Saga - Legends Iron Butterfly: The Diary of a Queen [DDC 2015 - Breha Organa AU] - Completed Dec 28

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting. It means so much to me! I really channeled my own mother with this update.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 24

I am just a mess right now. I got home from the medcentre three days ago and today I had to say goodbye to my baby boy.

Last night, we all (okay, Bail and Winter) made a wonderful dinner, ate as a family, then played card and holo games into the wee hours of the morning. It was what Luke wanted for his goodbye party. It was very understated, yet wonderful. I know Luke really enjoyed himself.

When I woke, Bail’s arms were already around me. “He’s going to be fine,” he was already assuring me and running his fingers through my hair.

“I know,” I sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

He kissed my shoulder blade. “No one said you had to.”

“Good.”

Bail helped me out of bed and was the one who got me ready for the day. He also helped me into my hoverchair. I’m temporarily using a hoverchair right now, since my knee is still pretty messed up. I know, one day, my bones will be too brittle for me to even walk, but I am determined to walk as long as I safely can. But I’m digressing.

The five of us had breakfast together, since Luke had an early departure time. Raymus was flying him to Tattooine. Leia and Winter annoyed Luke about maybe finally being able to find a girlfriend on an armpit of a planet.

Then, before long, Bail was pushing me to the hangar. It was there that I broke down in tears.

“Mom,” Luke whined. “Pleased don’t cry.”

I wiped away a lot of tears. “I’m not. I swear I’m not.”

I let Luke say his goodbyes to his sisters, then to Bail. Luke then knelt down to my level. “Take care of yourself, okay Mom? Don’t go falling in the sanisteam again.”

“I’ll try not to,” I blubbered. “And you stay safe. Message me every day.”

He wrapped me gently in his arms and I laid my head on his chest.

“I love you,” I wept.

“I love you too, Mom.”

Luke then let go of me put his bag on his shoulder and ascended the boarding ramp.

I lost all control at that point. Bail, Leia, and Winter all took their turns trying to calm me down.

I know Luke will love learning the ways of the Force. Although he is a gentleman, he has never been much of a prince. He is much too of a free spirit for royal life. He wants to help so many people and I know the social constructs of Alderaan will only restrict him. I’m proud of him and I know he will find happiness.

He will save us from the tyranny of the Empire.

Yet, somehow, I feel as though I will never see him again and that breaks my heart.

 

Briannakin - thank you for this wonderfully touching and poignant post. Beautiful. Breha is a wonderful mom and Luke is an adorable son. That last line - - a strong bit of intuitiveness mixed with foreshadowing.

 

Oh it's so hard when your children move out. They take a piece of your heart with them. Breha and Bail know it's inevitable but still... They may be young adults but in your mind and heart they will always be your little boy or girl.

 

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting!!

NH:

Thanks. It's my personal head-canon that Breha is Force sensitive, but the Jedi who 'examined' her as a baby knew she was destined for something greater (raising Leia). We will see some of this (alla mega forshadowing) in my other fic!

FW:

PFFFT. Of course Luke won't message her every day (I say that as a kid and a teen who traveled a lot without my mother).

I like to do my diaries so I have updates every 2nd week for the whole year, so I actually end up with about 26 entries (though this year I ended up with 27 somehow). And yeah, I had an internal debate about how AU to go with the end of this diary; it was up between having Bail and Breha survive and having them die with Alderaan. I'll discuss this more later on in December so I won't spoil the ending. But I am happy with the ending, though I may still write the other as an 'alternative ending'.

DivaPilot:

I wouldn't know. I had to channel my own mother for that last update

 

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 25

I am missing Luke terribly, even though he’s only been gone for a month. He writes me often, which helps. Here is one of his longer messages. It was encrypted with the highest code, of course.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Life is pretty boring here on Tatooine. It’s hot, sunny, and there is sand everywhere. I never thought I would, but I miss the rainstorms we have, oh, and the winters. I help Ben moisture farm during the day and we train at night. I haven’t gotten a sunburn yet, which is nice.

Training under Ben is amazing. I feel like I was born to do this, like I could make a difference in many lives. But I won’t bore you with details. There is much meditation and feeling the universe. Goodness, I feel like some sort of love-child.

Living with Ben and Beru is great. They are a very loving couple. They treat me like a grandson. Ben is teaching me everything he knows, I honestly don’t mind that he works me like a bantha (that’s a saying here ‘undar da twin saans - people ain’t the best edumucated here, I guess it’s just a different place). And Beru just wants to see me smile.

It sorta breaks my heart. Beru was married before Ben. Her husband was murdered in a Tusken Raider attack (I’ve mentioned them before, right?). Ben saved her, then eventually married her. They tried to have children, but they couldn’t.

Ben said the Jedi of Old couldn’t form attachments, but he said that restriction is what led to their downfall. Ben says his power comes from his love for Beru. I draw my power from my love of you two, and Leia and Winter - just don’t tell them that. I just have to remember not to let negative feelings control me. It’s hard, but I am doing it.

Even though I am working hard, I am making friends with some of the locals my age. Biggs and Gavin Darklighter are cousins and have no love for the empire either. They may be potential recruits. Then there is Laze and Janek. They are nice guys. I don’t tell people who I am. I’m not ashamed of who I am, but I just don’t want to draw attention to myself.

Anyways, what else? Tatooine is very different from the core worlds. The Empire has no presence here. But that isn’t a good thing. The Hutts rule this place. They are such villains. They cheat honest people and kids can’t even get a half decent education here. Yet the Empire will do nothing about them.

But enough about that business. Mom, I hope you are taking care of yourself. I’m glad to hear you are recovering. I hope the upcoming elections won’t be too much strain on you. I miss you and I worry about you.

Dad, Ben has been telling me some war stories. I have gained so much respect for you, and then I lost it all. I hope you well and I look forward to seeing you again.

I must go now. We try to do all the physical work in the early morning before the suns get too high.

I love you guys.

Luke.

~~~

Bail and I always read Luke’s messages together. But now Bail is leaving for Coruscant again and I have no idea what I’m going to do, besides going insane. Bail has made sure one of my handmaidens is with me at all times to prevent another “sanisteam incident”. He has also outfitted the ‘freshers with panic cords, like I’m some sort of old lady. I drew the line at a personal panic button. Still he has ‘forbidden’ me from using my private office. I will listen, just to put him at ease.

I am such a pushover. I hate myself for it.

 

Enjoyed Luke's message. Chatty and warm. I am glad Breha listened about the panic cords and the handmaidens. You cannot be too careful even when you are - with her condition.

 

Thank you so much for reading and for your comments. And yeah, Breha is in denial about her age.

Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 26

Today I am the very proud mother. I am on Coruscant with Bail, Winter, and Leia right now. Today was Bail’s last Imperial Senate Meeting, and Leia’s first. Today, Leia became the youngest Imperial Senator.

Sure the Imperial Senate is a glorified advisory council for the Emperor, which he barely ever listens to anyways, but it is Leia’s first steps, and some pretty big ones, in intergalactic politics.

I watched the senate session from behind Bail and Leia. Afterwards, Bail formerly resigned and Leia met the Emperor. We met up back at the hotel - a very grand suite of whites and silver.

“The Emperor is a scuzzbag,” Leia said, flopping on the bed. Winter was right behind her.

“Thank you for taking over for me,” Bail said, helping me in the bed. “It will give me more time with you mother and me, and for my other projects.”

Leia nodded, then took a deep breath. “Yeah. I can do this. I just wish I had a better aide.”

“Hey!” Winter shouted. “I resent that.”

Winter was Leia’s aide. Winter was more than happy to be helping her sister, as she was also training with members of the rebellion in information gathering techniques.

Leia laughed.

“You two girls will do so great,” Bail said.

I looked over at my girls and felt so much pride. Here they were, university graduates and a senator and a senator’s aid, secretly working for the Rebellion. They reminded me so much of their mothers - their real mothers. Padmè and Sheltay. They were such great woman, proficient in politics, yet still kind. They were both gone before their time. I just pray the same fate does not await my daughters.

Winter looked over at me. “Mom? Are you crying?”

“No,” I lied, quickly wiping my eyes. “I’m just tired. Why don’t you girls go out and have some fun shopping? Your dad and I will meet up with you two later.”

After Winter and Leia left, Bail looked at me, hands on his hips. “What’s wrong?”

“My babies are all grown up, joining the rebellion, preparing to fight for what is right. And Luke hasn’t messaged me in two days.”

“Yes, I know all that, you cried about that last week.”

“Well sorry you turned me into some blubbering, sentimental mother when you gave me those children.”

Bail sighed as she climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry about that. You’ll get through this. I’m going to be home more often. It will be great.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” He then shifted so that I was cuddling in his arms. “Anyways. You’ve been tired a lot recently. Are you feeling okay?”

“No,” I sighed. I finally let him hear what really was going on with me. I felt like since he was done with the senate, I could unload on him more. I avoided discussing my ostia-phromitia with him, until that moment. That moment I felt like he was my love and friend again, not a senator. “The cycles are coming more frequently now, and they are harsher, and last longer. I feel so brittle so I’m taking more of my meds and they are just reeking havoc on me.”

Bail sighed. “I just want you feeling like yourself. Maybe you should stop fooling around with you medications and see a doctor.”

“Bail, I know what I can take,” I said, firmly. The doctors are useless. My condition is so rare, I know better than they do.

“I know that.” I could tell he was trying to be delicate. “But that fall in the ’steam really scared me two years ago. Since then, it has just been one fracture after another. I just worry about you, and now what I know I will be home more, I want to be a part of your treatment.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “You can be. After I nap.”

We napped together, in the middle of the day. I’m not sure if we have ever done that in our married life. It was wonderful.

 

I too feel pride for Winter and Leia. Breha's comments on how they're like their biological mothers - sweet. But as the one who raised them, she can take the lion's share of the credit. very much worrisome the stuff about her medical condition getting steadily more serious... Having to take more meds with the side effects Hopefully there'll be some kind of other form of proactive treatment that will ease the symptoms and flare-ups.

 

NH: Of course Breha deserves so much more credit, but she's not one to give it to herself. As for her condition, I'm not sure she will have to worry about it for much longer....

Findswoman: Thank you. I loved writing Breha as just a worried mother.


AN: AH! THIS IS IT! First off, thank you all for the lovely comments this year, Nyota’s Heart, Findswoman, divapilot, JadeLotus, Hazel, Earlybird, Kahara, and anyone else who was reading along. You all made writing this diary a joy. I got so many off-shoot bunnies from this diary. Many of you know, I am currently working on a fic that tells Breha’s and Bail’s backstory that is slowly approaching being the longest fic I have written. I’ve also had the idea to create an “alternate ending” for this fic (where the obvious doesn’t happen below) and for a Obi-Wan/Beru fic in this universe. I’m not sure if I will get to either, but they are fun plots to think about.



Datapad: On
Command: Open “Diary”
Entry 27

My Dearest Luke, Leia, and Winter

This will be short. I am uploading sections of my personal diary to the data-core with a five year delay in hopes that you will receive this and it will answer some questions your father and I know you will have.

This is the end for Alderaan. A new moon has appeared in the sky, but your father and I know it is the Empire’s newest super weapon. We knew, being a lead part in the Rebellion would put a target on us, and unfortunately, Alderaan. We know this is the end.

I have begun the evacuation order, but it will be futile. We will not even try. Instead, I am in your father’s arms, on the balcony of the palace, composing this. We will die in peace, thinking of you three. I take comfort in the fact, knowing you three are not here.

We need to apologize. Many secrets will come out. We kept them for your own safety and we regret that we will not be there for you. Take strength in each-other. Please.

Know this, your father and I love you three. We always have, and we always will.

- Love, Mom.

 

Congratulations on finishing. And a poignant, loving one it is, totally in line with what we know and have always found in Breha. The family she and Bail made for their kids was a warm, wonderful haven. That will stand them in good stead as will their relationships with one another.

 

Not crying. Nope.



What do you do when you know Death is right there, and you can't get away? I guess you stop fighting, find calm, and be grateful that there is someone you love and who loves you back to hold on to.

A beautiful story, Bri, and one I've enjoyed reading all year long. Congrats on finishing your diary! It was such a treat.

 

I only intended to read the one or two entries, then review; but you have a very alluring style and use of prose, a literary version of the downward facing hairs on a pitcher plant, just an eye catching some of the words leading into an entry, is enough to make me read more, thus, the mere act of navigating down the last page to review, meant that I also read your last three entries as well.

So, some good writing. Nice personalities and characterisations on the big three, Breha, Bail, and Obi-Wan; with your Bail consistent in my minds eye with the one in Revenge of the Sith.

Good background on the dating process, and how they met.

Their reality, I felt, was very Earth-like; as in not taking advantage of a) being in the Star Wars universe, and b) having a lot of money and influence.

I note that you are not on the concrit list, so even though I don't think my additional notes count as that, I will stop here.

 

I'm glad you were sucked in.

My personal philosophy on concrit is 'ask and I will let you know if I want it’ because it all really depends on the story and the person giving it. This diary was for pure fun and mostly me just getting to know these characters. But it is done and over, so if you have any general concrit on my writing, go ahead and PM me.

 

Today I was on research for Breha and then I stumbled over your wonderful fanfic "So much more than fairytales - The Courtship of Prince Bail" again. And somehow I also found this thread, which I never noticed before. I am so sorry about it. Because it is wonderful! It made me laugh at times and cry at others.