Is This All There Is To Love? or I Love You But ... ( An Obi and Jemmy Story)

Jemmy's afraid of something actually good happening to her. She's used to misery and quite comfortable with it, so she is scared away from happiness (thinks of Cali).

Along with how she's convinced that she's a walking jinx. *sigh* Jemmy, Jemmy, Jemmy . . .

 

Blatant self advertising.

We put up another picture for an idea of how Jemmy's wedding dress would look. I think it's a little closer to what I wanted. The problem with having an idea useing fabrics that don't exsist is interesting. What's in my minds eye and trying to describe it to my husband was harder than I ever thought it would be. So click on the bottom link of my signature and go to Jemmysmall.

If you want to see some thumbnail pictures of my husbands skins he has made for The Sims game click on RG19.html Also he has done a couple of Star Trek comic book stories(Wrath of Tibera) and a page on the USS Constiution called Hearts of Oak. Click on the Sims Nexus bannner for the thumbnails.

 

Qui-Gon sighed at the question. He was hoping Obi-Wan would never ask it. It was one Qui-Gon had asked himself over and over. But he was older and already knew you couldn?t be responsible for someone else?s choices. Nor could you be completly responsible for someone else's happiness.

"Obi-Wan, my ben, why do you think you don?t make Jemmy happy?"

Obi-Wan smiled at the "my ben". It was rare for Qui-Gon to call him that. On Qui-Gon?s home planet it referred to someone?s "Greatest Treasure". Applied to a person it meant "Treasured Child" Qui-Gon usually dropped the archaic term and used the common tongue form of it. He simply called Obi-Wan "son". If possible Obi-Wan snuggled a little deeper into Qui-Gon?s embrace. His head told Obi-Wan he was too old to want to be held by a father like this. But he had learned over the years when he was hurting this was the best place to be. The thought of not being able to lean on Qui-Gon brought a chill to Obi-Wan and he shivered.

"Obi-Wan are you cold?"

"No, Master, just a little frightened of the future."

"The future will come whether we fear it or not. What about the future frightens you, my son. Does it have something to do with Jemmy?"

Obi-Wan was quiet. He felt foolish. "No." It was a childish fear but a fear none the less. A Jedi teaching taught to Obi-Wan for as long as he could remember went through his head. ?Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.? "I?m afraid of the day I will lose you."

"I?m a little afraid of the day,too. When you become a Knight and we are no longer together as a constant team. But I?m sure we will be sent on missions together from time to time."

"No, Master, I meant when you go to be one with the Force."

"That is a day we can not avoid. But let?s keep our minds on the here and now. You haven?t answered my question about Jemmy. Why do you think you don?t make her happy?"

"When we are together I?m so happy I don?t want to be with anyone else. Evidently I don?t make her feel that way."

"Are you trying to tell me seeing a, let?s say, naked provocative female would have no effect on you."

Obi-Wan blushed and laughed. "No, Master, you know me better than that. It would have the same effect it would have on you." Obi-Wan grinned that smile of his at Qui-Gon. "Unless because you are so old now you don?t notice such things."

"Humph. I will never be that old. Something tells me you wont either."

"Like father, like son, huh?"

"You?re avoiding answering my question."

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because I think I know what you are going to say."

"What would that be, Padawan?"

Obi-Wan sighed a little. "That the 2 are not connected."

"Precisely what isn?t connected to what?"

Obi-Wan pulled away from Qui-Gon and looked down at the floor. "I?ve been thinking maybe I can?t please her enough in certain areas because of what has been done to me." Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan a look that said he didn?t quite understand what he was referring to. "That I?m not man enough for her because I was abused. And that perhaps someone who has more experience with women ... knows more ways to please a woman-"

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon gently stopped him now he understood. "You don?t really think that?s the problem do you?"

"I don?t know."

"Have you been having trouble completing the act lately?"

Obi-Wan blushed. "No."

"Does, Jemmy, seem," Qui-Gon searched for the right words. "unhappy with how things work between you in bed?"

"No. But I?ve heard men talking about how women can fake their pleasure."

Qui-Gon put his hand under Obi-Wan?s chin to make the young man look at him. "Obi-Wan, son, you know, Jemmy. Do you really think she would fake such a thing with anyone especially you?"

"I don?t know. I thought we were getting closer but now we seem farther apart that when we first got back together this time."

"Obi-Wan, the one thing, Jemmy, has never been dishonest about is what she wants from someone. If she weren?t happy with what you were doing

 

Obi, dear, it isn't the sex that makes her unhappy. Think, dear, that's what she wants from you. She doesn't like it when you try to actually forge a more healthy relationship.

 

OPPS!!! I realized after I got to work that I made a major mistake in mentioning Tai. This is the lead up to when Obi meets her. So the 2 lines where I mention her should be droped. Of course I can't delete them now. Even if I had been home I remembered about 3 hours after I posted. Oh for the days of Ultimate Bulletin Board. Anyway it should read:

Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon gently stopped him now he understood. "You don?t really think that?s the problem do you?"

"I don?t know."

" Have you been having trouble completing the act lately?"

//////////////////////////////////////

not:


"I don?t know."

"Far as I know Tai never had any complaints about your ability."

"No. But I was the only one she was ever with. She had no one else to compare me with."

"Trust me women don't need to have been with a lot of men to know when one pleases them. Have you been having trouble completing the act lately?"

///////////////////////

Sorry for forgeting my time frame.

 

I fixed it for you. Let me know if it's right

Vertical

 

Thanks Vertical I didn't know you could do that. It's just fine.

Glad is June/ R U Sidious

 

"So what do you think the reason she isn?t happy with me alone?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Why are you asking me? You are the one who has been meditating on this." Qui-Gon responded. Obi-Wan was quiet. "Obi-Wan have you ever told Jemmy about your being abused?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You know why. I can?t. I couldn't stand the way she would look at me."

"If you have never told her, why would that be the reason?"

"People talk. The gossip that went around. I?m sure someone must have said something about it to her. If nothing else Harkley would have told her to convince her she shouldn?t go out with me. A lot of what was said was painful."

"I don't understand, Padawan."

"It's different someone else telling her. She can always think it's not true. But if I told her she would know for sure. Then she might not want me to touch her since I've been used... in that way by a man." Even to Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan found it difficult to talk about. So he went on hoping to change the direction of the conversation. "Also she never want?s to hear about the bad things that have happened to me or you or anyone else she knows. I don?t even know if Rela has ever told her about her problems and nightmares."

"Rela has just as hard a time as you talking about her nightmares. Have you ever had that recurring dream of yours when you are at Jemmy?s?"

"Yes."

"And you haven?t talked about it?"

"No. She usually sleeps strait through the night when I am there." Obi-Wan stopped a minute. "That is as long as we are sharing the same bed."

"Interesting." Qui-Gon said.

"What is, Master?"

"I was thinking it might be because when you two are together she feels safe."

"So the nightmares don?t come for her?"

"Yes. But yours still haunt you. You know the mind and soul healers have all said if you would tell ?"

"No!" Obi-Wan cut Qui-Gon off. Then more quietly continued. "I know what they say. I should talk more about it. But talking makes me relive it. I just want to forget it ever happened." Obi-Wan started shaking a little. Qui-Gon was concerned that talking so much about it was causing Obi-Wan to have a flashback. Obi-Wan pulled his knees to his chest, started rocking slightly and took a deep breath. "I?m OK, Master."

Qui-Gon smiled at the young man. "You are getting stronger in the Force. Or maybe I should say you can control it better. A year ago you wouldn?t have been able to push off that impending flashback without my help."

Obi-Wan smiled back. "You?re right. Thank you, Master, for letting me do in on my own."

Qui-Gon sensed Obi-Wan?s doubts about himself subside a little. "You know, Obi-Wan, the hardest part of training and being a Master is knowing when to let go. When not to rush in. When to let you fail or succeed on your own. For what it?s worth, Padawan, you were right in what you thought I would say. The sexual abuse you have suffered has nothing to do with what ever problems you and Jemmy have." Qui-Gon brushed Obi-Wan?s hair back from his forehead. "You need a hair cut before we leave on our next mission. Obi-Wan have you thought about how when ever you feel like you and Jemmy are getting closer. Opening up more to each other, she pushes you away?"

"No. But it does seem to happen that way. Maybe we just need to be older. Maybe we are just not ready for commitment."

Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan reaching for hope.

"Who?s not ready for commitment, Obi-Wan? I think you?ve been ready for a long time. Even if I have thought it would distract you from your training and we argued over it. Along with arguing about Jemmy being under age."

"Maybe it is like you said back then Jemmy was and still is too young."

"Are you admitting your old Master was right?" Qui-Gon teased.

Obi-Wan smiled. "If I must. Then yes, you were right, Master."

"Will miracles never cease? Obi-Wan Kenobi admitting he was wrong and I was right." Qui-Gon joked.

"I didn?t say I was wrong, Master. I said you were right." Obi-Wan clarified.

"Stubborn as ever, P

 

Hmm, that's really interesting how Jemmy's nightmares are gone when Obi's around, but his aren't!

 

The Comlink in the living room beeped as they got up.

Qui-Gon answered it. "Jemmy! It?s good to see you. I take it you had a safe trip. Why haven?t you called earlier, young lady?"

"Hello, Qui-Gon, I?ve been busy and I?m no lady." Jemmy quipped. "I?m a Corellian swoop racer. Is Ben there?"

"Yes. Take care of yourself, Jemmy. I expect to have a letter from you soon even if you are as you say busy."

"Talk about grumpy. You had a fight with Leona or something?"

"No. If I did it wouldn?t be any of your business now would it."

"Will a post card do?" Jemmy said sweetly batting her eyes at him. She had always been able to wrap the tall Jedi around her little finger.

"I suppose so if that?s all your "busy" schedule will allow for." Qui-Gon caught himself. He too needed to meditate. His fears over her racing were threatening to take hold of his heart again. He found too he was more upset with her treatment of Obi-Wan than he had thought. Why was he so angry with her? He had known for a long time she wasn?t faithful to Obi-Wan. In his head he understood why. But because he cared for both of them his loyalty was at odds. Qui-Gon never liked that feeling. He shook his head. "I?ve missed you Tangles." He said more softly. "Here?s Obi-Wan." As Qui-Gon stepped away from the comlink he said to Obi-Wan. "I?ll go get ready to go out and give the 2 of you some privacy. Let me know when you are done." Obi-Wan nodded.

"Hi, Jemmy."

"Boy, he must have got out on the wrong side of the bed today."

"He worries about you. Sometimes it comes out that way."

"Any more worried and he?d sabotage my swoop."

"Jemmy don't say such things." Obi-Wan said in a disparaging voice.

"Well, he did call me Tangles so he can?t be too angry with me."

"He will always love you no matter what you do."

"So you say. Sometimes I wonder." There were voices in the back ground. "Be right with you. I called because I have some great news."

"What?s that?" ~ Please, let it be you are coming back early to be with me. ~ Obi-Wan hoped.

"You remember that trick Jay played on us a few years ago? The one with the priest from Gurolias?"

"How could I forget? Did I miss our wedding anniversary or something?"

"Ben, please don?t joke around. I haven?t got time."

"So tell me your news."

"I found out today that I can file divorce papers here on Corellia."

"Why? Gurolias isn?t a part of the Republic. Our marriage is only recognized there. Unless you filed papers with the Republic?"

"Me? Don?t be ridiculous. But Jay and Gilda stopped here on their way back to the Temple. He told me he thought he might. Can you believe the nerve?"

"He has papers? I didn?t know there were any. We didn?t sign anything. Or did we? We were pretty drunk."

"No, kidding. That?s the only way I would marry you." The statement hit Obi-Wan like a slap in the face. "He?s got a signed document from the priest. Saying he married us."

"You really don?t want to be married to me, do you?"

"I don?t want to be married to anyone. If I did I would have to be home by midnight all the time." Jemmy joked. "By the way guess what planet Jay and Gilda just came from.

"Gurolias?"

"Right. Jay said he found the priest and asked him to fill out a paper saying he married us."

"But why now after all these years would the priest even bother with it?"

"Jay told him he wanted to give it to us as an anniversary present. The man was only too happy to oblige."

"I still don?t see what you are worried about."

"Gurolias had a change of government. So now they are seriously considering joining the Republic. Even if he doesn?t file that paper we would be considered married, if Gurolias becomes part of the Republic. But if I file divorce papers here now the Republic will recognize the divorce since Corellia was already a member before Gurolias. This way we don?t have to worry about it. Don?t they have some law there that bans divorce?"

"I don?t remember."

"Well I?m going to file ri

 

In A Night to (almost) Remember and other stories Jemmiah was faithful to Obi-Wan. Now she's cheating on him knowing it hurts him? Now she's acting like the cheap doxy she didn't want people to think she was?

This isn't AU. This is upside down!

Strange story.

 

Hold to the dream, Obi-Wan, hold to the dream!

 

All the way through the other stories the other male padawans make comments about Jemmy. Implying they know her better than they ever tell Obi-Wan. They all seem to know about Jemmy's tendency to sratch when she becomes passionate for example. There are a lot of reasons why they don't come out and say it directly I think. Jemmy has a certain vuneralbity she tries to hide that she can't from the Force sensitive padawans. They feel protective of her. Obi-Wan has been her like her brother for about 5 years. So they don't want at first to anger big brother and later they don't want to hurt Obi-Wan or Jemmy's chances to find happiness with him. I also get the feeling except for Harkley most of the Padawans Masters would not aprove their being involved with Jemmy. One she's too young 2 angering Qui-Gon. Jemmy is fighting a lot of deamons and she wont ask for help.

I never thounght of this until now and I don't know much was on purpose or just happened. Jemmiah has written a very interesting character. She is bringing out all the problems a child carries into adulthood when they are physically and emotionally abused. Also do you realize most kids don't tell their parents what is happening in their lives. At the Foster Parent classes we atended one of the instructors did a sesion with the kids of the parents getting licensed. To help give them some insite into the reasons foster parenting is needed. She asked them if they (the kids) knew of a friend who was being abused would they tell an adult. Only one out of 20 kids said they would. Something to think about.

What about it for those who have kids would your kids tell you if they knew a friend was being abused, sexually active or experimenting with drugs? For those who are kids would you?

Glad is June

PS I'm conecting to one of Jane's stories. Obi has to be ready to meet the girl in his dream. Plus Obi still has a few deamons to concore

 

Oh, OUCH, Jemmy! Yeah, let's hurt his already fragile ego a little more!

 

Where is the story that this is supposed to be the prequel to? Can anyone give me a link? I don't usually read the Jemmy stories, but I've found myself enjoying this one and now I want to read what happens afterwards.

 

This story is a possible prequel to my story, "What's in a Name", which is archived at the Jedi Temple Library. Here's the link:

http://mysterious.icestorm.com/jalibrary/journals/what_word1.html

 

Oh!!! I'll have to read that! Thanks, Jane!

 

Thanks for puting the link up Jane. I need to clarify here that this story doesn't exactly mesh with Jemmiah's other stories. We didn't discuss time line and placement before I started writing this. That was my mistake. So from Someone to Watch Over Me count this story as a different story line to conect to my stories. Actually I think it would go something like this:

STWOM By Jemmiah and Mouse
Is This All There Is to Love by me
What Is In A Name by Jane Jinn
Sequel to What Is In A Name by Jane Jinn (someday she doesn't have time right now)
Amidala is the Key
Are You Being Served
Count the Cost (The last 3 are by me)

I hope this clears up some confusion. Also Jemmiah said there seems to be some anti-Jemmy sentiment out there. Give the girl a break she's a truly tragic character. I see Jemmy and Obi as great exsamples of a interesting truth. How 2 people can both have very bad things happen to them. Some people will forever be trapped and influenced by their past. Some people will over come and thrive on the strength they gain from the experience. I memtioned in my Amidala story that Obi saw Amidala as the sword tested by fire. It either destroys you or makes you stronger. Jemmy is still trapped. Obi got stronger. Whether Jemmy ever over comes her past or not is Jemmiah's realm. We know Obi did because he became a knight and Master to teach Luke.

I can give a personal testimony as to yes Jemmiah still believeing she is ugly as an adult. Her older brother told her that all the time. My older sister told me I was ugly everyday of my life growing up. I believed it because I heard it everyday. My older sister has mega problems. For her to feel good about herself she has to have someone she thinks she can brow beat. Her younger siblings caught the brunt of most of that. I'm not sure my parents realized exatly what was causing all the turmoil in the house but as an adult I can see it. She did the same thing to her daughter. It took the Lord at least 5 years after I became a Christian for me to admit I was ok looking and after 13 years I still don't quite believe my husband when he says I am pretty. I always think he is blinded by love. Please don't misunderstand. Over the last 27 AC (After Chist) years I have come to accept myself warts and all. In fact I like me. It is ALL the Lord's work and love that made it so. But childhood programing is almost imposible to break free of.

Sorry for geting on a soapbox but please give Jemmy a break.

 

I hear you on childhood programming and I know it's the truth.

 

So . . . is there going to be more?

 

Yes hopefuly tomarrow before I go to work I can get a post written. I wish 1/3rd of my day wasn't spent pushing a wing mop and cleaning toilets and 1/24th spent writing. I'd like it ot be the other way around. But that's life.

 

""Obi-Wan would you like to stay in tonight and rest. I know it?s been a very emotional day for you. I can cancel the rental. I know they have a waiting list."

Obi-Wan thought a moment. "No. As you said it?s been a long time since we did something for fun just the 2 of us. I think I need to laugh." Obi-Wan grinned at Qui-Gon. "Watching you try to aim a blaster should send me into hysterics."

"You think so, do you?"

"Uh huh."

"Wait and see, Padawan." Qui-Gon teased.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Let me wash my face and I?ll be ready."

Since Obi-Wan had been meditating he hadn?t heard the details of the rest of Qui-Gon?s visit on Eathmettu. Over dinner Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan all the 2 little boys had gotten into while he was there. He soon had Obi-Wan laughing.

"Oh, yes, Aurn, decided since I was there we should try taking Arunny on his first over night fishing trip. Khian had been hesitant about letting the boy go with just his father and a couple of guards. But since I was there she relented. And made me promise to bring her son back in one piece."

"I bet not much fishing got done. A 4 year old on a camping trip? I think she should have been more worried about her husband.?" Obi-Wan laughed.

"No, not much fishing got done and Khian should have been more worried about her husband. But maybe that was really why she wouldn?t let them go without me." Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan. "It seems to me most fathers under estimate the things their children can get into, especially sons. Remember that if you ever do have another child."

"So what happened?"

"Well, we didn?t catch any fish. But along with discovering every poisonous plant and animal Aurnny did catch some thing."

"What?"

"A scoonnc."

"Isn?t that the rodent that puts out that awful odor?"

"Yes. The child carried it into camp facing away from him and stopped right behind his father. He said, "Daddy, look at the nice kitty I found." I heard the question and looked over at the same time as Aurn turned. The movement or something else must have scared the animal because he let go the instant Aurn was facing it."

"Oh, no!" Obi-Wan laughed. "And that was the end of the trip. right?"

"Yes we decided it was time to go home and fumigate everything."

"Are you saying it got you, too?"

"No. But if you are within a mile of one of those things everything you have will smell. Thank, the Force, for Teaumeteau juice. Everything we had with us had to be washed in it or burned."

"I take it Aurnny wont be going on any more fishing trips for a while.

"Not over night. At least not until his mother can go too." Qui-Gon looked at his chrono. "Ready to see if you can out shoot your rapidly aging master, Padawan?"

"Yeah, let?s go, Old Timer."

"Young whipersnapper."

"While you are recovering from our battle you can tell about life in prehistoic times."

The comments went on as they walked to the Blast Range.

 

This shouldn't be too hard to figure out but can anyone guess what a Scoonnc is? Or what kind of juice Teaumeteau is? I had fun changing the spelling.