress Corona came up from behind her. "Would you like to light the pyre for Knight Pau?"

    Kiu gaped at the older woman, utterly shocked. Lighting the funeral pyre was a great honour. It was considered to be the last and greatest sign of respect shown to a dead Jedi, a final good-bye, and was usually reserved for the person who'd been closest
  19. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, that was so sad but I'm glad Kiu understood that some of her vision helped with the final resolution of this horrible plague. Poor kid.

    For a moment, it was as though both the old master and Knight Pau were standing at her side, and all she had to do was turn her head to see them smiling or nodding gently in approval. The feeling was so strong that she actually looked, but even as she moved her head, the sensation faded. Of course there was no one there. She shouldn't dismiss that feeling so easily. I can just picture the Jedi standing by her side.

    Good job.

    Glad to hear that you are taking a vacation over here. Enjoy your time in the States.
  20. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  21. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    ::Snifflesniffle.:: Loved Corona and Kiu. Glad Kiu has some vindication for all those nasty visions that have been inflicted upon her. Great post.
  22. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    That was so sad, but also beautiful. I'm so glad that Alta was able to help Kiu. Kiu's thought that she could almost see Knight Pau, and her feeling of being so steeped in the Force, must have helped her, too. Lovely scene. :)

    Have a great trip, Jane. :)
  23. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, that was SAD!

    I forgive you for taking the time to do the summer challenge Jane, since that was such a fun story. But I sort of hope you'll come up with another tale for how Hachas got the Purple Cloak because that was just too prosaic or something for a Purple Cloak. Is anyone else hearing Jim Carrey doing a BIG voice for those two words or am I the only lunatic here? Or was that just Hachas' first exposure to a purple cloak?

    KD
  24. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    I was thinking that it was Hachas' first exposure to a purple cloak. Sorry it was so dull, but thanks for reading, anyway. I really do need to write a Big Story to explain the Purple Cloak -- something where Hachas is undercover, so to speak, and wears all this flashy clothing so that nobody recognizes him when he's wearing something nondescript.

    A plot, a plot, my kingdom for a plot!
  25. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Yes, yes, we beg for the purple cloak!
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